Michaelmas term-the dying throes

Well, that's it. The first term has finished and I'm still here.

This past week was a bit of a strange one-no workshops, no tutorials to study and just 2 exams. (but real ones). The LPC year is divided in 2, mornings and afternoons. Whilst the afternoon brigade got tested on their advocacy skills (more to come) the morning bunch got examined on their interviewing technique.

In hindsight, I probably left my prep for the advocacy too late-the temptation of taking some time off last weekend was too much. I prepared and practised for the whole of Monday and Tuesday morning (when I wasn't hitting the notes for my impending accountancy exam (even more to come)) by the time the taxi came to pick me up I was pretty good on saying all those lovely phrases (the litany) that the examiner would be on the look out for. I was also happy with the case that I had put together. The evidence pointed to a very weak case for the defendant and an overwhelming victory for me.

"Mwah ha haaaaaaaa"

Sorry about that....

Noticeable readers will spot the word 'taxi' and be asking, 'how does a full time student justify going to college in a paid cab, eh?' The simple truth is that I don't drive and suffer from such chronic anxiety about tests and assessments that if I walked up in my suit (and yes we have to dress formally for these exams) I would be such a perspiratory mess that I would be failed automatically on the grounds of hygiene and good taste.

Anyhow, I got to school with about 40 minutes to go-so I went to an empty classroom and did my 'walking around, reciting my lines' bit like a complete luvvie. With a few minutes to go I did the slow walk to the reception area where I would be allocated a room (and an opponent-the poor misguided fool!).
I was delighted to meet up with a few of the guys from my form in reception. I knew that I would not be up against them (the college throw you up against a stranger to make it more like the real thing). We had a brief chat (not about the assessment-the college is not keen on that and to be fair we were all a bit too wired at the time)

Next thing I know is that I'm chatting to a really nervous looking guy in a suit who (like me) failed his assessment. He told me that he had frozen when it had been his turn to speak and when he finally got going was slow that he exceeded his time. It would be an interesting match, he speaks too slow, I speak too fast. Between us, as a weird mutant hybrid of a student we might do alright...

The examiner called us into the test room. We were using a tutors office (not the tutor doing the assessment-no that would be too easy), our examiner is famous. That, however, is a relative term-I knew her by sight. She had made a few I-tutorials that I had seen, so maybe I was a bit awestruck but I was happy with a stranger as the opponent and one as the judge.

...But I dont think she liked me...

It's difficult to say why, granted my opponent was 20 years my junior and a damn fine looking young man but I can't really say why I felt such waves of disapproval flowing from her.

**thinks** I wonder if she reads this?

Back at the assessment, my oppo has started speaking and like a good student I'm making notes on his points. Except he doesn't really have any-his case (which was weak to start with) is not helped because he's being slow and nervous again. I really felt for the guy, before going through the door he'd been a friendly and likeable bloke but now I could see him disintegrating in front of my eyes.
He was supposed to speak for 8-10 minutes and although I didn't look closely at my watch, he appeared to take over 12 (without a warning I note...). Eventually he struggled to a halt. In essence his litany was good (best part) but his case was wafer thin.

I cleared my throat ready to grind his arguments to dust. I began to speak,

'Madam, the issue before you is...'

and then nothing. Absolutely nothing. No sound could be heard, not even a mouse (quick Christmas reference there...) I had dried. For the first time in my life I was speechless.

For the record, I have delivered speeches in front of 100+ people at weddings and get togethers. I have acted on stages with 300+ watching. I have taught secondary school classes of 30+ (god bless comprehensive schools!). I have spoken in courts and tribunals (for real) as both advocate and witness. I have even read the bible out loud in the Royal Albert Hall. And I have never dried up......blox, blox and triple blox!

Oh well, first time for everything...

I couldn't even summon up the words to say, 'I'm sorry'. After eternity plus extra time I began to speak, as I did so, my litany flowed and my argument took form. Once I got going I was OK, my points began to link and make the defendants case look thinner than an anorexic bamboo shoot. I have no idea how long I took but I wasn't warned about overrunning (so could be up to an hour then!) and I ran my final points to a 3 part conclusion based on law and fact, finished up my speech with,

'unless I can assist you further madam, those are my submissions'

I then sat back to bask in my glory.

And the bloody judge gave it to the defendant!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Were you listening to my arguments woman???? Naturally, this was all said with a demure, 'thank you, madam' (whilst thinking die, die, die! Apparently my medication is meant to help with my anger problem **cough**)

So, we stood up and left. On the way down the corridor and out I chatted to the victorious oppo and (being fair) he was chuffed to bits with his win. He did state though that he though I 'kicked his arse all over the courtroom'....I agreed. Not half I did!

Now the story takes a sideturn. When I got home I checked my email and found that a fellow student who I had asked to mail me at my PRIVATE email address had written to both it and my college one. In her email she spoke of her advocacy assessment that had happened the day before (including various arguments by both sides). This is banned by college regulations. I've just checked my original email and it doesn't mention the assessment, it talks of the accounts exam (I knew she was very nervous of it) because I wanted to reassure her (and me). Does this explain my examiner's frosty manner? (or is my old friend bowel-freezing paranoia kicking in?).

For the official record, I do not blame my friend one tiniest bit for what she did. Any blame is entirely mine for being so silly as not to explain my thinking to her. What she did was sensible and beyond reproach.

But it is a very silly college rule. Half of the time on this course they want you to work together on team exercises and half the time so independantly that you can't make whispered comments in dark hallways. Whilst I do not endorse cheating in any way, I am fully aware of people from my tutor group who have already worked together to produce 'individually' submitted work.

Likewise, we have been given an assessment exercise to do over Christmas-if anyone submits just their own work then I will be amazed (apart from the odd Billy No-mates). Can you imagine being a trainee in a solicitors getting your first court case and not discussing it with your superviser or superiors?

The only thing in my favour is if the college can check at what time I opened the email. I have no idea if the college email does have a filter on it to check for certain words, 'exam, assessment, cheat etc) but it is a very slooooooooooooooooow email system so it is possible that each mail is individually checked.
Unfortunately (for me), one of the points in her email was regarding the law that should be used for that assessment. It was THE law that I did use. Can I prove that I thought of it prior to the email arriving? No...

..Rats..

Oh well, another couple of days and I'm back at college again in my window seat scribbling away furiously for my 'solicitors accounts' exam. This is one of those 'pass', 'fail' jobs. I'm content with what I put-the sums might not be exactly what the examiners have on their sheets but the stages of working are pretty well spot-on (and that's where the marks are scored-so if you go wrong on stage one (of about 30), you get 1 point deducted but no more even though every subsequent stage will be wrong-as long as you get the form and nomenclature right)

Which kind of sums up the course-a victory of style over content.

Well, that's it for the term. I have a fairly demanding work schedule for the holiday period (place your bets now on whether I'll even get close to it...) . My workshops begin again on January 3rd.
My next entry will be on the Sunday of that week.

To all my readers, I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and fruitful New Year.