It is now 6 years since I took my compulsary exams for the LPC.

Since then I have had a steady stream of requests for my notes. Up to now I have sent them readily and with my best wishes.

I have always attached the proviso that I am not responsible for any alterations in the course or the law that would mean that my notes were effectively worthless. Perhaps my notes have helped some people, perhaps they have not (only one person ever got back to me to say they had passed the LPC) - shame on the others!

However, from this point on I do not think that it is wise for me to send out my notes so I shall not do so.

And finally folks,

Or "Loose ends tied up"

There is something poignant in packing. As an item is stowed it brings with it memories, feelings and emotions. Sometimes they may be, "What was I thinking when I bought this?" but usually it ties in with a person, time or experience. Which possibly explains why it takes me so long...

Plus, I don't really want to do it. This flat has been home for me for nearly a year now and I look upon it as mine. It's a little sad that I have to hand the keys back in the next few days but I've met the new tenant and I'm sure that she'll take care of it.

It's been a good while since I posted, so what has happened in the meantime?

Well, I did get around to signing on. And what with the £59.15 I receive every week for Jobseekers and the contribution of the council for my housing costs I have been living in palatial luxury (well sort of). It is strange to think that I would have to earn in excess of £15,000 a year to have an equivalent standard of living. And all I have to do is make two attempts a week to find work! No, it's true-that is all that the 'Jobseeker's Charter' requires me to do to cop (effectively) £209.15 a week. Even more amazingly, my experiences at the Jobcentre have shown me that this is more than most people do! In almost every interview that I have overheard whilst waiting to sign on, the people before me have been 'prompted' to agree that they 'looked at the local paper/asked about work in a local shop'. (My legal training can now spot a leading question at 20 paces!)

I can say, hand on heart, that I have put far more effort into my job applications. After an initial period of idleness (which has lasted barely 43 years) I got my head down and set myself a target of 4 applications submitted a day. I quickly went through what the College of Law jobs page had to offer (discarding all the ones that I had no chance for e.g. speaking Tamil for one or Mandarin for another) and then began to submit CVs through online employment brokers. And the result?

Well, not so great actually. My online apps yielded me only 1 reply (a rejection) from about 50 attempts. My College of Law apps were more successful-I got offered two interviews fairly early on, one in Battle (Sussex) and one in Bishop's Stortford (South of Cambridge) as well as a few;

'We have received your details and will be making a decision soon but unfortunately have a large number of top quality applications so you may not be successful etc'

(although, for the record it's nice to get a reply of any sort). I also continued to apply to the CPS for a chance, any chance and was offered interviews in Exeter and Guildford (weird that!)

My first interview was CPS Exeter-I travelled down the night before to meet up with friends (no alcohol mind-must be at my best for the interview!). I slept badly though and it was not a great interview-good but not great. I thought that my luck might be in since the chair of the panel was the man who had been the key figure when I did work experience with them the year before.
Except he had forgotten about me...only when we met did he make a mental connection and remember my time there. Interestingly, I got a glimpse of something like, 'Oh cripes, we may have to rethink who we were going to give the job to' cross his face. (My skill at reading body language has come on a treat thanks to the LPC!).
It was a tough interview-pretty much all the questions are based on a 'give examples where you successfully prioritised/planned something' and 'explain your thoughts and reasoning as you went along'. This is very hard (to me at least) and akin to asking 'give an example when breathing has been a good idea' and 'why?'. I was promised a decision later that day.

2 days later I got the rejection that I was expecting.

Ho hum-that's my dream job gone then...

Anyhow, about a week later there I was in Bishop's Stortford having had a nightmare of a journey. No details but sufficient to say that I was in the right place at the right time but the trains were not necessarily there. I ended up having to make a diversion but for all my best efforts knew that I was going to be late. I phoned ahead and was given 20 minutes grace. I made my usual gaffe of going 100% in the wrong direction as I left the station but managed to arrive within the 20 minute window (just).

As an aside, I had found out the weekend before that one of my friends from my LPC tutor group was already working for them. (Handy for her as she lives locally and it allows her to continue looking for 'something better'). This gave me an excellent chance to do some top-quality research. I already knew a fair bit from their web-site and the job details. I phoned her and got a little more info about the 'nut n bolts' that I could casually chuck into the interview. She seemed quite positive about the job (although still looking for her TC).

The work itself-A claimant in a personal injury case get involved with a big national solicitors who then take on their case against their insurers. At the resolution of the case, the claimant gets their compensation (hopefully) and the solicitors then try to claim their costs from the insurers. This can be an arduous job and the specialist niche employment of law costs negotiating exists to cover it. The solicitors pass on the responsibility of getting the costs from the insurers to a third party. My job, if I were to get it, was to be part of the negotiating team. This seemed OK to me, I would be working (indirectly) for the little guy taking on the big faceless monsters that are the insurers. I would be not be involved in confrontation but negotiation so it was ticking all the right boxes.
During the interview I found that although the starting salary was relatively low-(but more than I had earned ever before) after 11 months it went up by nearly 30% and could be around 30k within 3-4 years provided the commitment was given and the work put in.

The interview went amazingly well, my research proved invaluable. I was able to finish some of the interviewer's sentences for him when he explained about the company/work. This is not something I would normally do but I was keen to show that I had put the time in researching.

I was then set a few simple calculations and the interviewer went walkabout. He came back early to get something from his jacket and was stunned to hear that not only had I finished the real problems but also that I had double checked them and was going over some examples he had also given me!
He consulted the other director who also briefly interviewed me. In an almost obscene speed they offered me the job! We agreed to a start date (1st August) and shook hands on the deal.

I left the office in a heady mix of euphoria and relief. The perfect interview?

Well not quite...About 3/4 of the way in my phone rang! I seldom carry my mobile and had forgot to have turned it off (I never get calls or texts-it's purely there for me to call others when on the go). The message? It was from my LPC buddy texting me from the same building asking,

'How did it go?'

Arrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh!

I texted her back (but after the interview had ended),

"Pretty well until some bint texted me in the middle of it"

But I was saved from my terrible faux-pas when about 2 minutes later the interviewer received a text...

So that's it, I have a job. It's just a question of those last exams. I didn't need an LPC for this job but there was no way I wanted to do a retake in mid August. So, it's just a case of waiting for the 24th of July.

But as the days went by, the doubts started to surface. Is this what I worked 5 years on the degree for? Is this what £20k+ was spent on? To get a job that someone could 'off the street' could do? (although maybe not as well). Plus I was disconcerted by the example that I was shown by the interviewer.

In this, the injured claimant was awarded £1,700 from the insurer. The solicitor was claiming £7k in costs. I was told that this would probably be negotiated down to about £5.5k. Do I want to be involved in this? Where the claimant sees just a quarter of the insurer's losses?
I made a token attempt to find accomodation in Bishop's Stortford but my heart was not in it (plus BS is becoming an estate agent's wet dream and property rental was well out of my budget). I made the most important decision of the year.

I emailed the employer and told them that I would not be taking the position. I tried to let them down gently and used their own key buzz-words about commitment to explain my decision.

A pity really because the email I sent was an excellent example of my negotiating skills...

So it all worked out? I hear you asking. Well, not quite. In my euphoric first day I cancelled my interviews in Battle and with the CPS in Guildford. What a donkey....

The good news was that I still had interviews pending with CPSs Exeter and Reading. The bad news is that when they arrived they were set on Tuesday 24th (Reading) and Weds 25th (Exeter). As you remember, the 24th is results day. My interview was to be at 9.15. In the past, results have been posted at 9.30. It was possible that I could be almost the last to see them!

Anyhow, I put that to one side and did some more preparation for the interviews perfecting the 'how I used breathing in one memorable experience in a work situation' type answers. I was satisfied with the notes I made (not delighted though) and went to bed on the Monday heavily medicated and ready to get a good nights sleep and awake refreshed at 5am.

Except I didn't.

I didn't sleep.

Not one wink.

I got up-I took dangerous levels of medication. Anything to help.

Except it didn't. It did not do a scrap of good. The combination of nerves and excitement had truly screwed me over. I remember writing over a year ago about old habits resurfacing. This is one-some deep seated mental problem that has blighted me for nearly 20 years.

I got up at just before 5am and pottered over to the PC. I logged on and had a surf. One bit of good news-the LPC results were to be posted at 6am! Yay! Rather than be the last to check them, I could be the first!
In my fatigued state that hour seemed to take forever. Eventually, the site updated. Rather than give anonymous results as before the site listed;

Name and grade-that's all.

I checked down the list-I was there. It said;

Salmon Paul, Martin Commendation

I had done, I have passed the LPC!
What a fantastic feeling! I had no marks awarded but I didn't care! I had passed advocacy!

My euphoria was muted however when I checked the rest of the names on the list. Of my tutorial group of 18;

• 3 had got distinctions (well done Claire/Rachel/Rebecca)
• 9 had got commendations
• 6 would have to retake

A third of our group will be back in August. On a personal side this means that I received the highest mark of all the 5 male students in our tutorial group (since 3 must retake and the other got a pass)

In addition (for blog anoraks);

• The male student (a couple of years older than me) who had dismissed our group as being immature and had been transferred to another one to follow his commerical leanings-not on the pass list
• Divvo1-not on the pass list (mature student)
  
• Same for Divvo 2 (yes, despite my earlier misgivings I'm calling him that again-for all his posing and posturing in Advanced Crim)
  
• Those people I sent Advanced Crim notes to? Both got distictions!
  

Despite this misture of results, I left for my interview in great spirits. I was going to be awful but I didn't care! I must have come across as the original grinning Bozo to anyone I passed-but it didn't matter. I had done it.

My trip was good, I found the office really easily and was ridiculously early. I was close to dropping off in the comfy reception chairs when I was called. I was taken up to the Chief Prosecuter's office and interviewed by a panel of two. (Fortunately not the Chief Prosecuter!).

The interview did not start well. In my past I have worked as a volunteer at a centre for disabled young people and although happy to talk about this I was not prepared for the question about a 'specific case where I did something to assist a disabled person in the last two years'. I guess part of the problem is that in my working life I would assist between 50 and 100 a day (or 250 to 500 a week for 48 weeks of the year). As much as any big store talks of 'personal service', you really don't remember individuals specifically (unless they are regulars or friends). I had to honestly admit that no one came to mind. (Although I didn't say, "And if we operate a policy of equality why should I remember a disabled person in particular?")

And onto the next question. These came fast and furious. I was getting plenty of 'excellents' and 'very goods' but was that enough? Did everyone get these? Were they sincere?

And then it was over. Forty minutes had flown by in an instant. I was seen out by the chair of the panel. We talked about my interview in Exeter the next day-we compared crime in Devon and the Thames Valley. I remarked that I was expecting to see a murder every week because that was what Morse used to get (and Oxford is part of Thames Valley). This did not go down well...

I was told that the results would be given to me sometime the next day (my trip to Exeter-an all dayer if there ever was one) but was not optimistic. If only I had had some sleep.

Fortunately I knew that I would sleep well tonight (although collapse or pass out would probably be more accurate).

When I checked my mail I found that my results had arrived! How's that for service! Would my guesses for my marks be correct?

Well no, not really. I got the marks right but the subjects wrong!
In order;

• Welfare/Immigration-Distinction (81%)
• Advanced criminal-Distinction (70%)
• Employment-Pass (55%)

What? How the hell did I do that? I assumed then (and now) that the inputter got the Adv Crim and employment mixed up-it's the only possible explanantion!
This means that my overall percentage was 69.16%. I like to think that this may have given the examining board a slight problem if I had not failed advocacy! Would they have considered upgrading the mark to an overall distinction? We shall never know but I shall pretend...

And so to sleep. Did I sleep better?

Of course I did! I couldn't have slept worse!

But only just-I got maybe 4 hours at the best. The journey to Exeter would take over 4 hours! Problem being I can't sleep on trains. The Reading interview had been OK since it was over by just gone 10. This one wasn't due to start to 1pm. In addition to the lack of sleep I've recorded before that I'm at my best in the mornings and deteriorate past midday.

The flooding meant that the trains had to be diverted and connections were iffy-but I got there in time (just).

This time, a 3 person panel and the interviewing was aggressive from the start. Perhaps they wanted to test me under pressure-but again the interview itself was mostly a blur. I know that I didn't come over as well as I had in Reading but surely they would give me a chance?

I knew that I didn't have it-the panel's body langauge was negative throughout-in contrast with those at Reading. In Reading they collected the documents that I had been asked to prepare and bring with me-Exeter didn't bother, I took them there and carried them home.

I now ask myself, was the Exeter interview fair? Did I really ever have a chance? Was the successful candidate already known to them and did they take his paperwork at the time?

I was musing over these points whilst travelling back to Guildford when my phone rang. Personally I hate those inconsiderate pillocks who take personal calls in public carriages but as regular readers know I am nothing if not hypocritical...

It was from the CPS Reading asking to see if I could talk and would I like some feedback? Already I was dreading the language used. I was asked how I thought the interview went-I said that I gave some good and some bad answers. I was told that nearly all of my answers were very good and I should be very proud if how I came across.

I waited for the inevitable 'but'....

BUT

...it didn't come-It was all positive-they offered me the job!

Did you read that?

THE CPS OFFERED ME A JOB!!!

On the same day as my LPC results came through!

(If this doesn't win me 'Blog of the Year' then there is no justice!)

And that's where I am now. Exeter rejected me (no surprises there) and I am waiting for confirmation from Thames Valley. They have to check my security record/convictions etc and examine my medical record but if all this passes then I start as an A1 within the next month or so.

The post is only for a year but I have achieved my aim-I'm in!

And so I am packing, my lease here runs out at the end of July. Amongst the things that I am throwing out are my LPC notes, my undergraduate notes/essays and other Guildford based bits and pieces. As I said earlier-many memories, some happy-some of chances lost or not taken properly but overall very, very happy ones.

If a year ago someone had offered me an LPC with Commendation and a job in the CPS-would I have taken it?

You bet! Result!

And now, the end is near...

Tis true, this will be the last officially endorsed blog entry of the year (although there is a possibility of a 'farewell blog' tour but at the moment I am in discussion with the promoters on that one-so I can say no more).

I took my last exam on Monday and since then have been technically unemployed.

**Note to self-I still cannot type 'employed' (or any variants)-even though I must have typed it about 500 times during the year-it invariably comes out as 'emplyed')**

I haven't got around to making an official claim but that kinds of sums me up rather well at the moment-rudderless and unmotivated.

I do have to go into town tomorrow-so perhaps then...

Regular readers will know not to hold their breath.

Moving swiftly on-how did the exams go?

Weeeeell, I think that my earlier theory was correct-but not necessarily for the reason that I thought. For those who can't be bothered to read back (And to cover myself if I didn't write anything about it since I can't be bothered to read back either) My theory was that the electives would give a much more diverse selection of marks because if the trend of marking that existed in the compulsories continued in the electives then about half the people on the course would be on line for a distinction-so there had to be a reckoning.

My idea was that the marking would be stricter.

That may still be true-but it also appears that the exams were a step-up in difficulty from the ones in the compulsories. During the compulsories we were spoon fed with examples and 'points to note', many of which came up in a very similar form during the exam. This was not the case in the elective exams (at least the ones I took) there was more of a 'you have the knowledge-now apply it to cases that you have not directly covered'.

Judging from the reaction after, I think this did trip a few people up. Last night I went for a gentle 'drinkie' with some former classmates and every single one of them admitted to a possible pass/fail scenario. This may have been normal post-exam modesty but I felt that it was a little closer to the truth than that. For the record-I don't believe that any of them have actually failed an exam (my view is that you have to do really badly to fail-the College do not want to spend half their Summer preparing and marking retake papers) but it is probable that the average mark will come down.

Speaking personally, the College were kind to me-my exams were well spaced out (much like me last night), so I had plenty of opportunity to replenish my energy levels between them.

Interesting nerdy point-if you plotted a graph of my exam results for the week of the compulsories they form an almost perfect downwards sloping straight line-on that reckoning if I had taken two more papers, I would have failed the second. Were the effects of fatigue that marked?

But I digress. My first exam of the batch was employment-regular readers will remember that this paper was worrying me the most (since the tutor was as effective as a chocolate fireguard). As it happens-it was a generous paper. Our tutor's not quite so subtle hint about TUPE was reflected in a question worth 55 marks out of 100. With a couple of smaller questions to garner a few more marks it was far less worrisome than I had expected.

Saying that-I was not in the same boat as a classmate whose birthday it was that day. How awful is that? During my (very) long academic past I have had to revise on my birthday (at least in theory) but never to actually have to sit a paper.
So, my heart goes out to her-that must have been horrible. After the exam she did make the unexpected decision to have a birthday drinkie with me. So she drove us to a pub by the river-lovely spot by the way and we had 1 drink-that was her absolute limit since she had to go back and study (she prefers to study at night).

Embarrassing story alert-readers who do not enjoy others indulging in cringeworthy behaviour should move on.

OK, having set the scene, I'll continue. We have finished our drinks and she proceeds to drive me home. Both are us are feeling the post-exam euphoria, the glow of friendship and a small amount of alcohol.
During the drive, I note that her control of the car is not as perfect as usual and she is giggling a bit and saying she is 'feeling drunk'. She drops me off, I ask if she would like to come up to the flat (in theory to make her a coffee and let the booze work its effects off) but she is adamant that she has to get back.
Fair enough, she has a 45 minute drive home (on a good day), so we say our goodbyes.

About 2 hours later, I call her. Provisionally to give her the results of some research she had asked me to do but also to make sure that she had got back safely.

No reply. Fair enough-could be lots of reasons for that. Perhaps her family/friends had surprised her and taken her out for a meal.

I gave it an hour and tried again

No reply.

I tried an hour later-no reply. This time I left a message on her ansaphone giving her the answer to her research question.

Next day, I tried to get through from about noon onwards-no reply. Always that bloody ansaphone. Now I am worried-this becomes very worried as the day progresses. By late evening I am almost frantic. As I say she lives many miles away and I don't have an address to call on. In my mind I start to see hospitals/car wreckage/policeman making house-calls.

For a non-Catholic I have a highly developed sense of guilt.

• Was this my fault?
• Should I have insisted that she drank no alcohol?
  
• Should I have insisted that she didn't drive away when she did?

Oh god, it's all my fault-my actions could have led to a 17 car pile-up on the M25! To show the levels of anxiety, I swooped over the internet checking for news of car crashes between Guildford and where she lives (lived). I even checked the internet version of her local paper!

Now, the next day I have two exams-one of which she must attend (it's conduct and everyone must take that). So, I decided to call it a night and get some sleep. The plan was thatI would check up on her next day and she she hadn't taken the exam then I would go to our tutor and see if he could contact her next of kin for news.

I did not sleep well. It was not as bad as for my last OU exam where I stared at the clock all night and can only remember a 'blank zone' between 5:50 am and 5:55-but it was bad. I reckon that I got between 1 and 2 hours at the most.

My first exam was Welfare and Immigration. I had high hopes for this paper. The tutor who had taken me for my best compulsory subject had taught this and I was well prepped. The lead up to the exam did not go well. I arrived in good time-changed into fresh clothes and sat and read the newspaper until I was ready to check my room allocation and take my place.

Now I don't think I actually fell asleep but I certainly lost a few minutes. When I checked my watch I realised that I had less than 5 minutes to get to my seat. So I moved sharpish to the room allocation notice.

Oh my god!

My exam is in a room on the other side of campus! Now Guildford is not a large site but it took a couple of minutes to get there-I found my seat. We are in a very large room and I am suprised how many students are sitting this exam-there must be about 50 of us-and there's only 7 others in my class!
The good news is that my seat is well placed-even better I have a vacant desk next to me. This is ideal and lay out my books and folder on it-this gives me lots of room to write.

Excellent!

Note to anybody from the College of Law who may read this-your desks are rubbish.
The chairs are about 2-3 inches too high to use them properly with the desks. To someone who is a 'big' six footer-this puts enormous stress on my back.
To sit these papers I literally have to stoop over them. Be warned-any sign of future back trouble and I will sue.

Now there's irony for you. They teach you how to fight but don't expect you to use their own weapons against them.

And while I'm on this tack-the desk are square(ish) and only about 2 foot along a side. For an open note exam-you will probably have one A4 textbook (at least), at least 1 A4 ring binder. There will be an A4 question book, an A4 answer book-maybe an extra A4 booklet for forms, maybe an A4 multiple choice paper.
On top of that you have your own kit;

• Pens
• Calculater
• Pencils/tippex/rulers etc
• Fluid for refreshment
• Sweets/chocolate
  
• A gonk (or similar)

Astute readers will notice a slight 'overload' here, so the College allow you to put things that you don't need immediately on the floor. Fair enough.

Well, here's the thing-I have an empty 2 foot square table next to me, so I put my unwanted stuff on it. This way it's closer (saving vital seconds) and more importantly I don't have to lean down and put even more strain on my back. Remember that I am already stooping to use the desk. Sorted!

Except...

No, this isn't allowed. The invigilator proceeds (once the exam has started) to berate me (out loud in front of the nearby students) for doing this and orders me to put my things on the floor. Apparently, it gives me an unfair advantage and all the other students would want the same. Very begrudgingly I do as instructed.

My happy-bunniness meter is not showing a high score.

The exam is a good one-I could answer all of it (probably quite well if I had not been so tired). My timing is good and I finish it with a few seconds to spare. I am a little concerned with some of my answers but when I give my closest friend from the course a gentle 'probing' after the exam it seems that we are in agreement about all the major points.

I now have another problem-it's just under two hours to my next exam. What shall I do? I am too shattered to spend any time revising-and my worries about my friend and her instant death when her car spun out of control and hit the orphanage before exploding in a fireball that took out the nearby oil refinery are starting to get alarming.

And now time for another appallingly embarrassing substory-some readers will know that I dedicated this blog in the very first entry to a former friend who started me off on the legal-road. To my eternal shame I was even composing this entry in my head;

"I started this blog with a dedication to a friend who passed away before hearing that I had successfully passed my law degree and I must end it with a dedication to another friend who died tragically (when her car hit a low flying jumbo jet causing the jet to collide with the House of Parliament and putting the country into the anarchic chaos we now face) before we found out that we had both passed the LPC"

I was even working out where to put the trophy for the 'blog of the year' award...

I hung around the room allocation board-hoping that she would show and my guilt could be shed.

With barely 5 minutes to go she showed up!!!!

My relief was immense-although my disappointment about losing the award also hurt badly. She had no time for me then and shot off to her conduct paper.

The paper? This was awful-it really sucked the big one. Careful readers will remember that I jokingly remarked that my failure to go to a conduct refresher might 'bite me in the arse' later. Well, I have to say that I feel a bit uncomfortable as I sit here. It was appalling. If it had been pass/fail paper then I would have failed.

End of story.

Luckily, this was the paper than I had previously scored 32 out of 40 on and only needed 18 out of 60.
On a provisional count I reckon that I got mid 20s-that sees me to a pass.

Just.

I tried to meet my friend after to find out what had happened but she had to go elsewhere. She hasn't contacted me since. Obviously I had done something seriously wrong when she had dropped me off after her birthday drink...

Perhaps I shouldn't have suggested that we popped in for a 'quick one'.

Ho hum.

Embarrassing story finish-readers with decorum may pick up the story here.

So, nearly at the end-I have just one exam to go. Advanced criminal should be my best paper. It is my love, my major reason for coming to Guildford to do the LPC and my future. Luckily I have a whole long weekend to get properly prepped for it.

The day approaches-I feel like a heavyweight champion going into the ring.

'I am the greatest'
'Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee'.
'The championship is mine for the taking'
'This LPC is going down in the third'
'I'm gonna open a can of whoop-ass on it'.

Confidence? I reek of it, people around me are getting inebriated on my positive vibes. I border on arrogance.

'I spit on your exam papers-bring me a real challenge'.

Regular readers will know what is coming next...

The paper is hideous.

It's a fair paper however-everything in it came up (in some way) in the course but the areas that I was confident on and expected questions about are curiously absent. For me, the killer is that we are expected to complete 2 forms for 24 marks (almost 1/4 of the paper's tital marks).

That's it, just complete two forms-with roughly 3 sections per form. I looked desperately through the paper for the one piece of information that I needed to do a good job on the forms but couldn't find it-so I improvised. Only after the exam when I was talking to a class-mate did she tell me that it was there all along.

But where?
I couldn't see it.
Oh blox.

And that's it. All done. My guesses for my marks are;
Employment-around 70
Welfare/immigration-around 70 (but higher than for employment)
Conduct-possibly 24-25 out of 60
Advanced criminal-now this is a tricky one;

• Marked generously, could be 55-60
• Marked fairly, maybe 50-55
• Marked strictly, maybe 45-50

So, 2 comfortable passes and 1 reason for a possible holiday in Guildford come August.

And that's it-the diary is done.

What are my conclusions?
On the personal side, I have loved my year here. The LPC was far more fun than I thought it ever could be. As a person I have become more confident and positive. No longer do I have the feeling that my legal knowledge/quality of my degree is less than that of someone from a traditional university-I now acknowledge that my degree is the equal of any student that I met.

I have come across some truly lovely people who have helped give me some fantasic memories and I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Academically: The course is testing and superbly structured. The first weeks of taking on the pervasive areas are well thought out and immensely helpful (although no one thinks so at the time)-they literally do occur in every subject in some way, shape or form.

It is hard work-at least if you want to do well. The students who struggled all had the same uniform situation. If you do not put the hours in you will not see the reward. We were told at the start;

"You only get out what you put in"

If I can pass on nothing else from my time here then let this stand as the very best advice I can give.
It is almost absolutely true-yes, I know of a student who did very little work at all during the year but has got through so far because she has copies of the best notes around (huffs on fingernails and brushes them on chest) but she is the exception-if she had worked then I've no idea how far her genius could have taken her.

Other 'Points to note' (in true CofL fashion I'll do these as bullet points)

• Come with an open mind
• Put the law you've studied on the back burner-it really is not that important
  
• Treat your fellow students the way that you would like to be treated
• Support your classmates-you will work as a team for most of the year and you will need them at some stage
• Don't try to win an argument-put your case concisely and clearly and let the others examine the evidence. If you have to repeat the point to 'hammer it home' then you have lost.
• If you have time off before starting-enjoy it. After the first couple of weeks the work will start to feel oppressive-if you've not had a break then you will feel it even more.
• Make sure that you reserve some 'me time'. Especially if you are planning on doing paid work at the same time.
• Law is an enormous subject. There will be a field somewhere that you enjoy. If you don't find it immediately-keep looking.
• Get involved-don't cut yourself off from your classmates just because you are older/a different sex or sexual preference/different colour or ethnic grouping. The most important lessons I've learnt have come from people who are totally unlike me. The people that I have known who have lost the most are those that ended up alone on the course because they decided at an early stage that 'the younger students are so immature and unknowledgable'. Guess who got the better results in the end?
• Above all, have fun. Especially if this will be your last chance to be a full-time student. Embrace it and run with it.
  

• Oh, and pencil cases are not important.
  

And that is (un)officially the end. During the summer, I will tart up a few of the earlier postings (I think my lack of confidence with the medium shows) to make this more consistant. It is my ambition to have this made compulsary reading for both the OU and brick university law courses...

And like a fading lounge singer on his 'last' farewell tour (before the next one) I hope to post a couple more times;

1. To say that I have the job of my dreams (fortunately, my dreams change regularly)
2. And that I have passed the LPC (results due 24th July)

Until then; like a million other drunks the world wide, I'll leave you with a song.

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final judgment,
My friends, I'll say it clear,
I'll state those cases of which I am certain,
I've taken a course that's full, I've travelled daily down the same highway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few but then again, too few to mention,
I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption,
I've prepped each workshop, each careful step of my coursework,
and more, much more than this,
I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I took it all and spat it out,
I faced it all and I stood tall,
And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried,
I've had my fill, my share of failure,
And now, as tears subside, I find it all amusing,
To think, I did all that and may I say...not in a dry way,
'Oh no, oh no not me'
I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not his friends then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels,
And not the words of one who yields,
The record shows, I took the blows
And did it my way

I did it my way

(C) Frank Sinatra/Paul Anka with the odd adjustment by Paul Salmon

Last bend, finishing line in sight

That's another yet landmark passed.

No, not another birthday-I've now had my last lectures/workshops. The learning part of the course is now ended. All I have now is a week and a half of finishing off my notes, followed by 4 exams in 6 days and then it'll all be over.

I have promised myself that for my very last entry I'll try to summarise the year but it's difficult trying not to express a bit of that now. I have a deep sense of sadness that it's nearly all over, that the people that I've met will soon be going their individual ways and embarking on rich new adventures. Will they succeed? What will happen to them? Will we keep in touch? Will I ever get a snog again?

How did that one creep in?

And the doubts. Have I worked hard enough? Was it worth it? What now? Do I look fat in this?

These questions and others will be answered in time...

On first sight, it appears that the College wanted all the electives to finish with a flourish. Running into the last week there was more preparation involved than at any other stage-unfortunately the apathy that has been prevalent throughout the electives managed to infect the final sessions too. I had hoped that the announcement of results a couple of week back would help energise a few people into a last push before the final exams but all it seems to have done is motivated those who could be heading for a distinction-the others have either accepted their fate to get commendations or passes and as for those who failed a compulsory-it's hit them hard.

I know from experience just how demoralising it was to fail an assessment and how it knocked me for six for a goodly while. For those that failed a compulsory exam, it becomes more serious since you know that you will have to come back to Guildford to retake at least one exam in August and that the best grade you can now hope for is a pass. My heart goes out to them-it must make these next couple of weeks very hard.

Employment was a classic example of a course that wanted to peak on a high. The first part of the workshop was simply covering the prep exercise and making sure that we were familiar with the case history that we had been studying recently.

A female member of staff (your client) who works in the accounts department of a moderate sized employer applies for a position as head of accounting. In the past she has deputised (on a smaller scale) for the former head while he was sick. Only two applicants apply for the role, the other being a male member of staff from the marketing department. Neither of the them have an accountancy qualification although your client is studying at home for an OU accounting degree (Good old OU!)

Regarding the appointment interview; your client alleges that some of the questions asked to her were inappropriate and focused on her children and her commitment to the role being questioned because of her family. The interview was conducted by a male director and the female head of human resources.

The male candidate gets the job.

Your client feels that she has been discriminated against on the ground of her sex. Although she is prepared to go to an employment tribunal she is happy for you to negotiate some form of settlement with the lawyers for her employer.

And that's the second part of the workshop-you along with at least one member of your table must negotiate with students from another table who will be acting for the employer. Obviously, both sides will try to get the best possible terms for the people they are representing.

Looking at the facts and witness testimonies that the client and the employer have supplied, my view was that her case was a tad lightweight shall we say? Her best witness was the head of human resources whose testimony was fantastic-except that we received an addendum that told us;

• She had been under a lot of pressure at the time
• She was taking some strong medication
• She resigned from the role a week or so later
• She is still unfit for work
  

So that's your best witness...The client herself has a history of a having a short temper and expressive tantrums.
Great-If I can get her off being fired, I'll be doing well.

The College was slightly remiss in not supplying us with a list of the clients wishes-particularly since we had been told on our video tutorial that this was vital so that we could gauge our opening gambits.

In the absence of this, I decided on 3 things that I wanted for her;

1. Keep her current position
2. Be considered for the newly announced deputy head of accounting position
3. Get the employer to grant her study leave for her upcoming exams
   

Before we started on the actual negotiation itself, we discussed on our table the merits and strengths of our case. One person has decided that they are god's gift to negotiating and started to explain (very forcefully) just how strong our clients position is and telling us the sort of phone numbers of compensation he is expecting to get.
I just smiled and let him get on with his fantasy-we'll see...

I have only just noticed a flaw in my fledgling legal career-I don't like confrontation...Is it too late to ask for a refund? Quite how this incredible oversight managed to slip by me I haven't got a clue...Still, in for a penny in for £9,000.

The representatives for the employer are in quite a bullish mood. They have been given objectives for their client and will offer us little crumbs of encouragement. In the end we compromise on;

• The client keeps her job
  
• Damages of £1,500 for injured feelings
• Consideration for the new position
• The employer to make a public declaration of their position regarding discrimination (from experience this will hurt the employer way more than money ever could!)
• 2-3 days study leave
• The possibility of the employer paying for the client's accountancy course fees

All in all, a good deal for our client-way more than I anticipated. We had to put up all the terms that we negotiated on white boards so the rest of the class could see them.

The first thing that I noticed was that our injury to feelings compo was way lower than anyone elses-but we were then told by Temp-loyment that even £1,500 would probably be too much and that this case was probably worth little more than £500 (the statutory minimum). Apart from that we did pretty well.

Except when it got to announcing our results, one of the 'solicitors' for the employer that we had negotiated with told the group in a loud voice that they considered us 'pussies' who had folded at the first sign of their aggressive stance. This really narked me-we had little to play with and (I think) used it well. However, revenge is sweet. The tutor asked about the confidentiality clause that the employer had asked for-they hadn't mentioned it at all!!!

They suddenly went very quiet and while the room was still I had my chance to reply in an equally loud voice-'well in the absence of that, exposing the story to the papers should be worth a few extra quid to our client...'

And god's gift to negotiation? Well, for all the big talk-all he got was a larger settlement for hurt feelings (but as noted before was greatly in excess of what would have been granted by experienced opponents)-other than that?
Much, much worse...

We then had a quick consolidation session where our stand-in tutor (9 weeks, no sign of the real tutor) went over the likely form of the exam paper and what we should do regarding timing and then it was all over...

I had arranged to meet a friend for a soft drink and a chat after but she was intrigued by the idea of going to a class on conduct that had been arranged by the College for those people who are worried about that exam. I do find it strange that so many people are stressed about this. The average score so far seems to be about 30 out of 40-the written exam is to be out of 60 to give us an overall mark of 100. A pass mark of 50% is required. That means that for the average student they will only have to get 20 out of 60, just 33%. There is no higher grade, just pass or fail-why are they worrying? Have I missed something here?

Keen to spend some time with her I decided that I would go to this lecture. The room was set out for 80 students and even as we were arriving the tutor was saying, 'if your name is not on the list you will have to leave'.
We waited until every chair was filled and then decided that since we were not supposed to be there we would go. Interestingly, even as were leaving more people were arriving who had signed up to this class. 80 chairs, 90+ people who all claim to be on the list-methinks there may have been one or two fibbers amongst them.

The College announced that there would be two more classes later that week-she signed up for one. I didn't. No worries. (I do hope that that doesn't bite me on the bum later...)

Tuesday-our last criminal workshop. Another showpiece. This time a trial (whoopdedoo another one...). A slight twist though-this one is set in a Youth Court with two girls accused of forcing open another girls locker and stealing her phone.

Yet again, I have been allocated a role acting for the CPS. That's 3 criminal trials in the year-all acting for the CPS. Oh lord, why do you torment me by waving this delicious morsel in my face? Oh, and I've lost all 3! Yet again, the CofL favour the defendants even though the vast majority of cases that go trial result in convictions.

I did have a little bit of fun though-I got to cross examine one of the defendants. This means I get to ask lots of nasty leading questions and try to trick a response out of them (or something like that).

The story is that one girl is a bit of a tearaway, the other is a 'naice' girl from a stable middle-class background. While the tearaway is breaking into the locker the other girl is meant to be watching for people coming to the locker room.

I have to cross examine the 'naice' girl. This looks fun-how can I go wrong?

The trial proceeds and we get to my bit. The tutor asks who is doing the cross examination.
I indicate that I am...
...and no word of a lie...
The tables where those students who are acting for the defence let out an audible gasp.

How cool is that?

Oh oh, problem. The defence's table has 10 people, 3 men-7 women.
Result?
The middle class 14 year old guy is played by a bloke with a stubble problem!
Thanks people for ruining my role playing experience!

So we begin,
"Good morning Kate, I'm going to ask you a few simple questions. There's nothing too hard here, just be truthful and it'll soon be over"
How long have you known Natalie?
And you're her best friend?
You're really close?
And she helped you when your father died?
You owe her a lot?
And you look out for each other?

And so on. A simple openingl question followed by automatic 'yes' responses (Old salesman's trick-get the customer saying 'yes' automatically)

Astute readers will notice that I got her to admit that she 'looks out' for Natalie-which was a bit naughty and I only did it for my own fun!

Anyhow, the cross examination carried on but became less fun as the 'defendant' got more cocky and started to show off
Hmm, where have we heard that before?

The end-result? As I mentioned before another notch in the loss column. This time though the 'magistrates' didn't take long to come to their decision. If I was a more fragile soul I could start to take this personally...

Following this was the last criminal large group-again a consolidation session about the examination-talking about 'timing'. It is worth noting that the room was barely half full-shame really, missed some good tips-especially about timing...

On the way to school on Wednesday, I bought a 'thank you teacher' card for our welfare tutor. This is a bit weird and totally unlike me-I have never done anything like that before.
Mind you, saying that, I did send some flowers as a 'thank you' to my first OU law tutor after I got my end of year results but then she was hot so it doesn't really count.

I managed to get the class to sign it on the sly saying cynical things like 'this gives you an excellent opportunity to give the tutor an example of your handwriting which he can refer to when he marks your anonymous exams'.
But the truth was that I had really enjoyed the classes (This is particularly ironic since I am currently updating and reviewing earlier posts and have only recently read what I originally write about the tutor and the course)

It's possibly because it was such a small group and so more closely integrated because of it. It was also my third choice and one that I chose 'to make up the numbers'. It was (and still is) hard though-we have been warned that it is a struggle to finish the paper in the time (but I love a challenge, me)
I do think that if someone had started crying then I would have started blubbing myself-my sensitive side is waaaaay too strong these days....

The final lecture of the year, a consolidation on welfare and a talk about the exam especially timing.

Enough with the freaking timing already!!

Change the record please! I have never not finished an exam. I think fast, I write fast!

There is a parallel argument here that I think inteligibly and write illegibly but we'll leave that for another day

And that's it-my college tuition is over.

So, only consolidation and revision to go before the elective exams.


Except

Today, I applied for my dream job-working for the CPS in Exeter. This ticks all the right boxes and would be ideal for me. So much so that I was determined to write an exemplary application.

It took some time-not half it did!
Just over 3 and a half hours! Previously I could do a CPS application in 15 minutes but they've changed their electronic application system.

No longer do you have to list;

• Past work experience
• Education and qualifications attained

Instead there is more focus on the 'waffle' part-which is a lot trickier if I can't refer it back to my past work experiences or present academic ones.
A slight problem might be that the interviews take place in one day during the week of my last exam. Oh well, if it was not meant to be...

There will be only one more post on this blog-after the exams are over I will say how they went and give as full a review of my year as I can.

Celebrations and commiserations

Well, that's it.

My youthfulness, naivety and immaturity are no more.

This week I hit the ripe old age of 43. It's now 22 years since I first graduated and 22 until I retire (assuming that the minimum retirement age doesn't rise until then. I have truly hit middle age.
Mind you, I don't feel any older-I've always felt about 60, so no change there.

One thing I have noticed about myself, is that lately I'm getting a weeny bit apathetic regarding my preparation-it's probably not too serious now since the course is almost done-In fact, this week coming contains the last timetabled classes of the year.
There is, however, a definite trend to my prep-it's very much of the, 'well, that's probably good enough'-knowing that we will almost certainly cover it correctly in class, so any shortages can be made up in my consolidation time.

Part of me thinks that this is down to the heat (although it was a lot warmer in April), but a larger part thinks that this is my psyches attempt to disassociate from the course and to reach 'closure'.

Unfortunately the majority of me is of the opinion that I am an idle scrote and looking for any excuse to bunk off.

Fair enough...

When I graduated the first time back in '85, I had the charming misconception that the wide world was waiting with an open cheque-book to sign me up to do exciting things. With this self-delusion in mind I made no attempt to get any interviews before I graduated. I remember people coming to lectures wearing suits but I made no connection with this 'milk-round' that I overheard others talking about.

End result-no job and the first of my periods of unemployment.

Now, 22 years on and I know that this was wrong-the world is not waiting to put me into employment no matter how;

• Intelligent (**cough**)
• Hardworking (double cough**), OR
  
• Handsome I am (**collapses coughing, realising that no one will give me mouth-to-mouth and gets up again**)

I know now that I will have to be proactive (which is probably my most hated word in the English language-I loathe 'proactive' and regard it as the epitomy of bad management concentrated in 1 word) and actively search for that job and whilst my chance for a training contract for 2007 is zero there are paralegal vacancies available if I look.

So I looked and found a couple that intrigued me;
The first didn't state;

• The name of the firm
• The location of the offices (we were told between Surrey and Berkshire)
• The role
• What areas of law the firm deal in
• Start date
• Pay

but it did mention that to get the position, you would have to;

• Send a handwritten application
• Complete a first interview
• Complete a second interview
• If selected, complete a period of unpaid work experience for them for an unspecified time.

The ad also mentioned that the firm's website was not up to date regarding the number of partners and other staff-so we couldn't find it that way.

Well, that did it for me.
Do I seriously want to work for an employer who makes the applicants jump through hoops and at the same time can't be bothered to keep their web-site vaguely up-to-date?
Hmm, time to file it in the 'trash' I feel.

Ah, here's another one.
It gives a firm name/location/start date/salary

Looks good so far...

Areas of law;

• Criminal-good
• Welfare-very good
• Immigration-couldn't be better
  

'Requirement-Must be able to speak in Jamaican patois'

What!!!!!

Dammit-curse my State school upbringing for depriving me of a career opportunity. I was only offered French, German or Latin. If I only had gone to the school a few miles further on down the road where patois was part of the syllabus...

OK, that may be where the bulk of my apathy is coming from; sheer mind-numbing terror about the future.
Mmm, that makes sense I guess.

This was the last proper week of learning workshops-it looks like the classes for the last week are a chance to consolidate our knowledge in what appears to be full sessions of representation and advocacy on some of our cases.

Before the employment class started, our 'stand-in' tutor asked us to fill in tutor evaluation forms for her. She should have realised how bad this was going to be when one of the class (not me) asked if she wanted 'tactful or truthful?'. But in her usual blythe way she asked that we be truthful.
Mmm, truthful and anonymous-that could be a bad combination...

Lets just say that for 5 criteria each marked out of 5, she may have made double figures if I added them all.

So, in the class proper we tackled our last topic-TUPE (pronounced 'chew-pea'). This won't mean a lot to non-lawyers, so the quick explanation is that when a business (or part) is sold the employees must be transferred with it on the same terms and conditions as they were employed (Unless they are offered better terms and conditions by the new employer).

During the workshop, our tutor mentioned that the question we were answering was a 'typical exam type question'.
Another group, I have been informed were told rather less cryptically that this was very likely to appear in an exam. Now, fair enough it does cover a fair part of the syllabus-as well as TUPE, you can squeeze in unfair and wrongful dismissal and maybe a bit of misconduct, statutory disciplinary procedure and if you're lucky, redundancy.
Another question on discrimination (not indirect-too fiddley) and one involving filling in a claim form and that's the exam sorted.

(Editor's note: this information is by way of example and does not reflect the actual 'Employment Law' paper as set by the College for 2007)

But I bet it's pretty close...

It's Tuesday! Hurrah, my birthday! And for the first time in about 20 years I have to work. Oh.
However, I was determined that nothing was going to ruin my day.

• It rained on me on the way to school-so what?
• My notes got a tad soggy-so what?
• Class overran-so what?
• It rained on me during my walk back-so what? I'm still wet from the walk in!
  

The class itself was about how the criminal justice system was different for juveniles (under 17 in the police station or under 18 in the courts-don't ask!!) which was all pretty interesting.
We also got tutor evaluation forms for both his workshops (highest praise) and his lecturing (hmm, tact or truth?)-in the end I went for tact. He is a good lecturer but just seems bored with it all.

That night, a class meal had been organised as a 'last get-together' before the final set of exams. It was a fantastic occasion-especially for me. The meal was combined with a birthday do with me as the guest of honour. I was given a card signed by my classmates (and that I shall keep forever) as well as a few carefully chosen gifts. There is something very special about a gift that has been chosen with a person in mind. I hope that I remember this when I am tempted to buy a voucher or book token for someone. (but I doubt it...)

Anyhow, after the meal, we went pubbies and then back to a student's (palatial) flat where even more alcohol was inbibed and I rolled out at gone 3am to hit my bed at 3.30. Which gave me about 3 1/2 hours before I had to get up and complete my studies for Wednesday

But before I get to that, 3 highlights

1. A young lady (who was both tired and 'merry') privately pointing out to me that I was neither 'old' or 'fat'. Wahay! I could be in there...if only College was not coming to an end...dammit!
   
2. A male member of our group showing his tiredness and merriment by passing out. This meant that his 'friends' had a field day with his limp body. By the time he came to, he was plastered in make-up, permanent marker, had had his shirt unbuttoned and an item of intimate female apparel put onto him. I realise that this was grossly immature and irresponsible. The only defence I can make is-it seemed hysterically funny (in my condition) at the time!!
3. I returned home with more money than I went out with (my meal and all my drinks were paid for)-and a whip round was made for a tip but it was turned down as service was included on the bill-so rather than try to split it, it was given to me. Result!

NB For non-lawyers, there was a legal 'joke' above that should be explained. Nobody is ever drunk-whether in theoretical scenarios or real life (presumably because their lawyers advise them not to be since it automatically would pass any 'reckless' part of the offence they are charged with).
Although an extreme, it is not uncommon to read, 'I wouldn't describe myself as drunk, I only had 3 bottles of wine, 8 pints and a few whiskey chasers. I was definitely merry but no more than that'. With that in mind, I am proposing some new offences;

• Merry and disorderly
• Merry driving
• Being found merry in charge of a vehicle...
  

Wednesday-the good news is that I'm not hungover (yet), the bad news is that I'm shattered. We are still struggling through the mine field that is means-tested benefits. We had a prep task to do which nobody got right (in fact I was the closest with about 2/3 right)-this does not bode well for the exams. The good news is that I realised where I went wrong and rectified my mistake in a matter of seconds. We also had to calculate housing benefit for a client-this will be very useful in the near future I feel!
The rest of the bad news is that my hangover kicked in about 1 hour into the class. Ho hum.

That's about it for the week, just add a lot of consolidation on Thursday and a token attempt to work on Friday and Saturday and we're nearly done.

Except...
I sent an email to my classmates during the week and since this blog should reflect all that happens to me I want to share it.

"I would like to thank everyone who helped contribute to making Tuesday night a wonderful one for me. I am truly touched by the warmth and affection that is shared by our tutor group.

As some of you may know, I was very apprehensive about this year and what sort of students I would be 'lumped' in with. As the year comes to a close I would like to put it on the record that I have been privileged to have spent that time with some of the brightest, kindest and most likeable people I have ever met.

Thanks guys, not only for Tuesday but for making this year one of the most fun and enjoyable ones of my life."

And I can write that with 100% sincerity, for those people who have read from the start I was truly concerned about being put with students who were;

• In their own minds my superior since they had got the degrees from a 'proper' polyversity
  
• Cliquey
• Bitchy/snide
• Discriminatory
• As thick as a whale sandwich-what with 'A' levels being so easy now that you can get them with box-tops of your favourite cereal (I have been proved wrong on this one by the way before the poison pen letters start...)
  

And many other worries, all completely unfounded. I realise that I have been very lucky. We had two (potentially disruptive) classmates who left us in the first two weeks and had them replaced with a real star.
Despite the fact that I am closer to their parents ages (and maybe older than one or two), I have received nothing but acceptance from my classmates-and will be eternally grateful for that.

And on the flip-side, knowing me may just make one or two of them look more closely at their parents and think, 'well, OK, they'll never be as cool as Paul but they're alright' (**cough**) or even after they've made their pile from this lawyering business, to chuck it in for a year and go back to school and learn some new stuff.

You never know...

The more astute of you will be asking, 'Why 'Celebrations and Commiserations' as a title, Paul?' Where's the commiserating? Celebrating I can just take but where's the usual whining?

So, as an aside-today I went up to Wembley to watch Exeter City play Morecombe in the Conference play-off final with the prize being a place in the lowest tier of the football league. Wembley was fantastic, an amazing stadium with a brilliant view (but high-very high where we were-and I don't like heights!)
I travelled up with some Exeter supporting mates and Exeter did not win. A shame to have come so far on the journey (talking metaphysically here and not in terms of motorways) then to have it abruptly denied them at the end.

So, commiserations to Exeter. Next year, eh lads?

Results are in!

Yes, its true. The most important part of the week was the announcement of results.

And the verdict?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Serbia's Marija Serifovic won with 268 points. And the UK scored just 19!

(oh, there were some LPC scores as well but I'll come to those later)

Now that's not to say that I have no life and can afford to spend hours watching the creamed cheese of Europe pratting about on stage. Well, actually I do have no life but I wasn't watching Eurovision-scout's honour.
I might have channel surfed onto it at the start in that sort of 'attracted to car crashes' way-but that's all.
At this time I year I begin to feel my age and the chasm that's developing between me and the youth of today-luckily Eurovision has a timeless quality that keeps it as naff and nauseating as it was when I was a nipper.


This was the first (and only) week this year when a Bank Holiday intruded into the timetable. This meant that my Monday class got postponed to Friday afternoon. If I had could ever get into a routine I would find it very irritating to have to keep changing it.
Luckily I haven't, so I'm not.

Tuesday's workshop had a familiar feel-the tutor for the other criminal group who meet at the same time as us was sick so our tutor thought that he would combine the groups again.
This was pretty disasterous last time but he must have reckoned that he had it sussed now. Most of the session went fairly well, since he has learnt that presentations in a room the size of a hanger for small aircraft is a no-no and it was easy enough to set problems to the room and use our combined intellect and researching skills to blunder blindly to the correct result.

The problem occured when he decided to follow his lesson plan and get us to role-play (spits) the role of the prosecution and defence in a drink-driving/spiked drinks scenario. With a class of over 30 that's a lot of bodies to keep occupied.
Firstly we were split into two separate trials. Then 6 people were randomly selected to make up the magistrates benches. This still left about 6 people to sort out the roles of 'prosecutor for this', 'defence spokesman for that'.
I had been posted on a prosecution table (and with me not being particularly in love with the CPS at the moment too...). There were not enough of us prosecuting types to get a role each so I was happy to slack off and settle back and relax.

With hindsight this was not smart.

The defence team had to distribute out the roles of defence solicitors and also the witnesses. And that's where it all falls down. Rather than be impartial and give the evidence that was in the case facts, one of the defence witnesses thought they would try to be the 'life and soul' and quibble pedantically with the prosecutors.
Unfortunately, every laugh he got made him feel even more important and thus more determined to carry on. Not content with arguing semantics from the 'witness box' he thought he would improvise some factual details. (Amazingly these helped his clie-sorry the defendant's story and tore holes in the prosecution line)

At one stage he was actually telling the defence 'solicitor' who was examining him what questions to ask-a true first in the history of British justice. A witness leading the solicitor!

That's why I am annoyed with myself-so sickened I was with this childish showing off that I got involved as a prosecutor and got caught up in this sideshow-but I hadn't planned my questions (having mentally turned off earlier) and got short shrift.

His performance was enhanced by one of the magistrates looking to interrupt the prosecution case whenever she could (oh she was from a defence table too-how amazing!)

I have no idea how many trials he has witnessed (I imagine it's quite a lot-he's very keen) but in the ones that I have seen both at magistrates and Crown-I have never seen such an arrogant and cocky performance.
Once when at Torbay magistrates I did see a young man who was being tried for possesion of cannabis and an offensive weapon adopt a cocky smile and a smug look. In all the others I have seen the defendants/witnesses have all looked either frightened or repentive.
For the record the smug guy got a maximum fine, a community work order and confiscation and destruction of the drugs and weapon-he didn't look so cocky after that...

That's the point, if you go into the witness box and are argumentative, cocky or know-it-all, do not expect the magistrates to say, 'You have a formidible intellect and we all bow down before you. Please walk free and here's ten pounds for your trouble'. You will get warned about your behaviour and probably slapped down.

But our magistrates couldn't (or wouldn't) do that. The witness carried on with his 'I'm the centre of attention act' right through and only looked less than cocky once, when right at the end I made the comment,

'When this trial finishes can we have one for perjury?'

Amazingly, the magistrates found the defendant's excuse of spiked drinks to be valid. Did this have any basis that on the fact that two of the magistrates came from the defence table and only one from the prosecution table? And after the 'trial' everyone had to rejoin their table-mates?

Interestingly the other group found the defendant's excuse not to be valid-but of course they had two members of the prosecution table making up their 'bench'.
Co-incidence?
I don't think so!


For Welfare there was a definite mood of apprehension. Rather than the cosy little world of immigration we are now thick into calculations of various benefits and credits. The session was not helped by the star student in the group being away leaving just 3 of us on our table.

On top of this, the other two guys are not so comfortable with numbers. I might have struggled through if I had been on my own but I had a feeling akin to baby sitting that afternoon. One of them reminded me of a hyperactive 5 year old whose mother had fed him too many e-numbers. Any time he did a calculation he felt he had to waft his calculater in front of me to confirm that we had agreement.
Unfortunately the other person on our table was struggling and I was going slow to make sure that she was following what we were doing.

So we have manic on one side and glacial on the other.
I was shattered at the end of that.

This was not helped by overrunning by a full 30 minutes! We were given 10 minutes break before the same tutor took us for our large group lecture. Most of the group had visions of a finish well past 6:15 but luckily the lecture was a short one (non-existant is a slightly better description-it still ran for over half an hour though!)


So to Thursday. Results day. I had spoken to a lot of my colleagues during the week and got a wide range of responses. Some could not be bothered, some were nervous, one was hyperactive to a wild degree and expected no sleep at all on Wednesday night (oh, we've covered him already! Aha! That may just explain his behaviour in welfare!)

The results were to be posted up on campus from 8:30 am on. They were also due to be published on the college web-site from 9:30 on. I was interested to see what I had got but not interested enough to walk to college at 7:30...

So, I went on the net at the appointed time (well, a bit before if true be told) and got-

-a message saying that the site could not be accessed. Not surprisingly, it seemed that everyone was going on-line at the same time to check. So I casually logged off and went back to my consolidation.

Then checked again a few minutes later. Still nothing. A bit peeved now, I signed off and went back to consol.

And so this continued until about 10:20 when I finally got through. I ran down the list to find my candidate number and got the following;

• Business: 76% (5% up from the mock)
• Property 63% (9% down from the mock)
• Litigation 70% (20% up from the mock!)
  

I had expected my scores to all go down from the mock so I was delighted. Even better I have two distinction marks and a commendation. On a casual glance if I can get two distinction marks from my electives and get 211 out of 300 then in theory I will get a distinction (sadly, my fail in advocacy comes back to bite me in the butt again).
But, better news is that provided I pass my electives then I should get a commendation (That is provided I don't get exactly 50% for each of them!)

We also received marks for conduct-there have been various conduct questions included in exams/mocks/assessed work throughout the year. I was awarded 32 out of 40. This means that I only have to get 18 out of 60 on the set conduct paper-which is lovely since I will not be able to revise that paper as fully as others since it on the same day as my far more important welfare paper.

I also passed the last two assignments-drafting and legal research.

All in all, a fine morning. I certainly waded into the rest of my consolidation that day with renewed vigour.

One bit of bad news though, a friend from our original tutor group phoned me to say she had failed a paper by 2%. (I actually knew this already-I had checked her results earlier and decided not to phone her to be the bearer of bad news).
I hope that she can find something on her paper to scrape those last two marks. I have advised her to check and double check everything, in my view she must try to find something to appeal against-it's so important for her (like all of us) to pass first time.

Since then I've come across another in our group who failed one and a young lady who still hasn't even checked her results yet! Her view is that it won't be good news and if she does check it'll demotivate her further...

So saying, I have come across a couple of (minor) horror stories. There are two students here who have scored over 70% in all their compulsaries and would be shoe-ins for distinctions except they failed either drafting or legal research. (One of which is actually averaging over 80%).

And one guy who has a training contract with a huge 'Magic Circle' firm and is set to start on a monster salary drafting client contracts and agreements.

...except he failed drafting...

Onto Friday-my first Friday-in for about 3 months and I'm delighted to see that Friday PM apathy is universal. Despite all the best attempts of our 'wetter than a squid's tentacles' tutor, we were bereft of enthusiasm. This may have been to do with the day itself but probably had a large contribution from drinking to celebrate (or forget) the previous night.

We were in the murky waters of sexual harassment and I discovered another difference between the majority of students and myself. In the scenario a woman is asked for a date by a man at the Christmas party. She turns him down and in front of her work colleagues he makes a comment about her loose morals and calls her a 'bitch'.

When we came to discuss it, I focused on his accusation that she is of easy virtue whereas the rest of the room was more concerned about her being called a bitch. That must be an age thing!

The rest of the session was spent drafting a reply to a form-yep, that's right-padding out the session!
Just like for the compulsaries, at least two of the electives appear to be struggling to fill the full number of weeks. Only welfare is still going hell-for-leather. Knowing that tutor, he'll still be sending us points to note and last minute emails on the morning of the exam...


I have mentioned age a couple of times this week-it is on my mind at the moment. In this coming week I 'celebrate' my 43rd birthday. How the hell can I be 43? OK, I creak a bit from time to time and move as slow as sloth with piles but 43? That's almost old!

Just a thought-does middle age begin when you're closer to a Saga holiday than an 18-30 one?

NB Under new age discrimination-there are possible court cases in the pipeline about younger people wanting to take part on Saga holidays-can we expect retired people to start applying to go on 18-30 shagfests if they win?

Just a thought, don't mean nothing by it...

If no news is good news, is received news always bad news?

Mmm, the beginning of May.
Another sign that this is rapidly coming to an end.
My last exam is on Monday the 11th of June. A quick check on my wall calender indicates that this Friday is the 11th of May which means I'll be entering the last month of the course.

I'm going to miss it so much it's almost worth failing just so that I can retake in August.

Well, not quite-but almost...(you get the idea).

It's fair to say that I was not at my focused best this week what with the thought of my impending job interviews popping into my mind every few minutes.

Monday went how I thought it may go; there was a 'clashing of opinions' about certain aspects of the discrimination part of the employment course.
Law should have certainly.
If the law is uncertain how can a lawyer (for an example) advise anyone else? That is not to say that law should be static-it must be able to adapt to changes in society.

So saying, it took 255 years from when the legal position was settled in 1736 for the law to accept that it was possible for a husband to rape his wife-so don't expect lightning quick decisions.

But the law should be decided upon reasoned rules and maxims not by what is perceived by the court as 'just' and then relying on tortured logic and indiscriminate statistics to justify the decision.
The problem that this creates follows from the fact that lower courts are bound to follow the essence of decisions of higher courts (it is called precedent). So, if a higher court makes a decision that is, shall we say of 'doubtful provenance' then this dubious decision MUST be followed if the case in the lower courts 'is on all fours' (a wonderful term meaning that all the relevant details are essentially the same, sadly it is not used very much)

The basis for this rant is the same 'London Underground' case that I moaned about before. We had to use it this week in our workshop to justify the advice that we were going to give to a client.
This is what I mean-Law is certainty (discuss, 2000 words before next week please)

So the advice we gave was based on this case (higher court cases must be followed, right?)-even though every fibre in my body was screaming,

'This case is complete Barclays!!.'

God bless my late Cockney father)

So, the tutor and I had what may be classed as 'a full and frank discussion where various points were forcefully argued'. The problem being that this FFD was with Temp-loyment (still no sign of our proper tutor yet) so it was akin to shadow boxing a waterfall-you expend a lot of energy but you achieve absolutely nothing.
The discussion went on between us through part of the break but she could not argue the logic for the case because the answer wasn't on her sheet.

Yes, she has an answer sheet for all the problems that are set in the workshop.
Which is great if we stick to the questions but we are a;

• Young (**cough**)
• Blossoming (**double cough**) collection of intellectual heavyweights (**collapses coughing**)
  
• Who all have enquiring minds (**I'll have to stop here to get some water**)

So, we like to ask questions. I would like to stress however, that we do not ask questions to embarass our tutor and make her look ill-prepared and foolish.
Well, not much...

Sometimes however, it is great to have a tutor who has to carry the answers around with her on printed A4 sheets-especially if she comes to our table, puts the sheet down (those A4 sheets do weigh a lot), so I can sneakily read them and then repeat what I just read to her.

Pauls handy tips for lawyers number 1: Practice reading upside down-bosses always leave important sheets on their desk-but believe you can't read them if the sheet is not facing you.

For sheer amusement value the highlight had to be the young lady on our table who was getting more and more 'wound up' when we started doing disability discrimination.
In every other area of discrimination the person who is claiming that they are being disciminated has their position analysed in relation to a comparator-someone who does not have the feature that they believe is the source of the discrimination but is identical in every other way. (so if a gay employee feels they are being discriminated against for reason of their sexuality they are compared to a straight employee of the same age/sex/religion etc)

But not for disabled people who believe that they have experienced discrimination on account of something that happened related to their disability.
The example we discussed was a guy who had to go to a therapist every day before starting work. This made him late and he was dismissed for timekeeping.
Ideally his comparator should be an employee who was late (for a perfectly good reason) but not in disability discrimination-his comparator is in fact someone who always turns up on time. So, the court then examines if the two have been treated differently.

1. Disabled chap, always late, dismissed
2. Comparator, always on time, kept in work.

Hmm, can you spot the difference?
I think I can.
Absolutely farcical.

The test is made so that the finding is 100% always going to show discrimination. The theory being that the employer then has a chance to justify why they acted discriminately and the tiny lickle bit of positive discrimination is simply to get to that stage.

And that was what so wound up this young woman-everyone in life has 'hot buttons'; topics that they feel passionately about, one way or the other. If you can engage and empathise with them on these (and they are things that the person is excited about) then you will make a friend for life.
But if they are subjects that the person is angered about then by tickling their hot button (I really should stop this thread or go and have a cold shower) then they will get very heated indeed (and you will have to work really hard to get them back onside).

Well, it appears that 'positive discrimination' is one of her angry hot button topics. It was wonderful to watch, like being an observer at your own personal volcanic eruption. First we had a little gentle smoke, followed by some deep rumblings leading up to a full pyrotechnic display and once deep buried residue spraying around the room...


Tuesday, a good turn out for our workshop-all 20 of us were present and it went swimmingly. I have been wondering why my table is so intimidating and this week I finally found out.

• first woman-has worked 2 years as a Crown court clerk
• second woman-has worked 5+ years as a legal executive in a firm that does criminal law only
• 3rd woman-worked 2 years as a paralegal in criminal only firm
• me-a blob, who has worked in shops

Cripes, I'm seriously out of my league! On any other table I might be considered a star, with this lot I'm the duffer! This week even the tutor got made to wonder who was in charge when the Crown Court clerk explained to the class about the procedure for appealing to the Court of Appeal.
As an aside, I put the boot into him myself by telling him that one of the facts on an OHP he used was wrong.
Well, if you can't beat 'em...

One thing I have noticed is how much more vocal I have become on this course. I seem to interrupt in most (if not all) of our workshops at some stage, however this may not be such a good thing since if someone does it in a workshop/lecture that I'm attending and what they say is toss I have a tendency to class them as purveyors of toss...

Oh no, that nice man accused of growing and selling dope has pleaded guilty and that nice young man accused of rape has been found guilty.

Gosh, am I a bad judge of character-I would have let 'em both off!

Of course as I mentioned last week that gives us an excellent chance to look into appealing against sentence and/or conviction.

So why those two poor souls languish in gaol, swinging their legs, running their tin-cups against the bars and singing 'ole man river', (What do you meam, romantic notion of prison?) we start to represent a new client in a new area of law-driving offences.

This is so exciting-it's almost a class in black letter law! Our large group lecture was about offences, endorsements and disqualifications-wonderful!

(Although quite why anyone would want to use our firm since our last 2 clients are now serving long sentences, I do not know...) Don't these people ever listen to word of mouth?

Wednesday and more benefits. Things are getting seriously sticky and smelly. The class have started to have that glazed 'you say, we'll write it and maybe understand it one day'. This week we looked at Contributory non-means tested benefits (contribution based-jobseekers allowance and incapacity benefit) and although the class exercises were fairly straightforward, it wouldn't take too much variation from them in the exam to throw us off completely.

It did give Tigger the chance to role-play a confused, depressed middle aged woman though. I have noticed a trend that he enjoys playing all the female parts and he never plays the male ones. I shall monitor this situation closely. I am starting to get disturbing visions of him waiting for his wife to go out to choir practice so he can nip upstairs and try on her clothes.

Note to self: I shall have to get out more, or stop visiting so many interweb sites.

STOP PRESS: Looking at this weeks prep about Income support/Income-based Jobseekers allowance/Tax credits and housing benefit/council tax benefit the brown stuff is about to hit the rotating device.

OK, well we have reached Thursday.
Interview day 1. This post is based in Guildford, only about 1/2 a mile as the crow flies but a mile as the pedestrian walks. This is the one that requires knowledge of Excel 'as an intermediate' as well as Word 'as an intermediate'.
The Word part I can probably handle since I've done all my notes on it this year as well as all my assessed work for the two previous years.
The good news is that I did spend Tuesday afternoon testing myself on Excel formula and putting together a few spreadsheets from my business accounts work. That went very well, I was surprised how much I remembered and how good it looked.

The interview had been arranged by phone but was not confirmed in writing. I had been invited for a chat with the HR guy. I expected an informal talk with perhaps me being given a chance to prove my skills.

First impressions-it looks very swish. All glass and chrome. A little warm for me perhaps-I am the sort of guy who sweats in the freezer section of Sainburys but OK.
I go to reception then sit and wait-my appointment time comes and goes.
Not a good sign.
Eventually HR guy comes out shakes my hand and we go to an empty office.

First bad sign, there are two people there already. One has the suit and moustache that says 'I am a senior partner', the other is a young lady who is displying waaaay too much cleavage for me to concentrate properly.
Is this a test?
Look her in the eyes, Paul! Dammit!

Informal chat my buttcheeks-this is a real full-blown interview!
During the week I had taken the chance to scan a few books that I have downloaded from the net about interview technique and questions. In the past I have been too passive, so this week I tried to be a bit more positive in the interview and take charge.

And to be fair, I did do this. I answered the questions as best as I could, flipping a few back to them when the chance arose. I showed my supportive qualities, I went over my experience; my teaching, my tutoring and was positive throughout.
I produced a list of questions that I had prepared to show an interest in the firm-and some of their answers in reply were pish-poor (so take that!)

The only thing is that I discovered very quickly that I really didn't want to work for them.
The phrase 'smug bankers' summed them up. Their firm exists to make people who have a lot of money to make more money and then to scoop a fair sized wodge out of it.

That's not for me-I realise that someone has to do it but it's not for me.

Plus the job was to take over as the 'case management assistant' from the chick with the cleavage who was going to start a training contract. The idea being that if you did well then they would consider you for a TC 'after a suitable time'-which in their view would not be before 2010.

So 3 years of writing memos and helping people who are earning vastly more than me to use Excel and Word.

That's not to say that I would have turned it down if it had been offered to me (I am nothing if not a hypocrite) but I knew that I would get an 'Unfortunately, we..' letter.

That afternoon I started to do some consolidation from the week and to focus on my next interview-the important one, my first with the CPS.

Friday-an early start for me. I was out of the house by 8.30 having done some cramming on the CPS and the 'cut n paste' answers that I had sent them. As I reviewed this a cold chill went down my spine.
I hadn't updated the application details from when I was working at Specsavers so I wrote it as if I still worked for them.
Now this might not be so bad, except in the application I spoke of my attention to detail and how I check and double check everything.

WHOOP WHOOP Catastrophe alert. 'Iceberg approaching Captain'.
I should take evasive action-I could go home an hide under the duvet...

Oh well, I better go and face the music-it's too late to turn back now. The job was based close to Southampton working in the office that handles Crown Court cases.

The building itself was difficult to find (in fact it was only about 50 metres from the station) but I went far too far up the road and had to come rushing back as time was going against me.
I took the life up to the third floor-at least two of the floors below were abandoned (not a good sign) and I couldn't help but notice the presence of 'Heightened Threat' posters up in the reception. (make that two not good signs).

A problem developed. I had brought with me what I had been told to bring. A passport (never had one) or a birth certificate (to prove that I have been born, I guess).
This was not enough (whuh?) and I should have brought a utility bill (I kid you not), how was I supposed to know? Amazingly my NUS ID was not good enough-even though it has my photo on it.

Eventually they decided that since I was there they ought to interview me. This time I knew that I would be facing a panel of 3 interviewers. (two female with a male 'chair') so no sneakily ambushing me!
We started with the usual, 'what do you know of the CPS' and 'why do you want to work for us?' before the interview proper started.

They asked me exactly the same questions as were on the application form. I had the form with me, I could have read out my answers! Why did they bother? Did they think that I had forgotten what I had written?

Anyhow I answered as well as I could. I expanded on what I had written and tried to include examples from both work and college. By the end I though that the chair and one of the panel were definitely pro-me with the other being anti.

When I was asked if I had any questions I produced a list (not the same one as for the day before, I was smart enough to write a fresh one!) but time was against me and I only got to ask 4 of the better ones. Again I had the joy of watching the panel flounder when the boot was on the other foot!

The interview had gone well, I had been positive and been in control even though I was outnumbered 3-1.

I was told that they would let me know the result that day at 3pm and could I give them a number where I could be contacted at that time.

So, I tootled off home and got back to working. I got the call at about 3:40 (a very bad sign) and

got told the bad news-not this time, thanks but no thanks. The chairman very kindly gave me some feedback-apparently a couple of my answers had been vague and not specific enough for them.

The questions were (paraphrasing) 'give an example of a time where you had to meet a deadline' and 'give an example of when you had to prioritise your work'. With the greatest respect to the CPS these are really stupid questions. Everyone who works, whether its paid work/study or even a hobby does these things dozens of times a day-without being conscious of it. You may as well ask,

'give an example of when you thought breathing was a good idea', OR

'explain how standing up plays a part in your working day'

And yes, I am bitter!

All this means is that for my next interview I will have to invent a couple of bogus examples from my imagination-which is particularly amusing when I was told that one of the main characteristics they want from the applicants is honesty!

The following day I got a letter rejecting me from my previous interview and a rejection from a CPS post in Cheshire.

Can I please have no news for a week or so? Thanks.