Even Houdini would have struggled with this one...

Last week we found our intrepid hero tied to the railway tracks.
The 7:15 to Oblivion is approaching. Can our handsome and witty idol disengage himself from the ropes, chains, shackles, thumbcuffs and assorted bondage paraphenalia to escape before the locomotive delivers the unkindest cut of all?

Does he leap up with a spring, a smile and a one liner?

In a word

No

I have no chance of an appeal, my advocacy assessment has (allegedly) been seen by 3 people, all of which have decided that it was not good enough to pass. Bugger.

In truth, I had expected that. Ho hum. C'est la rie. Still a bummer though...

Anyhow, the important thing now is to concentrate and get back to it. It's not the end of the world. I have a retake to do sometime in late April or early May. And if I cock that one up there is still a further chance in August. If I fail that one then we are talking about wasting a whole lot of money here. But, hey we are not there yet, right people?

So saying, it was pretty difficult at the start of the week. My motivation levels were rock bottom and I felt lower than a centipedes kneecaps. And before any entymolo, any entimulo, any entimililiogical, bug lovers complain, I know that centipedes probably don't have kneecaps.

I meant millipedes anyway.


As a corollary to last weeks post (which I have amended). I did not and have never lied to the police. I told the story to demonstrate how easy it is to make a mistake about an alibi. Even after a few weeks, it can be difficult to place yourself at a particular location at a particular time. Try it for yourself-pick a date close to a month back and write down what you were doing during the day. It's very difficult unless the day you chose was memorable for some reason-or you have a life like mine.

Get up-study-go to school-come home-play with toys-watch tv-go to bed. (repeat until senile).

One day I would love to burn the candle at one end.

So, where are the police now when I can pinpoint my movements exactly? Ha, nowhere to be seen.

Right that's the weekly drivel over-onto the important stuff now. The main feature of this week was the addition of consolidation workshops. We had 4 of these tacked onto the end of our days. Three were bigguns lasting an hour and the other a tiddler barely scraping 20 odd minutes.

The amazing thing about them was the way that they varied from being exceptionally useful and well thought out to where you could actually sense the oxygen molecules being wasted. But I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Monday was our penultimate property session. As I have mentioned before these have a very laid back feel to them at present (partly from the tutor's style and partly from the 'fact' that the work load is considerably less).
This week we discussed the remedies that are available to a landlord when a tenant either fails to pay the rent or breaks another of their promises. All very easy going and pleasant. We even finished early (for the first time since Ive been here) and by a full 30 minutes too.
This would have been great apart from the fact that we had the first of our consolidation workshops to come. So rather than wait half an hour, we had to wait the full hour. Which is actually no great heartbreak since it gave me a chance to chat to members of my tutor group-unfortunately just bringing it home to me how much I'm going to miss them in a week or so.

BTW, I am a glass 'half empty' kind of guy (in case you hadn't guessed)

Property consolidation.

Well, that's an hour of my life I won't see again.

What a waste of time. If I have to sit in a lecture again while someone who hasn't sat an exam in nearly twenty years tells me how to spend my time in the exam.... 'Each mark should take about 2 and a half minutes, so a 10 minute question should take a about 25 minutes'. 'Oh and by the way, the multiple choice questions are worth 20 marks and you should spend no more than half an hour on them'

WTF? Do these people ever think about what they are saying? If you hadn't guessed, this was the waste of oxygen lecture. For the record, I wasn't the only disenchated person-I can't believe that anyone got anything from it and the moans of dissent as we left were audible. The common opinion seemed to be, 'well, if they're all like that I won't bother with the next one'


Tuesday-and I have my meeting with a tutor to review my advocacy. Astute readers will have already noticed the result so I won't repeat it. I will, however note down a few musings.

I was scheduled to meet her at 1pm-by about 10 past I was still waiting outside her door. When she finally opened up and met me she revealed that she hadn't got my tape with her-it was in her office (even though she doesn't have a TV/video in there). So she went off to get it. Cue another wait for 10 minutes. It should be noted that I have a workshop at half past-so we haven't got long.

She tries to give me feedback-this is a bit tricky because she hasn't seen the tape for nearly a month (and she saw hundreds then), so she is reading the comments from the original markers script. Some things I am told I did well, some not so well-where I let myself down was

• not explaining the factual situation
• my appalling start
• I focused in on minutia rather than taking a 'broadbrush' approach
• during the main part of my speech I (apparently) got very angry and emotional and appeared to be taking the case personally.
  

Oh, but my ending was good and my tie was nice...

Well, in a throw back to the 1980s I now have a registered video nasty sitting on my shelf. Not quite as gory as 'driller killer' or as crude as 'I spit on your grave' and with less artistic merit than 'Cannibal holocaust'.
Yep, I am now the proud owner of my own advocacy. (and no, it is not going on 'Youtube' anytime soon). In preparation for writing this, I actually did something very brave and watched it this morning (with my thumb on fast-forward) and discovered something strange.

It's not as bad as I thought it was. Granted I didn't watch it all (I hate looking at myself) and yes, the drying up at the start is acutely embarrasing but it looked OK. As for anger, well to quote an iconic TV prog from the 70s;

'don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry'.

No, that's not anger. If I was feeling any emotion about the case it would be because the woman who was making the claim came across as a right chancer and I thought she was wasting court time.

It does rather put me in a bit of a quandary though. If that is not good enough, what the f(heck) can I do to improve it? Outside of plastic surgery and a hair transplant of course...

The upshot of this was that I was late for class (luckily I arrived at the same time as another student-so I was saved a sarky comment). Insolvency was pretty straight forward, this tutor tries to slim every subject down to a 'checklist' and base all answers upon this.
This is pretty good advice generally for the course. We have to know no actual law just procedure. Procedure is just that, you go from A to B to C following a strict path. The checklist becomes your guide to staying on the path.

After Insolvency, we bimbled into the second consolidation hour-this time for business. Business is tested in two exams since it covers almost half the compulsary course. It encompasses company law/partnership law/revenue law (tax) and insolvency. It was worth noting that numbers were down on the previous day-their loss, because this one was excellent.
The tutor had taken time to break the course down and produced a list of what we could (and should) be focussing on (granted he did stress that we ought to be revising already-cue look of withering scorn from my seat) but like all the others students present, I was pleased that I had attended.

Mind you, there were a few dazed looks at the end-but only because they were trying to take it all in. Business is a really large subject. I have filled 3 A4 files comfortably and although I aim to strip away a lot of that to get it neat and concise for exam purposes it will still be the most extensive amount of information I'll be taking into an assessment.

Talking of assessments. I had planned on Wednesday to finish my drafting ready to hand in on Thursday-but it kind of never happened. I think I was still taking the previous weeks result badly. I was happy to write up my course notes but that 'spark' or inspiration was never there. So I worked on other things and prepared to get up early Thurday.

Its 4am Thurday morning. No really, it is. When I say early, I mean it. What I had to do was finish off my criminal prep and finish off the drafting. So I drifted between the two, not quite putting my full concentration into either.
I shall draw a veil over it suffice to say that I did hand in a finished agreement (not my best work-but once you've failed one you don't give a toss about the rest...).
Interestingly, when I got to crim lit I found that my prep for that had been good, so maybe the drafting was better than I gave it credit for.

Criminal lit focused on 2 big areas coming up to a trial-can the prosecution (hurrah!) use a defendants confession or 'bad character' as evidence or can the defence (boooooooo!) get this evidence thrown out as prejudicial and unfair? It is a little strange-about 5 years ago, the defendants previous (including character) could not be mentioned except in special circumstances-whereas another witnesses convictions and character were fair game to either side.
Cue the 'Criminal Justice Act' (a misnomer if ever one existed) which allows a defendant's convictions/bad character to be raised easily and another witness? Yep, you guessed it-harder to get hold of than fresh dodo pate...
Liberal society? Ha!

After a quick consolidation session on the last two workshops-including consolidating what we had just studied (go figure) we were free to go. I had the urge to have a celebratory drinkee to commemorate handing in some more written work.

Friday-ugh, hangover! Oh, god, why do I do this...?

Company law was as awkward as ever-we seem to have run out of new things and this workshop was treated as an exam practice. We were handed an exam (style) question, chatted informally about it for ten minutes then had to answer it in exam time (about 45 minutes). I was pleased because I finished it (I may have been the only one) but not so pleased when we checked over the answer in class and my work disappeared under a lot of red pen.
Still, having a 'glass half full' moment, I am now just one workshop away from not having any more business law to do (exam excluded). Hurrah!

The final hour of the week (the graveyard shift) had been drawn by a tutor who tried to get us interested in a civil litigation consolidation. It was 'kind of good' in that it went over a typical long exam question fairly thoroughly but 'kind of bad' in that after telling us (again) how we should use our time for questions depending on how many marks they are worth, they gave us a question with no marks indicated on it.

As we were leaving my neighbouring colleague muttered to me, 'how the **** do they expect us to answer the ****ing questions to time if they don't give us the ****ing marks?'

I don't know, these covent educated girls-mouths like sewers, all of 'em...

That's me up to date-I did some work over the weekend but only about 5 hours on each of Saturday and Sunday. I don't mind being lazy this weekend. I have decided that from next weekend on, I'm going into the 'tank' to be ready for my exams, so it'll do me some good to get a bit of time away from the books.

Oh, and we had snow this week. It was on Wednesday and was a few millimeters deep and as such the whole transport system almost ground to a halt...

What a difference a day makes...

Sometimes it's not easy to know what to write for this blog. I'll sit here for a while staring into space before putting some random thoughts down. I'll usually strain for a while even trying to get a title that ties it all in.

Today, that is not a problem. This should be one of the easiest entries I've ever had to do-but at the same time what I have to write will be very hard. I hope that you'll understand as you read it through. Writing this does have a tendency to leave myself open and expose myself to public scrutiny-but when I started I promised a 'warts n all' version' so here goes.

BTW, I shall not be copying last weeks technique of knocking the computer cabinet with my knee within 2 seconds of 'sending' my submission to Blogspot. My computer crashed big time and I was seriously stressed about having to type it all out again. Fortunately, it had reached its destination but nevertheless did give me puppies.

Parental advisary notice: Some of the language used today may not be suitable for my parents.

Two weeks of workshops etc remain for the compulsary part of the course. The subjects feel very different, property has a 'well, we've covered it all but if you take a reeeeeeeaalllllly long time over these we can stretch them out a bit further'-whereas criminal has more of a 'oh my god, we've only got 5 sessions and have to read 400-500 pages of A4, watch video tutorials, answer problems and generally PAAAAAANNNNNNNNNIIIIIICCCCC!!!'

Monday, that has become laaaazzzzzzy day-just catching up on my rest as we slowly meander to the end of leasehold law. Our work consists of us analysing a lease and applying the provisions in various circumstances.
Which would be great if all leases were identical, unfortunately as you well know they do come in infinite flavours and varieties. So we look at very general (and usually imcomprehensible) terms and hope that when a lease comes up in an exam we will be able to unscramble the enigma (Da Vinci code my butt cheeks-give Tom Hanks a commercial lease and see how sodding clever he is...)

After this class, I was meant to get together with my tablemates (as were) from Civil Litigation-the reason being that each table had been given a group activity to do some time before Christmas and we are meant to post these on the College intranet for Friday.
Being the 'last possible minute' student that I am-I did mine on Monday morning, taking just under 2 hours to do it. When we got together after class, it turned out that I was the only bugger to have done anything.
The others had 'looked' at the questions but not written a single word down. Regular readers will remember that this has happened once before with this lot. At least then I got the heat taken off me for that particular class-but here I got no favours or freebies, they could have at least(this part has been censored in case my mother reads it)

What was worse-no one had brought their notes and only one of them had had the wit to bring the textbook. So we chatted for about 20 minutes about what answers I had and what we could agree-which was precious little since we had put the subject to one side for over a month and only I had looked at it recently.
I left my answers with them and went home-let them pull the bones out of it...

Monday night I didn't sleep well, I was becoming steadily more apprehensive about Wednesday afternoon. Even dosed and medicated, my sleep was disturbed and erratic.

That afternoon we had our second insolvency workshop. I had produced a fair stack of work-both notes and prep task and was quite confident of my material. Only problem was it was a very disappointing workshop. The first 90 minutes were spent deeply analysing the prep task, the remainder was spent doing an oral exercise that had very similar roots to the prep task-but because it was oral we have no written notes or feedback.
(BTW old habits never die-just like from junior school and upwards, if you put a group of people together and get them to interact about their subject and the tutor/teacher is not hovering over them, the work invariably gets dropped and they chat about tv/nights out or sport...)

Hurrah, the final business large groups lecture. A very good turnout-even though we know that we are going to be lectured on the new Companies Act (since the start of term we have studied the 1985 Act-but the new Act has now been passed by Parliament and the new provisions of it are slowly being released into the business world ready for complete use by 2008. The one important question for us is...

...are we going to be tested on it in the exam?

And the answer is maybe...we may have a question or two in the mutiple choice section. So, even though a lot of us were planning on leaving pre-lecture if we were told that no questions were going to be set on it during the exams, we wimped out and stayed throughout.

What a bunch of pussies, not a single cohone amongst us. I blame the Estrogen in the water supply...

I approached my bed tentativly on Tuesday night, much as I needed sleep I knew that I would get pitifully little-the great day of fear was here. Wednesday is interview practice day.

The premise is simple, 2 students sit in a small room with a tutor and one pretends to be a client and the other interviews them. After the interview, the 'client' goes out whilst the tutor gives feedback on the 'solicitors' performance.

After a suitable break, the students meet up again and this time they take the other role on. Each student has been given a script a few weeks ago that explains about their client role and what problems they have.
The 'solicitor' using skill, tact and wit manages to extract the story from them, explains the law and advises them about their options. Piece of widdle, huh?

Except not to me. Anything like this is a major nightmare. I have pitifully little self confidence at the best of times-and having to stake a pass/fail mark on my knowledge-let alone the other interviewing skills had left me as a nervous wreck. It's a bit of a worry that I was far more self confident of my role as a partner in a health food shop (who made the tasty pies, flans and sandwiches) who wanted to leave it and become an aromatherapist (all of which I know bugger all about) than the solicitor (who it is rumoured I would like to become).

But it gets worse-a double whammy in a few seconds!!

First whammy-my partner in the interview is the same guy who I was paired up with in the advocacy!! What's the fecking chance of that?? There are about 450 students here doing an LPC (not counting the 17 in my class that I can't have)-so how come I get him again? He's a lovely bloke but he's even less confident than I am (no really!-he is!) What a pair we make!

2nd whammy and one that almost laid me flat on the canvas. The tutor is my business tutor! Oh, crap on a stick! I expected to be bad-now its going to be 'bunny in the headlights' bad!

Anyhow, a little bit of luck came my way. I got to be the client first. This was OK for me-I managed to make a good job of being the client-I didn't need to refer to my script once (3 1/2 sides of A4) and my partner 'advised' me.
I really felt for him-he started off OK, but couldn't ask the right questions. I even tried to drop hints with my answers for him to pick up on and ask ancilliary questions-but it didn't happen. So, at the end of the interview, I left the room and went outside to get some air whilst the other guy got his feedback.

After about 20 minutes I returned and this time I was on the spot. I thought I started OK but knew that I was going to be bogged down by the law-I managed to squeak my way through and give some advice (very poor advice mind). One feature that helped was that there are only 6 scripts that could have been given out and I had taken time to look at them all, so I was quite au fait with the scenario I was advising on-only problem was the my client wasn't...

He really didn't know it at all-so now this time I was asking questions (that I knew the answer was there for) and he couldn't find the damn things.

As an aside I was told off in my feedback for not 'pushing' him on a point to get to the truth. With respect to the tutor-the only way he would have been able to answer the question would have been if I had lent over and underlined it in his script...He just didn't know it-he wasn't being coy or circumspect...

Anyhow, at the end of the interview, he scuttled away leaving me to face my feedback. I was asked how I though it went-I said that I knew the law was garbage but the rest may have been OK. My tutor then proceeded to explain my weaknesses.

Too fast (too fast, yes I know that I speak fast-its the way that I am-what amazes me about this is that, as I mentioned, my adjudicator here is my Friday tutor. And every Friday, as we leave the class we get together and bitch about how fast he speaks and how incomporehensible his classes are...

"Call for Mr Pot, its a Mister Kettle on line 1"

Too quiet, no small talk at the start, must introduce myself at the door not when I've sat down, I rushed through the options (but the law was OK!) and could have had a much better sign off. And then the moment of truth...

I had passed!!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo!!!

I won't say that I danced around the room (one still has a certain style you know) but I felt pretty damn good. Yes, I know it was a practice and didn't count but I never expected to pass the practice in a million years (and with the whammys 2 million)-so I wandered home a happy bunny (free from the lights of the juggernaut). That night I celebrated with a bottle of wine (2 bottles for £4.50-quality **cough**), snug in the knowledge that the legal train was rolling, rolling, rolling.

Thursday is criminal day, so I got up in good mood, refreshed and ready to kick CPS and police butt (we only get to do the defence side on this course-rest assured that I'm not becoming a traitor).

I checked my College email-one of them said that results were out today. This I knew and had been expecting to go to college and read them off the 'wall of pride' but the mail said that they were also posted on a college internet board. So I turned my mouse in that direction and found my candidate number (all written exams are done under candidate number not name so there can be no chance of bias shown by a particular tutor to a favoured (or not so) student.) I read along the line,

Business accounts

Passed


Legal research

Passed


Advocacy

Failed-not competent

I had failed!!

The following line has been censored for reasons of decency

I cannot actually express how I felt at that stage (3 days later I am still struggling). All I knew was that the legal train had just been derailed. I sat in disbelief-at the time I thought advocacy was not brilliant but I was sure that it had been good enough for a pass. Let's just say that the rest of the mornings prep was not great.

I wandered off to college-my first port of call was to see the 'wall of pride'-although in my case 'wall of shame' was more appropriate-yes my results were there and the same as on the web. I had been allocated a tutor to sit with and watch my video and she could then advise me on ways to improve. Since then I have been in email contact with her and we have agreed to meet on Tuesday before class. Fortunately, I dont have to watch myself (I would rather drink a bucket of lumpy sick than look at myself on tape)

About the only thing I can say is 'whuh'? This has hit me really hard-

1. I can no longer achieve a 'distinction' (it was only an outside chance but at least I had a chancebefore
2. This may affect my CPS application-advocacy is a vital part of the job (maybe the most vital) if they contact the college about my result I coud be screwed
3. I do have a chance to retake it-in bloody May (3 1/2 months away-with no chance to practice in between) so whatever feedback I get on Tuesday could be pretty worthless.
4. In the retake I will be up against another person who failed-nerves are infectious. In the same way that a calm person can calm those around them, so a nervy dweeb can also affect others. I affect him, he affects me-we both fail together.
5. And I know, I just bloody know that I will be up against the guy I did advocacy the first time with (and my practice interviewing)!
   

My only hope is that the tutor who watches the tape to help me is willing to say that she thinks it should have been a pass. In that case I will appeal and see what happens. (a major problem being is that my 'judge' for the advocacy was a CofL 'higher being'-one of the founding figures and a video lecturer-so she may carry a bit of clout and be difficult to overrule)

In the meantime, I just roll on. But don't expect any zippy one-liners for a while...

OK, back to Thursday. Just to make my day complete, while I was standing looking at the 'wall of pitiful humiliation' the fire alarm sounded and we all got led (sheep dog style) up to one of the car parks. For anyone reading this at a later stage, during this week the UK experienced strong winds leading to a number of deaths. On the way to college I had got soaked by rain and now had to stand at the top of a hill with a whipping wind cutting through me. We stood there for about 20 minutes before we were given the 'all clear'.

Even the joys of criminal law failed to bring much of a smile. Perhaps the hardest part for me was the look of surprise on people's faces when I told them I had failed. Everyone I spoke to was genuinely shocked that I could have failed anything.

Criminal law-we have moved on a bit from the Magistrates and are now looking at Crown Court cases. This week was robbery and we had a chance to rip a few witnesses to pieces regarding identifications. It is much easier than you might think.

And alibis-they are much harder to remember than on the telly.

One of the events that shaped my interest in the criminal law was when I was interviewed (at home, not in the nick) regarding an alleged offence (the penalty for which is variable but can lead to life imprisonment)
I gave an alibi for the night of the incident (about 3 weeks earlier) but my alibi was bogus-I wasnt doing what I said I was. I said that after a night out playing cards I had walked back with a friend and we had gone for a swift half before parting. In fact I had been given a lift home by a completely barking (but really sweet) pensioner from French Martinique.

My alibi was false!!!

And I had been picked out because I 'matched' the identikit photo. Well, matched in the terms that I had two eyes, two ears and a nose. Nevertheless, being interviewed (even informally by 2 coppers) is still a nervewracking experience for a young innocent lad **cough**Perhaps that's where my terrible anxiety originated

**thinks bubble** could I sue the police for my problems since then?

NB In reply to a comment I would like to further explain-I did not lie to the police, I was asked where I was on a certain date at a certain time. I gave the answer I believed to be the case. I did not keep a diary at the time (this blog is now my 'Bridget Jones' style thing) and I honestly and reasonably believed the alibi I gave. (trust me, the offence was a very serious one-I would not have lied to police-a lie is a conscious thing to evade the truth) The reason that I mentioned this was to show how easy it is to make mistakes when questioned about events that happened in the past. I was interviewed only 3-4 weeks after the alleged incident-now try to imagine how difficult it would be after 3-4 months...

So there you go, it could happen to you (well, if you were a middle aged, overweight munter with piggy eyes, that is). So the next time you see a cop show and a villain gets nicked because of an ID from a lineout or whatever just remember, the Criminal Law Commission has discovered that the vast majority of false convictions come from identification evidence...

Moral-do not believe all you see on the telly, witnesses and honest alibis are often mistaken (and identikits are rubbish...)


Friday is still business day, but we have moved to general business law-which essentially meant contract and EU free movement and competition law. So I just had to revise what was (in total) 1 year of my undergraduate degree. Easy, huh? The workshop itself wasn't too bad-rather than endless Board Meeting Sandwiches (to any students thinking of an LPC after 2008, you are going to be so lucky because these should be consigned to the waste bin of history by then), we were set problems based around the Sale of Goods Act and Articles 28, 30, 81 and 82 of the original European Community Treaty. Although I think I was the only one who appreciated the change in pace.

Which leads me to the weekend. I worked for about 10 hours yesterday but couldn't get motivated today. I must draft an agreement by Thursday (its a marked assessment) but my muse has been sniffing glue again and is not being terribly inspirational...

This could be a long and painful week

How do you see yourself?

Do you ever, in your minds eye, see a vision of yourself and say,'oh god, I so do not want to turn into that person?'. Now if that's confusing to you (and I couldn't understand it myself), I'll give an example instead.

In my minds-eye, I've always seen myself as a fairly cool guy. Very laid back, witty and the sort of person you could invite to a cocktail, dinner or a chimps tea party. Always ready with a quip or a bon mot to break the ice or ease the tedium.

**thinks bubble** I think someones minds-eye needs a sight test.

Anyhow, that's how I want to see myself-it may need some (some!!!) work but hey-we can try to improve ourselves, right? So, imagine how I'm feeling in the last week or so. The course has taken a twist for me. We are actually studying stuff that's relevant to my situation.

In the last weeks we've done;
-law of leases-I have one (and was a pain in the butt to the letting company over it-10 pages, no punctuation (just paragraphing) complete drivel, pah! It wouldn't pass the CofL drafting criteria in a million years)
-criminal law-my love and what I've done work experience in (as well as putting together a defence and evidence for my first ever representation), and
-unfair dismissal/redundancy-a situation Ive seen as a redunder, a redundencee, sacker, sackee, trades union officer and independent witness

The only problem is that I've become anorak boy. I keep saying, 'well, when I was involved in...blah de blah". I swear my voice has become even more nasal and whiney-and I soooo do not want to turn into that person. I am one step away from saying,

"Oh yes, of course the B257 doesn't pass through Carshalton-it should of course but got diverted at Romford and becomes the A211-except of course the part that ends up in the M3, ho-ho (snort)"

BTW the writer takes no responsibility for people who are so dim to take this as an accurate road map, let 'em get lost. I call it survival of the fittest....

Right, that's the preamble out the way. (I swear it gets harder every week) Now on to the important stuff.

I have come up with a new theory. I have a suspicion that the compulsory part of the course used to be about 2 weeks longer. As we quickly move to the end of it, we are getting deluged with preparation. It does appear to be the CofL way-start a course slowly then towards the end, cram in all the little subjects that can't make a whole workshop on their own. And although the course is legal PRACTICE with the emphasis on getting a feel for what a trainee will have to do when they start in a firm, we are getting a fair bit of theoretical law as well.

Monday was leasehold property again. The emphasis this week was on wording a rent review clause in a commercial lease. Since these usually run for 10+ years, there has to be a mechanism so that the landlord can raise the rent from time to time to keep up with inflation/property prices generally. Now although I can't see myself doing this in my life, I did find it interesting. But tied in with this we have the spectre of leasehold covenants.
For non-law students or those who haven't tackled these-you are the lucky ones. I studied them in the last year of my undergraduacy (and then decided to not waste my time when it came to the exam-I would have been better off to have written a story about snails instead (like I did once in a geology exam at Exeter University-a long (and silly) story, another time perhaps?).

That dredged up a memory of a story that I was told about 20+ years back of a student at a 'modern' university who cracked under the strain of work and during an exam got up on his desk and shouted, 'I am an orange and oranges do no take exams!' and walked out.

Back to the LPC-what the f(heck) do I do about the legal theory we are getting? Do I spend time studying it and taking notes? Time is precious at the moment. I do not want to spend it on something that is no use to me come the exams. Going back to leases-covenants didn't come up except in the vaguest terms. Do I turn my brains to mush again trying to get the stuff in or cross my fingers and hope? Can I phone a friend please Chris?

Rent review is meant to be one of the hardest subjects we have to do. I found it pretty easy-which must mean that I got completely the wrong end of the stick...

"Oh yes, if you look at my lease you'll see that's the case, I have it in my briefcase next to my copy of Traction Engines Monthly"

Tuesday was a new subject-insolvency. The joy of advising clients about when their business is going to go belly-up and what they can do to salvage the paper clips. This means that we are doing 3 classes a week on business law (whoop-de-frickin-doo). But being fair, it was an enjoyable class. The tutor is older than the usual CofL lecturing age (which is about 35-40..bloody kids!) and more of a fatherly figure to the rest of the group.
Our table did particularly well though it was probably helped that the tutor appeared to have a soft spot for one of the our pretty young ladies. Personally I think its disgusting that an older man hangs around with women young enough to be his daughters and flirts with them.

**cough**

**ooops**

I feel so embarassed

After a short break, we slipped into our large group lecture. This week we must have had twice the number of the previous week (though probably less signatures on the register..) Why do we have to sign the register? I understand that the college sets great store on punctuality and attendance-I haven't missed a session (apart from that one where I got double booked with a pro bono work night)-but not every class has a register and it gets circulated some weeks and not others.
**Note to self** I have to get the notes written up fairly punctually because two of the class couldn't make it and I promised to send it to them-I'll do it Wednesday.

Wednesday. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Doing consolidation for 2 workshops and the large groups took me 4 hours! in the workshops we are getting lots of practical exercises that we attempt then the tutor takes us over the answers and we correct our work. My handwriting is not good (rushed and scrawly) so I type up everything (please god, let my laptop make it through this year) and it takes ages...

I then prepped for Criminal (a bit of oasis-like joy in the desert of my life) and business (the broken glass in the cheese-cake of life). The next thing I now its coming up 6pm. Blocks-there goes another day.

Thursday
The criminal case has now moved to

• funding for the scrotes ('Paul's technical' term)
• first court appearances (Magistrates)
• bail applications (and reasons why it might get refused)
  

And examples and problems for us to tackle. I think (despite all the time I spent) my prep was inadequate on bail, so I will have to look at that over the revision period. I desperately want to do really well on the crim lit exam so that;

1. it'll bring up my overall litigation mark
2. I have a real desire to be top in something
   

The library here has a number of wooden plaques on the wall showing who has won various academic prizes in the last few years. I have no idea if there is a prize for criminal lit (I'm never in the library long enough to find out) but I would love to leave my print on this place in some way. (although I may have a better chance by waiting for some fresh concrete to be put down)

Anyway as I said to the table in crim;
"of course, when I was in the cells at Torquay, locked in on my own with a man who was being interviewed about an assault I told him about my collection of bus tickets and you know he actually looked bored-would you believe it? (snort)"

To follow that we has a consolidation session on criminal litigation. Yes, that's right-after only 2 workshops, we had consolidation. I swear I can hear oxygen molecules being wasted...

My tails twitching, it must be Friday and business. But wait, what is this? A vaguely different twist. We are doing employment. Hurrah! Something potentially interesting. Dismissals and redundancies-brilliant stuff. (BTW I still cant spell employment-I keep missing the 'o'. This may be awkward when I start my options, emplyment law being one (yes, that was deliberate-but it felt sooo natural)

Fortunately, my previous experience as trades union officer held me in good stead.

"of course, when I was acting as an advocate for this poor girl who was up to be dismissed for gross misconduct I managed to hold the tribunal spellbound whilst I explained all about s.29 of the Employment Act 1982 and how it really applies to workers who have a contract of employment for service and not a service contract which of course is a totally different thing..."

If I ever become that person, please shoot me. It's for my own good.

A fool returns to their folly like a dog returns to its vomit...

...is my favourite quote from the Bible (I can't give you Book, Chapter and verse but I think it is from Proverbs)

Yes, College is back. I was one of the lucky ones-we restarted on Weds the 3rd, some of the other poor buggers had to go back on Tues (which apparently was announced in the press the next day as the big national 'sickie' since more workers phoned the boss with a feeble,

"sorry, I think I caught flu over Christmas **feeble cough**, I'll be in the moment I have the strength to get out of bed **even more feeble cough**"

But not us hardy LPC souls (though saying that two didn't make it back-one is hospitalised with pneumonia-although it is a guy so it could just be a bad attack of the sniffles...)

And now the important stuff, the 'how much work will Paul do over Christmas' sweepstake results. I've had a lot of interest with bids ranging from 'very little' to 'working himself to death' (thanks Mum!). Much as I'd like to award the prize to family, I'm afraid that I can't. So the person who put, 'less than you wanted to but more than you expected to' wins.

For the record I did work Christmas Day (although I think only to impress other people-god, I'm so shallow...) New Years day was a full days study, mind-but then New Year is such a non-event to me that it doesn't really count.

New term, new subjects. There is a distinct mood around the place-it all feels a bit sad and wistful. This might have been generated by the GDL students who were sitting their first exams but to me it does seem that our workshop group has lost a bit of its spark as we realise that we only have just 4 weeks of workshops together to go.
Although I can't really say that I have any really close friends amongst them, I will be very sad when we are broken up to be reconstituted into different groups for the electives which fill the latter part of this term and next term.
There is also a little stress and panic developing as people realise that in just over a month we will take our compulsary exams-and the work is not letting up to allow us to get organised and revision ready.

Wednesday is normally a non-college day for me but this week we had workshops planned for the last three days of the week. We kicked off with one of those new subjects-criminal law.

Yes, finally-I get to do criminal law!!!

Fortunately, It was not the huge anti-climax that I may have been expecting. Our first workshop looked at;
a) What happens when a suspect is arrested-the processing at the police station, the detention and interviewing of the suspect and a brief overview of their rights
b) the solicitor's role in the police station. How to look after your client and when you should advise him to give a 'no comment' interview and when to co-operate more fully.

We only have 5 weeks to get to grips with the basics so the reading (80+ pages of A4) is quite substantial. This was combined with two video tutorials and made a very meaty amount of prep (it was the reason that Monday was cancelled as far as I was concerned). The workshop was handled in a fun, quite informal way. We started off with a straw poll-only 2 of the class will be doing the advanced crim course-so not a popular course then **sob**.
This is probably to do with the way that criminal solicitors get paid (i.e. badly) but is also tied up with the sordid and slighly 'dirty' nature of the subject (and from my experience of the cells in Exeter and Torquay the clientel).

We will be following a case study of a man suspected of burglary-the basic background is that he is an ex-con with no job, living on social security with his girlfriend, a history of drug use and self harm. (as I said, slightly sordid and dirty-god, I love it!!!)

Since our week was a little out of synch, we went from this workshop into the large group lecture for business law and practice. This was the worst attended session I have ever been to. We would normally have about 60 people-at best we got 30. Now I'm not saying that there was anything funny going on but I reckon that the attendance register that gets passed around during these sessions had at least 50 signtures on it (10 of them identical in the same pen). It's good to have mates, innit...?

Thursday was the 'welcome' return of Property law-we've moved on into the dizzying world of leasing/letting or renting out of houses/offices/business space. Again for this workshop we had two video tutorials and about 60 pages of A4 to read and make notes on. (that's Tuesday cancelled...) And boy was it a waste of time or what! No-honestly, a complete waste of a day of my life. All that prep was not remotely needed for the session. All we did was have a general discussion about leases (basic LLB stuff) and study the provisions of the lease that will make up our case study to the end of the course.

I used to be really poor at reading statute and legal speak but I definitely have got better during this course (of course some will still remain Armenian-but that's just duff drafting, right **cough**). In fact, one of the guys on our table expressed the view, 'why can't anyone put this stuff in simple English?'. I then read her the translation that I had made and asked 'is that simple enough?' With hindsight that was waaaaay too arrogant-but she was grateful for my comment so I guess I got away with it.

What amazes me is that I have no self confidence at all but can be astoundingly arrogant when I'm not being careful (and yet I always say that confidence and arrogance are two sides of the same coin...)

We probably had 15 people in that workshop and I have to guess that at least half had done no prep at all. At least that's what it seemed to me (in fact, one complete table had not prepped between them-so they kept their heads down, avoided the gaze of the tutor and timed their writing to begin whenever he appeared to be about to be asking a question-good technique, I use it myself in Business law...)
The reason for the lack of preparation is probably down to the tutor-he is so laid back he is almost horizontal. Unlike some of our tutors he asks questions to the room rather than individual students. If the room doesn't answer, then he offers a solution himself. I really like this style. It is very comfortable and easy going and the workshops pass agreeably and quickly and I'm not made to look a prat. That's not to say that I don't have my prat-like visage moments-but if I do they're my fault because I volunteered a stupid answer and not because I was put on the spot.

Which brings me neatly to Fridays and my weekly pain that is Business. The tutor for this is a complete contrast to the Property one. This tutor is really 'in your face', he throws questions around and directly aims them at students. He either refers to 'Paul's table' or to 'Paul'-both of which mean I have to answer, since any question to 'my table' means that the others can sit back and enjoy my pain.
**Disclaimer** In the interests of truth-and because at least one of my table reads this, I have to say that this is an exaggeration-well a lie really, but stick with it for dramatic reasons. My table are a great bunch of 'guys' (NB this is guys of the feminine persuasion)-none of us are real business bods but we bimble through.

Well, I got one of his 'Paul' questions, so no chance for the 'guys' to bail me out. I was about to speak and 'oh my god-it happened again!!' I was lost for words-nothing throughout my whole life and now twice in a month!! This is getting serious-thank god there is only one more oral exam (well, 2 including a practice) I could finish this course and end up becoming a Trappist monk.

That's the silent ones if you didn't know (I wasn't sure myself-I had to 'google' it)

This week I also handed in my letter writing assessment. I spent enough time on it but I wasn't happy. Mine only came to 3 pages and 2 lines. Most of my classmates stretched as far as 5 pages. So I padded it out with extra bumpf. Even then I was not happy and time was running low so I printed it out and headed off to school. On the way I thought of a way to improve it so I went straight to a computer room, loaded it up (aren't memory sticks wonderful?) and knocked off my changes to get to something that I was content with (please note-not happy).

I handed it in with about 20 minutes to go and then what? They give me another bloody assessment. This one is the drafting of something or other (I can't bring myself to look at it) and has to be in a couple of weeks or so. I have no idea where I will get the time, as I say the prep has gotten heavier this last week. This morning I prepped for our next new course-Insolvency which starts on Tuesday. It was quite interesting but another business course? Bleurgh!

Now where did I leave that vomit...?

Oh, BTW I should have mentioned it in the last blog I wrote but I found that I'm through to the next stage of my CPS application. The psychometric test may have been bad but it must have equally bad for everyone and I scored sufficient to be considered for stage 3.