**Bong** Today, there was no news **Bong**

That's half term gone then.

Ho hum.

**whistles tunelessly for a few moments**

Nice while it lasted but I missed the classes. Well, actually, I missed my classmates mostly-living alone in a (fairly) new place with no outside interests (and being terminally shy) meant that I only had my own company for the last 9 days. And I can get on anyone's nerves after a while, even my own...

I have started developed a worrying habit while I've been studying-this may prove a problem tomorrow because I'm sitting my first exam (business accounts). During the week, I've split up my study so that I spent no more than 2 hours on accounts in any one day.

I'm content that I should pass quite comfortably (oh, how those words might bite me in the bum...) but am a weeny bit concerned that I'll begin talking to myself during the paper.

'Ah yes, don't forget to add the prepayment onto both the profit and loss account and the current assets part of the balance sheet',

'oh, well done, it appears to be balancing'.

To the cries of 'shut up you freaking loonie' from the people around me.

I've not had half term for 24 years and I can't help but feel that I may have wasted it a bit. I've done the urgent work but my 'to do' list is still as impressive as at the start of the week. I spent the first two days having a complete break-no work at all, just feet up and relax. It was lovely.

Then on Monday, straight in-head down and work till about 5pm. About this stage, the back of my throat started to tickle (the familiar sign that I'm about to get a cold) and next day. BINGO-full on streaming nose, bunged up head and dodgy balance (and poor nights sleep into the bargain). I did the best I could on the day but let's just say that it wasn't one of my best. All in all a great week to not have to go in to college.

Pathetic wingeing excuses aside-I have made some headway with a few projects. I've examined my role for the advocacy practice assessment in November-I've got a wonderful defence to get my teeth into-that should be a riot. I do hope that I get a nervous opponent...I'll bury them!

And the first written assessement-an exercise in research. We are given a client problem and have to use whatever methods we wish (outside of pure invention) to analyse the problem and advise on the law. To make it harder we are given an obscure area of law.

My problem initially looked easy but now it has expanded to a stage where I will need to get advice. This is a 'grey area'-we are not supposed to get any college help whether by tutor, library assistant or co-student (there are about 10 problems spread around the classes-so although I know of some people in my class who have the same problem, I don't actually know anyone who has the same as me-good job too, I'd be bound to try and cheat!)

The problem I have is that I've been asked to find a way to do X but unfortunately, X is not a feasible option and Y is the better option. The problem being that I've not been asked to do Y. So I will have to see my tutor and ask how flexible the questions can be-can they ask one question knowing that it is not possible and seeing if you can handle the challenge or have I just got the research completely cocked up? (which is so possible-I have a deep loathing of the way that UK laws are written).

The words are in English, I am an intelligent person (some days), I should be able to read it. It's meant to be an easy question...so why the hell does it appear to be written in an obscure dialect on agricultural Turkish?

If anyone does have a working knowledge of agrarian Ottoman please write. Thanks

Hooray, Hooray it's a holi-holiday

Just a little bit of Boney M there to sort out the forty-somethings from the rest! Half term is upon me-hurrah! I had yesterday as a complete day off and the same will apply today. Although even now I can feel the pull of my work yanking my head backwards towards my study area.

Be strong Salmon, you can do it. (moves chair slightly, cranks up CD a notch, rotates neck to help relaxation) I feel surprisingly positive about the coming week. It was one of the strangest parts of my LLB that I enjoyed the revision most out of everything I did. The cynical amongst you might suggest that it was only then that I actually understood what the hell I'd been making notes on-which is probably true...

The amount of times that I would write 'WTF?' or the subtler 'I don't understand' in the margins but make notes anyway was legion. And true, come revision time things did make more sense but even then I did still have a great many areas where coming up to the exam I said-'don't understand this, s'not fair' and suchlike. I then made a mental note to discard it and focus on things that I could explain.

It's a weeny bit different with the LPC-with the exception of something that cropped up this week I have understood it all (I might not be able to reproduce it perfectly when needed but it's not incomprehensible). The trick is handling the volume of material.

NOTE: I will not be using 'this' weeks entry to moan how much work I have-I received one or two comments last week about being whiny and feel duly castigated **ouch**.
My only reply is;

"I've done all that before and now I'm doing this-I think that gives me the knowledge to say which one is harder, OK?"

The day that I return I will be sitting my first proper exam. This will be on general accountancy and is a simple pass/fail paper. Annoyingly the results are not avalable until next year (18th of Jan.)
At this stage I am not too worried about this (though see me in 1 weeks time!) even though it is a closed note exam. You are permitted a calculater (non programmable) and a 'clean' copy of the Solicitors 'Code of Conduct' (provided). It does seem a bit weird-the vast majority of exams that we will sit are open note, so starting with a closed note is strange. I suppose that it could be argued that starting with a closed note will be a better 'stop-gap' than being plunged in to the deep end.

**Embarassing story alert**
The following will probably get my friends widdling themselves with glee but maybe by the end they will say, 'awww, bless' (some hope...)

Unlike the vast majority of my class mates I have sat an open note exam before. It all sounds very easy really;
You can take anything in-notes, textbooks, aides memoir (this was before mobile phones, mind-unless they were the size of breeze blocks). Then you answer the questions. A veritable walkover, huh?

Well, no actually. the first thing is that your notes and knowledge of the textbooks have to be good. No, scratch that-it has to be excellent. If you didn't understand the work in the first place then there is nothing that you can take into an open note exam that will help.

My open note exams were in Chemistry back in the mid 80's (that's the 1980's for those people who are unsure...) and I was a shocking chemist-really, really bad. How I got through is a mystery-there was a rumour that if you got through the first 2 years then you were guaranteed a degree of sorts since otherwise the department would have had to admit that it made a mistake by letting you through. (And I only got through my first year retakes because I caught gastoenteritus on the Fri/Sat before the Monday exam and was provided with a doctors note-there was no way what I wrote on the paper was a pass!

(but shhhh that's our secret...)

Anyhow-there I was in the last exam that I thought that I was ever going to take (oh, life how you mock me), with a wheelbarrow-load of books, notes etc in front of me. I open the paper and...

...can't understand a word. Has my paper been switched in mistake with an Albanian students? Hang on, those words are in English-I can identify them singly but as a sentence? Not a chance. What I hadn't realised is that the department had obviously decided, 'well, if they have all their books there, then we can take the gloves off and give them the really hard stuff'. And they did-oh, god did they. So, I struggled on....

About an hour into the exam (a four hour paper I think) my ink cartidge in my ball pen died. No problem, I am one of those organised students and I have spare cartridges. The only thing is, when I unscrewed the barrel, the internal spring fired it the rear half of the pen backwards. I heard it hit the ground and skitter away. Now a confident person would have put up their hand and got the invigilater to get it and carry on. But I am not (nor ever will be) that person. So I wrote for the remaining three hours just using the cartridge.

I left the exam in tears (wuss) realising that my 3 years had been wasted and that I was to leave with no degree. Talking of wasted-that was also me a few hours later (but that's another story)

Well, as luck and the script would have it-I did pass my degree but that day still leaves a mark 21 years on.

I suppose that on reflection a closed note exam is the right way to start the year...

There was a bit of strange atmosphere this week, a cross between 'last day at school' and 'I've had enough, make the pain stop'. I've mooted the idea with my class mates that the way that the college overload you with work is a deliberate plan to give you a feel of what the workload in a solicitors office is like (since trainees are apparently given all the really awful and tiresome jobs to do). Or it may be that there are just not enough weeks to cram all the work into. Whatever.

Property on Monday was not so great for me, the effects of last weeks cold left me muddle headed for a day or so. It was actually a strange session full stop. The closest I can get to explaining it is;
imagine a series of lessons on the numbers 1 to 10.

• week 1 you do the number one in great detail
• week 2 you do the number two in great detail
• week 3 you do the number three in great detail
• week 4 you do numbers four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten in passing.
  

My only response was, 'whuh'? I know that I was muddle headed but...

After the class, I and the others in my civil litigation group had arranged to get together and knock out an answer to the first part of our group project. I had timetabled half an hour (or so) for this since I had already written out a basic draft. Hmm, I guess that I got that one wrong-over 2 1/2 hours later we managed to peel ourselves away from the computer, (vaguely) satisfied that we had done sufficient. (let's just say that my basic draft did not go down well...)

In business accounts we looked at inheritance tax. This should be straight forward and important but it must be remembered;
this is the tutor who the class are scared of, and
it is close to a holiday break

We now come to the content, IHT (as we legal types **cough** call it) clicks in when someone dies (it is more than that but that's for another day). The tutor (where is St George when you need him?) was very keen on a certain phrase- 'the shadow of death' as in 'what happens in the shadow of death?'. Apologies all around-but I would have trouble keeping a straight face at the start of term-as for this week, forget it.

And as for her other classic, 'come on class-what happens at death?' My response of ,'the person doesn't get out as much as they used to' did not put me in her good books...

Pity, thats another potential ally lost.

As an aside, before the workshop had begun-when there were only half a dozen of us spread out over the room (and the tutor pottering about) there had been a discussion about the advocacy part of the course (more to come) and who you would be speaking 'against' and whether you would be able to bully or intimidate them. I made sure the room could hear when in reply to a statement about this I said , 'There's nothing clever in making a person cry by bullying them'.

Gosh, I had forgotten that this tutor had (allegedly) made a girl in her class cry last week-naughty me (oops)---------------NOT

Amazingly the tutor was as nice as pie when we started. I would like to claim credit for this-but she reverted to type after about an hour-pity, but it was good while it lasted.

Thursday was our first advocacy session-a practice for speaking in closed court (i.e. just solicitors and the judging official present). I have to say that I had stressed myself out over this, we had been told to prep for one of the two roles in two scenarios.
In fact it wasn't too bad-we were set on a table of 4 people. One would be for the claimant and one the defendant with the other two sitting as 'judges' then we would swap over and do the other scenario.
Being a judge was fine-I could listen to the speeches of my colleagues and say, 'well, I can't be that bad'. Well, I may have been-you'll have to find another blog site to get a neutral view. I felt it went OK but I relied too heavily on my script-come the assessment, scripts are a no-no. You can have brief bullet points but any indication of a script and you've failed.

End of.

Judges' decision is final.

I did get picked out by the tutor for my good use of the evidence-so I felt a bit chuffed. If she carries on like this I may even get to like her (by about 2023 at current going)

After this was another group meeting about project work (different project though). This one did go to plan and I was out the room in 30 minutes. That's more like it!

Friday (last day-hurrah!) The tutor didn't show (illness) so we got an emergency guy who came in all manic arm-waving and button-bright enthusiasm. It was fun to have a different tutor-although I do feel that his clothes probably twitch on their own up to an hour after he's removed them...

He did remark that our numbers were a bit down and questioned, 'I wonder if we are a bit light because it's the last day before half term?' to which I blurted out, 'I guess that you'll have to ask (name of our usual tutor) about that'. Obvious line-but someone has to say them! It's the rules of the classroom-I don't make them I just have to make sure they're enforced!

Friday night-birthday meal (not mine), drinkies, go to club with most of the group. Usual stuff I wont bore you with the details.

Saturday-cancelled (see Friday)

I am now a 6th of the way through the course-what conclusions can I draw?
Well, it's expensive for what it is. We have very little teaching, you are expected to work on your own and the workshops are only for practical examples of the theoretical work studied. The teaching materials are a little stuffy (and I've noticed a little prone to error as we've progressed). My favourite typo in the last week was the claimant paying himself for the damage he did to himself- a small mistake but one that should have been picked up.

The tutors are generally very good and know their stuff.
The facilities are excellent
The groups are balanced by background with a good mix of LLB and GDL students as well as by age.
'
All of the CofL tutors who appear on the video tutorials have some form of quirky style of speech or off-putting mannerism. This is very distracting. (BTW, any readers who have a speech impediment-I'm sorry, this is not meant to be rude-I stutter myself-although interestingly, I dont remember stuttering since I've been here) I have a suspicion that even if the video tutors were perfect looking and sounding then I would still find a reason to be distracted-I guess I just dont like video tutorials...

And one for OU students only-throw your minds back to a video tutorial about a student looking to do research on a German guy (Karl) being prosecuted for importing cocaine. Cheats! She is not a student (nor was then)-she's a bloody tutor on the course!! Oh, I feel cheated-I want my money back you frauds!

And generally? Yes, this is worth doing, so very worth doing. You need commitment for the time (and lots of money) but if you have those things then this is a fantastic place to be and study.

Can someone please remind me...

...what a day off is like? No, honestly, I think I have completely forgotten. Another 7 days have shot by since my last post (this is no word of a lie-weeks flash by here, although that could be an age thing-when I was under 12 everything took sooooooooo looooooooooong and I got bored sooooooooo easily)

I've been keeping half an eye over the OU law bulletin boards-those lucky sods have taken their exams and (post mortems aside) can now look forward to 9-10 weeks of NO work before their results are posted then another two months before their next course starts. Ooooooooh bliss! They've got so much time on their hands that they are doing unnecessary prep reading... (change 'lucky sods' to 'silly sods')

I mention this purely because I am that close to losing it-I am not too sure what form my mini-tantrum will take. I have been known to pout, sulk, storm around, throw valuable things at walls (always my own things-guess the results...) or just generally act like a ill-disciplined 4 year old.
When I summarised what I had to do this weekend I arrived at (deep breath) consolidation for the last two workshops, 1 'proper' assessment paper (practical legal research), 3 group assignments, 2 personal assignments, 3 i-tutorials and about 100 pages of A4 text to read, understand and annotate ready for the workshops on Monday and Tuesday. Although I hadn't planned on doing them yet there are also the prepatory exercises for those workshops. Yesterday I worked from 7am to 6pm and barely seemed to make a scratch in it.

So, you guessed it-another 5 hours this morning. And now what? I'm starting to get guilt feelings about what I still have to do. I have a suspicion that the CofL worked out this 40 hours a week business a while ago and have added to the syllabus since then without recalculating-certainly there is no way anyone could do the work that we have in the time that we have. (well maybe the Road Runner on amphetamines could...)

Hang on I need to,
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'

(oh, that's a lot better...) The problem I have is I can't work out what is important and what is not. The College stresses the importance of prioritisation and its necessity in the modern legal firm. But on the other hand that same College will tell you that all of the work set is of the utmost importance so could you please hurry up and do it. But that's the thing about prioritisation-my priority is not the same as yours (or hers, or his or especially theirs). A priority is personal-so unless the aim of the College is to make us into identical little androids they are going to struggle on that one.

Mind you, saying that-at the moment my resistances are pretty low-so it is possible that a tutor might say, 'Paul, can you pop in to see me in my office later?' and the next day I've been replaced by an identical looking Stepford Student.

**Bleep, does not compute. User error. Restart from Original**

Now one thing that I didn't want to do in this blog was to mention specific people. After all, I'm the star and no star wants to share top billing-so Ive been careful to avoid names and references to tutors that might single them out. That may change in this entry-I'm still mulling it over. I want to give an accurate view of my week and personality can affect that accuracy.

The week started similarly to the previous one. It is Monday so I must be doing property law-and just like the previous week it appeared that the room had had a damn good weekend and had prioritised property law slightly lower than defluffing the cat.

It always gives me a giggle when the tutor asks a question to the class and there is utter silence. Different tutors have different approaches-so might drop little clues, some might probe a 'victim' to see if they can solicit a response and others just give us the answer. Fortunately this tutor is of the 'give us the answer' brigade-so the whole class proceeds quickly and without pain.

Property law is an excellent subject, the materials are of the highest class and we are proceeding at a fair rate-in fact by the end of the next session we should be able to do a complete property sale from first interview to sending the finished bill.

So, if anyone wants a property conveyed-just get in touch **cough**

Perhaps more importantly I didnt turn my ankle over walking out the class-hey I could be learning!

Now to Tuesday-we had a new subject to get our teeth into. To build on our awesome accountancy knowledge **cough** we are moving onto Revenue law, starting with income tax.

This was highlighted by the majority of the class as a nightmare in the making-not necessarily because of the subject matter (although that didnt help) but because we have had a tutor change from a lovely young lady to a slightly older lady with a reputation.

And I have to add, not a good reputation. My classmates had been informed that this particular tutor has a style of asking questions that could be termed 'confrontational'. With her handily located table map she can pose a question to an individual and if they can't answer, she asks them again, and again and again. All the time focusing on the same person.

Whether this acute form of pressure makes a better student I cannot say-rumours circulate that she has brought students to tears. Even this week, on the Wednesday, she is alleged to have made one girl cry-but that is no more than a rumour-and the reason for my hesitance earlier. No one cried in our class-I was going to make sure of that.

I'm lucky-I'm good with numbers and figures and have coped OK with the accountancy and tax so far. As far as I'm concerned-I've put the hours in and I can reap the rewards (paltry though they are). So, come Tuesday-I'm prepped and ready to go. From the start I made sure to offer answers to her open questions to the class. Sometimes I crashed and burned but mostly I was right.
This was in careful preparation-now when she started to put questions to someone who (obviously) didn't know the answer then I could call out my answer and this could be put down to 'youthful' **cough** enthusiasm.

note to sell-must buy some cough syrup

Fortunately I didn't have to do this more than twice (not because the class suddenly became tax literate-mostly because some of them had obviously got together to form their own plan-rather than stumbling and blustering the common plan seemed to be to say, 'I'm sorry I don't know' in a bold and confident voice

This is absolute GENIUS!

This had the effect of the tutor having to step back and say, 'well, you should do, it was in the reading' but then she had to move on. I told you that I was working with some brilliant minds!

I do have a tiny suspicion that this Tuesday's class will be better prepped next week though! (but saying that-I did the prep this morning and the textbook is dreadfully written. My view is that a good writer can take a difficult subject and write it in a such a way as to explain it (with maybe a little work on behalf of the reader) but this dross was written by such a wally-I have a feeling that they could take the instructions for peeling a banana and make them incomprehensible to anyone less than the Professor of Advanced Peeling Ergonomics at Oxford University.

After that we had another of those large group lectures-my business file is starting to fill at an alarming rate-I will have to get some more ringbinders this week.
BTW, I made a comment a month or so ago talking of the need for binders-this is no word of a lie. I have 12 ring binders on the go at presnt and will have to get at least 4 more this week. I do have them colour coordinated though-purple for business, green for property and red for civil litigation. Oh little things..etc

We'll ease past Wednesday-well I did, worked from 7am to 5pm. 'Life, dont talk to me about life.'

Thursday, back in civil lit-and the first of our two workshops on advocacy. Yep, that's right speaking in court. What's that sound? Is it 18 sphincters all freezing up? Well, I cant speak for the others, but...

The problem is this is something that I have to practise and be good at-if I want to work for the CPS and present cases in the Magistrates (and heaven forbid to work in the Crown Court one day)-so I will have to either to;

1. Stifle all my inhibitions and forget that I'm a anxiety ridden dweeb, or
2. Invent a character based on all this role-playing from interviewing of 'Paul, the beaming, bouncing advocate-defender of the weak and champion of the underdog'
   

Hmm, this week was to do with using the correct documents in court, analysing the strengths of your clients case and homing in on the weaknesses of your opponent. This was actually quite good fun, small facts can be blown out of all proportion and much can be made of words like 'maybe, almost, appears'.
To a purist this may seem like arguing over semantics-but it should be stressed that generally the two sides going into court both believe that they are right. They have not been persuaded to go by their solicitors-in fact the solicitors Code of Conduct (is that an oxymoron?) demands that everything else is tried before litigation and that it should only be used as a last resort. (So much so, that the courts may punish anyone who leapfrogs reasoned arbitration by reducing their award for costs (if they win)

Oh god, Ive become brainwashed!!!

***bleep, 'brainwash' does not compute-water will affect my circuits***

However, strange things were happening in my throat (has the robotic voice box been fitted already?)-my voice was getting quite crackly. Hmm, not looking good. Bit of a cough, blocked nose-bad nights sleep from perspiring in bed-Oh god, Im going to die!

At this stage I should point out that I am male-this will be patently obvious from my reaction the next day. I just did not fancy going in to school-with no mother at hand to feel my brow and stick a thermometer under my tongue

("what does 'for rectal use only' mean, mum?")

I now have to certificate myself (ouch!). On the one hand I have a two mile walk in the cold, followed by 2 1/2 hours on business law with a tutor who thinks I'm a div (my worst class by a mile) or I could stay at home and do my prep for Monday-save myself some time over the weekend when I'm feeling better. Excellent-a plan with no drawbacks! But I hummed and hawed (a sense of guilt is a terrible thing!) until I though, no-I can't go in.

**feeble cough, wimpers and pulls jumper over arms**.

I had been called the previous night by a student from my table-I decided to email her and ask her to pick up the handouts. In every workshop there are handouts (usually lots of handouts)-someone at the College is involved in some huge deforestation plan-you heard it here first!

Then I can email the tutor to say that I'm too sick to go in and could they make sure that all the flowers at my funeral are light blue (my father was a hypochondriac-I caught that off him too).

So I logged on the PC and as I always do, checked my email. I had an eem from someone who reads this blog saying how much they enjoy it **humbling cough** and wishing me well. Can someone die from guilt? I felt really inspired (and also slightly silly over my previous behaviour) and went to College after all.

Good job too, if I hadn't I wouldnt have been there to pick up all the extra work that was set.

And that brings me back to beginning...

The good news on the horizon is that half term is just a few days away-and a celebratory nights drinking next Friday (naturally I will be there to oversee my young charges and make sure that they dont get into any mischief

***double cough-really must find those Strepsils**)

I have a suspicion that I will be working very long hours at home (rather than at school/home) over half term-but hey that's a million miles away...

Not waving but drowning

The hardest part of these posts always seems to be the title! Once that is out of the way, the drivel seems to flow automatically. This weeks title didn't take a lot of thought-it sums up the way that I feel at present. The whole of the last week has seen me swamped by work (with more to come), during the week I submitted my first two pieces of written work to be looked at by my tutors. It should be stressed that neither piece is anything more than a dry run for a future assessment but I do believe that I should be doing this work to the best of my ability and not cut any corners because very soon it won't be for practise-it will be for real.

This week, we've also been given two group activities to be submitted sometime in the next month. I'm a little hazy on the details for these-it appears that part of the College web site is going to be given over to our groups (a group is the 3 or 4 other people who you've been allocated to sit at the same table with for each workshop-to give you a bit of a change, it's a different group each day-although the subject may change on a Tuesday you'll sit with the same people for it, whatever it is)

So in theory, you should have 4 different groups-one for each day we're at College-except the Tuesday group and the Friday groups are the same. Hey, don't ask me-I only work here....

Anyhow, we now have group stuff to prepare for Thursday and Friday and if I can develop a time machine then I'll have a look at it. Which brings me full circle to my opening point. Work and how to do it.

I started off at the beginning of the year doing too little and now I reckon I'm doing too much. I've mentioned before that a workshop is 2 1/2 hours long and should need about 6 hours prep. In that prep time you are expected to watch an I-tutorial (a lecture on CD rom) and make notes, then to read various parts of text books (and maybe make notes or maybe mark the book-whatever floats your boat-except I hate to desecrate books...) then to do the pre workshop exercises-normally problem solving or checking the law and then to do 'test and feedback' a series of between 8 and 15 questions on the CofL website.

As well as you receiving feedback the moment you have finished, the tutor will receive your score-see what questions the class has flubbed and at what time the test was taken (for all those last minute Johnnies and Janies).
The problem that I'm having is the sheer amount of time that I'm spending doing the note-taking. This week I've worked from 7am-12 noon on my 4 days 'in' and from 7am-5pm on my days 'off'. The theory being that I then can take Sunday off and not have a breakdown.

Except. Yet again this week I had to work on Sunday morning-it was a relatively short sesh (only from about 8:15 to 12:15-4 hours, nothing but a brief sprint). Only problem is that gives a rough count of 54 hours for this week...

I would cut down a bit, only this was probably my best week so far (maybe that extra work is telling?)

Monday-Property law was excellent, I felt in control and able to answer any questions chucked my way (good job too, this one's with my personal tutor). In fact considering that most of the room seemed hung over and exhausted-it was lucky that one of us was compost mentis (and yes, I know that's wrong-it was done for comic effect-I do that a lot (and it covers up my stupidity nicely!))

Tuesday-our last accounts session. To test our knowledge, we were set end of year figures to sort out. I was the first one to correctly finish that and then also mopped up the two follow-up exercises and actually drained the tutor of work! So, she told me that I could leave if I wanted.

Hells Teeth, NO.

There was some serious gloating to be done! In truth I would like to think that I was on hand to selflessly help my tablemates (who are all lovely young ladies-which is a bonus) but I know at heart I can be an insufferable egomaniac so there was probably a teeny bit of gloating...

This was followed by picking up my Council tax exemption certificate (24 hours after paying my previous bill). It looks dead impressive-I've got two degrees that look nowhere near as good.

Then into Business law large lecture, company part 2. I missed part 1 last week due to probonoing but was delighted to find a nice, easy lecture (just like the old days). Dull, very dull but safe and above all simple. And it's a proper lecture too-there were about 60 of us present in one room just taking notes and laughing in the right places for the tutor. And best of all-no prep needed! Hurrah!

**Note to self**

Really must get some time to write my Company law notes up neatly...

Wednesday-worked like a dog (but nowhere near as cute) and got the back of my letter writing assessment done. **cough** You can tell when I'm lying-the keyboard moves.

Thursday-my dreaded civil litigation class (deep sigh). But I did OK-even got a 'very good' from the tutor.

After I had been picked up from the floor and set back in my chair

And then we come to Friday-I woke up a little bit early. 'Perhaps some nerves about handing in this letter writing assessment' you say? Au Cointreau (see, done it again). If you want to see nerves, wait until the real exams-I can guarantee that I'll not be getting a minutes sleep, forget this waking up early-that implies some rest! No, it'll be tossing and turning all night. I am a bit of a turner by nature **cough**

No, Friday was in fact the second of our interviewing workshops. Yes, more fantastic roleplay-seated in pairs in a room with 7 other pairs all trying to be heard. For the last session I had been paired with a delightful and talented young lady whose voice is just slightly quieter than a sparrows fart. So when she spoke with all that background din-I could hear jack, not a sausage. (maybe a sound like gas escaping-but that could have been the sparrow). This made it doubly tricky since my questions should 'open her up' and get at the truth-which was pretty close to impossible.

So this time, I arrived really early and sat in an obvious spot and hoped (no, prayed) that someone would come in on their own and I could pair up with them. But no, everyone turned up with their 'partner' and I sat there getting increasingly worried-and lo an angel appeared! Well, no-it was the young lady with the sofly spoken larynx-positively looking forward to working with me again.

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

(I can never spell that right, is it 14 or 15 'g's?) The upshot is I was rubbish. I can do the intro and end bits-I can ask good questions and open up the client to reveal their concerns but I can apply the law to the problems as well as I can fly unaided. (for those of you who don't know me that means not at all well).

My partner was fantastic-still very quiet but positive and she will definitely get there (provided it's a quiet room and there is no background noise-like an ant walking 20 feet away) but I was 'rabbit in the headlights' stuff. I froze for the whole workshop-the tutor very wisely decided not to press me on any of his questions because I may have been tempted to rub my paws against my ears-and don't talk to me about pellets....

Saturday-worked like a dog again (smell was the same, similiarities end there). Before I started I thought, 'hmm, little bit of consolidation and two workshops to prep for-When I finish early-I'll do a bit of company law'

Oh, how fate laughs in my face! After nearly 10 hours I had done my consol and the first of the workshops...(I really must get this sorted out soon or I'll be a basket case by Christmas)

So we come to Sunday and the second of those workshops-the exciting new field of Tax Revenue Law. Yes, not content with plagueing us with accountancy, we now have to take our fledgling skills and work out income tax for various (middle class) hypothetical examples (all owning their own business's, picking up substantial income from investments and dividends and rents).

Anyhow at just past 12 I had to stop because I was in danger of bashing my laptop out of frustration at phrases like.

'the dividend income is the income from dividends'

and I did want to have a bit of a break, just one day a week. Is that too much to ask for?

Just asking like, don't mean anything by it...

Black & Purple & Swollen

It's strange how one event can change a week so much. I left college on Monday after my first session of property law and was delighted to discover that it was not as completely unfathomable as land law. Property law appears to be a sensible list of do's and don'ts that should be performed in a set order to buy a property. Like many of the CofL courses it's heavily based on a practical example.
During the course of the workshops we'll;

• question the client to see what they want
• make the preliminary searches to see if they're buying above a coal mine or on an ancient site of druidic sacrifice and,
• eventually draft the documents needed to complete the transaction. At every stage the college will provide accurate facsimiles of the paperwork we would need.

All in all, this looks a good course and should give me plenty to get my teeth into. It's going to be hard and we have a ton of work to do-but that seems par for the course now. As I've stated before, the College reckons that we should be doing 40 hours a week-realistically I am now doing 6 1/2 hours a day on each of my workshops days as well as about 8-10 hours on each of my two home days. I tried to withstand working on my 'day off' but have already spent a couple of hours staring at my laptop and floundering in confusion. If I get the urge then I'll do another hour or so later so that I can prepped for Tuesdays accounts session. (I might not get the urge-my mood can best be described as 'flakey' today)

Anyhow, having had a good class I started off on the long walk home-maybe I was day dreaming (that is soooooooo possible), maybe the ground was uneven but the end result was my right foot gave way and I turned over my ankle. I ended up on the ground in a untidy mess. A nearby fresh faced student asked if I was alright. The tone of her voice seemed to be begging to add the word 'grandad?' onto the question. This week saw the influx of a few hundred more students-these are the GDL guys who have studied for a different degree but are now getting a 1 year crash course in law to prepare them for a future career.
I don't think that she recognised me as being the coolest 42 year old on the planet (Brad Pitt excluded) but instead as a sad, middle aged chubber with a sense of balance problem...

Being all man and able to shrug off such petty woes I said, 'no worries' and walked off, teeth gritted. Once out of her sight, I resorted to type-I started limping and had a good whine to myself. Even at this stage, a tentative touch of my ankle indicated that it was swelling up faster than a 14 year old boy with a lingerie catalogue.

I hobbled back home and inspected the damage. My right foot was twice the size of my left. Hmm. Of all my silly worries before I started the course, getting an injury was probably the biggest. I have a 4 mile round trip to accomplish every college day. There is a bus service nearby but its not that nearby-I'd still have to walk about 1/2 a mile to reach the nearest stop. I tried to keep my weight off the ankle and hoped for the best. What makes this so ridiculous is that this is the third time that I've turned my right ankle over since term has begun. Once on the way there and twice in an almost identical spot on campus. I lived for 24 years in Exeter and never did it once!

A cursory and tentative examination the next day showed that things had not got any worse (or better, unfortunately) so I found a pair of shoes that I could fit into and headed off to accounts.

The classes attitude to this subject varies from 'wahay accounts' to 'waaaaaaaaaarrrgh accounts'.
I've got no major concerns with it. It's a hard course (but then they all are to me)-the only drag is that it will be a closed note exam. We don't have many but this could be the worst. I was in a hurry to limp off since I was due to do my first pro bono project that night-acting as a volunteer at a Citizens Advice law centre-but as I was heading to the door, one of my classmates asked me what preparation I had done for the next lecture.

Next lecture? What next lecture?

Nervous cough...what's that? It turn out that we have some extra large scale lectures booked for Tuesday afternoons. Ooops, now I have a dilemma. Do I stay for the lecture and miss the pro bono or go to the pro bono and miss the lecture? No contest really, I found someone to let me photocopy their notes and headed away. I'd rather get a reputation with the College for missing a lecture than failing to keep an appointment with an outside body.

I just about made it to the CAB in time and eagerly awaited my tasks. And waited and waited. The College had allocated two other students for that evening but only one other showed. We sat in an interview room and chatted. No, she hadn't heard about any afternoon lecture either.

(thinks**I really must read my timetable properly one day**)

After having waited for about 30 minutes the CAB began to come alive. Various solicitors (and one barrister) showed up and took rooms. We sat in with them and were on hand to do any of the tedious jobs that would be beneath them. It was interesting to see how the theory that we had been taught and the practise varied so much. I had the privilege to sit in with 3 of them and hear people with varied problems such as employment, divorce and probate (wills). The evening passed very quickly and soon I was on the street outside.

Well, what now?
Do I go home and watch tv or read a book?
Then it struck me, aha!
There was a party organised tonight for all the CofL students at a nearby nightclub!

Having enjoyed last weeks social activity so much it seemed only natural for me to find my classmates in town, have a swift half and then go to the club. Now one thing that I positively wouldn't do would be dance, I do love to dance but realistically with a sprained ankle that's not the smartest thing in the world.

Anyhow, I left the club at close to 1 AM, having bopped like a lunatic on the dance floor for 1 1/2 hours. It may have been my imagination but I'm sure that I heard a female voice say,'wow, not bad for an overweight middle-aged white guy with no sense of balance'-but then I had had a few swift halves by then...

Next morning. I awoke to find an alien object in my bed. It seemed about 4 feet long and a dull purple colour.

I tentatively touched it.
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!
It was my foot!

In the cold light of day I examined it more closely. The colour was mostly purple with some worrying black bits. It appeared that someone had found a valve in my foot and had inserted a pump (foot pump?) and over inflated it. There was no way I was ever going to get a shoe on that! Fortunately I was due to study at home that day-nevertheless still a bit awkward to have to hop all day...

I hobbled in to college Thursday and got a little respect from my classmates-not for my work, heaven forbid, but my partying skills. I might not be able to pass on much to my young charges but if I can teach them to move in time to the beat then my work'll be done.
Talking of work, I'm really proud to be mixing with such a great bunch of guys. I have no idea whether we are considered an able group or not but if we are not then the really good ones must be amazing. 5 years in the OU has given me rather an inflated sense of my own ability. I must be working close to 50 hours a week just to keep up (and failing) but I will not quit on this-even if I have to go up to 60 hours a week (well maybe not quite that much...)

Anyhow, Thursday is civil litigation day-not much to report, same as last week except the written task for the afternoon was probably not as hard as the one for the previous week (go figure)

Friday is business law again-another good session. But what's this? Our first group assignment. As a table of 5 we will have to prepare work and comment on the work of other tables. This is set to be done over a period of 3 weeks with us meeting up on-line to discuss matters. Now where in my 50+ hours a week am I going to find time to prepare for this?

On top of this we had been given a written assignment last week-preparing a letter to a client.

I've already spent 4 hours of my life staring at this but it still looks like something that an finite number of monkeys cobbled up on a wet Sunday.

Oh, BTW, my foot is far less swollen and a lot more the pasty dead skin colour that it usually is, thanks for asking.