Almost the hols! Hurrah for sticky buns and fizzy pop!

Sorry, just having a boarding school moment. Not that I went to any form of private/public school, you understand. In fact, when I was below the age of 10 my father would try to punish my bad behaviour with the threat of sending me away to board. And then I read the 'Jennings' books by Anthony Buckeridge about what 'jolly fun' with 'wizard japes' it was at those places (despite the books having been written 20-30 years earlier) and after that I was ram-raiding and dealing crack cocaine on a daily basis in a desperate attempt to get sent away to one.

(note to censors, this was a joke for comic effect only and does not reflect the views or the experience of the writer)

Phew, that was close. Thank goodness for a legal education. After 13 weeks I now know how to cover my arse. Who says education is a waste?

The teaching side of the term is finished, in the coming week I have my advocacy proper (and having read my assignment I am a depressed as I ever was about winning-its a dismal case from our side, which appears to fall on a nicety of law and not a trace of justice**note to self** really must try to pass this one) and my solicitors accounts exam.

What I will have to do is sort my notes out again. We have about 5 weeks teaching in the new year and then it's into revision for the main exams. All our serious exams are crammed into Monday to Friday of just one week. Of late, the work we have been doing has been just a teensy bit harder and some of it has gone 'whoooooooooooooooooosh' over my receding hairline (which to the delight of my friends is now somewhere down the small of my back). So, give or take 3 days for Christmas itself, I'll be studying over the Winter break (and even then I aim to take a LPC book or two away to my mothers)

This week has seen 3 events that have made an impact on my thinking and approach to the course. It's these that I shall concentrate on and cover the periphery at the end.


1) We received the results of our mocks. If you remember, I had been told (by LPC students who had been here last year, albeit doing the GDL then) that 80% (and in one case 93%) of students fail the mocks. This is complete toss, plain and simple. Even on a straw poll from our group it looks like 80% (or 93%) pass in fact.

After the exams I thought that I would have about 70% for business and 50% each for civil litigation and property law. In fact I was hideously out. According to the examiners I actually got 71% for business, 50% for civil lit and 72% for property.
According to the results I got 2 fricking distinctions! This was a major shock (but a great one!). There were some fails dotted around our class (surprising ones too) but on the whole we did pretty well.

This had the effect of inspiring me and helping me get down and work harder from Tuesday on (luckily it's worn off now...) Funnily though, I have wondered how I would have felt if I had scored 2 more percent in business and 1 less for civil lit. That would have given me a fail in that subject. I have a suspicion that I would have been lower than slug's knackers.

(note to self-discover where a slug keeps their knackers)

2) I have pulled out of the Public Legal Services course. It was all a bit sudden, I was preparing for the class on Thursday morning and I thought, 'I am actually dreading going to this, I expect it to be awful and a waste of time-and here I am doing homework for it-why?' So, I wrote to the tutor citing my reasons (change of heart, 2 spods in the class ruining it for me). I got an email back later that day asking me to think again and the tutor possibly having a word with spods 1 and 2 and asking them to tone down their behaviour. It was with an awful lot of shame that I read that, I wish that I had just shut my trap and pulled out quietly. I can only blame the medication (and being a pillock helps). At the back of my mind, the cynical part (a very large part) is saying,

'heh, you never wanted to do it anyway-you only joined the course because you thought that you would be rubbish and get really low scores and barely pass (if at all), so you had to do this to make yourself employable, you scum sucking louse!'
(me and my subconscious are not good friends...)

Unfortunately, there is probably more than a scrap of truth to that. I did (do?) believe that I would struggle with this and scrape through (if at all). But now, with these marks (and they were higher than the classmates who I spoke to), there is in the back of my mind the thought that I can get a good grade.

Oh and by the way...

In your face, polyversity students. The OU rocks!!!
(does mocking dance)

**cough** I am sooo sorry about that

Of course, that cynical component does keep saying,

'they only gave you high marks because they want to get as many OU students to sign up as possible, you worthless rag'

...god, do I hate that guy or what...

I have also pulled out of the pro bono component (though yet to get confirmation of that) for pretty much the same reasons (spods notwithstanding)


3) I got accepted for the next stage of the CPS application.

(not difficult mind, being alive helps)

Shut up you, no one asked your opinion...

This is a psychometric test. These have changed enormously since I first did them 20 odd years back. Then they attempted to discern your personality using 'subtle' questions and if you were an axe wielding psychopath you had more chance passing that someone who was shy (as long as you weren't a shy axe wielding psychopath). Now they focus on two things;

a) analysis of a piece of prose. Is this statement true, false or can't you say?
b) analysing numbers and deducing patterns/sequences.

This should be a walk in the park for me. I used to do this stuff for fun when I was growing up and my arithmatic is good.

(prepare, pratfall coming up)

We are agreed on that one, the test is taken on-line and takes about 40 minutes in total, it is timed by the software-there are 30 prose and 21 numerical questions. The prose was harder than I expected but I reckon that I understood it mostly and did OK.

But the numeracy!! What a farce! The 21 questions come in groups of 3-you complete one and the next flashes up on the screen. The data is held in a grid-at least 3 by 3, up to 5 by 5. You have to read off the data, perform the calculation and look amongst the answers (between 5 and 8) for the correct one.
This was a nightmare-even reading the question was taking about 30 seconds (and I am a fast reader), analysing it took about 20-30 seconds. Solving it then took about 15-20 seconds. the only problem was that I has 21 minutes to complete the test! Every answer (bar a couple) took me best part of a minute to find. End result? I ran out of time. With seconds to go I had 3 left and sensibly guessed 2 but didn't complete the last.

I can put the blame on a lot of things but essentially I wasn't good enough to complete it (and I'm not too sure of the some of the answers I did give...) So, this may be the end of my CPS dream and the start of me looking for entry level positions in the new year.

The rest of the week was anti-climatic compared to those. Solicitors accounts came and went. The class are still pretty frightened by it but come Friday they'll be fine. We finished off probate talking about paying taxes (more calculations-if I fail as a solicitor I should have a new career as a bookkeeper).
Civil lit finished with less of a bang and more of a whimper (we did the usual trick of 'sweeping up' multiple subjects poorly in the one session)

And business....ah...I did say last week, that if I passed well then the business tutor would be my new bezzie mate and the course would be my fave.

I was lying. It's as hideous as it ever was, with the added complication that the tutor probably believes that I'm lazy since I can obviously do the subject but choose to act like a startled bunny. And there's more of it next year including a new class making a total of 3 sessions a week.

(**note to self, must get some 'bunny girl' ears and a powder-puff tail for the last session-so at least I can dress accordingly)

Well, that's it. The first term is drawing to a close and I'm still here.

I am here too and will be appearing in panto this year.

Where's your subconscious?

He's behind you. Oh no he's not! Oh yes, he is!