My LPC, (Legal Practice Course)

2010-04-11T06:41:00.003+01:00

I've had a few requests for my notes of late.

I am always happy to help but I'll do so with this simple provisos...

The notes are from 2006-07-use them at your own risk!

They are College of Law notes-if the CoFL is not your provider then they may be as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

In total, there are 471 files, which vary from 1 to 9 single sided pages of A5 (usually 3-5)

Thus, it is probable that if you receive the lot then they will be counter productive and you will be swamped at a time when clarity of thought is vital.

However if you wish to have some of them (and are patient), email me at;

paul.m.salmon@btinternet.com

I also do personal appearances and book signings

Anybody's book really...

I'd turn out to open a letter...

And finally folks,

2007-07-28T08:28:00.000+01:00

Or "Loose ends tied up"

There is something poignant in packing. As an item is stowed it brings with it memories, feelings and emotions. Sometimes they may be, "What was I thinking when I bought this?" but usually it ties in with a person, time or experience. Which possibly explains why it takes me so long...

Plus, I don't really want to do it. This flat has been home for me for nearly a year now and I look upon it as mine. It's a little sad that I have to hand the keys back in the next few days but I've met the new tenant and I'm sure that she'll take care of it.

It's been a good while since I posted, so what has happened in the meantime?

Well, I did get around to signing on. And what with the £59.15 I receive every week for Jobseekers and the contribution of the council for my housing costs I have been living in palatial luxury (well sort of). It is strange to think that I would have to earn in excess of £15,000 a year to have an equivalent standard of living. And all I have to do is make two attempts a week to find work! No, it's true-that is all that the 'Jobseeker's Charter' requires me to do to cop (effectively) £209.15 a week. Even more amazingly, my experiences at the Jobcentre have shown me that this is more than most people do! In almost every interview that I have overheard whilst waiting to sign on, the people before me have been 'prompted' to agree that they 'looked at the local paper/asked about work in a local shop'. (My legal training can now spot a leading question at 20 paces!)

I can say, hand on heart, that I have put far more effort into my job applications. After an initial period of idleness (which has lasted barely 43 years) I got my head down and set myself a target of 4 applications submitted a day. I quickly went through what the College of Law jobs page had to offer (discarding all the ones that I had no chance for e.g. speaking Tamil for one or Mandarin for another) and then began to submit CVs through online employment brokers. And the result?

Well, not so great actually. My online apps yielded me only 1 reply (a rejection) from about 50 attempts. My College of Law apps were more successful-I got offered two interviews fairly early on, one in Battle (Sussex) and one in Bishop's Stortford (South of Cambridge) as well as a few;

'We have received your details and will be making a decision soon but unfortunately have a large number of top quality applications so you may not be successful etc'

(although, for the record it's nice to get a reply of any sort). I also continued to apply to the CPS for a chance, any chance and was offered interviews in Exeter and Guildford (weird that!)

My first interview was CPS Exeter-I travelled down the night before to meet up with friends (no alcohol mind-must be at my best for the interview!). I slept badly though and it was not a great interview-good but not great. I thought that my luck might be in since the chair of the panel was the man who had been the key figure when I did work experience with them the year before.
Except he had forgotten about me...only when we met did he make a mental connection and remember my time there. Interestingly, I got a glimpse of something like, 'Oh cripes, we may have to rethink who we were going to give the job to' cross his face. (My skill at reading body language has come on a treat thanks to the LPC!).
It was a tough interview-pretty much all the questions are based on a 'give examples where you successfully prioritised/planned something' and 'explain your thoughts and reasoning as you went along'. This is very hard (to me at least) and akin to asking 'give an example when breathing has been a good idea' and 'why?'. I was promised a decision later that day.

2 days later I got the rejection that I was expecting.

Ho hum-that's my dream job gone then...

Anyhow, about a week later there I was in Bishop's Stortford having had a nightmare of a journey. No details but sufficient to say that I was in the right place at the right time but the trains were not necessarily there. I ended up having to make a diversion but for all my best efforts knew that I was going to be late. I phoned ahead and was given 20 minutes grace. I made my usual gaffe of going 100% in the wrong direction as I left the station but managed to arrive within the 20 minute window (just).

As an aside, I had found out the weekend before that one of my friends from my LPC tutor group was already working for them. (Handy for her as she lives locally and it allows her to continue looking for 'something better'). This gave me an excellent chance to do some top-quality research. I already knew a fair bit from their web-site and the job details. I phoned her and got a little more info about the 'nut n bolts' that I could casually chuck into the interview. She seemed quite positive about the job (although still looking for her TC).

The work itself-A claimant in a personal injury case get involved with a big national solicitors who then take on their case against their insurers. At the resolution of the case, the claimant gets their compensation (hopefully) and the solicitors then try to claim their costs from the insurers. This can be an arduous job and the specialist niche employment of law costs negotiating exists to cover it. The solicitors pass on the responsibility of getting the costs from the insurers to a third party. My job, if I were to get it, was to be part of the negotiating team. This seemed OK to me, I would be working (indirectly) for the little guy taking on the big faceless monsters that are the insurers. I would be not be involved in confrontation but negotiation so it was ticking all the right boxes.
During the interview I found that although the starting salary was relatively low-(but more than I had earned ever before) after 11 months it went up by nearly 30% and could be around 30k within 3-4 years provided the commitment was given and the work put in.

The interview went amazingly well, my research proved invaluable. I was able to finish some of the interviewer's sentences for him when he explained about the company/work. This is not something I would normally do but I was keen to show that I had put the time in researching.

I was then set a few simple calculations and the interviewer went walkabout. He came back early to get something from his jacket and was stunned to hear that not only had I finished the real problems but also that I had double checked them and was going over some examples he had also given me!
He consulted the other director who also briefly interviewed me. In an almost obscene speed they offered me the job! We agreed to a start date (1st August) and shook hands on the deal.

I left the office in a heady mix of euphoria and relief. The perfect interview?

Well not quite...About 3/4 of the way in my phone rang! I seldom carry my mobile and had forgot to have turned it off (I never get calls or texts-it's purely there for me to call others when on the go). The message? It was from my LPC buddy texting me from the same building asking,

'How did it go?'

Arrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh!

I texted her back (but after the interview had ended),

"Pretty well until some bint texted me in the middle of it"

But I was saved from my terrible faux-pas when about 2 minutes later the interviewer received a text...

So that's it, I have a job. It's just a question of those last exams. I didn't need an LPC for this job but there was no way I wanted to do a retake in mid August. So, it's just a case of waiting for the 24th of July.

But as the days went by, the doubts started to surface. Is this what I worked 5 years on the degree for? Is this what £20k+ was spent on? To get a job that someone could 'off the street' could do? (although maybe not as well). Plus I was disconcerted by the example that I was shown by the interviewer.

In this, the injured claimant was awarded £1,700 from the insurer. The solicitor was claiming £7k in costs. I was told that this would probably be negotiated down to about £5.5k. Do I want to be involved in this? Where the claimant sees just a quarter of the insurer's losses?
I made a token attempt to find accomodation in Bishop's Stortford but my heart was not in it (plus BS is becoming an estate agent's wet dream and property rental was well out of my budget). I made the most important decision of the year.

I emailed the employer and told them that I would not be taking the position. I tried to let them down gently and used their own key buzz-words about commitment to explain my decision.

A pity really because the email I sent was an excellent example of my negotiating skills...

So it all worked out? I hear you asking. Well, not quite. In my euphoric first day I cancelled my interviews in Battle and with the CPS in Guildford. What a donkey....

The good news was that I still had interviews pending with CPSs Exeter and Reading. The bad news is that when they arrived they were set on Tuesday 24th (Reading) and Weds 25th (Exeter). As you remember, the 24th is results day. My interview was to be at 9.15. In the past, results have been posted at 9.30. It was possible that I could be almost the last to see them!

Anyhow, I put that to one side and did some more preparation for the interviews perfecting the 'how I used breathing in one memorable experience in a work situation' type answers. I was satisfied with the notes I made (not delighted though) and went to bed on the Monday heavily medicated and ready to get a good nights sleep and awake refreshed at 5am.

Except I didn't.

I didn't sleep.

Not one wink.

I got up-I took dangerous levels of medication. Anything to help.

Except it didn't. It did not do a scrap of good. The combination of nerves and excitement had truly screwed me over. I remember writing over a year ago about old habits resurfacing. This is one-some deep seated mental problem that has blighted me for nearly 20 years.

I got up at just before 5am and pottered over to the PC. I logged on and had a surf. One bit of good news-the LPC results were to be posted at 6am! Yay! Rather than be the last to check them, I could be the first!
In my fatigued state that hour seemed to take forever. Eventually, the site updated. Rather than give anonymous results as before the site listed;

Name and grade-that's all.

I checked down the list-I was there. It said;

Salmon Paul, Martin Commendation

I had done, I have passed the LPC!
What a fantastic feeling! I had no marks awarded but I didn't care! I had passed advocacy!

My euphoria was muted however when I checked the rest of the names on the list. Of my tutorial group of 18;

3 had got distinctions (well done Claire/Rachel/Rebecca)
9 had got commendations
6 would have to retake

A third of our group will be back in August. On a personal side this means that I received the highest mark of all the 5 male students in our tutorial group (since 3 must retake and the other got a pass)

In addition (for blog anoraks);

The male student (a couple of years older than me) who had dismissed our group as being immature and had been transferred to another one to follow his commerical leanings-not on the pass list
Divvo1-not on the pass list (mature student)
Same for Divvo 2 (yes, despite my earlier misgivings I'm calling him that again-for all his posing and posturing in Advanced Crim)
Those people I sent Advanced Crim notes to? Both got distictions!

Despite this misture of results, I left for my interview in great spirits. I was going to be awful but I didn't care! I must have come across as the original grinning Bozo to anyone I passed-but it didn't matter. I had done it.

My trip was good, I found the office really easily and was ridiculously early. I was close to dropping off in the comfy reception chairs when I was called. I was taken up to the Chief Prosecuter's office and interviewed by a panel of two. (Fortunately not the Chief Prosecuter!).

The interview did not start well. In my past I have worked as a volunteer at a centre for disabled young people and although happy to talk about this I was not prepared for the question about a 'specific case where I did something to assist a disabled person in the last two years'. I guess part of the problem is that in my working life I would assist between 50 and 100 a day (or 250 to 500 a week for 48 weeks of the year). As much as any big store talks of 'personal service', you really don't remember individuals specifically (unless they are regulars or friends). I had to honestly admit that no one came to mind. (Although I didn't say, "And if we operate a policy of equality why should I remember a disabled person in particular?")

And onto the next question. These came fast and furious. I was getting plenty of 'excellents' and 'very goods' but was that enough? Did everyone get these? Were they sincere?

And then it was over. Forty minutes had flown by in an instant. I was seen out by the chair of the panel. We talked about my interview in Exeter the next day-we compared crime in Devon and the Thames Valley. I remarked that I was expecting to see a murder every week because that was what Morse used to get (and Oxford is part of Thames Valley). This did not go down well...

I was told that the results would be given to me sometime the next day (my trip to Exeter-an all dayer if there ever was one) but was not optimistic. If only I had had some sleep.

Fortunately I knew that I would sleep well tonight (although collapse or pass out would probably be more accurate).

When I checked my mail I found that my results had arrived! How's that for service! Would my guesses for my marks be correct?

Well no, not really. I got the marks right but the subjects wrong!
In order;

Welfare/Immigration-Distinction (81%)
Advanced criminal-Distinction (70%)
Employment-Pass (55%)

What? How the hell did I do that? I assumed then (and now) that the inputter got the Adv Crim and employment mixed up-it's the only possible explanantion!
This means that my overall percentage was 69.16%. I like to think that this may have given the examining board a slight problem if I had not failed advocacy! Would they have considered upgrading the mark to an overall distinction? We shall never know but I shall pretend...

And so to sleep. Did I sleep better?

Of course I did! I couldn't have slept worse!

But only just-I got maybe 4 hours at the best. The journey to Exeter would take over 4 hours! Problem being I can't sleep on trains. The Reading interview had been OK since it was over by just gone 10. This one wasn't due to start to 1pm. In addition to the lack of sleep I've recorded before that I'm at my best in the mornings and deteriorate past midday.

The flooding meant that the trains had to be diverted and connections were iffy-but I got there in time (just).

This time, a 3 person panel and the interviewing was aggressive from the start. Perhaps they wanted to test me under pressure-but again the interview itself was mostly a blur. I know that I didn't come over as well as I had in Reading but surely they would give me a chance?

I knew that I didn't have it-the panel's body langauge was negative throughout-in contrast with those at Reading. In Reading they collected the documents that I had been asked to prepare and bring with me-Exeter didn't bother, I took them there and carried them home.

I now ask myself, was the Exeter interview fair? Did I really ever have a chance? Was the successful candidate already known to them and did they take his paperwork at the time?

I was musing over these points whilst travelling back to Guildford when my phone rang. Personally I hate those inconsiderate pillocks who take personal calls in public carriages but as regular readers know I am nothing if not hypocritical...

It was from the CPS Reading asking to see if I could talk and would I like some feedback? Already I was dreading the language used. I was asked how I thought the interview went-I said that I gave some good and some bad answers. I was told that nearly all of my answers were very good and I should be very proud if how I came across.

I waited for the inevitable 'but'....

BUT

...it didn't come-It was all positive-they offered me the job!

Did you read that?

THE CPS OFFERED ME A JOB!!!

On the same day as my LPC results came through!

(If this doesn't win me 'Blog of the Year' then there is no justice!)

And that's where I am now. Exeter rejected me (no surprises there) and I am waiting for confirmation from Thames Valley. They have to check my security record/convictions etc and examine my medical record but if all this passes then I start as an A1 within the next month or so.

The post is only for a year but I have achieved my aim-I'm in!

And so I am packing, my lease here runs out at the end of July. Amongst the things that I am throwing out are my LPC notes, my undergraduate notes/essays and other Guildford based bits and pieces. As I said earlier-many memories, some happy-some of chances lost or not taken properly but overall very, very happy ones.

If a year ago someone had offered me an LPC with Commendation and a job in the CPS-would I have taken it?

You bet! Result!

And now, the end is near...

2007-06-14T06:51:00.000+01:00

Tis true, this will be the last officially endorsed blog entry of the year (although there is a possibility of a 'farewell blog' tour but at the moment I am in discussion with the promoters on that one-so I can say no more).

I took my last exam on Monday and since then have been technically unemployed.

**Note to self-I still cannot type 'employed' (or any variants)-even though I must have typed it about 500 times during the year-it invariably comes out as 'emplyed')**

I haven't got around to making an official claim but that kinds of sums me up rather well at the moment-rudderless and unmotivated.

I do have to go into town tomorrow-so perhaps then...

Regular readers will know not to hold their breath.

Moving swiftly on-how did the exams go?

Weeeeell, I think that my earlier theory was correct-but not necessarily for the reason that I thought. For those who can't be bothered to read back (And to cover myself if I didn't write anything about it since I can't be bothered to read back either) My theory was that the electives would give a much more diverse selection of marks because if the trend of marking that existed in the compulsories continued in the electives then about half the people on the course would be on line for a distinction-so there had to be a reckoning.

My idea was that the marking would be stricter.

That may still be true-but it also appears that the exams were a step-up in difficulty from the ones in the compulsories. During the compulsories we were spoon fed with examples and 'points to note', many of which came up in a very similar form during the exam. This was not the case in the elective exams (at least the ones I took) there was more of a 'you have the knowledge-now apply it to cases that you have not directly covered'.

Judging from the reaction after, I think this did trip a few people up. Last night I went for a gentle 'drinkie' with some former classmates and every single one of them admitted to a possible pass/fail scenario. This may have been normal post-exam modesty but I felt that it was a little closer to the truth than that. For the record-I don't believe that any of them have actually failed an exam (my view is that you have to do really badly to fail-the College do not want to spend half their Summer preparing and marking retake papers) but it is probable that the average mark will come down.

Speaking personally, the College were kind to me-my exams were well spaced out (much like me last night), so I had plenty of opportunity to replenish my energy levels between them.

Interesting nerdy point-if you plotted a graph of my exam results for the week of the compulsories they form an almost perfect downwards sloping straight line-on that reckoning if I had taken two more papers, I would have failed the second. Were the effects of fatigue that marked?

But I digress. My first exam of the batch was employment-regular readers will remember that this paper was worrying me the most (since the tutor was as effective as a chocolate fireguard). As it happens-it was a generous paper. Our tutor's not quite so subtle hint about TUPE was reflected in a question worth 55 marks out of 100. With a couple of smaller questions to garner a few more marks it was far less worrisome than I had expected.

Saying that-I was not in the same boat as a classmate whose birthday it was that day. How awful is that? During my (very) long academic past I have had to revise on my birthday (at least in theory) but never to actually have to sit a paper.
So, my heart goes out to her-that must have been horrible. After the exam she did make the unexpected decision to have a birthday drinkie with me. So she drove us to a pub by the river-lovely spot by the way and we had 1 drink-that was her absolute limit since she had to go back and study (she prefers to study at night).

Embarrassing story alert-readers who do not enjoy others indulging in cringeworthy behaviour should move on.

OK, having set the scene, I'll continue. We have finished our drinks and she proceeds to drive me home. Both are us are feeling the post-exam euphoria, the glow of friendship and a small amount of alcohol.
During the drive, I note that her control of the car is not as perfect as usual and she is giggling a bit and saying she is 'feeling drunk'. She drops me off, I ask if she would like to come up to the flat (in theory to make her a coffee and let the booze work its effects off) but she is adamant that she has to get back.
Fair enough, she has a 45 minute drive home (on a good day), so we say our goodbyes.

About 2 hours later, I call her. Provisionally to give her the results of some research she had asked me to do but also to make sure that she had got back safely.

No reply. Fair enough-could be lots of reasons for that. Perhaps her family/friends had surprised her and taken her out for a meal.

I gave it an hour and tried again

No reply.

I tried an hour later-no reply. This time I left a message on her ansaphone giving her the answer to her research question.

Next day, I tried to get through from about noon onwards-no reply. Always that bloody ansaphone. Now I am worried-this becomes very worried as the day progresses. By late evening I am almost frantic. As I say she lives many miles away and I don't have an address to call on. In my mind I start to see hospitals/car wreckage/policeman making house-calls.

For a non-Catholic I have a highly developed sense of guilt.

Was this my fault?
Should I have insisted that she drank no alcohol?
Should I have insisted that she didn't drive away when she did?

Oh god, it's all my fault-my actions could have led to a 17 car pile-up on the M25! To show the levels of anxiety, I swooped over the internet checking for news of car crashes between Guildford and where she lives (lived). I even checked the internet version of her local paper!

Now, the next day I have two exams-one of which she must attend (it's conduct and everyone must take that). So, I decided to call it a night and get some sleep. The plan was thatI would check up on her next day and she she hadn't taken the exam then I would go to our tutor and see if he could contact her next of kin for news.

I did not sleep well. It was not as bad as for my last OU exam where I stared at the clock all night and can only remember a 'blank zone' between 5:50 am and 5:55-but it was bad. I reckon that I got between 1 and 2 hours at the most.

My first exam was Welfare and Immigration. I had high hopes for this paper. The tutor who had taken me for my best compulsory subject had taught this and I was well prepped. The lead up to the exam did not go well. I arrived in good time-changed into fresh clothes and sat and read the newspaper until I was ready to check my room allocation and take my place.

Now I don't think I actually fell asleep but I certainly lost a few minutes. When I checked my watch I realised that I had less than 5 minutes to get to my seat. So I moved sharpish to the room allocation notice.

Oh my god!

My exam is in a room on the other side of campus! Now Guildford is not a large site but it took a couple of minutes to get there-I found my seat. We are in a very large room and I am suprised how many students are sitting this exam-there must be about 50 of us-and there's only 7 others in my class!
The good news is that my seat is well placed-even better I have a vacant desk next to me. This is ideal and lay out my books and folder on it-this gives me lots of room to write.

Excellent!

Note to anybody from the College of Law who may read this-your desks are rubbish.
The chairs are about 2-3 inches too high to use them properly with the desks. To someone who is a 'big' six footer-this puts enormous stress on my back.
To sit these papers I literally have to stoop over them. Be warned-any sign of future back trouble and I will sue.

Now there's irony for you. They teach you how to fight but don't expect you to use their own weapons against them.

And while I'm on this tack-the desk are square(ish) and only about 2 foot along a side. For an open note exam-you will probably have one A4 textbook (at least), at least 1 A4 ring binder. There will be an A4 question book, an A4 answer book-maybe an extra A4 booklet for forms, maybe an A4 multiple choice paper.
On top of that you have your own kit;

Pens
Calculater
Pencils/tippex/rulers etc
Fluid for refreshment
Sweets/chocolate
A gonk (or similar)

Astute readers will notice a slight 'overload' here, so the College allow you to put things that you don't need immediately on the floor. Fair enough.

Well, here's the thing-I have an empty 2 foot square table next to me, so I put my unwanted stuff on it. This way it's closer (saving vital seconds) and more importantly I don't have to lean down and put even more strain on my back. Remember that I am already stooping to use the desk. Sorted!

Except...

No, this isn't allowed. The invigilator proceeds (once the exam has started) to berate me (out loud in front of the nearby students) for doing this and orders me to put my things on the floor. Apparently, it gives me an unfair advantage and all the other students would want the same. Very begrudgingly I do as instructed.

My happy-bunniness meter is not showing a high score.

The exam is a good one-I could answer all of it (probably quite well if I had not been so tired). My timing is good and I finish it with a few seconds to spare. I am a little concerned with some of my answers but when I give my closest friend from the course a gentle 'probing' after the exam it seems that we are in agreement about all the major points.

I now have another problem-it's just under two hours to my next exam. What shall I do? I am too shattered to spend any time revising-and my worries about my friend and her instant death when her car spun out of control and hit the orphanage before exploding in a fireball that took out the nearby oil refinery are starting to get alarming.

And now time for another appallingly embarrassing substory-some readers will know that I dedicated this blog in the very first entry to a former friend who started me off on the legal-road. To my eternal shame I was even composing this entry in my head;

"I started this blog with a dedication to a friend who passed away before hearing that I had successfully passed my law degree and I must end it with a dedication to another friend who died tragically (when her car hit a low flying jumbo jet causing the jet to collide with the House of Parliament and putting the country into the anarchic chaos we now face) before we found out that we had both passed the LPC"

I was even working out where to put the trophy for the 'blog of the year' award...

I hung around the room allocation board-hoping that she would show and my guilt could be shed.

With barely 5 minutes to go she showed up!!!!

My relief was immense-although my disappointment about losing the award also hurt badly. She had no time for me then and shot off to her conduct paper.

The paper? This was awful-it really sucked the big one. Careful readers will remember that I jokingly remarked that my failure to go to a conduct refresher might 'bite me in the arse' later. Well, I have to say that I feel a bit uncomfortable as I sit here. It was appalling. If it had been pass/fail paper then I would have failed.

End of story.

Luckily, this was the paper than I had previously scored 32 out of 40 on and only needed 18 out of 60.
On a provisional count I reckon that I got mid 20s-that sees me to a pass.

Just.

I tried to meet my friend after to find out what had happened but she had to go elsewhere. She hasn't contacted me since. Obviously I had done something seriously wrong when she had dropped me off after her birthday drink...

Perhaps I shouldn't have suggested that we popped in for a 'quick one'.

Ho hum.

Embarrassing story finish-readers with decorum may pick up the story here.

So, nearly at the end-I have just one exam to go. Advanced criminal should be my best paper. It is my love, my major reason for coming to Guildford to do the LPC and my future. Luckily I have a whole long weekend to get properly prepped for it.

The day approaches-I feel like a heavyweight champion going into the ring.

'I am the greatest'
'Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee'.
'The championship is mine for the taking'
'This LPC is going down in the third'
'I'm gonna open a can of whoop-ass on it'.

Confidence? I reek of it, people around me are getting inebriated on my positive vibes. I border on arrogance.

'I spit on your exam papers-bring me a real challenge'.

Regular readers will know what is coming next...

The paper is hideous.

It's a fair paper however-everything in it came up (in some way) in the course but the areas that I was confident on and expected questions about are curiously absent. For me, the killer is that we are expected to complete 2 forms for 24 marks (almost 1/4 of the paper's tital marks).

That's it, just complete two forms-with roughly 3 sections per form. I looked desperately through the paper for the one piece of information that I needed to do a good job on the forms but couldn't find it-so I improvised. Only after the exam when I was talking to a class-mate did she tell me that it was there all along.

But where?
I couldn't see it.
Oh blox.

And that's it. All done. My guesses for my marks are;
Employment-around 70
Welfare/immigration-around 70 (but higher than for employment)
Conduct-possibly 24-25 out of 60
Advanced criminal-now this is a tricky one;

Marked generously, could be 55-60
Marked fairly, maybe 50-55
Marked strictly, maybe 45-50

So, 2 comfortable passes and 1 reason for a possible holiday in Guildford come August.

And that's it-the diary is done.

What are my conclusions?
On the personal side, I have loved my year here. The LPC was far more fun than I thought it ever could be. As a person I have become more confident and positive. No longer do I have the feeling that my legal knowledge/quality of my degree is less than that of someone from a traditional university-I now acknowledge that my degree is the equal of any student that I met.

I have come across some truly lovely people who have helped give me some fantasic memories and I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Academically: The course is testing and superbly structured. The first weeks of taking on the pervasive areas are well thought out and immensely helpful (although no one thinks so at the time)-they literally do occur in every subject in some way, shape or form.

It is hard work-at least if you want to do well. The students who struggled all had the same uniform situation. If you do not put the hours in you will not see the reward. We were told at the start;

"You only get out what you put in"

If I can pass on nothing else from my time here then let this stand as the very best advice I can give.
It is almost absolutely true-yes, I know of a student who did very little work at all during the year but has got through so far because she has copies of the best notes around (huffs on fingernails and brushes them on chest) but she is the exception-if she had worked then I've no idea how far her genius could have taken her.

Other 'Points to note' (in true CofL fashion I'll do these as bullet points)

Come with an open mind
Put the law you've studied on the back burner-it really is not that important
Treat your fellow students the way that you would like to be treated
Support your classmates-you will work as a team for most of the year and you will need them at some stage
Don't try to win an argument-put your case concisely and clearly and let the others examine the evidence. If you have to repeat the point to 'hammer it home' then you have lost.
If you have time off before starting-enjoy it. After the first couple of weeks the work will start to feel oppressive-if you've not had a break then you will feel it even more.
Make sure that you reserve some 'me time'. Especially if you are planning on doing paid work at the same time.
Law is an enormous subject. There will be a field somewhere that you enjoy. If you don't find it immediately-keep looking.
Get involved-don't cut yourself off from your classmates just because you are older/a different sex or sexual preference/different colour or ethnic grouping. The most important lessons I've learnt have come from people who are totally unlike me. The people that I have known who have lost the most are those that ended up alone on the course because they decided at an early stage that 'the younger students are so immature and unknowledgable'. Guess who got the better results in the end?
Above all, have fun. Especially if this will be your last chance to be a full-time student. Embrace it and run with it.

Oh, and pencil cases are not important.

And that is (un)officially the end. During the summer, I will tart up a few of the earlier postings (I think my lack of confidence with the medium shows) to make this more consistant. It is my ambition to have this made compulsary reading for both the OU and brick university law courses...

And like a fading lounge singer on his 'last' farewell tour (before the next one) I hope to post a couple more times;

To say that I have the job of my dreams (fortunately, my dreams change regularly)
And that I have passed the LPC (results due 24th July)

Until then; like a million other drunks the world wide, I'll leave you with a song.

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final judgment,
My friends, I'll say it clear,
I'll state those cases of which I am certain,
I've taken a course that's full, I've travelled daily down the same highway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few but then again, too few to mention,
I did what I had to do, and saw it through without exemption,
I've prepped each workshop, each careful step of my coursework,
and more, much more than this,
I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I took it all and spat it out,
I faced it all and I stood tall,
And did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried,
I've had my fill, my share of failure,
And now, as tears subside, I find it all amusing,
To think, I did all that and may I say...not in a dry way,
'Oh no, oh no not me'
I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not his friends then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels,
And not the words of one who yields,
The record shows, I took the blows
And did it my way

I did it my way

Last bend, finishing line in sight

2007-05-27T18:07:00.000+01:00

That's another yet landmark passed.

No, not another birthday-I've now had my last lectures/workshops. The learning part of the course is now ended. All I have now is a week and a half of finishing off my notes, followed by 4 exams in 6 days and then it'll all be over.

I have promised myself that for my very last entry I'll try to summarise the year but it's difficult trying not to express a bit of that now. I have a deep sense of sadness that it's nearly all over, that the people that I've met will soon be going their individual ways and embarking on rich new adventures. Will they succeed? What will happen to them? Will we keep in touch? Will I ever get a snog again?

How did that one creep in?

And the doubts. Have I worked hard enough? Was it worth it? What now? Do I look fat in this?

These questions and others will be answered in time...

On first sight, it appears that the College wanted all the electives to finish with a flourish. Running into the last week there was more preparation involved than at any other stage-unfortunately the apathy that has been prevalent throughout the electives managed to infect the final sessions too. I had hoped that the announcement of results a couple of week back would help energise a few people into a last push before the final exams but all it seems to have done is motivated those who could be heading for a distinction-the others have either accepted their fate to get commendations or passes and as for those who failed a compulsory-it's hit them hard.

I know from experience just how demoralising it was to fail an assessment and how it knocked me for six for a goodly while. For those that failed a compulsory exam, it becomes more serious since you know that you will have to come back to Guildford to retake at least one exam in August and that the best grade you can now hope for is a pass. My heart goes out to them-it must make these next couple of weeks very hard.

Employment was a classic example of a course that wanted to peak on a high. The first part of the workshop was simply covering the prep exercise and making sure that we were familiar with the case history that we had been studying recently.

A female member of staff (your client) who works in the accounts department of a moderate sized employer applies for a position as head of accounting. In the past she has deputised (on a smaller scale) for the former head while he was sick. Only two applicants apply for the role, the other being a male member of staff from the marketing department. Neither of the them have an accountancy qualification although your client is studying at home for an OU accounting degree (Good old OU!)

Regarding the appointment interview; your client alleges that some of the questions asked to her were inappropriate and focused on her children and her commitment to the role being questioned because of her family. The interview was conducted by a male director and the female head of human resources.

The male candidate gets the job.

Your client feels that she has been discriminated against on the ground of her sex. Although she is prepared to go to an employment tribunal she is happy for you to negotiate some form of settlement with the lawyers for her employer.

And that's the second part of the workshop-you along with at least one member of your table must negotiate with students from another table who will be acting for the employer. Obviously, both sides will try to get the best possible terms for the people they are representing.

Looking at the facts and witness testimonies that the client and the employer have supplied, my view was that her case was a tad lightweight shall we say? Her best witness was the head of human resources whose testimony was fantastic-except that we received an addendum that told us;

She had been under a lot of pressure at the time
She was taking some strong medication
She resigned from the role a week or so later
She is still unfit for work

So that's your best witness...The client herself has a history of a having a short temper and expressive tantrums.
Great-If I can get her off being fired, I'll be doing well.

The College was slightly remiss in not supplying us with a list of the clients wishes-particularly since we had been told on our video tutorial that this was vital so that we could gauge our opening gambits.

In the absence of this, I decided on 3 things that I wanted for her;

Keep her current position
Be considered for the newly announced deputy head of accounting position
Get the employer to grant her study leave for her upcoming exams

Before we started on the actual negotiation itself, we discussed on our table the merits and strengths of our case. One person has decided that they are god's gift to negotiating and started to explain (very forcefully) just how strong our clients position is and telling us the sort of phone numbers of compensation he is expecting to get.
I just smiled and let him get on with his fantasy-we'll see...

I have only just noticed a flaw in my fledgling legal career-I don't like confrontation...Is it too late to ask for a refund? Quite how this incredible oversight managed to slip by me I haven't got a clue...Still, in for a penny in for £9,000.

The representatives for the employer are in quite a bullish mood. They have been given objectives for their client and will offer us little crumbs of encouragement. In the end we compromise on;

The client keeps her job
Damages of £1,500 for injured feelings
Consideration for the new position
The employer to make a public declaration of their position regarding discrimination (from experience this will hurt the employer way more than money ever could!)
2-3 days study leave
The possibility of the employer paying for the client's accountancy course fees

All in all, a good deal for our client-way more than I anticipated. We had to put up all the terms that we negotiated on white boards so the rest of the class could see them.

The first thing that I noticed was that our injury to feelings compo was way lower than anyone elses-but we were then told by Temp-loyment that even £1,500 would probably be too much and that this case was probably worth little more than £500 (the statutory minimum). Apart from that we did pretty well.

Except when it got to announcing our results, one of the 'solicitors' for the employer that we had negotiated with told the group in a loud voice that they considered us 'pussies' who had folded at the first sign of their aggressive stance. This really narked me-we had little to play with and (I think) used it well. However, revenge is sweet. The tutor asked about the confidentiality clause that the employer had asked for-they hadn't mentioned it at all!!!

They suddenly went very quiet and while the room was still I had my chance to reply in an equally loud voice-'well in the absence of that, exposing the story to the papers should be worth a few extra quid to our client...'

And god's gift to negotiation? Well, for all the big talk-all he got was a larger settlement for hurt feelings (but as noted before was greatly in excess of what would have been granted by experienced opponents)-other than that?
Much, much worse...

We then had a quick consolidation session where our stand-in tutor (9 weeks, no sign of the real tutor) went over the likely form of the exam paper and what we should do regarding timing and then it was all over...

I had arranged to meet a friend for a soft drink and a chat after but she was intrigued by the idea of going to a class on conduct that had been arranged by the College for those people who are worried about that exam. I do find it strange that so many people are stressed about this. The average score so far seems to be about 30 out of 40-the written exam is to be out of 60 to give us an overall mark of 100. A pass mark of 50% is required. That means that for the average student they will only have to get 20 out of 60, just 33%. There is no higher grade, just pass or fail-why are they worrying? Have I missed something here?

Keen to spend some time with her I decided that I would go to this lecture. The room was set out for 80 students and even as we were arriving the tutor was saying, 'if your name is not on the list you will have to leave'.
We waited until every chair was filled and then decided that since we were not supposed to be there we would go. Interestingly, even as were leaving more people were arriving who had signed up to this class. 80 chairs, 90+ people who all claim to be on the list-methinks there may have been one or two fibbers amongst them.

The College announced that there would be two more classes later that week-she signed up for one. I didn't. No worries. (I do hope that that doesn't bite me on the bum later...)

Tuesday-our last criminal workshop. Another showpiece. This time a trial (whoopdedoo another one...). A slight twist though-this one is set in a Youth Court with two girls accused of forcing open another girls locker and stealing her phone.

Yet again, I have been allocated a role acting for the CPS. That's 3 criminal trials in the year-all acting for the CPS. Oh lord, why do you torment me by waving this delicious morsel in my face? Oh, and I've lost all 3! Yet again, the CofL favour the defendants even though the vast majority of cases that go trial result in convictions.

I did have a little bit of fun though-I got to cross examine one of the defendants. This means I get to ask lots of nasty leading questions and try to trick a response out of them (or something like that).

The story is that one girl is a bit of a tearaway, the other is a 'naice' girl from a stable middle-class background. While the tearaway is breaking into the locker the other girl is meant to be watching for people coming to the locker room.

I have to cross examine the 'naice' girl. This looks fun-how can I go wrong?

The trial proceeds and we get to my bit. The tutor asks who is doing the cross examination.
I indicate that I am...
...and no word of a lie...
The tables where those students who are acting for the defence let out an audible gasp.

How cool is that?

Oh oh, problem. The defence's table has 10 people, 3 men-7 women.
Result?
The middle class 14 year old guy is played by a bloke with a stubble problem!
Thanks people for ruining my role playing experience!

So we begin,
"Good morning Kate, I'm going to ask you a few simple questions. There's nothing too hard here, just be truthful and it'll soon be over"
How long have you known Natalie?
And you're her best friend?
You're really close?
And she helped you when your father died?
You owe her a lot?
And you look out for each other?

And so on. A simple openingl question followed by automatic 'yes' responses (Old salesman's trick-get the customer saying 'yes' automatically)

Astute readers will notice that I got her to admit that she 'looks out' for Natalie-which was a bit naughty and I only did it for my own fun!

Anyhow, the cross examination carried on but became less fun as the 'defendant' got more cocky and started to show off
Hmm, where have we heard that before?

The end-result? As I mentioned before another notch in the loss column. This time though the 'magistrates' didn't take long to come to their decision. If I was a more fragile soul I could start to take this personally...

Following this was the last criminal large group-again a consolidation session about the examination-talking about 'timing'. It is worth noting that the room was barely half full-shame really, missed some good tips-especially about timing...

On the way to school on Wednesday, I bought a 'thank you teacher' card for our welfare tutor. This is a bit weird and totally unlike me-I have never done anything like that before.
Mind you, saying that, I did send some flowers as a 'thank you' to my first OU law tutor after I got my end of year results but then she was hot so it doesn't really count.

I managed to get the class to sign it on the sly saying cynical things like 'this gives you an excellent opportunity to give the tutor an example of your handwriting which he can refer to when he marks your anonymous exams'.
But the truth was that I had really enjoyed the classes (This is particularly ironic since I am currently updating and reviewing earlier posts and have only recently read what I originally write about the tutor and the course)

It's possibly because it was such a small group and so more closely integrated because of it. It was also my third choice and one that I chose 'to make up the numbers'. It was (and still is) hard though-we have been warned that it is a struggle to finish the paper in the time (but I love a challenge, me)
I do think that if someone had started crying then I would have started blubbing myself-my sensitive side is waaaaay too strong these days....

The final lecture of the year, a consolidation on welfare and a talk about the exam especially timing.

Enough with the freaking timing already!!

Change the record please! I have never not finished an exam. I think fast, I write fast!

There is a parallel argument here that I think inteligibly and write illegibly but we'll leave that for another day

And that's it-my college tuition is over.

So, only consolidation and revision to go before the elective exams.

Except

Today, I applied for my dream job-working for the CPS in Exeter. This ticks all the right boxes and would be ideal for me. So much so that I was determined to write an exemplary application.

It took some time-not half it did!
Just over 3 and a half hours! Previously I could do a CPS application in 15 minutes but they've changed their electronic application system.

No longer do you have to list;

Past work experience
Education and qualifications attained

Instead there is more focus on the 'waffle' part-which is a lot trickier if I can't refer it back to my past work experiences or present academic ones.
A slight problem might be that the interviews take place in one day during the week of my last exam. Oh well, if it was not meant to be...

There will be only one more post on this blog-after the exams are over I will say how they went and give as full a review of my year as I can.

Celebrations and commiserations

2007-05-20T18:49:00.000+01:00

Well, that's it.

My youthfulness, naivety and immaturity are no more.

This week I hit the ripe old age of 43. It's now 22 years since I first graduated and 22 until I retire (assuming that the minimum retirement age doesn't rise until then. I have truly hit middle age.
Mind you, I don't feel any older-I've always felt about 60, so no change there.

One thing I have noticed about myself, is that lately I'm getting a weeny bit apathetic regarding my preparation-it's probably not too serious now since the course is almost done-In fact, this week coming contains the last timetabled classes of the year.
There is, however, a definite trend to my prep-it's very much of the, 'well, that's probably good enough'-knowing that we will almost certainly cover it correctly in class, so any shortages can be made up in my consolidation time.

Part of me thinks that this is down to the heat (although it was a lot warmer in April), but a larger part thinks that this is my psyches attempt to disassociate from the course and to reach 'closure'.

Unfortunately the majority of me is of the opinion that I am an idle scrote and looking for any excuse to bunk off.

Fair enough...

When I graduated the first time back in '85, I had the charming misconception that the wide world was waiting with an open cheque-book to sign me up to do exciting things. With this self-delusion in mind I made no attempt to get any interviews before I graduated. I remember people coming to lectures wearing suits but I made no connection with this 'milk-round' that I overheard others talking about.

End result-no job and the first of my periods of unemployment.

Now, 22 years on and I know that this was wrong-the world is not waiting to put me into employment no matter how;

Intelligent (**cough**)
Hardworking (double cough**), OR
Handsome I am (**collapses coughing, realising that no one will give me mouth-to-mouth and gets up again**)

I know now that I will have to be proactive (which is probably my most hated word in the English language-I loathe 'proactive' and regard it as the epitomy of bad management concentrated in 1 word) and actively search for that job and whilst my chance for a training contract for 2007 is zero there are paralegal vacancies available if I look.

So I looked and found a couple that intrigued me;
The first didn't state;

The name of the firm
The location of the offices (we were told between Surrey and Berkshire)
The role
What areas of law the firm deal in
Start date
Pay

but it did mention that to get the position, you would have to;

Send a handwritten application
Complete a first interview
Complete a second interview
If selected, complete a period of unpaid work experience for them for an unspecified time.

The ad also mentioned that the firm's website was not up to date regarding the number of partners and other staff-so we couldn't find it that way.

Well, that did it for me.
Do I seriously want to work for an employer who makes the applicants jump through hoops and at the same time can't be bothered to keep their web-site vaguely up-to-date?
Hmm, time to file it in the 'trash' I feel.

Ah, here's another one.
It gives a firm name/location/start date/salary

Looks good so far...

Areas of law;

Criminal-good
Welfare-very good
Immigration-couldn't be better

'Requirement-Must be able to speak in Jamaican patois'

What!!!!!

Dammit-curse my State school upbringing for depriving me of a career opportunity. I was only offered French, German or Latin. If I only had gone to the school a few miles further on down the road where patois was part of the syllabus...

OK, that may be where the bulk of my apathy is coming from; sheer mind-numbing terror about the future.
Mmm, that makes sense I guess.

This was the last proper week of learning workshops-it looks like the classes for the last week are a chance to consolidate our knowledge in what appears to be full sessions of representation and advocacy on some of our cases.

Before the employment class started, our 'stand-in' tutor asked us to fill in tutor evaluation forms for her. She should have realised how bad this was going to be when one of the class (not me) asked if she wanted 'tactful or truthful?'. But in her usual blythe way she asked that we be truthful.
Mmm, truthful and anonymous-that could be a bad combination...

Lets just say that for 5 criteria each marked out of 5, she may have made double figures if I added them all.

So, in the class proper we tackled our last topic-TUPE (pronounced 'chew-pea'). This won't mean a lot to non-lawyers, so the quick explanation is that when a business (or part) is sold the employees must be transferred with it on the same terms and conditions as they were employed (Unless they are offered better terms and conditions by the new employer).

During the workshop, our tutor mentioned that the question we were answering was a 'typical exam type question'.
Another group, I have been informed were told rather less cryptically that this was very likely to appear in an exam. Now, fair enough it does cover a fair part of the syllabus-as well as TUPE, you can squeeze in unfair and wrongful dismissal and maybe a bit of misconduct, statutory disciplinary procedure and if you're lucky, redundancy.
Another question on discrimination (not indirect-too fiddley) and one involving filling in a claim form and that's the exam sorted.

(Editor's note: this information is by way of example and does not reflect the actual 'Employment Law' paper as set by the College for 2007)

But I bet it's pretty close...

It's Tuesday! Hurrah, my birthday! And for the first time in about 20 years I have to work. Oh.
However, I was determined that nothing was going to ruin my day.

It rained on me on the way to school-so what?
My notes got a tad soggy-so what?
Class overran-so what?
It rained on me during my walk back-so what? I'm still wet from the walk in!

The class itself was about how the criminal justice system was different for juveniles (under 17 in the police station or under 18 in the courts-don't ask!!) which was all pretty interesting.
We also got tutor evaluation forms for both his workshops (highest praise) and his lecturing (hmm, tact or truth?)-in the end I went for tact. He is a good lecturer but just seems bored with it all.

That night, a class meal had been organised as a 'last get-together' before the final set of exams. It was a fantastic occasion-especially for me. The meal was combined with a birthday do with me as the guest of honour. I was given a card signed by my classmates (and that I shall keep forever) as well as a few carefully chosen gifts. There is something very special about a gift that has been chosen with a person in mind. I hope that I remember this when I am tempted to buy a voucher or book token for someone. (but I doubt it...)

Anyhow, after the meal, we went pubbies and then back to a student's (palatial) flat where even more alcohol was inbibed and I rolled out at gone 3am to hit my bed at 3.30. Which gave me about 3 1/2 hours before I had to get up and complete my studies for Wednesday

But before I get to that, 3 highlights

A young lady (who was both tired and 'merry') privately pointing out to me that I was neither 'old' or 'fat'. Wahay! I could be in there...if only College was not coming to an end...dammit!
A male member of our group showing his tiredness and merriment by passing out. This meant that his 'friends' had a field day with his limp body. By the time he came to, he was plastered in make-up, permanent marker, had had his shirt unbuttoned and an item of intimate female apparel put onto him. I realise that this was grossly immature and irresponsible. The only defence I can make is-it seemed hysterically funny (in my condition) at the time!!
I returned home with more money than I went out with (my meal and all my drinks were paid for)-and a whip round was made for a tip but it was turned down as service was included on the bill-so rather than try to split it, it was given to me. Result!

NB For non-lawyers, there was a legal 'joke' above that should be explained. Nobody is ever drunk-whether in theoretical scenarios or real life (presumably because their lawyers advise them not to be since it automatically would pass any 'reckless' part of the offence they are charged with).
Although an extreme, it is not uncommon to read, 'I wouldn't describe myself as drunk, I only had 3 bottles of wine, 8 pints and a few whiskey chasers. I was definitely merry but no more than that'. With that in mind, I am proposing some new offences;

Merry and disorderly
Merry driving
Being found merry in charge of a vehicle...

Wednesday-the good news is that I'm not hungover (yet), the bad news is that I'm shattered. We are still struggling through the mine field that is means-tested benefits. We had a prep task to do which nobody got right (in fact I was the closest with about 2/3 right)-this does not bode well for the exams. The good news is that I realised where I went wrong and rectified my mistake in a matter of seconds. We also had to calculate housing benefit for a client-this will be very useful in the near future I feel!
The rest of the bad news is that my hangover kicked in about 1 hour into the class. Ho hum.

That's about it for the week, just add a lot of consolidation on Thursday and a token attempt to work on Friday and Saturday and we're nearly done.

Except...
I sent an email to my classmates during the week and since this blog should reflect all that happens to me I want to share it.

"I would like to thank everyone who helped contribute to making Tuesday night a wonderful one for me. I am truly touched by the warmth and affection that is shared by our tutor group.

As some of you may know, I was very apprehensive about this year and what sort of students I would be 'lumped' in with. As the year comes to a close I would like to put it on the record that I have been privileged to have spent that time with some of the brightest, kindest and most likeable people I have ever met.

Thanks guys, not only for Tuesday but for making this year one of the most fun and enjoyable ones of my life."

And I can write that with 100% sincerity, for those people who have read from the start I was truly concerned about being put with students who were;

In their own minds my superior since they had got the degrees from a 'proper' polyversity
Cliquey
Bitchy/snide
Discriminatory
As thick as a whale sandwich-what with 'A' levels being so easy now that you can get them with box-tops of your favourite cereal (I have been proved wrong on this one by the way before the poison pen letters start...)

And many other worries, all completely unfounded. I realise that I have been very lucky. We had two (potentially disruptive) classmates who left us in the first two weeks and had them replaced with a real star.
Despite the fact that I am closer to their parents ages (and maybe older than one or two), I have received nothing but acceptance from my classmates-and will be eternally grateful for that.

And on the flip-side, knowing me may just make one or two of them look more closely at their parents and think, 'well, OK, they'll never be as cool as Paul but they're alright' (**cough**) or even after they've made their pile from this lawyering business, to chuck it in for a year and go back to school and learn some new stuff.

You never know...

The more astute of you will be asking, 'Why 'Celebrations and Commiserations' as a title, Paul?' Where's the commiserating? Celebrating I can just take but where's the usual whining?

So, as an aside-today I went up to Wembley to watch Exeter City play Morecombe in the Conference play-off final with the prize being a place in the lowest tier of the football league. Wembley was fantastic, an amazing stadium with a brilliant view (but high-very high where we were-and I don't like heights!)
I travelled up with some Exeter supporting mates and Exeter did not win. A shame to have come so far on the journey (talking metaphysically here and not in terms of motorways) then to have it abruptly denied them at the end.

So, commiserations to Exeter. Next year, eh lads?

Results are in!

2007-05-13T17:16:00.000+01:00

Yes, its true. The most important part of the week was the announcement of results.

And the verdict?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Serbia's Marija Serifovic won with 268 points. And the UK scored just 19!

(oh, there were some LPC scores as well but I'll come to those later)

Now that's not to say that I have no life and can afford to spend hours watching the creamed cheese of Europe pratting about on stage. Well, actually I do have no life but I wasn't watching Eurovision-scout's honour.
I might have channel surfed onto it at the start in that sort of 'attracted to car crashes' way-but that's all.
At this time I year I begin to feel my age and the chasm that's developing between me and the youth of today-luckily Eurovision has a timeless quality that keeps it as naff and nauseating as it was when I was a nipper.

This was the first (and only) week this year when a Bank Holiday intruded into the timetable. This meant that my Monday class got postponed to Friday afternoon. If I had could ever get into a routine I would find it very irritating to have to keep changing it.
Luckily I haven't, so I'm not.

Tuesday's workshop had a familiar feel-the tutor for the other criminal group who meet at the same time as us was sick so our tutor thought that he would combine the groups again.
This was pretty disasterous last time but he must have reckoned that he had it sussed now. Most of the session went fairly well, since he has learnt that presentations in a room the size of a hanger for small aircraft is a no-no and it was easy enough to set problems to the room and use our combined intellect and researching skills to blunder blindly to the correct result.

The problem occured when he decided to follow his lesson plan and get us to role-play (spits) the role of the prosecution and defence in a drink-driving/spiked drinks scenario. With a class of over 30 that's a lot of bodies to keep occupied.
Firstly we were split into two separate trials. Then 6 people were randomly selected to make up the magistrates benches. This still left about 6 people to sort out the roles of 'prosecutor for this', 'defence spokesman for that'.
I had been posted on a prosecution table (and with me not being particularly in love with the CPS at the moment too...). There were not enough of us prosecuting types to get a role each so I was happy to slack off and settle back and relax.

With hindsight this was not smart.

The defence team had to distribute out the roles of defence solicitors and also the witnesses. And that's where it all falls down. Rather than be impartial and give the evidence that was in the case facts, one of the defence witnesses thought they would try to be the 'life and soul' and quibble pedantically with the prosecutors.
Unfortunately, every laugh he got made him feel even more important and thus more determined to carry on. Not content with arguing semantics from the 'witness box' he thought he would improvise some factual details. (Amazingly these helped his clie-sorry the defendant's story and tore holes in the prosecution line)

At one stage he was actually telling the defence 'solicitor' who was examining him what questions to ask-a true first in the history of British justice. A witness leading the solicitor!

That's why I am annoyed with myself-so sickened I was with this childish showing off that I got involved as a prosecutor and got caught up in this sideshow-but I hadn't planned my questions (having mentally turned off earlier) and got short shrift.

His performance was enhanced by one of the magistrates looking to interrupt the prosecution case whenever she could (oh she was from a defence table too-how amazing!)

I have no idea how many trials he has witnessed (I imagine it's quite a lot-he's very keen) but in the ones that I have seen both at magistrates and Crown-I have never seen such an arrogant and cocky performance.
Once when at Torbay magistrates I did see a young man who was being tried for possesion of cannabis and an offensive weapon adopt a cocky smile and a smug look. In all the others I have seen the defendants/witnesses have all looked either frightened or repentive.
For the record the smug guy got a maximum fine, a community work order and confiscation and destruction of the drugs and weapon-he didn't look so cocky after that...

That's the point, if you go into the witness box and are argumentative, cocky or know-it-all, do not expect the magistrates to say, 'You have a formidible intellect and we all bow down before you. Please walk free and here's ten pounds for your trouble'. You will get warned about your behaviour and probably slapped down.

But our magistrates couldn't (or wouldn't) do that. The witness carried on with his 'I'm the centre of attention act' right through and only looked less than cocky once, when right at the end I made the comment,

'When this trial finishes can we have one for perjury?'

Amazingly, the magistrates found the defendant's excuse of spiked drinks to be valid. Did this have any basis that on the fact that two of the magistrates came from the defence table and only one from the prosecution table? And after the 'trial' everyone had to rejoin their table-mates?

Interestingly the other group found the defendant's excuse not to be valid-but of course they had two members of the prosecution table making up their 'bench'.
Co-incidence?
I don't think so!

For Welfare there was a definite mood of apprehension. Rather than the cosy little world of immigration we are now thick into calculations of various benefits and credits. The session was not helped by the star student in the group being away leaving just 3 of us on our table.

On top of this, the other two guys are not so comfortable with numbers. I might have struggled through if I had been on my own but I had a feeling akin to baby sitting that afternoon. One of them reminded me of a hyperactive 5 year old whose mother had fed him too many e-numbers. Any time he did a calculation he felt he had to waft his calculater in front of me to confirm that we had agreement.
Unfortunately the other person on our table was struggling and I was going slow to make sure that she was following what we were doing.

So we have manic on one side and glacial on the other.
I was shattered at the end of that.

This was not helped by overrunning by a full 30 minutes! We were given 10 minutes break before the same tutor took us for our large group lecture. Most of the group had visions of a finish well past 6:15 but luckily the lecture was a short one (non-existant is a slightly better description-it still ran for over half an hour though!)

So to Thursday. Results day. I had spoken to a lot of my colleagues during the week and got a wide range of responses. Some could not be bothered, some were nervous, one was hyperactive to a wild degree and expected no sleep at all on Wednesday night (oh, we've covered him already! Aha! That may just explain his behaviour in welfare!)

The results were to be posted up on campus from 8:30 am on. They were also due to be published on the college web-site from 9:30 on. I was interested to see what I had got but not interested enough to walk to college at 7:30...

So, I went on the net at the appointed time (well, a bit before if true be told) and got-

-a message saying that the site could not be accessed. Not surprisingly, it seemed that everyone was going on-line at the same time to check. So I casually logged off and went back to my consolidation.

Then checked again a few minutes later. Still nothing. A bit peeved now, I signed off and went back to consol.

And so this continued until about 10:20 when I finally got through. I ran down the list to find my candidate number and got the following;

Business: 76% (5% up from the mock)
Property 63% (9% down from the mock)
Litigation 70% (20% up from the mock!)

I had expected my scores to all go down from the mock so I was delighted. Even better I have two distinction marks and a commendation. On a casual glance if I can get two distinction marks from my electives and get 211 out of 300 then in theory I will get a distinction (sadly, my fail in advocacy comes back to bite me in the butt again).
But, better news is that provided I pass my electives then I should get a commendation (That is provided I don't get exactly 50% for each of them!)

We also received marks for conduct-there have been various conduct questions included in exams/mocks/assessed work throughout the year. I was awarded 32 out of 40. This means that I only have to get 18 out of 60 on the set conduct paper-which is lovely since I will not be able to revise that paper as fully as others since it on the same day as my far more important welfare paper.

I also passed the last two assignments-drafting and legal research.

All in all, a fine morning. I certainly waded into the rest of my consolidation that day with renewed vigour.

One bit of bad news though, a friend from our original tutor group phoned me to say she had failed a paper by 2%. (I actually knew this already-I had checked her results earlier and decided not to phone her to be the bearer of bad news).
I hope that she can find something on her paper to scrape those last two marks. I have advised her to check and double check everything, in my view she must try to find something to appeal against-it's so important for her (like all of us) to pass first time.

Since then I've come across another in our group who failed one and a young lady who still hasn't even checked her results yet! Her view is that it won't be good news and if she does check it'll demotivate her further...

So saying, I have come across a couple of (minor) horror stories. There are two students here who have scored over 70% in all their compulsaries and would be shoe-ins for distinctions except they failed either drafting or legal research. (One of which is actually averaging over 80%).

And one guy who has a training contract with a huge 'Magic Circle' firm and is set to start on a monster salary drafting client contracts and agreements.

...except he failed drafting...

Onto Friday-my first Friday-in for about 3 months and I'm delighted to see that Friday PM apathy is universal. Despite all the best attempts of our 'wetter than a squid's tentacles' tutor, we were bereft of enthusiasm. This may have been to do with the day itself but probably had a large contribution from drinking to celebrate (or forget) the previous night.

We were in the murky waters of sexual harassment and I discovered another difference between the majority of students and myself. In the scenario a woman is asked for a date by a man at the Christmas party. She turns him down and in front of her work colleagues he makes a comment about her loose morals and calls her a 'bitch'.

When we came to discuss it, I focused on his accusation that she is of easy virtue whereas the rest of the room was more concerned about her being called a bitch. That must be an age thing!

The rest of the session was spent drafting a reply to a form-yep, that's right-padding out the session!
Just like for the compulsaries, at least two of the electives appear to be struggling to fill the full number of weeks. Only welfare is still going hell-for-leather. Knowing that tutor, he'll still be sending us points to note and last minute emails on the morning of the exam...

I have mentioned age a couple of times this week-it is on my mind at the moment. In this coming week I 'celebrate' my 43rd birthday. How the hell can I be 43? OK, I creak a bit from time to time and move as slow as sloth with piles but 43? That's almost old!

Just a thought-does middle age begin when you're closer to a Saga holiday than an 18-30 one?

NB Under new age discrimination-there are possible court cases in the pipeline about younger people wanting to take part on Saga holidays-can we expect retired people to start applying to go on 18-30 shagfests if they win?

Just a thought, don't mean nothing by it...

If no news is good news, is received news always bad news?

2007-05-06T16:41:00.000+01:00

Mmm, the beginning of May.
Another sign that this is rapidly coming to an end.
My last exam is on Monday the 11th of June. A quick check on my wall calender indicates that this Friday is the 11th of May which means I'll be entering the last month of the course.

I'm going to miss it so much it's almost worth failing just so that I can retake in August.

Well, not quite-but almost...(you get the idea).

It's fair to say that I was not at my focused best this week what with the thought of my impending job interviews popping into my mind every few minutes.

Monday went how I thought it may go; there was a 'clashing of opinions' about certain aspects of the discrimination part of the employment course.
Law should have certainly.
If the law is uncertain how can a lawyer (for an example) advise anyone else? That is not to say that law should be static-it must be able to adapt to changes in society.

So saying, it took 255 years from when the legal position was settled in 1736 for the law to accept that it was possible for a husband to rape his wife-so don't expect lightning quick decisions.

But the law should be decided upon reasoned rules and maxims not by what is perceived by the court as 'just' and then relying on tortured logic and indiscriminate statistics to justify the decision.
The problem that this creates follows from the fact that lower courts are bound to follow the essence of decisions of higher courts (it is called precedent). So, if a higher court makes a decision that is, shall we say of 'doubtful provenance' then this dubious decision MUST be followed if the case in the lower courts 'is on all fours' (a wonderful term meaning that all the relevant details are essentially the same, sadly it is not used very much)

The basis for this rant is the same 'London Underground' case that I moaned about before. We had to use it this week in our workshop to justify the advice that we were going to give to a client.
This is what I mean-Law is certainty (discuss, 2000 words before next week please)

So the advice we gave was based on this case (higher court cases must be followed, right?)-even though every fibre in my body was screaming,

'This case is complete Barclays!!.'

God bless my late Cockney father)

So, the tutor and I had what may be classed as 'a full and frank discussion where various points were forcefully argued'. The problem being that this FFD was with Temp-loyment (still no sign of our proper tutor yet) so it was akin to shadow boxing a waterfall-you expend a lot of energy but you achieve absolutely nothing.
The discussion went on between us through part of the break but she could not argue the logic for the case because the answer wasn't on her sheet.

Yes, she has an answer sheet for all the problems that are set in the workshop.
Which is great if we stick to the questions but we are a;

Young (**cough**)
Blossoming (**double cough**) collection of intellectual heavyweights (**collapses coughing**)
Who all have enquiring minds (**I'll have to stop here to get some water**)

So, we like to ask questions. I would like to stress however, that we do not ask questions to embarass our tutor and make her look ill-prepared and foolish.
Well, not much...

Sometimes however, it is great to have a tutor who has to carry the answers around with her on printed A4 sheets-especially if she comes to our table, puts the sheet down (those A4 sheets do weigh a lot), so I can sneakily read them and then repeat what I just read to her.

Pauls handy tips for lawyers number 1: Practice reading upside down-bosses always leave important sheets on their desk-but believe you can't read them if the sheet is not facing you.

For sheer amusement value the highlight had to be the young lady on our table who was getting more and more 'wound up' when we started doing disability discrimination.
In every other area of discrimination the person who is claiming that they are being disciminated has their position analysed in relation to a comparator-someone who does not have the feature that they believe is the source of the discrimination but is identical in every other way. (so if a gay employee feels they are being discriminated against for reason of their sexuality they are compared to a straight employee of the same age/sex/religion etc)

But not for disabled people who believe that they have experienced discrimination on account of something that happened related to their disability.
The example we discussed was a guy who had to go to a therapist every day before starting work. This made him late and he was dismissed for timekeeping.
Ideally his comparator should be an employee who was late (for a perfectly good reason) but not in disability discrimination-his comparator is in fact someone who always turns up on time. So, the court then examines if the two have been treated differently.

Disabled chap, always late, dismissed
Comparator, always on time, kept in work.

Hmm, can you spot the difference?
I think I can.
Absolutely farcical.

The test is made so that the finding is 100% always going to show discrimination. The theory being that the employer then has a chance to justify why they acted discriminately and the tiny lickle bit of positive discrimination is simply to get to that stage.

And that was what so wound up this young woman-everyone in life has 'hot buttons'; topics that they feel passionately about, one way or the other. If you can engage and empathise with them on these (and they are things that the person is excited about) then you will make a friend for life.
But if they are subjects that the person is angered about then by tickling their hot button (I really should stop this thread or go and have a cold shower) then they will get very heated indeed (and you will have to work really hard to get them back onside).

Well, it appears that 'positive discrimination' is one of her angry hot button topics. It was wonderful to watch, like being an observer at your own personal volcanic eruption. First we had a little gentle smoke, followed by some deep rumblings leading up to a full pyrotechnic display and once deep buried residue spraying around the room...

Tuesday, a good turn out for our workshop-all 20 of us were present and it went swimmingly. I have been wondering why my table is so intimidating and this week I finally found out.

first woman-has worked 2 years as a Crown court clerk
second woman-has worked 5+ years as a legal executive in a firm that does criminal law only
3rd woman-worked 2 years as a paralegal in criminal only firm
me-a blob, who has worked in shops

Cripes, I'm seriously out of my league! On any other table I might be considered a star, with this lot I'm the duffer! This week even the tutor got made to wonder who was in charge when the Crown Court clerk explained to the class about the procedure for appealing to the Court of Appeal.
As an aside, I put the boot into him myself by telling him that one of the facts on an OHP he used was wrong.
Well, if you can't beat 'em...

One thing I have noticed is how much more vocal I have become on this course. I seem to interrupt in most (if not all) of our workshops at some stage, however this may not be such a good thing since if someone does it in a workshop/lecture that I'm attending and what they say is toss I have a tendency to class them as purveyors of toss...

Oh no, that nice man accused of growing and selling dope has pleaded guilty and that nice young man accused of rape has been found guilty.

Gosh, am I a bad judge of character-I would have let 'em both off!

Of course as I mentioned last week that gives us an excellent chance to look into appealing against sentence and/or conviction.

So why those two poor souls languish in gaol, swinging their legs, running their tin-cups against the bars and singing 'ole man river', (What do you meam, romantic notion of prison?) we start to represent a new client in a new area of law-driving offences.

This is so exciting-it's almost a class in black letter law! Our large group lecture was about offences, endorsements and disqualifications-wonderful!

(Although quite why anyone would want to use our firm since our last 2 clients are now serving long sentences, I do not know...) Don't these people ever listen to word of mouth?

Wednesday and more benefits. Things are getting seriously sticky and smelly. The class have started to have that glazed 'you say, we'll write it and maybe understand it one day'. This week we looked at Contributory non-means tested benefits (contribution based-jobseekers allowance and incapacity benefit) and although the class exercises were fairly straightforward, it wouldn't take too much variation from them in the exam to throw us off completely.

It did give Tigger the chance to role-play a confused, depressed middle aged woman though. I have noticed a trend that he enjoys playing all the female parts and he never plays the male ones. I shall monitor this situation closely. I am starting to get disturbing visions of him waiting for his wife to go out to choir practice so he can nip upstairs and try on her clothes.

Note to self: I shall have to get out more, or stop visiting so many interweb sites.

STOP PRESS: Looking at this weeks prep about Income support/Income-based Jobseekers allowance/Tax credits and housing benefit/council tax benefit the brown stuff is about to hit the rotating device.

OK, well we have reached Thursday.
Interview day 1. This post is based in Guildford, only about 1/2 a mile as the crow flies but a mile as the pedestrian walks. This is the one that requires knowledge of Excel 'as an intermediate' as well as Word 'as an intermediate'.
The Word part I can probably handle since I've done all my notes on it this year as well as all my assessed work for the two previous years.
The good news is that I did spend Tuesday afternoon testing myself on Excel formula and putting together a few spreadsheets from my business accounts work. That went very well, I was surprised how much I remembered and how good it looked.

The interview had been arranged by phone but was not confirmed in writing. I had been invited for a chat with the HR guy. I expected an informal talk with perhaps me being given a chance to prove my skills.

First impressions-it looks very swish. All glass and chrome. A little warm for me perhaps-I am the sort of guy who sweats in the freezer section of Sainburys but OK.
I go to reception then sit and wait-my appointment time comes and goes.
Not a good sign.
Eventually HR guy comes out shakes my hand and we go to an empty office.

First bad sign, there are two people there already. One has the suit and moustache that says 'I am a senior partner', the other is a young lady who is displying waaaay too much cleavage for me to concentrate properly.
Is this a test?
Look her in the eyes, Paul! Dammit!

Informal chat my buttcheeks-this is a real full-blown interview!
During the week I had taken the chance to scan a few books that I have downloaded from the net about interview technique and questions. In the past I have been too passive, so this week I tried to be a bit more positive in the interview and take charge.

And to be fair, I did do this. I answered the questions as best as I could, flipping a few back to them when the chance arose. I showed my supportive qualities, I went over my experience; my teaching, my tutoring and was positive throughout.
I produced a list of questions that I had prepared to show an interest in the firm-and some of their answers in reply were pish-poor (so take that!)

The only thing is that I discovered very quickly that I really didn't want to work for them.
The phrase 'smug bankers' summed them up. Their firm exists to make people who have a lot of money to make more money and then to scoop a fair sized wodge out of it.

That's not for me-I realise that someone has to do it but it's not for me.

Plus the job was to take over as the 'case management assistant' from the chick with the cleavage who was going to start a training contract. The idea being that if you did well then they would consider you for a TC 'after a suitable time'-which in their view would not be before 2010.

So 3 years of writing memos and helping people who are earning vastly more than me to use Excel and Word.

That's not to say that I would have turned it down if it had been offered to me (I am nothing if not a hypocrite) but I knew that I would get an 'Unfortunately, we..' letter.

That afternoon I started to do some consolidation from the week and to focus on my next interview-the important one, my first with the CPS.

Friday-an early start for me. I was out of the house by 8.30 having done some cramming on the CPS and the 'cut n paste' answers that I had sent them. As I reviewed this a cold chill went down my spine.
I hadn't updated the application details from when I was working at Specsavers so I wrote it as if I still worked for them.
Now this might not be so bad, except in the application I spoke of my attention to detail and how I check and double check everything.

WHOOP WHOOP Catastrophe alert. 'Iceberg approaching Captain'.
I should take evasive action-I could go home an hide under the duvet...

Oh well, I better go and face the music-it's too late to turn back now. The job was based close to Southampton working in the office that handles Crown Court cases.

The building itself was difficult to find (in fact it was only about 50 metres from the station) but I went far too far up the road and had to come rushing back as time was going against me.
I took the life up to the third floor-at least two of the floors below were abandoned (not a good sign) and I couldn't help but notice the presence of 'Heightened Threat' posters up in the reception. (make that two not good signs).

A problem developed. I had brought with me what I had been told to bring. A passport (never had one) or a birth certificate (to prove that I have been born, I guess).
This was not enough (whuh?) and I should have brought a utility bill (I kid you not), how was I supposed to know? Amazingly my NUS ID was not good enough-even though it has my photo on it.

Eventually they decided that since I was there they ought to interview me. This time I knew that I would be facing a panel of 3 interviewers. (two female with a male 'chair') so no sneakily ambushing me!
We started with the usual, 'what do you know of the CPS' and 'why do you want to work for us?' before the interview proper started.

They asked me exactly the same questions as were on the application form. I had the form with me, I could have read out my answers! Why did they bother? Did they think that I had forgotten what I had written?

Anyhow I answered as well as I could. I expanded on what I had written and tried to include examples from both work and college. By the end I though that the chair and one of the panel were definitely pro-me with the other being anti.

When I was asked if I had any questions I produced a list (not the same one as for the day before, I was smart enough to write a fresh one!) but time was against me and I only got to ask 4 of the better ones. Again I had the joy of watching the panel flounder when the boot was on the other foot!

The interview had gone well, I had been positive and been in control even though I was outnumbered 3-1.

I was told that they would let me know the result that day at 3pm and could I give them a number where I could be contacted at that time.

So, I tootled off home and got back to working. I got the call at about 3:40 (a very bad sign) and

got told the bad news-not this time, thanks but no thanks. The chairman very kindly gave me some feedback-apparently a couple of my answers had been vague and not specific enough for them.

The questions were (paraphrasing) 'give an example of a time where you had to meet a deadline' and 'give an example of when you had to prioritise your work'. With the greatest respect to the CPS these are really stupid questions. Everyone who works, whether its paid work/study or even a hobby does these things dozens of times a day-without being conscious of it. You may as well ask,

'give an example of when you thought breathing was a good idea', OR

'explain how standing up plays a part in your working day'

And yes, I am bitter!

All this means is that for my next interview I will have to invent a couple of bogus examples from my imagination-which is particularly amusing when I was told that one of the main characteristics they want from the applicants is honesty!

The following day I got a letter rejecting me from my previous interview and a rejection from a CPS post in Cheshire.

Can I please have no news for a week or so? Thanks.

If cats have 9 lives how may do LPC students get?

2007-04-29T17:35:00.000+01:00

My highly perceptive senses are telling me that summer is on the way.

Is it the gentle warmth that permeates the bedroom and means the thick duvet must be put into mothballs?

Or is it the stiffling temperature that allows me to write this whilst wearing shorts and a t-shirt? (not an image which those of a mild disposition should dwell on)

Or is the heaps of dead insects that litter my flat like the victims of some multiple-bug car crash?

Mmm, it might be that last one. I seem to be taking daily work applications from spiders who have heard that there is some sort of 'all you can eat' offer going on at Chez Paul. It may sum my life up when I tell you that I have adopted one of the hairy little multi-legged brutes as a pet and call him 'Desmond'. Unfortunately Des runs whenever he catches sight of me (must be the shorts-he probably recognises my legs as being colonies of spiders clinging onto alabaster pillars)

Damn, this writing business ain't easy. How that JK Rowling does it, I don't know.

Of course, I could just name-drop here and point out that I went to University with ole JK back in the 80's and me and her are just like that (waggles fingers vaguely) and that she cheekily pinched a few of my short story ideas about a teenage wizard called Barry Cotter when she popped in after class one day for a mug of coffee.

..I make an excellent coffee!..

But that would be lying and we don't do lying in the law.

We always give a straight answer to a straight question

Of course, we are all hoping like mad that we don't get asked any straight questions...

Now, astute readers will be wondering where this is all leading (and to be honest so am I) but there is a reason. Bear with me. Amongst all the excitement of this week something rather good has happened.

I have a job interview coming up!

Well actually, I have two!

I am in College, Monday to Weds then I have interviews on Thursday and Friday-this means that I will have to re-arrange my working hours (again) so that in addition to prepping for my classses I can prep for the interviews.

It does however, put me in a bit of a moral dilemma, truthwise (squirms a bit on chair and catches leg hair in swivel mechanism-ouch). I may not have been quite 100% truthful when I applied for one of them. I may just have stretched the truth a tad-I may have mentioned (in passing like) that I had a lot of experience in a certain computer product. Which is nearly totally true-it's just the word 'lot' that may not be quite accurate. Unless of course 'lot' means 'some' or 'a very small amount'.

Hang one, I'll check with the dictionary.

Bugger...

Still, it's not that great a job anyway...

As I may have mentioned, the chance of getting a training contract now is pretty slim-so I'm trying to concentrate on getting in as a lesser position and hoping to work my way up. There is (allegedly) the opportunity to do that in this job (and it's in Guildford-so at least going to the interview won't cost much).

I've just had a rare spot of insight-they are probably lying about the promotion opportunities and that counters my lying about my knowledge!

Sorted!

Two wrongs do make a right after all!

Anyhow, Friday is an entry level position with the CPS in Hampshire-so not too far away there either. Part of the job is advertised as 'receptionist', so I shall have to practice chewing gum and filing my nails.

What do you mean stereotypical prejudice?

As I have remarked before the weeks are flying by-the electives are all now past the half way stage (though I heard this week of someone trying to change to different ones).

Just 4 weeks to go to the exams!

Alas, it does appear that we shall never have our 'proper' employment tutor. There is the faintest chance that she would be worse than temp-loyment but it is such a faint possibility that I shall have to discount it.
This week we started our first workshop on discrimination. We rushed straight into a case about sex discrimination with a female client being asked different questions at a promotional interview to the other (male) candidate.

So far we have looked at direct discrimination (as in the example above),
harassment (violating another person's dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them)

What do you mean I copied that out of the textbook?

and victimisation (picking on an individual because they have brought proceedings in the past against the employer-or are doing so at present)

All good stuff and 'fairly' easy to spot. However, this coming week we'll be looking at 'indirect' discrimination and this may be a tad contentious.

An example from the textbook;
London Underground changed their workers shift patterns to more flexible hours. All of the male workers agreed to them. One of the female workers couldn't work the new hours. In the end it was decided that these new hours were discriminatory-not because of any fact that was relevant in the case but because statistically single mothers outnumbered single fathers by 10-1. (whuh?)

What I found fascinating was that there were 2000+ male workers and 21 female workers. So in fact because 1 out of 2050 workers had a problem, the tribunal (and upheld by the Court of Appeal) decided that the new shift patterns were discriminatory...

Hmm, I have a feeling that this may be Alice in Wonderland law where,

"when I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.'
'The question is', said Alice, 'whether you can make words mean so many different things.'
'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty,' which is to be master-that's all.'

(Through the Looking Glass, c.vi)

As I say, a tad contentious...

Tuesday-what are we doing in criminal today? Ah, still dealing with our cannabis possessing benefit cheat and his gradual fall into prison. It's a tricky case this one,

On the one hand, he has a previous for growing cannabis (along with other offences), he was seen with potting compost on his hands and overalls and he has a weed habit.

But on the other, there are none of his fingerprints on any of the cannabis producing items (only a fan and an extension cable-which may have an innocent explanation being items with a possibly innocent use) and he was caught with cannabis from another source.
Which leads me to ask, if he has no money and grows the stuff why does he spend cash he doesn't have to buy it from a dealer?

All very intriguing stuff-I have the suspicion that the CofL like to keep it fairly even like this so that you can't get a biased or jaundiced view against your client. After all, if you think your client is guilty then you might be less inclined to do your best for them-well that's my theory.
The College can't present you with innocent clients though since;

Statistically, about 93% are stone cold guilty, and
You would miss out on the stuff about mitigation and appealing

So they have to keep it balanced and then hit you with fresh, overwhelming evidence where the whole defence case collapses like a house in an earthquake (apologies to any readers in Kent)

Recently, I have thinking about my first ever 'case'-it was for a union member back in my Smiths days who was accused of a dismissable offence.
I acted as her advocate and confidant and although she left the company she wasn't dismissed for 'gross misconduct' (with its subsequent problems) but left with 13 weeks pay and a good reference.
Every person that I spoke to in the store (about 60 people) believed that she was guilty of the offence. Only I had no personal view of the matter-even to this day, I don't think she did what she was accused of-she certainly acted foolishly but I don't think dishonestly.

The reason that I have been thinking about it recently-along with the prospect of being thrust into the world of law is that there is a young woman in Welfare who is the spitting image of her and even talks in exactly the same accent! (BTW, they are not related-I have asked!)

With the usual seamless link we now move to Wednesday and welfare. (damn am I so slick at this or what..?).

Well, actually I don't. In fact when I got home on Tuesday I had a surprise-a message on my answerphone. OK, the message did say that it had come on Sunday at about 6pm-but we'll move swiftly on from the fact that I have never got around to setting it properly (or even reading the manual).
The message was that I had been invited to lunch with the external examiners because temp-loyment (god bless her) had thought that I would be an excellent person for them to talk to (BTW I am getting a little concerned that she may have designs on me-I shall have to start shaving my legs)

Well, being an intellectual giant (**cough**) with educated opinions (**double cough**) on everything from indirect discrimination to number theory (**collapses in coughing fit**) I was the obvious choice to take a light repast with some others of equivalent intellects (or other people who have mindless chats to spiders that are running away from them).

Anyhow, the upshot was that I turned up for this lunch (as in fact did half of the workshop group-so much for exclusivity) and we were sat around a table with the external examiner who had a very faint whispery voice and a neck lump.
Now I am not one to mock the afflicted (that would be foolish considering my obvious deficiencies) but this was huge! The guy wore his shirt over it-I fully expected an 'alien' like moment as it burst free and ran under the table...

It was all quite pleasant and we made sure that we said nice things about Tigger and his teaching but I had been hoping to do a bit of networking, schmoozing and brown-nosing. Ho hum.

Interestingly the examiner has two specialities in which he is the outside invigilator. Welfare-especially looking after those with benefit claims and acquistions.
Acquisitions!!
That's kind of a strange combo. Acquisitions is about making money for people who have too much money already. (now I'm wondering if that neck-lump may have been a siamese-twin who handled the welfare side...)

The other thing of note was that of the 7 students around the table, all 4 of the acquisitions people had training contracts with big firms and all 3 of the welfarers are currently unemployed but then...

...our 'star' welfare student joined us. She actually has a job!!!

I made my excuses after about an hour and slipped away to finish my tasks for the workshop.

Which was a bit of a strange one. We had our prep task which was in two parts. We had been given a background reading relating to half a dozen people and were asked,'what benefits did they need?' and 'what benefits could they claim?'.

I don't think anyone did the first part-and we didn't cover the answer in the workshop.

The second part was the entire workshop-we did nothing else (we still overran, mind). We had to go through each of the claims making sure that we followed the checklist fully.

And we didn't finish all of the possible claims either...

Benefits are not going down anywhere as well as immigration did. I am determined to stay positive about them but my classmates are not impressed. The sheer amount of them is pretty daunting-and so far we've only touched non-means tested, non-contributory ones.

During the earlier part of the week I had tried to get my consolidation done because I knew that I would have to dedicate at least a day (or so) in getting back in the swing for advocacy.

Yep, it's that time-one week after picking up the papers I had to do my reassessment. The first thing I noted was how hard it was to get back into the right frame of mind. I last did advocacy in the 2nd week of December and outside of getting my feedback and having a horrid few minutes seeing myself on video, I had tried not to think about it.

The case was not an inspiring one.
A hotel had contracted someone to lay a carpet on their stairs. The hotel had chosen a red carpet with a bold diagonal pattern which the carpet layer had not laid centrally but had bisected the diagonal and ended up putting a triangular block on each side. The hotel were not happy and got a new carpet from a different seller and charged the cost to the originally carpet-layer (who just happened to be on holiday when the claim arrived and only returned home after judgment had been given against her)

And you have to present a case on the carpet layers behalf to get this judgment set aside.

To be fair, the case was not quite as bleak as I have made it. There are small straws to grab to try to make a case and give the judge the idea that if the case were to be tried the defence would have a chance of succeeding.
But again, the hardest part is memorising the litany and putting it all into sensible order. This was made more difficult because although I knew that I wouldn't have an opponent in the reassessment (the College obviously realise that two people who have both already failed the assessment would be a nightmare combination) that means that I have extra litany to remember.

In addition to introducing myself and the firm that I 'work' for I also have to introduce the absent firm and explain their non-attendance and show documents signed by them to that effect.

Anyhow, come Saturday morning I have my script and I am frantically trying to remember it. (the advantage of having no opponent means that you don't have to reply to what they say so it is easier to go by the script).
I should mention though that you are not allowed to have the script in front of you. The College allow some notes but only in bullet points and if you are seen to be reading from a script you are failed automatically.

My memory is pretty good regarding things like cases/dates and the names of statutes but this was not going well.
If I read the script it takes about 10 minutes (and I talk really fast) without it, I stumble along in about 20 minutes. In the assessment I will have about 10 minutes-so things are not looking good.

Then catastophe!
My taxi has arrived-10 minutes early and he's outside repeatedly sounding his horn.! So I grab the last few items, stuff my pockets-hoping I've not forgotten something important and swing my tie round my neck. (A fashion god, me)

The driver does apologise for arriving early-he misread his computer (that's your tip gone, my good man) and we set off.

I get to College and find that all the study rooms are closed and locked-so I have nowhere to go and pace whilst reciting to myself.
Catastrophe number 2!

Luckily I find a corridor and can chant to myself but it still sounds terrible, nothing is coming together...

And finally, the minutes roll by and I have to go to Student services and sign myself in. I am told that there has been a problem and one of the examiners hasn't arrived. So I will be delayed and have to sit in reception and wait.
By now, my demons are coming to torment me and my good friends doubt and despair are sitting on the couch with me.

'You can go up now', the words I do not want to hear are spoken and I climb the stairs to a familiar room. This was where I took my mock assessment (and failed-just).
This does not bode well, the door opens and the assessor is there. It is the same lady who took my mock assessment (that I failed, just) and she motions me in. There is a small Sahara going on inside my mouth-it feels like I've not tasted water for months-I just know that I am going to dry up like in my assessment.

'Are you ready?', the tutor asks. 'I'll never be ready', I reply with a smile.

She smiles back.

At that moment I know that I can pass this. I begin to talk, my litany is smooth. I don't dry up.

I quote the facts of the case.
I don't get emotionally involved with my client's case but simply point to things in the evidence and 'submit' a meaning for them.
I do not ask rhetorical questions.
I stress that the defendant has given first hand evidence and the other side have given hearsay.
I talk of express and implied contract terms
I speak well-not perfectly, there are a few pauses and 'ems' but I do finish up with, 'Madam, unless I can assist you further, those are my submissions'.

It has taken less than 10 minutes-I believe I have covered the whole case and of all my attempts that day, it was by far the best.

There should be a chance now for the tutor to ask any questions she may have-she doesn't ask any. With barely a second's hesitation she awards the case to my client.
She then asks about costs-normally my client should have to pay since after all she was the one in the wrong since she didn't answer the original claim. I explain that normally she would have to pay but since her reasons for missing the claim was a good one (holidays are acceptable) then the costs should be shared ('in the case').

The judge agrees and I have finished.

We smile at each other and I leave.

Have I passed? I would like to think so but I really don't know. My confidence is shattered regarding advocacy but all I can say is that if I haven't passed this time-I will never pass. I can be no better than I was that Saturday morning.

But what a difference that smile made...
*
*
*
*
p.s I really did go to university with JK Rowling-but I very much doubt we met though
I lived my 3 years on one side of campus and her the other,
I did a science subject and she did an arts one.

But it's good to imagine, right?
I can't forgive her about Barry Cotter though....

A week of learning new stuff

2007-04-22T16:18:00.000+01:00

I've just sent an email to a friend where I told him that I was into the last two months of the course-then it struck me...

I'm into the last two months of the course!!! Argggggghhhh!!

Sorry about that...

This year has shot by so fast-it began at an incredible speed since everything was new and I had to re-adjust my life accordingly.
Then when I had got into a routine, the compulsories filled up all of my time. They finished and I started to catch my breath and relax into the gentler pace of the electives-now these are almost half way through. Already we are looking at the exam time table with the aim of planning a revision timetable in mind.

There are 13 electives which all of the LPCers have to choose 3 from.
The college then have to squeeze exams for these into 8 days as well as the compulsory conduct exam.
What the college have tried to do is to make sure that if you have an exam in the morning you probably won't have one in the afternoon. So an elective for example in a subject where making-money is the key concept (PLCs and equity finance) is put on the same day as an elective where you are essentially working for the good of the underclass of society (e.g. employment). U
nfortunately, everyone has to do conduct and rather than put it on a day of its own it's been put on the exam day of the least popular subject:-

One so disliked only 7 full-time students chose it...

Ah, that would be Welfare, Benefits and Immigration

...bugger...

Fortunately apart from that minor glitch, my exam timetable looks pretty good. I have a free day between each exam (5 in 5 days wiped me out before) so I should be pretty rested and refreshed.
As an aside, I was in conversation with a student from my original tutor group on Friday, she was a bit concerned about her timetable-so we discussed it. I quickly realised that she was using the original one that had been superceeded by a changed version about...3 months ago...
I'm pleased we got that sorted out-BTW, her new timetable is a lot better!

I've got my routine established for these electives now and have a fair chance of getting the whole weekend off (but see later).

Being totally honest, I didn't do quite as much work over Easter as I had planned (For the record, I did do more than the vast majority of my class-mates though).
Towards the latter part of my holiday I had a few texts from one of my Immigration class about a group prep task that we had to get ready for Wednesday. These texts were to arrange a meeting on Monday so that the group could chat through what we had done and prepare the 'moot' (we were going to hold a mock Asylum hearing-our table was presenting the case of an illegal immigrant from Nepal and the other table was acting for the Home Office and trying to throw the young man out of the country).

Well, this classmate and I met up in the refectory on Monday-after small talk about the holiday and how we had done on the research, we got down to the nitty-gritty-where were the other two? It turned out that he hadn't contacted them-I assumed he had, he assumed I had.

Blox!

A fine pair of disorganised lawyers we'd make! Anyhow, I remembered that one of them was usually on campus on Mondays, so I went to find her. I was in luck, she promised to turn up in a few minutes, so I went back to the refectory and got my second bombshell...

My tablemate had researched the case from the point of view of the Home Office

...double blox!

The tutor had made a mistake originally by handing the wrong papers to us-he then emailed us to tell us of his mistake and to take the side of the papers we had been given-but this classmate hadn't checked his email for a couple of weeks.

Up and down the country, experienced barristers are quivering in fear...They'll never know what hit them...

We put our heads together and discussed the case. My two colleagues were of one mind.
We were screwed.

Only I could see that our case had a tiny bit of merit-so I set out to try to convince my teammates that we had a case-if I could convince them we might be able to convince the tutor. And fair enough, I did raise enough points so that we seemed to have a case to fight-one of our team even offered to make me a medal if we could get the young Nepalese asylum status.

Now that's what I call incentive!

She and I then agreed to meet in the computer room on Tuesday to get a finished version down in print.

Monday then went quite sedately with employment-as a class we have pretty much given up on getting our 'proper' tutor taking us. Yet again she was absent so we had to make do with temp-loyment.
She's taken us so many times now she is getting to know our names-this is not a good sign! The workshops remind me of days years ago when at secondary school, if a teacher couldn't make it, a substitute was bussed in at short notice-essentially just to keep order not actually teach anything.
Now to be fair, temp-loyment does try to teach us-but there is such an atmosphere of apathy around (which is doubled because she tries to be so damn enthusiastic-a knock on effect she probably hadn't forseen). This week we studied redundancy and it was OK (damned with faint praise again, huh?).

I'm now going to make statement that anyone who has ever been in a workshop with me will not believe. I did a presentation on our test redundancy subject.

I shall repeat that again so that those people who have fainted when they first read it can hit the floor again.

"I did a presentation-solo, just me, on my own, on my todd, seulement moi"

I had done pretty well, I remember doing a presentation in the first week because no one else on the table would do one. I hated it and it went badly-so I stopped. In fact I have gone on the record to say,

'I don't do presentations'

You can imagine how well that went down with my table

Now, we have killer statement number 2.

I enjoy doing presentations. To those people who have hit the floor again-a few seconds after their jaw-I have phoned an ambulance, it won't be long now...

This course is becoming one huge voyage of discovery...

To reduce the risk to health of my few remaining readers I shall move swiftly onto Tuesday. In advanced criminal we have moved onto a study of Crown Court trials. For anyone will little (or no) criminal knowledge-offences are broken down into 3 categories;

Summary offences-these are heard at a magistrates' court and are less serious
Indictable offences-these are heard only in the Crown Court-think wigs, robes and juries.
Either-way offences-without boring the buttocks off you-these can go to either court but are usually heard in the magistrates'.

We started off the course with Case study 1, looking at various either-way drug offences-just to prove me wrong these are going to Crown.

D'oh

Case study 2 is looking at rape. Obviously this is a very contentious offence which essentially hinges on a few things;

Did the physical act take place?
Were both parties consenting?
If not, did the partner of the party who wasn't consenting have a reasonable belief that they weren't?

Did everyone follow that? There'll be a test later. Anyone who fails has to fill the internet with ink.

Our workshop group is about 60% female-and my table is all female (apart from me obviously) so I expected a rough ride (sorry if that came out wrong).
In fact, the only one on the table arguing for the women's point of view was me! All 3 of the gels were quite happy to say things like, 'well she was asking for it', 'you can't trust girls like that', 'I know the sort'.

Say that again?-feminism is not dead but it ain't half sick...

This case hinges purely on consent-both parties admit the act took place. There was a party, she wasn't well-he said, 'go up to my room' and lie down there-I'll check on you in a while'. She goes up, lies down.
He arrives shortly and **cough** intimacy takes place. That night she tells her friends that he raped her. He is arrested and is now looking at a full trial with wigs, gowns and a jury.

So, did she consent or not?
He says that they had done a similar thing the week before at another party.
Is this true? (interestingly she omitted to mention this in her statement)
Did it happen?
Will we ever know?

Criminal is just sooooo sordid-I love it! It's like studying a mix of Frost, Kavanagh and Cracker. I can now watch TV and pretend I'm studying!

That afternoon, I met my Immigration colleague in the computer room and we committed out case to paper-damn it looks good! I can feel the cleansing power of British justice about to wipe our client's immigration record spotlessly clean!

The only teensy problem is that I kept referring to his country as Tibet (close but no yak-hair cigar)

OK, the big day has arrived. The wholesome Immigration lawyers sitting one side of the tribunal room (hurrah, applause) and the evil, venomous Home Office lickspittles toadying away on the other side of the room (boos, catcalls).
We were in luck, the Home Office side had barely done any work on researching their case and the tutor had to keep intervening to give them a chance (the poor fools)

Unfortunately, all of our good work turned to mush in our hands. The case was effectively unwinnable. There were potentially 3 groups who could do our client harm if he were to be returned to Nepal. Individually, they were all faint possibilities but when combined-who knows?
Alas, the adjuducator (the tutor) decided that the young lad had to be returned to Nepal.

Shame.

The good news is that I never referred to Tibet once (though this may have had something to do with the word 'Nepal' being written in size 200 font on a sheet of A4 in front of me)

We then studied a further case-we assumed that this poor student was in fact a guerilla leader of the Maoist faction who had personally participated in murder, terrorism and torture against the legitimate authorities in Nepal. When we examined his case, we discovered the following.
As a self-confessed torturer;

He could not be granted asylum (hurrah)
He could not get Humanitarian Protection (hurrah)

but since his life would definitely be in danger if he were sent back, the legal responsibilities of the UK insist that he will receive limited leave for 6 months. This would be reviewed at the end of the period and if nothing had changed for the better he would get another 6 months.

So let's get this right,

An honest hard working student sent right back
A torturor and mass murderer gets to stay...some days I can be so proud to be British...

That was the last thing we do for immigration-the large group lecture afterwards was our first covering benefits. We (so far) have looked at;

Industrial disablement benefit
Disability living allowance
Carer's allowance and
Child benefit

And already my head is spinning-we have so many more to do. Although we have been told that there are some fiendish calculations coming up soon-I dearly hope so, that's one of my strong points!

The other news at the end of the week was the announcement that the papers for the retake of my advocacy are ready. So, I made a special trip into college to pick them up.

The good thing is that I have no physical opponent (I guess the College realise that two nervous people would only make each other worse after all), so I just have to do is pitch my client's case to the judge.

The downside is that the case is weak-on top of that I have to retake it next Saturday. This doesn't give me a lot of time. When I made my first attempt, I had the papers for over three weeks and had a few days off before the exam itself. This time I have to prep for next weeks workshops on top of prepping for the assessment but hey, let's get it out of the way!

So, come Monday-I shall have to take my toys to school and lock them away.

I shall have to have my suit dry-cleaned too. A friend told me that clothes are meant to bend.

Fancy that!

You learn something new everyday.

p.s. I wrote this a little earlier than usual and it was only as I began to ponder about life in general and the state of my eternal soul in particular that I remembered another couple of events that made a huge impression on me this week.

Firstly was the appearance of a young lady who had been on my table for half my workshops in the compulsories but who had not made an appearance during the electives.
Well, blow me down wiv a fevver-she only went and turned up aht of the blue (I have a tendency to get a bit mockney late at night-sorry).
She confessed that so far she had only been to 2 workshops-the employment one we met at and one other.
This does not bode well-in fact in general boding terms it looks terminal. I've done all I can so far-I've forwarded my notes for the employment classes she's missed-but unfortunately we have no other shared courses-so she's on her own. Still, nice to see her again.

And secondly, I went out on Tuesday to celebrate the birthday of a friend from the course. I'm not sure if I've noted it elsewhere but this year, for the first time for about 20 years I will have to do work on my birthday-which is rapidly approaching. I've always been in the habit of taking that day as holiday-however this time around I've got a workshop and a lecture so there's no getting out of it I'm afraid (though this puts me in a better position than another friend who has an exam on her actual birthday!)

Anyhow, the great thing was that there was a really good turn out-all the more surprising since it was a school night (and there was footie on the TV), so I want to take a little time to say 'thank you' to her for inviting me out for drinkies. I'd also like to say a general 'thank you' to her for being a good friend and confidant and for persuading me that young people today are still bright and intelligent, witty and fun.
And so to break the habit that I've got into since the first entry-I'll name her and say a heart-felt,

'Thank you Claire, you are one of the people that I'll definitely miss at the end of all this'.

Ooh, I'm getting a bit misty eyed-must be the hay-fever. I'd better go and lie down.

Looking back, looking forward (but stuck in the present)

2007-04-01T18:48:00.001+01:00

Well, that's me on my hols then. (Proper hols this time not that 'ought to be doing some work really-that's why we've given you the time off' thing).

Officially we have no work to hand in the week we go back either...
...but unofficially that's a different mattter (more on that later).

The week started well with me bumping into a couple of my tutor group friends and we had a discussion on how things were going and how we yearned for the 'old times'. It was interesting to note that they were feeling a bit uninspired by their electives as well. We compared experiences and it does seem that there is a mood amongst th students (and the tutors) of the 'worst is over, let's drift towards the final exams shall we?'.

One of the problems is that you are flung together with new classmates-and these also vary from class to class. This means that you don't get a chance to gradually get to know people-it's all rather 'wham baam could you repeat that Ma'am?' So, what generally happens is that those people who had their compulsories together tend to congregate in small cliques in their electives.

Due to the short amount of time that you spend together and the amount of ground that has to be covered in the workshops, no one seems to make much effort to get to learn about their co-students (and I must plead 'guilty as the rest' to this as well). It's almost as if people realise that it'll be over so soon and then we'll be split up again-so what's the point?

Anyhow. The big question on everyones' lips. Would we get to meet out proper employment tutor?

NO.

Well that was easy. We had the woman from week 1 again. It looks like she she will our permanent temporary employment tutor.

I shall call her the temp-loyment tutor.

She tried her best, bless her but it was like a meeting of apathetics anonymous (pedantic point-a true meeting of apathetics anonymous would have no members present but you get the idea). This week we covered unfair dismissal (that's twice in about 3 months-are the College trying to give us a hint?).

As far as workshops go it was fine. The one really bright spot for me was a discussion that we had on our table very early on. We had been given documents that explained out client's case-a woman who was so ill-treated at work that she gave in and resigned. She was then taking a case before the tribunal claiming that this ill-treatment was the cause of her resignation and claiming damages (money) for her loss. We had to read over the papers and discuss them in our group before deciding how strong her case was.

My argument was simply that since the case balanced on 'did she go or was she pushed', we had to know whether she had resigned or been 'constructively dismissed'. If she resigns she gets nothing.
On the evidence that we had (which was only the woman's own testimony) you could put forward a strong case. That was not good enough for me, so I decided to sit on the fence and say 'it depends'. The rest of my table (for some reason unknown to me) decided that the evidence of mistreatment was so strong that they would have urged her to push ahead with her claim.

But as all the keen readers of this column know, every case has two sides.

During the session we were presented with her employers version of events-and boy was there some frantic backpeddling going on! As you might guess, the two accounts didn't quite tally together-and her rock solid case began to crumble before our eyes. Of course it would have been totally unthinkable for me to have behaved in a superior or smug way.

"..when you've seen as much of life as I have you realise that..." No, I did not say those words or anything like them.

(Though it's not such a major sin to think them, right?)

In preparation for criminal I had spent a lot of time on writing up the details of the case that we are working our way through. We had been told that this was to be handed in and since I was keen to make a good impression I had put a lot more time into it than I had for previous weeks prep. I also (as I'm sure you'll remember) spent a lot of time on the 'Critical Incidence Tests' ready to be discussed in class.

So, imagine the joy on my face when I arrived for criminal and found out;

The tutor had decided that the handing in was now optional,
The CITs had been optional.

Hmm, 8 hours of my life I won't get back....

Even better, one of the 2 crim tutors had phoned in sick so our tutor decided that he would run one giant workshop of 40 people. Rather than amend things he just decided to proceed as normal on a grander scale.

This was not a success.

Rather than the intimate little rooms we are used to with it's low ceiling and excellent acoustics we had the workshop in an aircraft-hanger of a room. Conversation at the table was difficult at best and when we had to present to the rest of the class, it was decided that semaphore may have been more appropriate than speech.
As part of these presentations, 'bullet points' are put up on whiteboards-one of the girls on my table couldn't read the writing half way down the room-let alone at the far end.
This 'adapt the small to the large' idea seems to have been a theme this week, but more later.

The large group lecture that followed ran along the same lines as previous ones. We seem to have no substantial topics for the lectures so they are made out of 2 or more bits that seem put together for chronological reasons.
I wouldn't say the subject was dull since that would be akin to describing your wife/girlfriend or partner as ugly (remember that no one has an ugly wife, maybe an ugly ex-wife...) I love criminal, I really do but this course is trying it's hardest to make me unfaithful.

Luckily, that will never be with 'welfare and immigration'. The subject continues to confound and confuse me. My bugbear of the week is that 'Tigger' has his own particular way of doing things and because he will be the only one to mark the exams, we are 'recommended' that we follow his way.
Only problem is, I don't like his way. If a question has 4 parts a) to d) then every fibre of my being will try to answer those in order as fully and comprehensively as possible.
(The College love to give marks for 'showing all the working'-so rather than just state for example "this sale of land by a director of the company to the company he works for is a 'substantial property transaction' ", we are expected to show which Act of Parliament makes it so and how the parties concerned 'tick every box' of the statute.
If you don't do it, you drop marks. Tigger's method involves taking those parts a) to d) and doing just one long answer that covers all of them (you hope).

I really couldn't say why I don't like it-it just seems chaotic and against all the things I've ever been taught (oh god, I am old-its official). And we all know where this sort of chaotic, random behaviour ends up. That's right...

ANARCHY!!!!

The large group that followed covered asylum/refugees and deportation/administrative removal. Tigger carried on his chaotic thought processes theme by taking the printed handout that had 7 numbered sections and starting with number 4, then went to 2 (with a bit of 5) then to 6, back to 1, ignored 7 totally and finished up with 3 and the rest of 5.

In truth, it was actually very interesting-we looked at the definition of a refugee under international law and how this had been interpreted into UK law. (Though I had to squirm slightly with the tutor's description of the degree of severity that an act needed to be before it rated as 'persecution' as its 'level of nastiness'-this seemed a bit childish really)

The class ended with us being given a group assignment for the Easter break. We were given the background details of a refugee from Tibet. Half of us have to act for the refugee as his immigration lawyers to try to get him to stay in the country. The other half must act for the Home Office and try to get him 'administratively removed'. I was delighted to be able to act for the Home Office (the bad guys get all the good lines..) but was slightly disgruntled when Tigger emailed us all on Friday to say that he had handed the wrong roles to the groups and to prepare the other side (and me with my white hat in the wash too).

As part of this we have to print off about 70 pages of A4 from the internet-I chose to do it from College before I walked home-no fool I!

It looks like consolidation takes about 2 hours for each college class-so I'm reckoning on about 10 hours a week for this. I did my consol over Thurday and Friday. I wanted to get it done then since I had a huge treat lined up for Saturday.

I got to ride on the Tube!!!

Yep, up to the 'smoke' again-this time to take part in an induction day for the Free Representation Unit (FRU). The idea is that when certain individuals have legal problems they consult an approved legal source (the CAB, Law Centre or their Union if they still have one at work). If the legal source feel that they have a legitimate case then they pass it on to FRU who appoint one of their case workers to it.

FRU deal with employment claims (usually dismissal or withholding wages) and benefit claims. This particular induction course was for employment (I will try to do the benefit one when it's next on).
The day was held at City University in Islington so I got a chance to play Tube Monopoly-passing through (among others) Tottenham Court Road, Euston before alighting at the Angel. I did my usual trick of going in 100% the wrong direction when I left the tube station. But I managed to re-orientate myself by finding a street that matched my almost illegible map and made it in good time.

The first shock I had was the size of the day. I had expected a cosy little group of 20-30.
Nope there were 300 of us in a huuuuuuge lecture theatre! The day itself was a real treat. On the whole the speakers were excellent-both informative and entertaining and I left with a feeling of a day well spent.

The only downers were one particular speaker who tried to involve us in a group exercise-she did confess that she had previously only run it for a group of about 12 but 'I imagine it will be the same'. Keen witted readers will note a previous example from this week.

IT DOESN'T WORK GUYS-SO STOP DOING IT!!

and true to the prediction it was a fiasco. The idea was to examine a statement of a witness and try to piece together a list of documents that were mentioned or could be inferred from the wording of the statement. This may work superbly with 12 people but with 300, 30 of which had their hands up at any one time and were giving new suggestions or arguing points it was a chaotic mess.

**thinks bubble, I wonder if she teaches immigration law in her spare time...?**

The other sad thing is that numbers dropped dramatically during the day. People were still arriving well into the 2nd hour of the day (it was scheduled from 10am to 4pm). By the afternoon, some 40% seemed to have left early.

The next stage involves reading 2 cases on their web-site and sending two 'opinions' to the caseworker who was acting a Master of Ceremonies for the day. He then marks them and sends a message to the sender saying whether they passed or failed. He reckons about 1/3 fail. If you pass then the FRU will send details of a case (usually unfair dismissal) for you to research and then to represent at a real tribunal (a representative at a tribunal doesn't need to be a qualified solicitor-unlike for a magistrates/county court). Interestingly, very few people send any opinions in at all. Of those that did, FRU reckon the longest took 3 years to be returned and the quickest was 18 hours. (both were passes)

During the course of the day we had lectures on the basics of unfair dismissal, the conditions needed and the possible remedies (oh god, that's 3 times in 3 months-I'm definitely getting the message now!)

One of the highlights of the day for me was chatting to the young lady who sat next to me. Originally from Malaysia and now settled in the UK she is studying for her BVC (barristers qualification) at the College of Law's biggest rival in London. Surprisingly since we are of different sexes/ages/continents and most importantly legal orientations we hit it off brilliantly. It was lovely to chat and compare courses, to talk about the similarities and differences of our choices. She has promised that if she's sitting in judgment over one of my cases in about 20 years she'll decide in my favour-and you can't get much better than that!

As for when I'll do the opinions-it looks like the second week of the holiday is most likely. I'm not a 100% sure I want to do the actual FRU work-it seems that we'll be expected to travel up to London a fair bit and money is now starting to get a bit tight. But I do want to do the theoretical side-just to see if I'm up to it (and of course the revision value-although I am a tad weary of unfair dismissal at present...)

During that time I'll have to make a stab at that Tibetan immigration thing too.

Ho hum. So much for that holiday...

And now, the bit you've all been waiting for!
The answer to the CIT posted last week.

Fanfare of trumpets...
Drum roll...

Response-there are two main issues here.
Firstly, just because the custody sergeant tells you that all your client wants is a quick bit of telephone advice, you must not assume that is all you need to do.
Secondly, before you give your client any advice you need to get some information from the custody officer-so you should cover;

Thank the officer for calling you
Tell the officer that before you speak to the client you first need to obtain informtion from the officer
Then cover; client's full details, arrest time and place, detention time, reasons for detention, details of arresting officer and investigating officer, custody record number, client's condition and any issue of vulnerability, whether any significant statements (confessions) were made, details of the incident for which the client was arrested and whether anyone else was arrested for the incident.
Thank the officer for this information and then ask to speak to the client in private.

That's all there is to it-just remember you have 30 seconds of thinking time...

And now the bit you've really been waiting for;

The End

Lethargy rules O....

2007-03-25T18:04:00.000+01:00

It's official. It is a game of two halves.

Well at least a course of roughly equally halves.

Well, more 60/40 but that's pretty close, right?

(though saying that, if the College offered me a 40% mark as opposed to a 50% one I would be pretty miffed)

Anyhow, the point of all this drivel is just how much the compulsories have differed from the electives. For the compulsries, I reckon I was working about 50-55 hours a week-for these electives it seems much more like 25-30 hours.

And I don't like it.

No really, that may qualify as the most bizarre statement in a year of trying-but I really am not happy with the fact that the work has dropped off. The obvious reply is to spend more hours on each of my electives and push myself to the limit but there seems an infectious atmosphere of lethargy around. As if the College acknowledges that the worst is over and this is a time for those souls without jobs to be sending off applications.

The consequence is that all my bad habits are back with a vengeance. I try to get my work done as quickly as possible-there is no pride in what I do. I have to hand in some work for my crim tutor to look at this week but since it doesn't affect my final mark one way or the other, I've made a derisory attempt at it and no more.

Luckily this is the last week before half term. What? 'More holidays' I hear you cry. And this is an excellent indicatation of what I'm talking about. We had (just under) two weeks away from college before the exams, a week and a bit away after them and now just 4 weeks into the electives we are off for another 2 weeks (2 and a half in my case cos my last class is on Weds with nothing to Monday in mid-April.

I'm desperately hoping that I can work up a head of motivation during this period. I have a mental timetable where I spend an hour a day on each elective andf provided I do this seriously it should certainly help.

If only I didn't have my bad habits...

Oh well, as a famous philosopher once said, "if wishes were ponies we all would ride"

Right, back to the job in hand. Employment already has the feeling of a jinxed course. Second week, second different tutor-and we still haven't seen the proper one yet. (The rumour is now that she won't show for this week either-but we should have her back after Easter..).
We also have been set 'proper' tables (so I've been separated from Biff...shame!). The good news is that there are two members of my original tutorial group on my table. The bad news-neither of them showed up.

"I'm Jinxed, I tell yers"

Luckily, the tutor we had was a sight better than the previous one.

Slight bit of a problem in that it was the PLS tutor from my ill-fated stay on that course (and he remembered me) but we didn't overrun this week. Well, not by much...

It's kind of weird. We had a workshop on 'wrongful dismissal'; it took 2 1/2 hours and at the end we covered a tad more than in the Business Law compulsary workshop that also covered Unfair dismissal, redundancy and the free movement of workers.

There is a feeling that some of these classes may be a slight bit padded, shall we say?

Tuesday was a long day (by my pitiful standards). I left for school at 8.30. This is the only morning class I have had at the College and it still throws me.
I like to do a few hours prep in the morning before I head off-it fits nicely with my work style and I can go to class with the work lingering at the back of my head. The problem with early starts is that I have a tendency to day dream from about 4pm (the end of the workshops-see later)

Anyhow, Tuesday is crim day. I got to the class fairly early and took my appointed seat. I couldn't help but notice that I was the only one on the table. I am perceptive like that. The class filled up, all the other tables had 4 or 5 people and I was sitting alone. I naturally made the quick furtive movement to sniff my shirt. Hmm, not as bad as it has been...

Eventually, someone else turned up. Good job too, one of my nightmares is to be the only person on the table and have to answer every single question asked. Since I don't like speaking in public, I am having a growing suspicion that this may not be quite the right job for me after all...

The workshop began with a fun task based on our prep. We had been asked to review an interview between 2 police officers and a 'villain'. Sitting in on the interview was a solicitor who should object to particular questions or approaches by the police. They hadn't made a good job of it so we had been asked to point out places where we could intervene.

On our tables, each of the students was given a role in the script and had to read the interview aloud for the class. Then a neighbouring table would stand up and call out 'objection' at the relevant bits.

It's fair to say that there was a possible objection on nearly every single line spoken by the police but it was still good fun-whether playing it up on the script or making interventions on behalf of your client (and having to justify exactly what you were objecting to!)

Later in the class we were also introduced to a new problem type-the Critical Incidence Test. Some 30% of the exam will come from written versions of these and for those who want to qualify as an accredited representative at police stations they will have to do this to an incident played from a recorded medium.
The candidate then gets 30 seconds to think about their response before giving it first person to the examiner. These tests combine professional ethics with practical theory and some criminal law. We went over a few examples in class and I did a few solo this morning. They are tricky devils, no doubt-I'm sure that I will improve with practice but I'm definitely struggling at present.

Here's an example;
"You are your firm's duty adviser this evening and it is 19.20 hours when the telephone rings. the person on the other end of the line says;

Good evening, it's Sergeant Holmes from York police station. I've got one of your clients, Mr X, who is just about to go into interview but he wants a quick bit of legal advice first. I'll put him on now."

That's it. From that you need to identify what you believe the issues are and summarise your response to these issues. There should be about 4-8 responses for each.

The answer will be given next week (as soon as I know it!)

The large group lectures are not getting any better. A brilliant tutor but a bloody awful lecturer-shame. I've heard more interest and enthusiasm in the voice of the shipping forecast reader. This week, we touched on funding and spent a lot of time looking at bail and especially absconding (now that's a great word!)

I had put my name down for a lecture given by a prospective employer that evening, so rather than go home and come back (thus wasting 1 1/2 hours) I decided to work in the library and do my consolidation from Monday/Tuesday. With hindsight, that was one of those 'great ideas at the time' that when you do them don't work out quite as well.

I had quite forgotten just how loud the noise that people make when they're working quietly. (and that's not including those people who go to quiet rooms so they can have loud discussions without being disturbed)

To my credit, I did work right up to 5.45 and didn't once tell the noisy basas to 'shut the (word deleted for reasons of decorum) up'.

But I was sorely tempted...

The talk. This was presented by the confusingly named LPC, which I think stands for 'Legal Practice Clerks'. I say 'think' because now I come to look at the bumpf I picked up (including a free-pen) and the web-site (LPC-law.co.uk) there is no explanation of the acronym. How weird is that? The talk was given by two guys, one a smartly suited bloke who you just know has a side-line in used cars. The other was a younger man who had studied for the BVC (barristers qualification similar to the LPC) but had taken up work with this LPC (still keeping up?) and was now a senior advocate for them.

It was a fairly slick affair although it only took about 30 minutes (and that includes a question and answer session). There was a high proportion of the mature end of the spectrum-I guess we are all getting a bit desperate as the end of the course approaches...

This LPC are a sort of...legal sub-contractors, I suppose. Large law firms with more cases than staff or no staff in the jurisdiction of the claim hire advocates from this bunch. This works out cheaper for them than sending their own guys. They get a cut, LPC get a cut and the advocate gets a cut (no doubt the smallest cut for the guy who's actually doing the work...)

And that's it in a nutshell. LPC will get the cases for you then send you the paperwork with about 4 days notice of trial. You research the case and the law and then present it before a judge in chambers (not a courtroom). They reckon you should be doing about 4 a day. If you want to do a lesser week then you can do-you are self-employed and work as much as you can (or as little as you want). The only thing they ask for is six month commitment.

So have I applied? Not yeeeeet. I am still in two (or more) minds. It sounds good-not a training contract but excellent experience and they claim a lot of their staff go on to TCs-and that may be the catch.

They seem to have a very high turnover of staff-about a 1/3 of their personnel change a year.
Plus, there's the self-employed thing.
Plus, it's work for big employers who want to repossess property, make people bankrupt and chase debts. All the things that I swore I would never do-that I wanted to protect the 'little man' and fight in his corner.

Question Principles are all well and good but is a roof over my head and food in the fridge more important?

Still, something to think about...

Back in College on Weds for Immigration. This is still a minefield of a subject for me-loads of room to put my foot in it. This is not helped by a non-standard start time (Every previous afternoon class has started at 1.30-This one starts at 1.45-and he still overruns..).
This means that by 4pm I'm in my sloooooooooow mode-but we still have up to half an hour to run. This is not a lot of joy for my poor classmates-who have to put up with the drooling vegetable that is me at that time who would be totally unable to tie my shoelaces-let alone answer a question on immigration legislation.

Interestingly we have been told that the legislation we are studying is already partly out of date and will probably be totally wrong by the time we get out into the real world. Oh good, just as long as I'm not wasting my time then...

Actually-with hindsight, 'minefield' is not quite the right term. It reminds me more accurately of an alleyway that I used to have to walk down to visit a former girlfriend in Exeter. It was not lit and was used on a daily basis as a doggy toilet. If there is ever an Olympic sport of 'doggy-doo dodging' then sign me up.

And that's it. During the last 4 days I have done a dribble of work a day. Keeps the doctor away I've been told-or something like that.

And the title? It's an old bit of graffiti-the idea is that someone was writing 'lethargy rules OK' but just couldn't be bothered...

The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead

2007-03-18T17:24:00.000Z

It feels like this could be one of those weeks when I have little (no) inspiration-so I shall prattle on and hope that I can tie a few things together in the vain attempt of producing a coherent summary.

If that works, I shall stand back, say 'Ta-dah' and erase this opening.

Into the second week of electives, I am starting to get a routine going. It's not a very good routine granted but it's a start. I had been warned that there is a noticeable drop in work from now on and based on the last couple of weeks that this does appear to be the case. This brings problems of its own since I don't work as well unless the pressure is on. Sure, it's 'teeth gritted, moaning and swearing as I go work' but at least it gets done.

In reality all that's happened is that 4 subjects have dropped to 3-but importantly that's one less day at college. This is the big difference-without the big panic to get things done I'm doing dribs and drabs at the start of every day (Sundays included) and feeling a bit guilty since I'm doing the work but not feeling that I'm working anywhere near as hard. This has the knock on effect that I'm kidding myself that I'm not reaching the same 'quality standard' as for the compulsories.

So far, the electives have had an incredibly comfortable feel. In terms of prep I could even argue that I'm ahead of it. Yes, please sit down if you must, it makes me go quite faint too. That's not to say that they are easy. Immigration is still a nightmare-but more to come...

Monday starts with employment. For those that have read this from the start (not recommended if you have a dodgy stomach (or a life)) you will known that one of my major reasons for studying law was to do with the problems that I (and others) have encountered with the workplace. For those who have read more recently, you will know that I was dreading this workshop because my group had drawn the short straw and got the worst tutor in the place.

(disclaimer-the views expressed in this blog do not reflect those of the management. We acknowledge that Mr Salmon wouldn't recognise a good tutor if one bit him on the backside)

Now, I'm not saying she's bad-well I am actually. But the phrase 'wetter than a haddock's bathing costume' is entirely appropriate. True to form-at no stage did she take control of the group. We had a 2 1/2 hour workshop that contained about 40 minutes work-the vast majority of the time was spent on our 'tables' discussing the various exercises (both of them). In fact we spent close to 1 1/2 hours involved in this 'highly useful chat' (read this line dripping with sarcasm please).
As I have noted before, after about 2 minutes work related chat-all groups just sit and gossip.

My group (there are 5 including me) consists of 2 good students (not referring to me by the way) and Biff and Carla (not their real names).
Biff (or Brad if you like) is a good looking guy with pearly teeth, a deep tan, a weeny bit of a public school accent and a deep loud voice. You wonder where he put his surfboard. Carla knows him (for some reason) and spends the workshop staring up adoringly at him. Well, Biff started like a house on fire, taking control and answering the tutor's questions. By about an hour he was flagging-he probably hasn't done this much work for a few weeks. He then spent the rest of the workshop playing with his phone and letting Carla worship him.

Perceptive readers will notice that I don't care for him much.

This is an old fault of mine. He probably is a lovely guy-generous, kind, good to his mum etc. I just have a deep fear and loathing of people who are ultra-secure in themselves. I spend all my time hoping that they trip up over their self-satisfied smugness and end up looking like a pillock. I cannot imagine a world where I would have that degree of self-confidence. If I ever start to feel confident then I veer into arrogant. There is no middle ground for me.

And this has a dangerous flipside-alongside Biff's unbelievable confidence I start to retreat into a shell. I turn into snail-boy and become unable to speak. I took over 1 hour to contribute to our group. They must have thought that I was some form of mute...

Right, off the couch I get...

Anyhow, we stretched this feeble amount of work to fill the workshop-and overran!!! Yes, unbelievably, the tutor managed to stretch 40 minutes work to 2 hours and forty minutes.

But there was some good news. She will not be taking us again (please note that this was nothing to do with me), she is simply handing the reins over to a different tutor, who cannot (please god, no) be any worse.

Her final act was to hand out our first group assignment. I loathe these but it appears that they are very popular in the electives. Bugger.

Tuesday is 'grown ups' criminal. This starts early by CofL standards and involves me leaving the flat by about 8:15. the tutor is the man who takes us for the large group lectures and I was rather scathing of his lecturing style last week. I would like to take the opportunity to apologise (generally), he is a brilliant workshop tutor. We chatted a little before the workshop, during the break and after and I found him charming and authoritive.

He even let slip that giving lectures makes him nervous.

With this in mind I can see how I misread the situation. It certainly made him come across as more human. Even this week, when he was in discomfort (he had broken a tooth and when he spoke certain syllables his tongue would move across the tooth and be cut) he was still informative and helpful.

The big news from this class? Although I am separated from the two people that I know who are doing 'Big boys' criminal I am also separated from the two divs who I was dreading being in the same room as. These are the same two spods who helped squeeze me from doing the PLS route. So I lucked out on this one!

Incidentally, I walked back part of the way with one of my friends and he recited the woes that one of the div-brothers had inflicted upon his group and tutor. In fact I have reviewed my opinion since it appears that divvo number 2 is actually an OK person, so I shall give him the benefit of the doubt and not refer to him as divvo number 2 again (apart from then).

But divvo number 1, well he is a different kettle of fish (a strange expression now I think of it). He is early middle aged, single (obviously) and someone who simply must talk whenever he can. I was told that he had an opinion on just about everything-and was 90% wrong on every single one of his answers-but rather than sit back, take stock and learn from his mistakes-he decided to argue every point with the tutor (and his classmates)

The lecture that followed the workshop was OK but it was obvious that the tutor's tooth was getting a bit much and his heart wasn't in it. His lecture didn't have any bite.

Sorry.

It was a bit weird getting home by about 2.30-I'm not at all good at working in the afternoons having come back from college. Hmm.

Wednesday is the legal morass that is immigration. Last week, I was a tad scathing over the fact that all 8 of us were going to be split into 2 workshop groups. Yet again, the power of a good whinge on the net proved invaluable and the powers that be decided that all 8 of us should be in the same group. Hurrah for the little man and the power of the printed word!

**cough**

I was also scathing that the tutor managed to go half an hour over for his one hour lecture.

Luckily this week he surpassed himself.

He managed to go over for both his workshop and the lecture.

No word of a lie, it was getting close to 6pm when we finally left the campus.

And even though we are short on numbers, we still have to prepare and give presentations. I think that one of the reasions that I hate them is that always seem to be involved whenever we are late. I started brightly but faded fast. I'm not sure why-the room wasn't too hot, I didn't feel particularly tired-but I certainly didn't shine. Strange.

I do hope that this doesn't turn out to be a 'bunny in the headlights' class (although it is the same tutor...)

Thursday is results day!!!

The marks for interviewing, letter writing and solicitor's account were posted. These are purely pass/fail assessments and the good news is that I passed them all. They were posted alongside my old advocacy score (nope, I still failed that-damn, I keep giving them a chance to change it...)

I've decided that Thursday is to be my consolidation day-all the changes to my prep tasks are written up as well as word-processing the workshop exercise and writing up the large group lecture notes. It does take a time-could be 6-8 hours every week. But that does give me Friday and Saturday to get the following weeks prep done. As I said, not much of a routine but a start.

Friday was a really big day for me. I went out and bought a 'leatherette' swivel chair. This may sound a bit fatuous to be put in the blog but throughout my undergraduacy I studied in one of these. When it came to move the fact that it was a bit battered meant that I thought it best to pull it to pieces and get rid of it. I have really missed that style of chair and being the compulsive shopper that I am went out and bought one on a whim.

It had nothing to do with the fact that two of my 4 wooden chairs now creak alarmingly when I sit on them...well not much anyway.

The joy that I have now is to wheel myself across the carpet from the laptop to the desktop and to push myself backwards and rotate round and round to my favourite music.

Yes, I know that I am 42 and 5/6s

Well, that's gone better than I thought when I started. All I have to do is go back and remove that scrappy start.

Oooh, the doorbell...

Each morning is the first day of the rest of your life

2007-03-11T18:06:00.000Z

Okay, it's the start of a new week (stretches arms wide, scratches bits and yawns expansively), what joys are ahead of me as I canter gaily (steady) into the elective part of the course?

Ah, I have some email-oh look it's from those lovely CPS people!

What can they be writing to me about?
but wait-I have an application with them! Could this be? Is it? Perhaps?

Eagerly and expectantly, I open the attachment and find

"Dear Candidate, (god, don't you just go gooey when they are so intimate?)

Thank you...blah de blah...we regret to inform you...blah

We do appreciate that this may be disappointing for you (no sheepdip Sherlock!)

And that's it-there is an address to write to if I want to be told why they thought I didn't cut it but that's a modern thing, in my day we just got rejected and displayed a stiff upper lip (before getting violently drunk and lamping a student), we had none of this touchy feely stuff.
I may write to them though since part of me is intrigued on which part of the assessment I fell down on (or possibly both). I would dearly love to have been rejected for the psychometric tests since this would give me a valid reason to get disenchanted and bitter and inspire me to work in criminal defence and make the CPS' life miserable.
Of course if the criminal part of the assessment let me down, then fair enough!

But why could they not have had the decency to write to me? It's depressing enough to get form letter rejections but form email rejections? That is so cheap as to be unbelievable! And then you get to worry if they might have made a mistake and rejected someone they should have accepted. I applied 4 months ago, went through 3 stages of application-spent money getting to an assessment (note, no offer was ever made to cover expenses), all things together it probably took about 10 hours what with the application/assessments and travelling-and used up a day close to my compulsaries-all this for a form rejection email!!!

So, that was Monday! I hope they're not all like that...

Contrary to popular opinion, I didn't rush off to get drunk. My new policy is drink to celebrate, not commiserate-besides I was back in school on Tuesday...

Very strange week this one, I only had to go to school twice-both just for an hour lecture. Tuesday was the start of Advanced Criminal Practice. A large lecture-well, sort of. The first thing that surprised me is how few people are doing criminal. My tutor group had done a straw poll in basic criminal (criminal for babies I shall call it) and there were just two of us. I took that to be disproportional-after all this is CRIMINAL!! This is the stuff of Kavanagh, Rumpole, New Street Law (yes, I know that they are all about barristers but nevertheless)-

This is epic, adversarial battle in the courtroom. This is the lifeblood of law! No one writes dramas about the cut and thrust of probate or selling property. This is the divine mix of the saintly and the sordid. This is life changing law!!!

Isn't it funny how you become affected by your loves...

Amazingly, there were only about 30 or so of us-and at least 10 of those arrived late. Two people arrived over quarter of an hour late-and made no apologies. How can you only have 1 lecture in a day and be that late? I was there early enough to put the chairs out (mind you, that may say more about me than them...)

Anyhow, this was a major letdown. Almost the entire hour was spent with the lecturer talking about what we would have to do to qualify as an accredited police station representative. Which might be great-but we are not going to get tested on it in an exam, so why bother?

We also got a repeat of what a solicitor should do for their client at the station. Which is lovely but not really representative. I have some experience of observing at the nick and in every case I've seen so far the advice has been the same

To hassle the police
To try to get the client out on bail immediately
To analytically pick holes in the police case

Its all theoretical tosh.

Your average client seems to be either drug or alcohol dependant, completely guilty, usually admitting it in 5 seconds and ready to pay their fine out of their giro in weekly instalments (usually adding it to what they are paying already).
The police have come across as a decent bunch doing an awful job-who are not trying to stitch up honest, middle class citizens but trying to get through the day without breaking down or losing their minds.

If you were to enter THEIR station with the uppity attitude that the CofL is trying to instil in its future trainees then you are asking for trouble. (It would be interesting how many trainees develop cars that have repeated problems with dodgy lights and parking tickets).

And while I'm ranting a little-this weeks prep for the next workshop. Its just like 'baby criminal' all over again. 'Just read these 88 pages of A4 and prepare notes'. No indication of what is relevant-just do it all. Now, granted this is covering a lot of ground that we did in 'baby crim'-but it still meant reviewing and rewriting my notes. It seems that my (close to) £9k pays for a lot of 'just read the textbook' and we'll mark you on it at the exam stage'.

And the lecturer-a very nice man I'm sure.

But, he has a style of speaking that might be considered a tad....irritating?

When he speaks about the irrelevent stuff; asides/throw away lines or background information then he speaks a few words...

...pauses a while...

...says a few more words...

...deeply pauses, satisfied with his content and approach...

..and speaks some more.

And on the rare occasion that he said something of note:-

"Heranallhiswordstogethersofastastomakeyourheadspinletalonetrytokeepupwithhimwhilstnotetaking.

(He ran all his words together so fast as to make your head spin let alone try to keep up with him whilst note-taking)

Hopefully this was opening night nerves and not a permanent arrangement.

One nice highlight; is that for our education we have been referred to a number of blogs dealing with the life and times of a duty solicitor, a magistrate, a police officer and a probation officer. I do notice that there appears to be a space there for the jaundiced view of a mature student...

I shall make some enquiries

So that was Tuesday! I hope they're not all like that...

Wednesday is my welfare and immigration day. We start of with another large group. I have decribed this tutor as 'Tigger on speed'. Yes, it's him again. This may test my self control. He presents the large group lecture and is also my small group tutor. I am the first one in so we get a chance to reacquint. He says he is pleased to see me because I am a 'good student'. I then have a momentary pang of disquiet for what I have written about him-it passes quickly.

I am in the second row-this room is huge, we have 8 rows with about 12 chairs in each and I eagerly await the lecture. What I know about immigration I could write on a postage stamp-so this will be an eye-opener. He advises me to get a seat close to the front because some of his overheads are quite small. I move to the front row. I hear people come in and the tutor asks them to come to the front for the same reason. After a while he says it is time to start. I look around. There are 8 of us...

Eight-yes really, we are in a room set for about 90-100 people and we fill most of the front row. And this class will be split in two for workshops. Why? Is a class size of 8 now considered too large?
This is a guy who picks on students by name!
Where can I hide in a class of 3 others? (bunking off is going to be tricky!)
And if we are given a register to fill in I will flip!

Of course this being the CofL there is no guarantee that they will be two groups of 4, no probably more likely to be a 6 & 2...

The lecture itself was good though, Tigger has a easy-going friendly style (and he doesn't pick on people or make them give presentations in this format) It is going to be a tough subject-it relies heavily on deciphering statute and applying the provisions to specifics-especially regarding nationality and there are already a few anomolies.

For instance, a German could marry a Sri Lankan in Germany and move to this country quite easily (providing they came for a legitimate reason)-but a UK citizen could marry a Sri Lankan whilst the UK citizen was working in Germany and if they came back to the UK, they could exercise their rights as a UK citizen OR their rights as an EC citizen-but both would have more stringent tests for them than are in place for the German and their spouse. A form of discrimination against your own people! This sounds wonderful and the sort of ridiculous law I love!

Regular readers will remember my other gripe against Tigger-he overran frequently. And guess what? Yep, as on cue, we overran. By half an hour! Which is pretty good going for an hour lecture! But I shall not complain! I shall look upon it as a form of compensation for being short changed regarding tutoring elsewhere. Not a very good form, maybe but...

So, that was Wednesday! I hope that they're not all like that...

And that's it for the week really. I did some work Thurs/Fri/Sat/Sun but I'm not in a routine yet. This may take some time-I shall have to try some stuff this week and see if it works.

And lastly a thought inspired by the sunshine;

Spring appears to be on the way and with it new opportunities.

(this blog is sponsored by Prozac)

Random jottings from a disused mind

2007-03-04T21:15:00.000Z

As I approach the start of the second (and smaller) part of the course and haven't anything new or exciting (as ever) to write I thought that I would put a few disjointed musings down.

This week I begin my electives-these are optional courses that are chosen to fit in with your career plans. By this stage it is expected that we can apply our rapier-like legal brains **cough** to the course of our future vocations.
And, to be fair; I have kept my elective choices the same as they were before I ever came to Guildford-so confident and positive I was before the course began. **double cough**

(As an aside I do have to mention 2 former class-mates who had their own (slightly eccentric) methods of choosing their electives.

One chose the same courses as his best friend-the theory being that they might share some classes and at least he would be guaranteed good notes.
The other asked my advice on how to use the on-line choosing system then without looking to see what the courses were about picked 3 at random)

The electives are the usual lecture/workshop combination that I've become used to. The lecture is either on DVD or a large group meeting with a real person. My dislike of the video tutorial is well known so I am pleased to say that I only have one of these a week and two large groups. People will no doubt be sickened to know that I will only be attending college for just 3 days a week and that my scheduled workload has dropped from 10 hours to 9 1/2 ('bloody sponging students', I hear you cry)

This week I only have the first 2 large group lectures to attend. This would be blissful (a whole 2 hours work to do) except I'm going to be spending more time walking to and from college than actually attending the lectures...

Being a good student I had planned to do some pre-reading this week on my new electives. The post-exam lethargy had stopped me looking at the criminal textbook but I did stare at the employment one and the benefits and immigration one. In fact I knocked off about 100 pages of benefits and god does that look dreary-it reads like one long shopping list of what a person can claim and what they can't.
However, with this preparation in mind I had a look at the first of our lectures.

It's all about immigration....

Wrong, Paul. Very, very wrong. How wrong can one dipstick be? I could have looked at the lecture notes before wading through the boring dross. But no, old simple Salmon thought that because immmigration is at the back of the book we would do it last. Silly me for assuming that we might do the book in order-like in every other bloody course to date!

Oh well, best laid plans 'n' that.

Well, what else did I do this week? Well I applied for another training contract. I won't say with whom since there may be others who read this who might want to apply to the same place but would realise that they have no chance alongside my massive intellect **coughing fit**

This did involve me submitting a CV-this is old hat for me, my CV has been distributed far and wide throughout my working career.
I used to make it a point of not using any businesses that rejected me for a job but by my early thirties I was limited to shopping at Anne Summers and Kwikfit so had to abandon that idea.
I wrote out the accompanying letter with the right mix of subservience and toe curling brown-nosedness and then hunted for my CV on the laptop.

Ah, horror of horrors. Close to the start of the term I had a laptop cockup and had to wipe the hard drive and re-install everything. (I lost all of my undergraduate work-but that was no major loss mind...)
But I had also lost my CV-granted it was written about 15 years ago and has not dated well (but who has?) but that meant I had to write it from scratch. Cue panic-mode, I hunted high and low for a single hard copy to use as a blueprint-I could not find one. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Then I came across an entry on my internet PC labelled CV1-only problem is that it was 4kb big. I transferred it to my laptop and.....it worked, my CV was safe. A weeny bit out of date but repairable. Job done.

The moral of this story? Don't bugger up the most important tool of your academic life.
OK, that's not much of a moral-but I try.

This week I also coughed up the cash for a place on a training scheme organised by the Free Representation Unit in London. (It does sound kind of like a 70s/80s political movement 'Free the Representation Unit One!'). The idea is that after a days training, I'll receive a couple of case files-and have to write up an assessment of them.
If this is done well enough then I'll get a real case file with a real human being and prepare and then fight the case for them at an Employment Tribunal. This is real 'brown-trouser' stuff for me-exciting as well though. (Although probably not as scary as for the client though-especially when they meet me 'this quivering wreck is your advocate-forget the goofy smile and crooked face, he probably doesn't eat babies')

If this is fun, then they have a second course to attend for Social Security Tribunals and I'll try to get on that one as well.

I have to submit my last piece of written work this week (excepting any retakes). It is an extended piece of legal research, we are given a scenario which raise a number of legal points and using the t'internet or books (yeah, right) come up with an answer that could be used by a senior member of our imaginary firm to give advice to the client.
The research took an age but I did find it quite fun (in the whole crossword/Sudoku aspect) of solving a problem with the tools at hand. I will have to write it up in the next few days and that part will be dull in comparison but ho hum.

And finally two confessions. I forgot to write last week that one of the reasons that the property exam freaked me out (apart from the questions being a lot harder than I expected) was that before the exam the presiding tutor asked us to carefully read the multiple choice instructions. When I did so I realised that I had not completed the 3 previous papers correctly. Oh, blox.

These papers are marked by computer to save time and if not completed correctly they will be discarded.

That afternoon I emailed my tutor for comfort-luckily he was on the ball and put me through to someone who assured me that a human agent was still used to check any papers to see if they had been completed. They also said that I would get all the marks coming to me. So that's another few in the bag (not many though since MCQs are hard, really hard)

And another embarassing story;

Leading up to the exam I had lost some weight from a mixture of good diet and stress. However, my weekends idleness and drinking/junk food scoffing had contributed to me piling it back on.

Determined to beat this curse I decided to go for a walk before lunch. I packed my rucksack with law books (I knew that they had a use) and set off. It was a chilly day but I set a brisk pace. A quick half an hour to get the heart pumping will do me.

I had planned to walk down by the river but when I got there I realised that the recent rain had turned this into a brown squelchy ice rink. After attempting a few hilarious Bambi-like steps I turned back and decided to go for a pavement promenade.

After about 20 minutes I had nearly completed my circuit and was heading home. Now I must stress that I had never walked this way before (I had done it just once from the other direction) but confident in my natural ability to sense direction I gambolled along.

When the road I expected to see didn't come into view I took stock. Oh, silly me, I must have taken a wrong turn-oh well, this is the way, so if I proceed along here I'll reach my destination soon enough.

Astute readers will know what happens next. I am hideously and hopelessly lost. I hadn't brought my A-Z with me and didn't actually know the names of the roads I was looking for. Undaunted I used my amazing senses to find me home. I live close to a VERY busy road, so if I focus on the loudest sound of traffic and head that way I'll hit the main road.

At this stage you will be thinking, 'how did this lackwit EVER get a law degree?' (a good question, I'll get back to you on that one)

About half an hour later, I finally gave in and asked a local man how to get back to Guildford. I recognised him as being ethnically from the Asian subcontinent-so my first thought was 'just how far have I walked?' But this kind gentleman put me on the right track and helped me to retrace my steps.

I soon came across a road that I knew from the earlier part of my journey and 'because I know best' departed from his instructions and decided to retrace my steps.

Astute readers will know where this is going (which is more than I did). I got further lost. By this stage my MP3 player was running low on juice and this meant desperate times. (I hadn't brought any money with me to get a bus home-who needs money on a gentle walk?)

Eventually, I found a road that took me into the main part of Guildford and I made my way home. At this stage I was limping badly, partly from blisters on both feet but also from pain to my right knee (it is not a good knee, it is only held together by string and bubblegum)

I crawled my way up to my flat and the glorious luxury of a hot shower.

I set off at 12 noon with the aim of a brisk half an hour walk-I got in at 3pm!!!

Out of interest I weighed the bag, it weighed exactly 1 stone (7 1/2 kilos) and I had lugged the bloody thing around for 3 hours!!

I mention this because I had always prided myself on having good direction sense, however the previous week a friend had dropped me off after one of the exams and chided me for directing her so badly. Being a sensitive soul (you must take your victim as you find them) I suffered badly from this slight and shall be issuing a claim against this woman for defamation, loss of faculties and my wasted 2 1/2 hours. I have instructed my solicitors from the firm of Withey & Moftir to serve the papers...

The good news is that I had sweated off the weight that I had put on over the weekend. But sometimes the ends do not justify the means...

Post exam b(l)ooze

2007-02-25T17:12:00.000Z

The compulsories are now officially over (yes, I know that I've written this before) but now they are REALLY over-that's it;

no more board meeting sandwiches,
no letters of claim,
no interim applications and
NO bloody property-ever, definite, absolute, underlined twice with daggers 'n' blood.

There, I've said it-all ended, finished, done and dusted (where's that thesaurus, I'm running out of synonyms)....

...that is unless I failed one.

I have an interesting record though, I have never failed an important written exam. Even if I've been complete pants at the subject I've still managed to put in a good enough performance to get through. My 'A' level mocks were an 'F' and two 'E's but come the real things I bettered the passes I needed. My 'O' level mocks were pretty abysmal too but I recorded a mass of solid 'C's or better. Similarly my degrees were barely average for coursework but my exam scores bailed me out.

This course is different however, for the first time ever I've throroughly enjoyed it and put the necessary work in (and more besides) but I still have those nagging doubts about the results. I have to say that my work load did fall dramatically in the exam week. I had great hopes that I would sit the exam in the morning then come home and hit the books and study until the usual time when I could sit back and bask in my own smugness.

But it didn't happen-at least for me, some of my friends from my now deconstructed tutor group (sob) could get back and work and not only that but 'hit the books' till the wee hours then get up and do it all again.

Just not me, a week or so back I made a gentle analogy relating exams with sex-that seems far more pertinent at the moment. After each exam I felt, well, spent I suppose. The motivation to get interested again when I got home wasn't there. (Ah, if I was 20 years younger-I could do exams and be studying within half an hour...)

Was that too much information?

It gets worse I'm afraid. The build up to the exam is getting too much for me. The whole 'arriving early at college, trying to keep cool, doing a simple test (or crossword) before the exam proper to stop myself peaking too soon' business has worn me out. Likewise the intensity of the exam itself-for between 2 to 3 1/2 hours I am in the 'zone'-there could be a fire break out or the stunning young lady in front of me could disrobe and I would be oblivious. The only thing that matters is that clock and the 30 minutes/10 minutes to go warnings.

Obviously I don't want to finish too soon...

You've got to pace yourself-but that intensity is wearing (again, I think it's an age thing-my OU exams were in one day-study/revise/exam/over but with these, they take 5 days in a row). Granted they are all open-note so there is no pressure to learn it off by heart but you must understand not only the practical application but also the background material.

Most of this is given in the exam itself (and it is not easy to read through a case history when you are under time pressure-friends of mine have lost marks this week for not reading the questions or not having analysed the case material properly) but we were lucky to have been given prereading for business and property.
The business one was a fairly simple family owned company and the property one was a leasehold in (of all places) Exeter. I have a very strange feeling that I used to walk past the very property that was being discussed when I was going for my daily exercise when I first started writing this blog...

The exams themselves;
Monday-Business, I was guessing that we would be tested on (a specific) tax, (a specific aspect of) insolvency and A N other business topic (I actually guessed partnership/EU but was wrong) as well as the 15 multiple choice questions.
I won't state what subjects were chosen but was 100% correct on my first two guesses. The other business subject was one that I had good notes on so I was pretty content with the paper.

Tuesday-Business part 2. I assumed we would have no further tax or insolvency questions and all the problems would be based on company law. Again I was spot on. We had a huge board room sandwich to digest as well as questions on ethics and meeting protocol. But again I had that smug, contented feeling that you associate with excellent sex (or so I vaguely remember)

Wednesday-litigation part 1 (Civil). This was always going to be my worst exam-I had crawled through the mock with an exact pass and even though I had dismantled my notes and rewritten them from scratch over Christmas/exam break I was not overly keen on them.
It was a toughy-no doubt about it.
In fact it was so unmemorable that I can't remember what a single question was (never a good sign-I can remember all of my last OU exam questions). I wrote plenty and didn't finish ahead of time-never a bad sign but hmm, I'm not sure

Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. (you guys will know what I mean)

Thursday-litigation part 2 (Criminal). This was always going to be my best exam-luckily litigation is the combined civil and criminal scores-so I had a chance to make up anything I dropped yesterday.

But, it was a toughie-I have a suspicion that a few people might struggle with this one. The questions were harder than any we had experienced before (luckily at least two of them were more difficult copies of ones we had done in class).
By about this stage of the week I felt that I was just going through the motions, that exams and I no longer had the same attraction and I was doing them as a sort of duty. (some of you guys will know what I mean-it was good just not great...)

Friday-property (as a treat the college have saved the longest exam to the end). This had been my best exam in the mock and with hindsight I may have done less work on this than I ought to. I guess that I lulled myself into a state of complacency. This exam was hard-very hard. The multiple choice questions were (at best) a pure guess. The questions concerning a buyer of business property were a struggle but luckily the lease questions were straightforward.

I left the exam feeling that I had let myself down.

Looking back with a critical eye I would estimate the marks to be;
business 70%
litigation 60%
property 50%
Which is not bad, all passes but I was hoping for better. I really wanted to shove it in the faces of the tutors that my fail in advocacy was a big thing after all (yes, I'm still bitter about it!) but not on these scores.

Pity.

Post exams-Our class was meant to get together and celebrate but I was on such a anticlimax from property that I could not raise myself. On Friday, I crashed at about 8:30 and about 9:30 on Saturday. I'm a bit more with it today-I have been playing my radio and screaming along with my favourite tracks.

I have had a tiny drinkee,

...or two

What now? Well, class doesn't begin for another week but I have another assignment to do for about 11 days from now and of course I have my reading for my electives to start-(as one door closes so another slams in your face-sorry, I mean 'opens')

If anything vaguely interesting happens (and the odds are against it) then I'll keep you informed.

It's always darkest before the dawn...

2007-02-18T15:49:00.000Z

Well, actually it's not, is it?

Try a moonless night at midnight and compare the two. No contest.

Hmm, inane wittering. Heart pounding and clammy palms. Either I'm in love or my exams are close. Hang on, I'll check my calender....

....kin Hellfire, I'm in an exam tomorrow!!!

And the words 'so what?' are coming to mind. I have reached that saturation spot when all I want to do is to see the end of them. I am as close to satisfied with my notes as I can be. (And I have promised not to fire up the laptop for 'one last tweak'). I have put the time in and now I have achieved some geeky, inner peace.

A sort of nerd-vana.

It has been a dull, dull week interrupted only by a few emails from class mates and a trip to 'the smoke'. Last week, I posted a general 'heads up' to my workshop chums that I had notes covering all of the compulsories and if they were short of anything they only had to ask. Well, since then I have had a little interest and true to my word have forwarded what people wanted. I also took the opportunity to include a link to this website (you drink with the devil-you gotta pay...)

There is a slightly cynical part of me that wants to pass on my candidate number and some money for photocopying onto 2 of these people (you know who you are!) and stay at home for 3 of the approaching exams but only because between them they have all my notes for;
property
tax
insolvency
litigation (civil)
litigation (criminal)
Which only leaves company and partnership for me to sit...

Anyhow **cough** Thursday. The day of my next CPS assessment. I had the great joy of travelling up to 'that Lunnon' by train and even better a chance to go by underground. I have no idea why but I'm a bit of a tube anorak-I love 'em! The pity was that Waterloo to Goodge Street is only 6 stops and no changes (in fact I spent longer walking around the stations than on the tube)

Shame!!

I got to the CofL Bloomsbury very early and had close to an hour to kill so I decided to have a poke about (I had to persuade the porter that I was Guildford student-luckily he could see by my sneering, patronising manner that I was). I went up to the library and logged onto the CofL website to check my emails.

Guildford students, please note-Bloomsbury is even slower than the antiquated old cack we have to use. Honestly, it takes about 10 minutes after logging on to be able to do anything.

By the time I had done this (after having put a freshly ironed shirt on-with a pressed tie staying in my bag) it was time to go. I say my tie was in my bag-the reason being was that I had no idea how formal this was going to be. The vast majority of applicants had turned up in their best togs but I had guessed that it would be a waste of good fabric. True enough, it turned out to be unnecessary and we were herded into the very same room that I sat in the last time I went to Bloomsbury.
Just about 2 years ago with the OU-where I had happy memories of holding hands with my former girlfriend and had nearly dropped off with the dullness of it all-the lecture, not the girlfriend!

No chance of dropping off today-there was a tension in the air that you could inhale, well smell certainly.
Our assessment would be in 2 parts.
Some (more) psychometric tests and a case study (ruddy hell-is that a test on law? Whatever next?). There were about 40 of us in the room about 20/20 male to female. I wasn't the oldest but I was probably the ugliest. Damn, curse my faulty genes...

We were congratulated on coming so far, there had been 3,000 applicants originally. These had been whittled down to 600 (us and other groups meeting on the same week to do similar tests). These assessments would further chip the number down to 200 who would be interviewed-for about 25 positions.
Ye gods, I don't make it easy for myself...

The psycho tests each take exactly 4 minutes (there were 8 of them). You are given a basic one or two line intro and have to (as quickly as possible) expand the topic or spew out solutions to a problem or find problems with a statement of affairs.
You are marked on the amount you come up with, their quality and their originality.

I won't repeat any of the questions here (just in case) but the general idea is,

'you work for a marketing company-you have an account to sell a new cola beveridge that has less sugar'. How would you promote it?
And then you have 4 minutes and up to 30 lines to fill.

Ooooooookaaaaaay. Hmm, how did I do? Weeeell, I did between 12 and 20 for all of them. The only other person whose work I could see was doing considerably less-she was managing about 6-8. (but then hers could have been corkers and mine could have been simplistic and easily predictable-who knows?)

The case study consisted of passing advice onto a police officer about an incident that had occurred. We were given the law and the possible sentence and had 30 minutes to write our advice. My study (there was more than 1) was to do with a common 'domestic' situation that had lots of opportunity to go wrong. I recommended caution and further investigation since it appeared that both parties had contributed (but only one had been injured). I tried to follow a rehabilitatory approach rather than a punitive one (even mentioning that prison space was limited). I did about 3 sides (and my arm ached-I get writer's cramp too easy)

The woman whose work I could see (only the length, not the content) had shot off like a train but she peaked at 3 pages too-so maybe par there.

We have been told that the results will be circulated 'sometime' in March for an interview 'sometime' in late March or April. I hope that they use a different tortoise this time, my nerves couldn't stand it if they used Timmy again.

I did manage a first though-on the way out I thanked the invigilators and asked if I could do it again because it had been fun. This surprised the poor dears, they were far more used to students leaving on the edge of hysteria.

This was only half true though-I had no real desire to sit it again but it had been fun. I do like things like that-I can get pleasure from crosswords and sudoku and this seemed a similar thing-an intellectual pursuit rather than anything important.

I am hoping to treat these exams the same way-as a challenge to my notes and my IQ. I just have to hope that the chemical processes that govern my body can be persuaded too....

Anyone got any paint they want watching dry?

2007-02-11T17:51:00.000Z

I used to enjoy revision, no honestly, I did. It was the culmination of a year's study and would finish in that glorious climax known as the exam. After which I would collapse spent and enjoy that post toil glow of satisfaction.

But this, this is not fun. I'm not even sure whether I've actually done anything this week. I've sat at my work station, I've typed, read and printed. I've hole punched and put those little adhesive hole reinforcers on my work...but have I actually done any revision?

Not really, I'm happy with what I have done but it feels a bit, well pointless I suppose. There's no denying that time flies while I'm fiddling with my files (and not when I'm fiddling with my flies) and sure enough the exams will be on me with the speed of a very swift thing.

I'm on course to hit the exams at optimum thrust, I got a bit behind with a bad Wednesday but have caught up today.

Tomorrow I have insolvency to bag, Company to finish Tuesday, Crime on Weds and then for Thursday a real treat-the CPS have finally got back in touch (I'm not saying it had anything to do with what I wrote here last week but (*'taps nose'*) there is power in the written word).

After a bit of nagging I received my letter from them on Wednesday, it had been sent from Liverpool 1 week before. What happened? Did the Royal Mail tortoise have knee problems? Granted, they don't like the cold and this weeks snow would cause them serious damage with their short legs 'n' that, but a week! (And it was sent first class too-goodness knows how long I would have had to wait if they had sent it second...)

Anyhow, I've got to go up to 'that London' for an....assessment. Not even a swoddin interview! As a warm up for five days of exams the following week (totalling over 12 hours) I have a little practice doing a;

'Proactive thinking written test' (I kid you not, those are the words on the sheet) and a
'Case study written test'.

I have been sent an example of the PTWT (my acronym, not theirs)

"You are the Marketing Manager of an organisation that is planning to open up a new health club and gym on a green field site on the outskirts of town.
List as many ways as you can to publicise this new venture to attract new members to get the gym off to a good start:"
There are then 20 lines to write in-you have 4 minutes to write your rubbish.

Great, my future may depend on what some psychologist has decided (for this week) what criteria are relevant for a job that they will never do.

The trip will take me two hours (minimum) each way. The test itself will take 2 more hours and is slap bang in the middle of the day. Oh well, must put a positive face on it!

I can do a bit of criminal law study (useless for the course but fun)
It gets me out of the house and these 4 walls
I get to travel on the tube (strikes permitting)

I do lose a days revision-but that may be for the best. Too much of a good thing 'n' that **cough**

The other main news of this week was that I had my second oral assessment. I would like to think that I passed this one but I'm not holding my hopes too high.

The idea is that you interview a real person who has rehearsed a script and is immersed in their part (the College likes to hire 'resting' theatricals) and you have to ask the right questions to 'open them up' so that you can get the full story and then advise them on the law.

To help you, you are allowed to take in a 'checklist' of the marking criteria which forms a nice little list of things that you are meant to say and in what order to say them.
The area of law that you are advising on is quite slim (partnership law) and you may take in one other sheet with the relevant law on it.
Our tutor identified that there are 4 things that you can be tested on and we were advised to prepare sheets for all of them and take in the most appropriate.

Easy huh?

Unfortunately, no

When I got given my sheet telling me (in 1 line) what my client was calling about, it was on a subject that I did not have a sheet on (I had prepared 7 to cover all the bases). So I took what I believed was the most appropriate and scribbled stuff from the second (and third) most appropriate on the back.

I then went up to the room and had a brief chat to the tutor who would be examining me. The good news is that unlike my advocacy tutor this one didn't look like I had shoved a fresh doggy doo under her nose. She was friendly and kind-she realised that I was nervous and let me go at my own speed.

I opened the office door and welcomed in 'Nellie' (our luvvie) who was a really friendly, bright and attentive lady in the twilight of her working career. Well, as expected I gabbled, jabbered, got flustered and flubbed the most important parts of the law.

I didn't dry up completely but did have a second of two of goldfish impersonation. The sheet that I had brought in had been no use whatsoever and I mostly had to wing it. Fortunately, there are some questions that can be applied to all partnership interviews. I spoke, I advised and we talked about her next step. Before long the interview came to an end.

I saw Nellie to the door and started to collect my things.

The good news was that the tutor was friendly, chatty and happy to look me in the eye. I won't read anything into that but it made me feel better than at the end of advocacy. I believe that I said all the relevant things in the relevant places (but then I thought that in advocacy) so it comes down to;
a) how quickly did I speak?
b) how much drivel flowed out of my gob?

I slipped away and caught up with Nellie, I said 'thanks' to her (she had played her part superbly) and light heartedly apologised for charging her for half an hour of my time (at £100/hour) when I only took 15 minutes. She smiled and told me that I was about average for time but couldn't say any more...

Oh well, as I've said before, once you've failed one you don't give a toss anymore....

Silver linings 'n' that

End of an era?

2007-02-04T17:50:00.000Z

Well, that's that then. Compulsaries are now over-I have a shade over two weeks and then I have 5 exams in 5 days to show that I used the first half of the course constructively.

In truth, the last week was a bit anticlimatic-there was one little bit of fun though. Each of the tutors, at the end of their course has to distribute assessment forms to the students so that we can grade;

Ourselves on how we feel we handled the course,
The tutor (under various criteria) as to how they taught the course

and 3 whole lines to write comments on how to improve the 'experience'.

Going by my past record, this is rather like giving an arsonist a box of matches and the keys to the paraffin shed...

Property came and went-the last session was about the 1954 Landlord and Tenant Act and how a business tenant can effectively get a perpetual lease by slipshod drafting (that reminds me, I erased my drafting exercise by accident today-oops).
Now I know that I studied this (badly) for my undergraduacy-I just wish that I had paid more attention then. Most of the law that I studied (and occasionally learnt) has been of little use here-it would have been nice if the OU had flagged up the bits that would occur in the CofL LPC. (come on boys, work with me here-you're effectively on the same team!)

During the class, a flyer was circulated from a different tutor about a free representation unit that would supply training if you were willing to act as an advocate for someone with benefits or employment problems. I stared at this for a few seconds before deciding that it would probably be a good thing for me to get involved because;

it would be a positive CV thing what with me not having a training contract (and don't ask about the CPS-it seems like they've fallen off the planet. They're not even replying to my emails now...)
It does happen to cover 2 out of my three chosen electives

The only drag? The tutor doing the circulating is not one of my faves (a lovely bloke-although I feel his wife should cut down on his e-numbers) and he will be taking the course himself to 'keep his hand in' should he do any private practice again.

One to ponder on, I feel

Anyhow, back to the class-I have really enjoyed property (way more than I ever expected to, what with my loathing of land law). The tutor kept it friendly and easy going all year and I don't think that I got stressed out over a single workshop.

But even then, I awarded only (out of 5) two 4s and three 3s. I did take time to write how good the course had been and credited the tutor but I don't throw high marks away willy-nilly you know!

The last insolvency came and went. This course has also been a little gem. I think that every person (and definitely every woman) was charmed by our tutor, in that kindly 'twinkley eyed' favourite-uncle way of his. He took time to explain all the difficult portions carefully and made sure that we compiled checklists of all the areas that are likely to crop up in an exam. (Of course, if entirely different subjects arise then we will probably curse him forever...)

The marks from the blogger panel were one 5, three 4s and a 3. (yes, I know that's a bit tight considering I like the lessons but bear with me)

My working Wednesday came and went, for some reason I decided not to do my consolidation from the first two days (and save it all for the weekend) and concentrate on criminal litigation. Well, alright-if you must know I actually had a very light day because I wanted to play with my toys before I went into the 'tank'. Alright? Happy now?

**cough** sorry about that-I get a bit (more) defensive close to revision period...

I wanted to get the prep right for Thursday class for two reason
The first half of the lesson would be spent discussing mitigation-that is when your client is found to be guilty and you are trying to sweet-talk the judge into granting a lesser sentence in light of;

your client's good character, OR
the low value of the goods taken. OR
the fact that the razor wasn't really, really sharp etc.

OR if you can get away with it, all three

I had spent a good while preparing a 'your worships, the man before you etc' What happens? The tutor takes us step-by-step throughout the whole thing. I might as well not wasted my time yesterday and spent longer playing with my toys since I ended up screwing my work up and throwing it in the bin.
Not because it was incorrect, no sir. Simply because it was not what we are expected to do in an exam situation. Whereas I was brown nosing to the best of my ability (and I am very able in the cheek kissing department) what was wanted was a........
*
*
*
*
Yep, you guessed it-a checklist. The CofL seems to have a lot in common with Sesame Street-there is, if not a 'word of the day'-there is certainly a 'word of the month'.

So far, we've had 'conduct', 'insurance', 'indemnity' and now 'checklist'. I have a suspicion that if you sat any one of the compulsory exams and just wrote those 4 words for every answer you would get pretty close to a pass mark...

So we (like good little lambs) wrote out our checklists ready to reproduce them in the exam (the chance of some form of mitigation is pretty high). Rest assured world, hundreds of dangerous psychos will be doing community service near you soon, released on the public by the class of 2007 slavishly following their checklists. But don't fret, you can always spot the psychos, they're the ones who volunteer for the pruning duty and bladed tools...

I think I'm digressing again. Sorry.

The second half of the workshop was a mock trial. Long term readers will remember how much I loved the civil lit one (and especially my awesome cross examination-advocacy was so easy then with a script in front of me). This time I was part of the prosecution side although I decided to be a witness this time and be the lovable, genial copper.

For my prep I copied out the facts into a notebook I bought for the purposes and 'amended' the language somewhat to make it more 'copperish'. (you know the sort of thing, 'walking' becomes ''proceeding') I also desperately wanted to find a policemans helmet in a fancy dress shop that is on the way to school. Well, I found one-a bloody WPC's hat! Bugger! I was tempted to buy it and camp it up-but thought 'no, I'm a grown up now, an elder statesman-I must show dignity and gravitas at all times' (yeah, right)

So, imagine my dismay when the suspect, a Mr Smith is being played by a woman! Oh, that's ruined my role-playing experience for sure. (although I did get a twinge when this young lady referred to being happily married to their beautiful wife).

I'm not saying what twinged, mind.

The trial itself was very one-sided. My character despite being lovable and genial, was also a dubious copper of the old school and didn't do things by the book-so my evidence would get tossed out faster than one of Brittany's husbands. The guy playing the other witness did his best to even up the account by 'over-egging' his part so much as to make the defendant look guilty of not only the crime charged but also the assassination of JFK and the theft of the Elgin Marbles.

At the end the tutor asked us of what we thought the verdict would be. Everyone was agreed that the defendant was 'not guilty' (in truth the CPS should never have let it come to trial-the case was far too weak) but only I noticed that no one in the defence 'team' had been allocated to do the 'plea in mitigation' if one was needed-which was a sure sign that the defence couldn't lose...

Oh, BTW-Thursday came and went.

And now, I'm sure that you're dying to know the marks for criminal litigation. The reason that I took a year off and came here-all that stuff.

Not so great, I'm afraid. The tutor herself did her best but it was a difficult job. The reading alone for the 5 workshops came to just under 500 A4 pages. During the workshops we covered maybe 50 or so of those. The other 450 could come up as an exam question-we are none the wiser. She scored mostly 3s with a 4. I did write a bitter little piece complaining of the sheer amount of prep and how the pacing of the course seemed all wrong. Pity, but hopefully the advanced crim course will be better (although we only have about 250 pages of the same book left to read..)

Running hot on the heels of the workshop came the last of our large consolidation sessions-also for criminal. The tutor who had taken me for my advocacy assessment was timetabled to take us and I had been preparing to shout the word 'bitch' ventriloquists style at her-but she didn't show and we had the guy who took me for my ill-fated experience on the PLS route (not a good omen).

It was OK, but nothing spectacular. Again, we went over a series of exam-type questions with the usual lecture on timing. Some good points came out so it wasn't a complete waste but in common with the majority of these I had a distinct feeling of 'a chance missed'

So, Friday. Last day of the compulsaries. My last ever business class. Well, keeping up the theme-Friday came and went.

More? Ok, it was another revision class, Something at the back of my head is screaming 'why not use the two superfluous business law classes to put the extra criminal into?'

I really must take some more medication

This time we looked at a corporation tax question, a conduct (yaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwnnn) question and a comparison between partnerships, limited liability partnerships and companies for someone who was looking to expand their sole trader business. It was all very sweet, and (for once) quite easy going but necessary? Not really.

Now we come to a problem. I had been prepared to 'put the boot in' on this particular tutor. His teaching style, his running around the room so that our heads swivelled back and forth and we ended up playing some weird game of tutor tennis. His rapid 'machine gun' style of speech, his appalling handwriting and his regular keeping us in over time were all things that I wanted to note.

But, I found out this week that he is 99% likely to be one of my tutors for the electives. Ah, rapid change of plan then. (god, I'm so hypocritical). I was relatively severe, I did mention that we had too many presentations and that I was less than keen on questions directed at specific students but it was a bit wishy-washy.

Sorry

The urge for self-preservation was too strong. I think I scored him two 4s and two 3s and a 2 (for pacing)

And now I should explain why I marked as I have. The tutors don't get to see us putting the marks down (although any fool should be able to tie handwriting to a person-I, in particular have a very distinctive style), so we have a chance to be totally honest.

I have taken the opportunity to look at a few of my fellow students grades. Almost to a one they have recorded five 5s for each tutor.
With respect, what is the point of that? We have had no perfect lessons, nor perfect tutors. Nobody has come to class with perfect preparation (one of the criteria) so why award the perfect mark?
What is the tutor going to learn from that?
What is the College going to learn?
If the College believes from this that everything is perfect, it will make no changes.

FACT.

Which means that next years intake will struggle where we struggled-they will have to put up with the uneven pacing and workload, the variation in tutoring between good and appalling.

Democracy isn't perfect but it's the only chance of changing things for the better

(climbs down from soapbox)

Sorry about that, I get a bit carried away. One of the reason why I'm so hard on the tutors is that I've been fortunate to have had some truly wonderful lecturers and tutors in my life. Real '5s' if you like. Probably the best of these was the Professor of Education at Exeter University, the late Ted Wragg. Now there was a man who could hold a class of 100 spellbound for hours. A great teacher is a very special person-learn all you can from them.

The last thing I did on Friday was put my toys in my locker at College. This way the worst distractions in my life are out of reach and I can enter the 'tank' and get my revision done. So here I float in my 'deprivation tank'-bored out of my flaming mind!

I'm sitting my interviewing assessment this Tuesday-so I'll write a short piece sometime this week to say how it went. Other than that I won't write until the 25th of February after all the compulsary exams are finished.

And I'm released from solitary...

Even Houdini would have struggled with this one...

2007-01-28T17:15:00.000Z

Last week we found our intrepid hero tied to the railway tracks.
The 7:15 to Oblivion is approaching. Can our handsome and witty idol disengage himself from the ropes, chains, shackles, thumbcuffs and assorted bondage paraphenalia to escape before the locomotive delivers the unkindest cut of all?

Does he leap up with a spring, a smile and a one liner?

In a word

No

I have no chance of an appeal, my advocacy assessment has (allegedly) been seen by 3 people, all of which have decided that it was not good enough to pass. Bugger.

In truth, I had expected that. Ho hum. C'est la rie. Still a bummer though...

Anyhow, the important thing now is to concentrate and get back to it. It's not the end of the world. I have a retake to do sometime in late April or early May. And if I cock that one up there is still a further chance in August. If I fail that one then we are talking about wasting a whole lot of money here. But, hey we are not there yet, right people?

So saying, it was pretty difficult at the start of the week. My motivation levels were rock bottom and I felt lower than a centipedes kneecaps. And before any entymolo, any entimulo, any entimililiogical, bug lovers complain, I know that centipedes probably don't have kneecaps.

I meant millipedes anyway.

As a corollary to last weeks post (which I have amended). I did not and have never lied to the police. I told the story to demonstrate how easy it is to make a mistake about an alibi. Even after a few weeks, it can be difficult to place yourself at a particular location at a particular time. Try it for yourself-pick a date close to a month back and write down what you were doing during the day. It's very difficult unless the day you chose was memorable for some reason-or you have a life like mine.

Get up-study-go to school-come home-play with toys-watch tv-go to bed. (repeat until senile).

One day I would love to burn the candle at one end.

So, where are the police now when I can pinpoint my movements exactly? Ha, nowhere to be seen.

Right that's the weekly drivel over-onto the important stuff now. The main feature of this week was the addition of consolidation workshops. We had 4 of these tacked onto the end of our days. Three were bigguns lasting an hour and the other a tiddler barely scraping 20 odd minutes.

The amazing thing about them was the way that they varied from being exceptionally useful and well thought out to where you could actually sense the oxygen molecules being wasted. But I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Monday was our penultimate property session. As I have mentioned before these have a very laid back feel to them at present (partly from the tutor's style and partly from the 'fact' that the work load is considerably less).
This week we discussed the remedies that are available to a landlord when a tenant either fails to pay the rent or breaks another of their promises. All very easy going and pleasant. We even finished early (for the first time since Ive been here) and by a full 30 minutes too.
This would have been great apart from the fact that we had the first of our consolidation workshops to come. So rather than wait half an hour, we had to wait the full hour. Which is actually no great heartbreak since it gave me a chance to chat to members of my tutor group-unfortunately just bringing it home to me how much I'm going to miss them in a week or so.

BTW, I am a glass 'half empty' kind of guy (in case you hadn't guessed)

Property consolidation.

Well, that's an hour of my life I won't see again.

What a waste of time. If I have to sit in a lecture again while someone who hasn't sat an exam in nearly twenty years tells me how to spend my time in the exam.... 'Each mark should take about 2 and a half minutes, so a 10 minute question should take a about 25 minutes'. 'Oh and by the way, the multiple choice questions are worth 20 marks and you should spend no more than half an hour on them'

WTF? Do these people ever think about what they are saying? If you hadn't guessed, this was the waste of oxygen lecture. For the record, I wasn't the only disenchated person-I can't believe that anyone got anything from it and the moans of dissent as we left were audible. The common opinion seemed to be, 'well, if they're all like that I won't bother with the next one'

Tuesday-and I have my meeting with a tutor to review my advocacy. Astute readers will have already noticed the result so I won't repeat it. I will, however note down a few musings.

I was scheduled to meet her at 1pm-by about 10 past I was still waiting outside her door. When she finally opened up and met me she revealed that she hadn't got my tape with her-it was in her office (even though she doesn't have a TV/video in there). So she went off to get it. Cue another wait for 10 minutes. It should be noted that I have a workshop at half past-so we haven't got long.

She tries to give me feedback-this is a bit tricky because she hasn't seen the tape for nearly a month (and she saw hundreds then), so she is reading the comments from the original markers script. Some things I am told I did well, some not so well-where I let myself down was

not explaining the factual situation
my appalling start
I focused in on minutia rather than taking a 'broadbrush' approach
during the main part of my speech I (apparently) got very angry and emotional and appeared to be taking the case personally.

Oh, but my ending was good and my tie was nice...

Well, in a throw back to the 1980s I now have a registered video nasty sitting on my shelf. Not quite as gory as 'driller killer' or as crude as 'I spit on your grave' and with less artistic merit than 'Cannibal holocaust'.
Yep, I am now the proud owner of my own advocacy. (and no, it is not going on 'Youtube' anytime soon). In preparation for writing this, I actually did something very brave and watched it this morning (with my thumb on fast-forward) and discovered something strange.

It's not as bad as I thought it was. Granted I didn't watch it all (I hate looking at myself) and yes, the drying up at the start is acutely embarrasing but it looked OK. As for anger, well to quote an iconic TV prog from the 70s;

'don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry'.

No, that's not anger. If I was feeling any emotion about the case it would be because the woman who was making the claim came across as a right chancer and I thought she was wasting court time.

It does rather put me in a bit of a quandary though. If that is not good enough, what the f(heck) can I do to improve it? Outside of plastic surgery and a hair transplant of course...

The upshot of this was that I was late for class (luckily I arrived at the same time as another student-so I was saved a sarky comment). Insolvency was pretty straight forward, this tutor tries to slim every subject down to a 'checklist' and base all answers upon this.
This is pretty good advice generally for the course. We have to know no actual law just procedure. Procedure is just that, you go from A to B to C following a strict path. The checklist becomes your guide to staying on the path.

After Insolvency, we bimbled into the second consolidation hour-this time for business. Business is tested in two exams since it covers almost half the compulsary course. It encompasses company law/partnership law/revenue law (tax) and insolvency. It was worth noting that numbers were down on the previous day-their loss, because this one was excellent.
The tutor had taken time to break the course down and produced a list of what we could (and should) be focussing on (granted he did stress that we ought to be revising already-cue look of withering scorn from my seat) but like all the others students present, I was pleased that I had attended.

Mind you, there were a few dazed looks at the end-but only because they were trying to take it all in. Business is a really large subject. I have filled 3 A4 files comfortably and although I aim to strip away a lot of that to get it neat and concise for exam purposes it will still be the most extensive amount of information I'll be taking into an assessment.

Talking of assessments. I had planned on Wednesday to finish my drafting ready to hand in on Thursday-but it kind of never happened. I think I was still taking the previous weeks result badly. I was happy to write up my course notes but that 'spark' or inspiration was never there. So I worked on other things and prepared to get up early Thurday.

Its 4am Thurday morning. No really, it is. When I say early, I mean it. What I had to do was finish off my criminal prep and finish off the drafting. So I drifted between the two, not quite putting my full concentration into either.
I shall draw a veil over it suffice to say that I did hand in a finished agreement (not my best work-but once you've failed one you don't give a toss about the rest...).
Interestingly, when I got to crim lit I found that my prep for that had been good, so maybe the drafting was better than I gave it credit for.

Criminal lit focused on 2 big areas coming up to a trial-can the prosecution (hurrah!) use a defendants confession or 'bad character' as evidence or can the defence (boooooooo!) get this evidence thrown out as prejudicial and unfair? It is a little strange-about 5 years ago, the defendants previous (including character) could not be mentioned except in special circumstances-whereas another witnesses convictions and character were fair game to either side.
Cue the 'Criminal Justice Act' (a misnomer if ever one existed) which allows a defendant's convictions/bad character to be raised easily and another witness? Yep, you guessed it-harder to get hold of than fresh dodo pate...
Liberal society? Ha!

After a quick consolidation session on the last two workshops-including consolidating what we had just studied (go figure) we were free to go. I had the urge to have a celebratory drinkee to commemorate handing in some more written work.

Friday-ugh, hangover! Oh, god, why do I do this...?

Company law was as awkward as ever-we seem to have run out of new things and this workshop was treated as an exam practice. We were handed an exam (style) question, chatted informally about it for ten minutes then had to answer it in exam time (about 45 minutes). I was pleased because I finished it (I may have been the only one) but not so pleased when we checked over the answer in class and my work disappeared under a lot of red pen.
Still, having a 'glass half full' moment, I am now just one workshop away from not having any more business law to do (exam excluded). Hurrah!

The final hour of the week (the graveyard shift) had been drawn by a tutor who tried to get us interested in a civil litigation consolidation. It was 'kind of good' in that it went over a typical long exam question fairly thoroughly but 'kind of bad' in that after telling us (again) how we should use our time for questions depending on how many marks they are worth, they gave us a question with no marks indicated on it.

As we were leaving my neighbouring colleague muttered to me, 'how the **** do they expect us to answer the ****ing questions to time if they don't give us the ****ing marks?'

I don't know, these covent educated girls-mouths like sewers, all of 'em...

That's me up to date-I did some work over the weekend but only about 5 hours on each of Saturday and Sunday. I don't mind being lazy this weekend. I have decided that from next weekend on, I'm going into the 'tank' to be ready for my exams, so it'll do me some good to get a bit of time away from the books.

Oh, and we had snow this week. It was on Wednesday and was a few millimeters deep and as such the whole transport system almost ground to a halt...

What a difference a day makes...

2007-01-21T17:07:00.000Z

Sometimes it's not easy to know what to write for this blog. I'll sit here for a while staring into space before putting some random thoughts down. I'll usually strain for a while even trying to get a title that ties it all in.

Today, that is not a problem. This should be one of the easiest entries I've ever had to do-but at the same time what I have to write will be very hard. I hope that you'll understand as you read it through. Writing this does have a tendency to leave myself open and expose myself to public scrutiny-but when I started I promised a 'warts n all' version' so here goes.

BTW, I shall not be copying last weeks technique of knocking the computer cabinet with my knee within 2 seconds of 'sending' my submission to Blogspot. My computer crashed big time and I was seriously stressed about having to type it all out again. Fortunately, it had reached its destination but nevertheless did give me puppies.

Parental advisary notice: Some of the language used today may not be suitable for my parents.

Two weeks of workshops etc remain for the compulsary part of the course. The subjects feel very different, property has a 'well, we've covered it all but if you take a reeeeeeeaalllllly long time over these we can stretch them out a bit further'-whereas criminal has more of a 'oh my god, we've only got 5 sessions and have to read 400-500 pages of A4, watch video tutorials, answer problems and generally PAAAAAANNNNNNNNNIIIIIICCCCC!!!'

Monday, that has become laaaazzzzzzy day-just catching up on my rest as we slowly meander to the end of leasehold law. Our work consists of us analysing a lease and applying the provisions in various circumstances.
Which would be great if all leases were identical, unfortunately as you well know they do come in infinite flavours and varieties. So we look at very general (and usually imcomprehensible) terms and hope that when a lease comes up in an exam we will be able to unscramble the enigma (Da Vinci code my butt cheeks-give Tom Hanks a commercial lease and see how sodding clever he is...)

After this class, I was meant to get together with my tablemates (as were) from Civil Litigation-the reason being that each table had been given a group activity to do some time before Christmas and we are meant to post these on the College intranet for Friday.
Being the 'last possible minute' student that I am-I did mine on Monday morning, taking just under 2 hours to do it. When we got together after class, it turned out that I was the only bugger to have done anything.
The others had 'looked' at the questions but not written a single word down. Regular readers will remember that this has happened once before with this lot. At least then I got the heat taken off me for that particular class-but here I got no favours or freebies, they could have at least(this part has been censored in case my mother reads it)

What was worse-no one had brought their notes and only one of them had had the wit to bring the textbook. So we chatted for about 20 minutes about what answers I had and what we could agree-which was precious little since we had put the subject to one side for over a month and only I had looked at it recently.
I left my answers with them and went home-let them pull the bones out of it...

Monday night I didn't sleep well, I was becoming steadily more apprehensive about Wednesday afternoon. Even dosed and medicated, my sleep was disturbed and erratic.

That afternoon we had our second insolvency workshop. I had produced a fair stack of work-both notes and prep task and was quite confident of my material. Only problem was it was a very disappointing workshop. The first 90 minutes were spent deeply analysing the prep task, the remainder was spent doing an oral exercise that had very similar roots to the prep task-but because it was oral we have no written notes or feedback.
(BTW old habits never die-just like from junior school and upwards, if you put a group of people together and get them to interact about their subject and the tutor/teacher is not hovering over them, the work invariably gets dropped and they chat about tv/nights out or sport...)

Hurrah, the final business large groups lecture. A very good turnout-even though we know that we are going to be lectured on the new Companies Act (since the start of term we have studied the 1985 Act-but the new Act has now been passed by Parliament and the new provisions of it are slowly being released into the business world ready for complete use by 2008. The one important question for us is...

...are we going to be tested on it in the exam?

And the answer is maybe...we may have a question or two in the mutiple choice section. So, even though a lot of us were planning on leaving pre-lecture if we were told that no questions were going to be set on it during the exams, we wimped out and stayed throughout.

What a bunch of pussies, not a single cohone amongst us. I blame the Estrogen in the water supply...

I approached my bed tentativly on Tuesday night, much as I needed sleep I knew that I would get pitifully little-the great day of fear was here. Wednesday is interview practice day.

The premise is simple, 2 students sit in a small room with a tutor and one pretends to be a client and the other interviews them. After the interview, the 'client' goes out whilst the tutor gives feedback on the 'solicitors' performance.

After a suitable break, the students meet up again and this time they take the other role on. Each student has been given a script a few weeks ago that explains about their client role and what problems they have.
The 'solicitor' using skill, tact and wit manages to extract the story from them, explains the law and advises them about their options. Piece of widdle, huh?

Except not to me. Anything like this is a major nightmare. I have pitifully little self confidence at the best of times-and having to stake a pass/fail mark on my knowledge-let alone the other interviewing skills had left me as a nervous wreck. It's a bit of a worry that I was far more self confident of my role as a partner in a health food shop (who made the tasty pies, flans and sandwiches) who wanted to leave it and become an aromatherapist (all of which I know bugger all about) than the solicitor (who it is rumoured I would like to become).

But it gets worse-a double whammy in a few seconds!!

First whammy-my partner in the interview is the same guy who I was paired up with in the advocacy!! What's the fecking chance of that?? There are about 450 students here doing an LPC (not counting the 17 in my class that I can't have)-so how come I get him again? He's a lovely bloke but he's even less confident than I am (no really!-he is!) What a pair we make!

2nd whammy and one that almost laid me flat on the canvas. The tutor is my business tutor! Oh, crap on a stick! I expected to be bad-now its going to be 'bunny in the headlights' bad!

Anyhow, a little bit of luck came my way. I got to be the client first. This was OK for me-I managed to make a good job of being the client-I didn't need to refer to my script once (3 1/2 sides of A4) and my partner 'advised' me.
I really felt for him-he started off OK, but couldn't ask the right questions. I even tried to drop hints with my answers for him to pick up on and ask ancilliary questions-but it didn't happen. So, at the end of the interview, I left the room and went outside to get some air whilst the other guy got his feedback.

After about 20 minutes I returned and this time I was on the spot. I thought I started OK but knew that I was going to be bogged down by the law-I managed to squeak my way through and give some advice (very poor advice mind). One feature that helped was that there are only 6 scripts that could have been given out and I had taken time to look at them all, so I was quite au fait with the scenario I was advising on-only problem was the my client wasn't...

He really didn't know it at all-so now this time I was asking questions (that I knew the answer was there for) and he couldn't find the damn things.

As an aside I was told off in my feedback for not 'pushing' him on a point to get to the truth. With respect to the tutor-the only way he would have been able to answer the question would have been if I had lent over and underlined it in his script...He just didn't know it-he wasn't being coy or circumspect...

Anyhow, at the end of the interview, he scuttled away leaving me to face my feedback. I was asked how I though it went-I said that I knew the law was garbage but the rest may have been OK. My tutor then proceeded to explain my weaknesses.

Too fast (too fast, yes I know that I speak fast-its the way that I am-what amazes me about this is that, as I mentioned, my adjudicator here is my Friday tutor. And every Friday, as we leave the class we get together and bitch about how fast he speaks and how incomporehensible his classes are...

"Call for Mr Pot, its a Mister Kettle on line 1"

Too quiet, no small talk at the start, must introduce myself at the door not when I've sat down, I rushed through the options (but the law was OK!) and could have had a much better sign off. And then the moment of truth...

I had passed!!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo!!!

I won't say that I danced around the room (one still has a certain style you know) but I felt pretty damn good. Yes, I know it was a practice and didn't count but I never expected to pass the practice in a million years (and with the whammys 2 million)-so I wandered home a happy bunny (free from the lights of the juggernaut). That night I celebrated with a bottle of wine (2 bottles for £4.50-quality **cough**), snug in the knowledge that the legal train was rolling, rolling, rolling.

Thursday is criminal day, so I got up in good mood, refreshed and ready to kick CPS and police butt (we only get to do the defence side on this course-rest assured that I'm not becoming a traitor).

I checked my College email-one of them said that results were out today. This I knew and had been expecting to go to college and read them off the 'wall of pride' but the mail said that they were also posted on a college internet board. So I turned my mouse in that direction and found my candidate number (all written exams are done under candidate number not name so there can be no chance of bias shown by a particular tutor to a favoured (or not so) student.) I read along the line,

Business accounts

Passed

Legal research

Passed

Advocacy

Failed-not competent

I had failed!!

The following line has been censored for reasons of decency

I cannot actually express how I felt at that stage (3 days later I am still struggling). All I knew was that the legal train had just been derailed. I sat in disbelief-at the time I thought advocacy was not brilliant but I was sure that it had been good enough for a pass. Let's just say that the rest of the mornings prep was not great.

I wandered off to college-my first port of call was to see the 'wall of pride'-although in my case 'wall of shame' was more appropriate-yes my results were there and the same as on the web. I had been allocated a tutor to sit with and watch my video and she could then advise me on ways to improve. Since then I have been in email contact with her and we have agreed to meet on Tuesday before class. Fortunately, I dont have to watch myself (I would rather drink a bucket of lumpy sick than look at myself on tape)

About the only thing I can say is 'whuh'? This has hit me really hard-

I can no longer achieve a 'distinction' (it was only an outside chance but at least I had a chancebefore
This may affect my CPS application-advocacy is a vital part of the job (maybe the most vital) if they contact the college about my result I coud be screwed
I do have a chance to retake it-in bloody May (3 1/2 months away-with no chance to practice in between) so whatever feedback I get on Tuesday could be pretty worthless.
In the retake I will be up against another person who failed-nerves are infectious. In the same way that a calm person can calm those around them, so a nervy dweeb can also affect others. I affect him, he affects me-we both fail together.
And I know, I just bloody know that I will be up against the guy I did advocacy the first time with (and my practice interviewing)!

My only hope is that the tutor who watches the tape to help me is willing to say that she thinks it should have been a pass. In that case I will appeal and see what happens. (a major problem being is that my 'judge' for the advocacy was a CofL 'higher being'-one of the founding figures and a video lecturer-so she may carry a bit of clout and be difficult to overrule)

In the meantime, I just roll on. But don't expect any zippy one-liners for a while...

OK, back to Thursday. Just to make my day complete, while I was standing looking at the 'wall of pitiful humiliation' the fire alarm sounded and we all got led (sheep dog style) up to one of the car parks. For anyone reading this at a later stage, during this week the UK experienced strong winds leading to a number of deaths. On the way to college I had got soaked by rain and now had to stand at the top of a hill with a whipping wind cutting through me. We stood there for about 20 minutes before we were given the 'all clear'.

Even the joys of criminal law failed to bring much of a smile. Perhaps the hardest part for me was the look of surprise on people's faces when I told them I had failed. Everyone I spoke to was genuinely shocked that I could have failed anything.

Criminal law-we have moved on a bit from the Magistrates and are now looking at Crown Court cases. This week was robbery and we had a chance to rip a few witnesses to pieces regarding identifications. It is much easier than you might think.

And alibis-they are much harder to remember than on the telly.

One of the events that shaped my interest in the criminal law was when I was interviewed (at home, not in the nick) regarding an alleged offence (the penalty for which is variable but can lead to life imprisonment)
I gave an alibi for the night of the incident (about 3 weeks earlier) but my alibi was bogus-I wasnt doing what I said I was. I said that after a night out playing cards I had walked back with a friend and we had gone for a swift half before parting. In fact I had been given a lift home by a completely barking (but really sweet) pensioner from French Martinique.

My alibi was false!!!

And I had been picked out because I 'matched' the identikit photo. Well, matched in the terms that I had two eyes, two ears and a nose. Nevertheless, being interviewed (even informally by 2 coppers) is still a nervewracking experience for a young innocent lad **cough**Perhaps that's where my terrible anxiety originated

**thinks bubble** could I sue the police for my problems since then?

NB In reply to a comment I would like to further explain-I did not lie to the police, I was asked where I was on a certain date at a certain time. I gave the answer I believed to be the case. I did not keep a diary at the time (this blog is now my 'Bridget Jones' style thing) and I honestly and reasonably believed the alibi I gave. (trust me, the offence was a very serious one-I would not have lied to police-a lie is a conscious thing to evade the truth) The reason that I mentioned this was to show how easy it is to make mistakes when questioned about events that happened in the past. I was interviewed only 3-4 weeks after the alleged incident-now try to imagine how difficult it would be after 3-4 months...

So there you go, it could happen to you (well, if you were a middle aged, overweight munter with piggy eyes, that is). So the next time you see a cop show and a villain gets nicked because of an ID from a lineout or whatever just remember, the Criminal Law Commission has discovered that the vast majority of false convictions come from identification evidence...

Moral-do not believe all you see on the telly, witnesses and honest alibis are often mistaken (and identikits are rubbish...)

Friday is still business day, but we have moved to general business law-which essentially meant contract and EU free movement and competition law. So I just had to revise what was (in total) 1 year of my undergraduate degree. Easy, huh? The workshop itself wasn't too bad-rather than endless Board Meeting Sandwiches (to any students thinking of an LPC after 2008, you are going to be so lucky because these should be consigned to the waste bin of history by then), we were set problems based around the Sale of Goods Act and Articles 28, 30, 81 and 82 of the original European Community Treaty. Although I think I was the only one who appreciated the change in pace.

Which leads me to the weekend. I worked for about 10 hours yesterday but couldn't get motivated today. I must draft an agreement by Thursday (its a marked assessment) but my muse has been sniffing glue again and is not being terribly inspirational...

This could be a long and painful week

How do you see yourself?

2007-01-14T17:10:00.000Z

Do you ever, in your minds eye, see a vision of yourself and say,'oh god, I so do not want to turn into that person?'. Now if that's confusing to you (and I couldn't understand it myself), I'll give an example instead.

In my minds-eye, I've always seen myself as a fairly cool guy. Very laid back, witty and the sort of person you could invite to a cocktail, dinner or a chimps tea party. Always ready with a quip or a bon mot to break the ice or ease the tedium.

**thinks bubble** I think someones minds-eye needs a sight test.

Anyhow, that's how I want to see myself-it may need some (some!!!) work but hey-we can try to improve ourselves, right? So, imagine how I'm feeling in the last week or so. The course has taken a twist for me. We are actually studying stuff that's relevant to my situation.

In the last weeks we've done;
-law of leases-I have one (and was a pain in the butt to the letting company over it-10 pages, no punctuation (just paragraphing) complete drivel, pah! It wouldn't pass the CofL drafting criteria in a million years)
-criminal law-my love and what I've done work experience in (as well as putting together a defence and evidence for my first ever representation), and
-unfair dismissal/redundancy-a situation Ive seen as a redunder, a redundencee, sacker, sackee, trades union officer and independent witness

The only problem is that I've become anorak boy. I keep saying, 'well, when I was involved in...blah de blah". I swear my voice has become even more nasal and whiney-and I soooo do not want to turn into that person. I am one step away from saying,

"Oh yes, of course the B257 doesn't pass through Carshalton-it should of course but got diverted at Romford and becomes the A211-except of course the part that ends up in the M3, ho-ho (snort)"

BTW the writer takes no responsibility for people who are so dim to take this as an accurate road map, let 'em get lost. I call it survival of the fittest....

Right, that's the preamble out the way. (I swear it gets harder every week) Now on to the important stuff.

I have come up with a new theory. I have a suspicion that the compulsory part of the course used to be about 2 weeks longer. As we quickly move to the end of it, we are getting deluged with preparation. It does appear to be the CofL way-start a course slowly then towards the end, cram in all the little subjects that can't make a whole workshop on their own. And although the course is legal PRACTICE with the emphasis on getting a feel for what a trainee will have to do when they start in a firm, we are getting a fair bit of theoretical law as well.

Monday was leasehold property again. The emphasis this week was on wording a rent review clause in a commercial lease. Since these usually run for 10+ years, there has to be a mechanism so that the landlord can raise the rent from time to time to keep up with inflation/property prices generally. Now although I can't see myself doing this in my life, I did find it interesting. But tied in with this we have the spectre of leasehold covenants.
For non-law students or those who haven't tackled these-you are the lucky ones. I studied them in the last year of my undergraduacy (and then decided to not waste my time when it came to the exam-I would have been better off to have written a story about snails instead (like I did once in a geology exam at Exeter University-a long (and silly) story, another time perhaps?).

That dredged up a memory of a story that I was told about 20+ years back of a student at a 'modern' university who cracked under the strain of work and during an exam got up on his desk and shouted, 'I am an orange and oranges do no take exams!' and walked out.

Back to the LPC-what the f(heck) do I do about the legal theory we are getting? Do I spend time studying it and taking notes? Time is precious at the moment. I do not want to spend it on something that is no use to me come the exams. Going back to leases-covenants didn't come up except in the vaguest terms. Do I turn my brains to mush again trying to get the stuff in or cross my fingers and hope? Can I phone a friend please Chris?

Rent review is meant to be one of the hardest subjects we have to do. I found it pretty easy-which must mean that I got completely the wrong end of the stick...

"Oh yes, if you look at my lease you'll see that's the case, I have it in my briefcase next to my copy of Traction Engines Monthly"

Tuesday was a new subject-insolvency. The joy of advising clients about when their business is going to go belly-up and what they can do to salvage the paper clips. This means that we are doing 3 classes a week on business law (whoop-de-frickin-doo). But being fair, it was an enjoyable class. The tutor is older than the usual CofL lecturing age (which is about 35-40..bloody kids!) and more of a fatherly figure to the rest of the group.
Our table did particularly well though it was probably helped that the tutor appeared to have a soft spot for one of the our pretty young ladies. Personally I think its disgusting that an older man hangs around with women young enough to be his daughters and flirts with them.

**cough**

**ooops**

I feel so embarassed

After a short break, we slipped into our large group lecture. This week we must have had twice the number of the previous week (though probably less signatures on the register..) Why do we have to sign the register? I understand that the college sets great store on punctuality and attendance-I haven't missed a session (apart from that one where I got double booked with a pro bono work night)-but not every class has a register and it gets circulated some weeks and not others.
**Note to self** I have to get the notes written up fairly punctually because two of the class couldn't make it and I promised to send it to them-I'll do it Wednesday.

Wednesday. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Doing consolidation for 2 workshops and the large groups took me 4 hours! in the workshops we are getting lots of practical exercises that we attempt then the tutor takes us over the answers and we correct our work. My handwriting is not good (rushed and scrawly) so I type up everything (please god, let my laptop make it through this year) and it takes ages...

I then prepped for Criminal (a bit of oasis-like joy in the desert of my life) and business (the broken glass in the cheese-cake of life). The next thing I now its coming up 6pm. Blocks-there goes another day.

Thursday
The criminal case has now moved to

funding for the scrotes ('Paul's technical' term)
first court appearances (Magistrates)
bail applications (and reasons why it might get refused)

And examples and problems for us to tackle. I think (despite all the time I spent) my prep was inadequate on bail, so I will have to look at that over the revision period. I desperately want to do really well on the crim lit exam so that;

it'll bring up my overall litigation mark
I have a real desire to be top in something

The library here has a number of wooden plaques on the wall showing who has won various academic prizes in the last few years. I have no idea if there is a prize for criminal lit (I'm never in the library long enough to find out) but I would love to leave my print on this place in some way. (although I may have a better chance by waiting for some fresh concrete to be put down)

Anyway as I said to the table in crim;
"of course, when I was in the cells at Torquay, locked in on my own with a man who was being interviewed about an assault I told him about my collection of bus tickets and you know he actually looked bored-would you believe it? (snort)"

To follow that we has a consolidation session on criminal litigation. Yes, that's right-after only 2 workshops, we had consolidation. I swear I can hear oxygen molecules being wasted...

My tails twitching, it must be Friday and business. But wait, what is this? A vaguely different twist. We are doing employment. Hurrah! Something potentially interesting. Dismissals and redundancies-brilliant stuff. (BTW I still cant spell employment-I keep missing the 'o'. This may be awkward when I start my options, emplyment law being one (yes, that was deliberate-but it felt sooo natural)

Fortunately, my previous experience as trades union officer held me in good stead.

"of course, when I was acting as an advocate for this poor girl who was up to be dismissed for gross misconduct I managed to hold the tribunal spellbound whilst I explained all about s.29 of the Employment Act 1982 and how it really applies to workers who have a contract of employment for service and not a service contract which of course is a totally different thing..."

If I ever become that person, please shoot me. It's for my own good.

A fool returns to their folly like a dog returns to its vomit...

2007-01-07T16:54:00.000Z

...is my favourite quote from the Bible (I can't give you Book, Chapter and verse but I think it is from Proverbs)

Yes, College is back. I was one of the lucky ones-we restarted on Weds the 3rd, some of the other poor buggers had to go back on Tues (which apparently was announced in the press the next day as the big national 'sickie' since more workers phoned the boss with a feeble,

"sorry, I think I caught flu over Christmas **feeble cough**, I'll be in the moment I have the strength to get out of bed **even more feeble cough**"

But not us hardy LPC souls (though saying that two didn't make it back-one is hospitalised with pneumonia-although it is a guy so it could just be a bad attack of the sniffles...)

And now the important stuff, the 'how much work will Paul do over Christmas' sweepstake results. I've had a lot of interest with bids ranging from 'very little' to 'working himself to death' (thanks Mum!). Much as I'd like to award the prize to family, I'm afraid that I can't. So the person who put, 'less than you wanted to but more than you expected to' wins.

For the record I did work Christmas Day (although I think only to impress other people-god, I'm so shallow...) New Years day was a full days study, mind-but then New Year is such a non-event to me that it doesn't really count.

New term, new subjects. There is a distinct mood around the place-it all feels a bit sad and wistful. This might have been generated by the GDL students who were sitting their first exams but to me it does seem that our workshop group has lost a bit of its spark as we realise that we only have just 4 weeks of workshops together to go.
Although I can't really say that I have any really close friends amongst them, I will be very sad when we are broken up to be reconstituted into different groups for the electives which fill the latter part of this term and next term.
There is also a little stress and panic developing as people realise that in just over a month we will take our compulsary exams-and the work is not letting up to allow us to get organised and revision ready.

Wednesday is normally a non-college day for me but this week we had workshops planned for the last three days of the week. We kicked off with one of those new subjects-criminal law.

Yes, finally-I get to do criminal law!!!

Fortunately, It was not the huge anti-climax that I may have been expecting. Our first workshop looked at;
a) What happens when a suspect is arrested-the processing at the police station, the detention and interviewing of the suspect and a brief overview of their rights
b) the solicitor's role in the police station. How to look after your client and when you should advise him to give a 'no comment' interview and when to co-operate more fully.

We only have 5 weeks to get to grips with the basics so the reading (80+ pages of A4) is quite substantial. This was combined with two video tutorials and made a very meaty amount of prep (it was the reason that Monday was cancelled as far as I was concerned). The workshop was handled in a fun, quite informal way. We started off with a straw poll-only 2 of the class will be doing the advanced crim course-so not a popular course then **sob**.
This is probably to do with the way that criminal solicitors get paid (i.e. badly) but is also tied up with the sordid and slighly 'dirty' nature of the subject (and from my experience of the cells in Exeter and Torquay the clientel).

We will be following a case study of a man suspected of burglary-the basic background is that he is an ex-con with no job, living on social security with his girlfriend, a history of drug use and self harm. (as I said, slightly sordid and dirty-god, I love it!!!)

Since our week was a little out of synch, we went from this workshop into the large group lecture for business law and practice. This was the worst attended session I have ever been to. We would normally have about 60 people-at best we got 30. Now I'm not saying that there was anything funny going on but I reckon that the attendance register that gets passed around during these sessions had at least 50 signtures on it (10 of them identical in the same pen). It's good to have mates, innit...?

Thursday was the 'welcome' return of Property law-we've moved on into the dizzying world of leasing/letting or renting out of houses/offices/business space. Again for this workshop we had two video tutorials and about 60 pages of A4 to read and make notes on. (that's Tuesday cancelled...) And boy was it a waste of time or what! No-honestly, a complete waste of a day of my life. All that prep was not remotely needed for the session. All we did was have a general discussion about leases (basic LLB stuff) and study the provisions of the lease that will make up our case study to the end of the course.

I used to be really poor at reading statute and legal speak but I definitely have got better during this course (of course some will still remain Armenian-but that's just duff drafting, right **cough**). In fact, one of the guys on our table expressed the view, 'why can't anyone put this stuff in simple English?'. I then read her the translation that I had made and asked 'is that simple enough?' With hindsight that was waaaaay too arrogant-but she was grateful for my comment so I guess I got away with it.

What amazes me is that I have no self confidence at all but can be astoundingly arrogant when I'm not being careful (and yet I always say that confidence and arrogance are two sides of the same coin...)

We probably had 15 people in that workshop and I have to guess that at least half had done no prep at all. At least that's what it seemed to me (in fact, one complete table had not prepped between them-so they kept their heads down, avoided the gaze of the tutor and timed their writing to begin whenever he appeared to be about to be asking a question-good technique, I use it myself in Business law...)
The reason for the lack of preparation is probably down to the tutor-he is so laid back he is almost horizontal. Unlike some of our tutors he asks questions to the room rather than individual students. If the room doesn't answer, then he offers a solution himself. I really like this style. It is very comfortable and easy going and the workshops pass agreeably and quickly and I'm not made to look a prat. That's not to say that I don't have my prat-like visage moments-but if I do they're my fault because I volunteered a stupid answer and not because I was put on the spot.

Which brings me neatly to Fridays and my weekly pain that is Business. The tutor for this is a complete contrast to the Property one. This tutor is really 'in your face', he throws questions around and directly aims them at students. He either refers to 'Paul's table' or to 'Paul'-both of which mean I have to answer, since any question to 'my table' means that the others can sit back and enjoy my pain.
**Disclaimer** In the interests of truth-and because at least one of my table reads this, I have to say that this is an exaggeration-well a lie really, but stick with it for dramatic reasons. My table are a great bunch of 'guys' (NB this is guys of the feminine persuasion)-none of us are real business bods but we bimble through.

Well, I got one of his 'Paul' questions, so no chance for the 'guys' to bail me out. I was about to speak and 'oh my god-it happened again!!' I was lost for words-nothing throughout my whole life and now twice in a month!! This is getting serious-thank god there is only one more oral exam (well, 2 including a practice) I could finish this course and end up becoming a Trappist monk.

That's the silent ones if you didn't know (I wasn't sure myself-I had to 'google' it)

This week I also handed in my letter writing assessment. I spent enough time on it but I wasn't happy. Mine only came to 3 pages and 2 lines. Most of my classmates stretched as far as 5 pages. So I padded it out with extra bumpf. Even then I was not happy and time was running low so I printed it out and headed off to school. On the way I thought of a way to improve it so I went straight to a computer room, loaded it up (aren't memory sticks wonderful?) and knocked off my changes to get to something that I was content with (please note-not happy).

I handed it in with about 20 minutes to go and then what? They give me another bloody assessment. This one is the drafting of something or other (I can't bring myself to look at it) and has to be in a couple of weeks or so. I have no idea where I will get the time, as I say the prep has gotten heavier this last week. This morning I prepped for our next new course-Insolvency which starts on Tuesday. It was quite interesting but another business course? Bleurgh!

Now where did I leave that vomit...?

Oh, BTW I should have mentioned it in the last blog I wrote but I found that I'm through to the next stage of my CPS application. The psychometric test may have been bad but it must have equally bad for everyone and I scored sufficient to be considered for stage 3.

Michaelmas term-the dying throes

2006-12-17T16:53:00.000Z

Well, that's it. The first term has finished and I'm still here.

This past week was a bit of a strange one-no workshops, no tutorials to study and just 2 exams. (but real ones). The LPC year is divided in 2, mornings and afternoons. Whilst the afternoon brigade got tested on their advocacy skills (more to come) the morning bunch got examined on their interviewing technique.

In hindsight, I probably left my prep for the advocacy too late-the temptation of taking some time off last weekend was too much. I prepared and practised for the whole of Monday and Tuesday morning (when I wasn't hitting the notes for my impending accountancy exam (even more to come)) by the time the taxi came to pick me up I was pretty good on saying all those lovely phrases (the litany) that the examiner would be on the look out for. I was also happy with the case that I had put together. The evidence pointed to a very weak case for the defendant and an overwhelming victory for me.

"Mwah ha haaaaaaaa"

Sorry about that....

Noticeable readers will spot the word 'taxi' and be asking, 'how does a full time student justify going to college in a paid cab, eh?' The simple truth is that I don't drive and suffer from such chronic anxiety about tests and assessments that if I walked up in my suit (and yes we have to dress formally for these exams) I would be such a perspiratory mess that I would be failed automatically on the grounds of hygiene and good taste.

Anyhow, I got to school with about 40 minutes to go-so I went to an empty classroom and did my 'walking around, reciting my lines' bit like a complete luvvie. With a few minutes to go I did the slow walk to the reception area where I would be allocated a room (and an opponent-the poor misguided fool!).
I was delighted to meet up with a few of the guys from my form in reception. I knew that I would not be up against them (the college throw you up against a stranger to make it more like the real thing). We had a brief chat (not about the assessment-the college is not keen on that and to be fair we were all a bit too wired at the time)

Next thing I know is that I'm chatting to a really nervous looking guy in a suit who (like me) failed his assessment. He told me that he had frozen when it had been his turn to speak and when he finally got going was slow that he exceeded his time. It would be an interesting match, he speaks too slow, I speak too fast. Between us, as a weird mutant hybrid of a student we might do alright...

The examiner called us into the test room. We were using a tutors office (not the tutor doing the assessment-no that would be too easy), our examiner is famous. That, however, is a relative term-I knew her by sight. She had made a few I-tutorials that I had seen, so maybe I was a bit awestruck but I was happy with a stranger as the opponent and one as the judge.

...But I dont think she liked me...

It's difficult to say why, granted my opponent was 20 years my junior and a damn fine looking young man but I can't really say why I felt such waves of disapproval flowing from her.

**thinks** I wonder if she reads this?

Back at the assessment, my oppo has started speaking and like a good student I'm making notes on his points. Except he doesn't really have any-his case (which was weak to start with) is not helped because he's being slow and nervous again. I really felt for the guy, before going through the door he'd been a friendly and likeable bloke but now I could see him disintegrating in front of my eyes.
He was supposed to speak for 8-10 minutes and although I didn't look closely at my watch, he appeared to take over 12 (without a warning I note...). Eventually he struggled to a halt. In essence his litany was good (best part) but his case was wafer thin.

I cleared my throat ready to grind his arguments to dust. I began to speak,

'Madam, the issue before you is...'

and then nothing. Absolutely nothing. No sound could be heard, not even a mouse (quick Christmas reference there...) I had dried. For the first time in my life I was speechless.

For the record, I have delivered speeches in front of 100+ people at weddings and get togethers. I have acted on stages with 300+ watching. I have taught secondary school classes of 30+ (god bless comprehensive schools!). I have spoken in courts and tribunals (for real) as both advocate and witness. I have even read the bible out loud in the Royal Albert Hall. And I have never dried up......blox, blox and triple blox!

Oh well, first time for everything...

I couldn't even summon up the words to say, 'I'm sorry'. After eternity plus extra time I began to speak, as I did so, my litany flowed and my argument took form. Once I got going I was OK, my points began to link and make the defendants case look thinner than an anorexic bamboo shoot. I have no idea how long I took but I wasn't warned about overrunning (so could be up to an hour then!) and I ran my final points to a 3 part conclusion based on law and fact, finished up my speech with,

'unless I can assist you further madam, those are my submissions'

I then sat back to bask in my glory.

And the bloody judge gave it to the defendant!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Were you listening to my arguments woman???? Naturally, this was all said with a demure, 'thank you, madam' (whilst thinking die, die, die! Apparently my medication is meant to help with my anger problem **cough**)

So, we stood up and left. On the way down the corridor and out I chatted to the victorious oppo and (being fair) he was chuffed to bits with his win. He did state though that he though I 'kicked his arse all over the courtroom'....I agreed. Not half I did!

Now the story takes a sideturn. When I got home I checked my email and found that a fellow student who I had asked to mail me at my PRIVATE email address had written to both it and my college one. In her email she spoke of her advocacy assessment that had happened the day before (including various arguments by both sides). This is banned by college regulations. I've just checked my original email and it doesn't mention the assessment, it talks of the accounts exam (I knew she was very nervous of it) because I wanted to reassure her (and me). Does this explain my examiner's frosty manner? (or is my old friend bowel-freezing paranoia kicking in?).

For the official record, I do not blame my friend one tiniest bit for what she did. Any blame is entirely mine for being so silly as not to explain my thinking to her. What she did was sensible and beyond reproach.

But it is a very silly college rule. Half of the time on this course they want you to work together on team exercises and half the time so independantly that you can't make whispered comments in dark hallways. Whilst I do not endorse cheating in any way, I am fully aware of people from my tutor group who have already worked together to produce 'individually' submitted work.

Likewise, we have been given an assessment exercise to do over Christmas-if anyone submits just their own work then I will be amazed (apart from the odd Billy No-mates). Can you imagine being a trainee in a solicitors getting your first court case and not discussing it with your superviser or superiors?

The only thing in my favour is if the college can check at what time I opened the email. I have no idea if the college email does have a filter on it to check for certain words, 'exam, assessment, cheat etc) but it is a very slooooooooooooooooow email system so it is possible that each mail is individually checked.
Unfortunately (for me), one of the points in her email was regarding the law that should be used for that assessment. It was THE law that I did use. Can I prove that I thought of it prior to the email arriving? No...

..Rats..

Oh well, another couple of days and I'm back at college again in my window seat scribbling away furiously for my 'solicitors accounts' exam. This is one of those 'pass', 'fail' jobs. I'm content with what I put-the sums might not be exactly what the examiners have on their sheets but the stages of working are pretty well spot-on (and that's where the marks are scored-so if you go wrong on stage one (of about 30), you get 1 point deducted but no more even though every subsequent stage will be wrong-as long as you get the form and nomenclature right)

Which kind of sums up the course-a victory of style over content.

Well, that's it for the term. I have a fairly demanding work schedule for the holiday period (place your bets now on whether I'll even get close to it...) . My workshops begin again on January 3rd.
My next entry will be on the Sunday of that week.

To all my readers, I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas and fruitful New Year.

Almost the hols! Hurrah for sticky buns and fizzy pop!

2006-12-10T10:39:00.000Z

Sorry, just having a boarding school moment. Not that I went to any form of private/public school, you understand. In fact, when I was below the age of 10 my father would try to punish my bad behaviour with the threat of sending me away to board. And then I read the 'Jennings' books by Anthony Buckeridge about what 'jolly fun' with 'wizard japes' it was at those places (despite the books having been written 20-30 years earlier) and after that I was ram-raiding and dealing crack cocaine on a daily basis in a desperate attempt to get sent away to one.

(note to censors, this was a joke for comic effect only and does not reflect the views or the experience of the writer)

Phew, that was close. Thank goodness for a legal education. After 13 weeks I now know how to cover my arse. Who says education is a waste?

The teaching side of the term is finished, in the coming week I have my advocacy proper (and having read my assignment I am a depressed as I ever was about winning-its a dismal case from our side, which appears to fall on a nicety of law and not a trace of justice**note to self** really must try to pass this one) and my solicitors accounts exam.

What I will have to do is sort my notes out again. We have about 5 weeks teaching in the new year and then it's into revision for the main exams. All our serious exams are crammed into Monday to Friday of just one week. Of late, the work we have been doing has been just a teensy bit harder and some of it has gone 'whoooooooooooooooooosh' over my receding hairline (which to the delight of my friends is now somewhere down the small of my back). So, give or take 3 days for Christmas itself, I'll be studying over the Winter break (and even then I aim to take a LPC book or two away to my mothers)

This week has seen 3 events that have made an impact on my thinking and approach to the course. It's these that I shall concentrate on and cover the periphery at the end.

1) We received the results of our mocks. If you remember, I had been told (by LPC students who had been here last year, albeit doing the GDL then) that 80% (and in one case 93%) of students fail the mocks. This is complete toss, plain and simple. Even on a straw poll from our group it looks like 80% (or 93%) pass in fact.

After the exams I thought that I would have about 70% for business and 50% each for civil litigation and property law. In fact I was hideously out. According to the examiners I actually got 71% for business, 50% for civil lit and 72% for property.
According to the results I got 2 fricking distinctions! This was a major shock (but a great one!). There were some fails dotted around our class (surprising ones too) but on the whole we did pretty well.

This had the effect of inspiring me and helping me get down and work harder from Tuesday on (luckily it's worn off now...) Funnily though, I have wondered how I would have felt if I had scored 2 more percent in business and 1 less for civil lit. That would have given me a fail in that subject. I have a suspicion that I would have been lower than slug's knackers.

(note to self-discover where a slug keeps their knackers)

2) I have pulled out of the Public Legal Services course. It was all a bit sudden, I was preparing for the class on Thursday morning and I thought, 'I am actually dreading going to this, I expect it to be awful and a waste of time-and here I am doing homework for it-why?' So, I wrote to the tutor citing my reasons (change of heart, 2 spods in the class ruining it for me). I got an email back later that day asking me to think again and the tutor possibly having a word with spods 1 and 2 and asking them to tone down their behaviour. It was with an awful lot of shame that I read that, I wish that I had just shut my trap and pulled out quietly. I can only blame the medication (and being a pillock helps). At the back of my mind, the cynical part (a very large part) is saying,

'heh, you never wanted to do it anyway-you only joined the course because you thought that you would be rubbish and get really low scores and barely pass (if at all), so you had to do this to make yourself employable, you scum sucking louse!'
(me and my subconscious are not good friends...)

Unfortunately, there is probably more than a scrap of truth to that. I did (do?) believe that I would struggle with this and scrape through (if at all). But now, with these marks (and they were higher than the classmates who I spoke to), there is in the back of my mind the thought that I can get a good grade.

Oh and by the way...

In your face, polyversity students. The OU rocks!!!
(does mocking dance)

**cough** I am sooo sorry about that

Of course, that cynical component does keep saying,

'they only gave you high marks because they want to get as many OU students to sign up as possible, you worthless rag'

...god, do I hate that guy or what...

I have also pulled out of the pro bono component (though yet to get confirmation of that) for pretty much the same reasons (spods notwithstanding)

3) I got accepted for the next stage of the CPS application.

(not difficult mind, being alive helps)

Shut up you, no one asked your opinion...

This is a psychometric test. These have changed enormously since I first did them 20 odd years back. Then they attempted to discern your personality using 'subtle' questions and if you were an axe wielding psychopath you had more chance passing that someone who was shy (as long as you weren't a shy axe wielding psychopath). Now they focus on two things;

a) analysis of a piece of prose. Is this statement true, false or can't you say?
b) analysing numbers and deducing patterns/sequences.

This should be a walk in the park for me. I used to do this stuff for fun when I was growing up and my arithmatic is good.

(prepare, pratfall coming up)

We are agreed on that one, the test is taken on-line and takes about 40 minutes in total, it is timed by the software-there are 30 prose and 21 numerical questions. The prose was harder than I expected but I reckon that I understood it mostly and did OK.

But the numeracy!! What a farce! The 21 questions come in groups of 3-you complete one and the next flashes up on the screen. The data is held in a grid-at least 3 by 3, up to 5 by 5. You have to read off the data, perform the calculation and look amongst the answers (between 5 and 8) for the correct one.
This was a nightmare-even reading the question was taking about 30 seconds (and I am a fast reader), analysing it took about 20-30 seconds. Solving it then took about 15-20 seconds. the only problem was that I has 21 minutes to complete the test! Every answer (bar a couple) took me best part of a minute to find. End result? I ran out of time. With seconds to go I had 3 left and sensibly guessed 2 but didn't complete the last.

I can put the blame on a lot of things but essentially I wasn't good enough to complete it (and I'm not too sure of the some of the answers I did give...) So, this may be the end of my CPS dream and the start of me looking for entry level positions in the new year.

The rest of the week was anti-climatic compared to those. Solicitors accounts came and went. The class are still pretty frightened by it but come Friday they'll be fine. We finished off probate talking about paying taxes (more calculations-if I fail as a solicitor I should have a new career as a bookkeeper).
Civil lit finished with less of a bang and more of a whimper (we did the usual trick of 'sweeping up' multiple subjects poorly in the one session)

And business....ah...I did say last week, that if I passed well then the business tutor would be my new bezzie mate and the course would be my fave.

I was lying. It's as hideous as it ever was, with the added complication that the tutor probably believes that I'm lazy since I can obviously do the subject but choose to act like a startled bunny. And there's more of it next year including a new class making a total of 3 sessions a week.

(**note to self, must get some 'bunny girl' ears and a powder-puff tail for the last session-so at least I can dress accordingly)

Well, that's it. The first term is drawing to a close and I'm still here.

I am here too and will be appearing in panto this year.

Where's your subconscious?

He's behind you. Oh no he's not! Oh yes, he is!

Better living through chemistry or a mixture of results

2006-12-03T15:16:00.000Z

This weekend has a nice friendly buzz to it, I've had a look at the prep for the early part of next week and it looks quite light, so I'll just catch up on a few minor bits of consolidation and desk tidying and...finally get my Sunday off! Hurrah!
(granted, I did spend most of the morning cleaning up the flat for the first visit of my landlady-but it wasn't staring at a text book or listening to a video lecture, so-result!)

BTW, I now reek of bleach and other cleaning materials, how long does that take to wear off?

The other reason for my buzz is that I had a doctor's appointment this week and got some fresh medication to help with my exam nerves. It would appear that the accepted medical cure for assessment anxiety is to get the patient off his tits. This may have contributed to my decision to ease off this weekend or it may just be that I'm a lazy old scrote.

Whatever.

I am now a lot more confident about the couple of exams I have to sit in the next fortnight. This marvellous advantage was gained with no loss.

Apart from £13 odd for the prescriptions..
*
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and the nausea-don't forget the nausea. Almost threw up a number of times this week.
*
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And the abnormal disrupted sleep patterns (on top of my normal disrupted sleep patterns )
*
*
oh, and the tightening of the throat.

But apart from the cost, the nausea, the sleeplessness and the constricted breathing what have the Roman's done for us? I mean what else has been less than perfect?

Oh, yeah-the loss of appetite....(hang on though, that's a definite plus...) RESULT!!!

Anyhow, time to climb off the cyber-couch and stop giving myself cheap therapy. I shall focus on the week that's just gone. As soon as the giraffe wearing the purple posing pouch moves out of my peripheral vision...

Solicitor's acccounts is 2/3 of the way gone, after tomorrow there will be no more classes and we''ll have to learn it in earnest for the exam on the last day of term. There is considerable trepidation amongst the class over this one. Even pre-spaced out I wasn't too fussed about this-an exam where there's a definite right and wrong answer is meat and drink to me. And since it is closed-note then memory and understanding play a huge part.
As long as I put the work in prior to the exam it shouldn't be a problem. The College are keen to state that 'you get out exactly what you put in'. So I could have the very first certificate made entirely out of cow pats.

But quite a few of my colleagues are worried about it-one of the problems with this place is you have no idea how well (or badly) you are doing. The only piece of work we have had back is the practice writing assessment that although it was marked didn't actually say 'pass' or 'fail'. Which is pretty weird after 12 weeks! This week, however, we shall receive our mock papers back and that could be a real eye opener. So, I can see a lot of people worrying because they are not sure whether the level of work they are doing is high enough-but will the mock results be any help? I mentioned before the 'statistic' that 80% of students fail the mocks-I've now been told (by a different student) that the figure is 93% (how precise is that?!). It can probably go one of three ways if you have a poor set of marks.

1) it inspires you to get down to it and work harder.
2) you think 'so what? the College fail a majority of students'
3) 'Oh god, I am so worthless, I want to paint my walls black and listen to emo'

Our first official scores dont get released to the 19th of January-about half way through the course! By then it's probably too late (but that black room looks great-love the cow's skull...)

Mmm, I think that I've got distracted...where was I? Oh, onto Tuesday. New day, new course. We have a couple of sessions on probate (wills and who inherits when there is no will). This is an area of law in which I have personal experience so was expecting an interesting and informative time.
Except that the tutor was sick so we had a substitute. Speaking personally, I would have preferred to have had a tactful and delicate tutor to take us through this subject-our sub was far more 'robust' in his approach. Imagine being confronted with a jovial undertaker who likes to throw his voice into the casket 'just for a laugh'. Something not quite right there. Ho hum.

Thurday, we are accelerating wildly towards the end of civil litigation (and the start of criminal-hurrah!) and staged a mock trial. Since there are (still) 18 of us in the class, we had to split the roles up (with the tutor being judge). Again, there was an awful lot of trepidation but once it started we had a ball. My role to cross-exam a '18 year old school leaver who has a basic training in cooking but has been given the responsibility to stage a demonstration of flaming crepes Suzette' with predicatable and hilarious consequences. I took on board the importance of the following;

Do not ask any questions you do not already know the answer to.
You are allowed (in fact encouraged) to lead the witness
Ask closed questions (ideally those with a yes or no answer)-if the witness tries to explain by talking further then you say in a loud voice 'thank you, Miss.....' and cut them off.

It was great fun and I loved doing it-I just wish that class could have gone on (but we overran by 20 minutes as it was). Although we have been promised that one of our 5 criminal lit sessions will also be a mock trial (BTW the criminal lit textbook is the thickest textbook we have at 779 A4 pages and there are only 5 workshops-including the trial, mmm could be tad of background reading)

'Hey, Cottontail-what are those two big lights?' 'Hmm, don't know Flopsy-let's ask Mopsy'. 'Hey Mopsy!'

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllcccccchhhhhhhhh!!!

Mmm, must have been a juggernaut...that must mean it's Friday and time for business law. Ah bliss, I love this class as much as projectile vomiting razor blades. (of course, if I get a good mock mark it'll become my new bezzie mate. How fickle am I?) Yet again, a class about selling shares and acting in an ethical manner. I shall not go into any details because I can feel the waves of nausea rising-perhaps it wasn't the medication after all...

So, the new week. What beckons? Well in addition to getting our mock scores back there is an optional class last thing on Friday talking over the papers. Hmm, 'optional', they have got to be joking, right? I have a PLS lecture to go to (I have decided that I will attend this one, but if it sucks like the last did then I shall call it quits there) and I have now received my details for the advocacy assessment-it looks quite dull compared to my practice (this one is to do with a debt owed in a family-yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn.)

Oh well, I suppose that I can keep it by my bed and deal with my sleep problems...

RESULT!!!

I can see the light, Oh Lord

2006-11-26T13:24:00.000Z

Is it salvation or an oncoming train...

The first term is coming to an end. I know this because I can consult my timetable and see blank space in a few weeks. Oh, blessed blank space...

Sorry to get all spiritual on you this week (but I do write this on Sundays) and weekends are good times for reflection. I have my basic prep done up to Tuesday, no outstanding assignments to get ready, no group assignments to stress over and no exams for almost 2 weeks.

"And he looked upon all that he had made and it was good..."

**cough, well perhaps 'adequate'...**

After the previous weeks grief with the mocks, I was anticipating some cutting edge study again coupled with some group bonding (I'll ignore the cries of 'you dirty old man' from the background). In that respect exams are a good thing, they bring the participants together-a sort of 'siege mentality', united we stand, divided we fall, that sort of thing.

"Bugler plays in the distance, troops saluting the flag as it is lowered for the last time"

**cough** this is why I never get the work done, too much day dreaming...

But, drivelling aside. I do have the great joy of working with a fantastic bunch of guys. Intelligent, fun and dedicated (just enough, not that 'over the top' creepy-style that puts sane people on edge). Your future conveyancing and personal injury claims are secure in their hands. (just dont get into trouble with the police) but more about that later (maybe)

Monday saw the start of (yet) another new course-solicitors accounts. This is building on the work we did on business accounts earlier in the term. The i-tutorial had been as comprehensible as quantum mechanics written in the original Japanese, all 'debit the client office account ledger whilst crediting the client office cash account', but when we got down to real life physical examples it became a whole lot easier and it looks like I'll enjoy this. (like anything with numbers and cash). Oh god, Ive just realised that I've got my vocation wrong again! I'm one of nature's accountants....

Tuesday was a bit weird, we had been split up into two smaller groups and had our workshop split too. The idea was that a smaller group would get more individual attention from the tutor for the license that we had drafted in preparation. Shortly after the New Year, we will get our drafting assessment and have to create a license.
Our last lesson on drafting was about 2 months ago, so naturally it all came flooding back **cough**, Well no, I couldn't remember a damn thing. That morning I did run to a good line of obscenities as I vented my frustation at all things legal wise and especially bloody drafting. What I wrote looked the biz, but when you cut into the 'meat and potatoes', it had a very large amount of spud but was meat-lite. In honesty it wouldn't have passed a real assessment but I wasn't too worried, I had bigger fish to fry.

I am getting peckish now, I really must stop talking about food

Wednesday was the day of my mock advocacy. About a month ago, we had been given the background to a case. Based on witness statements and basic scientific evidence, we had to present a case either asking for or opposing summary judgment (a binding 'mini-trial' made without the full formality of court in an attempt to cut down the sheer number of trials and save money).
Like the vast majority of the class, I had to find a way for my poor client (a payment dodger whose greenhouse heating unit had failed to work, killing all her delicate tropical seedlings). The bad news was that I had not actually heard of one person who had won the case from our side. There were a couple of points that if I hammered hard enough might become strongpoints but it was a case designed for the claimant to shine.

Now in theory, winning and losing doesn't matter a thing. What matters is observing the formalities and saying all the right litany in the right places. However, I dont think I've done anything by the book for weeks now, so my big aim was to win. Silly sod that I am. (funnily it may have helped-I wasn't as nervous as I ought to have been)

Anyhow, first thing was to start the prep for the next day (or else get swamped later) then prep up for the advocacy.

Doesn't time go fast when you don't want it to?

Before I knew it I was getting into a taxi and heading off to school (I plumped for a taxi since I had my suit on-even the mock has to be attempted in fancy dress). A few minutes practising in a distant room then I headed off to meet my tutor and opponent.

My opponent was a demure, slip of a thing. Weeny bit of the private schooling about her and unfortunately she didn't fall for my attempts to unsettle her before the start. (God, I can be such a git...).

We sat down and she began...

Holy fricking hellfire!!!!!! She suddenly turned into the bastard child of Rumpole, Kavanagh and Perry Bloody Mason. All that litany that I had struggled with came flooding perfectly out of her mouth coupled with vitriol towards my client and scorn towards her sorry representatives. My fingers were cramping up with the sheer amount of notes I was making ready to retaliate.

When she finally stopped, I was broken. She had discussed every document in the bundle and done such a hatchet job on my client, where could I begin? I did however, have a 'game plan', I could run a few good points and hope that the 'judge' put more weight on them than the entire swamping from the claimant.

Let's just say that I spoke a bit (we'll leave it at that). The 'judge' asked me a couple of questions based on my submission and then asked the opponent to reply to my points.

Oh, god-here she goes again! Tidal wave number two swept around the room as she demolished my feeble attempts at argument. When the wash had subsided, she sat back in her chair satisfied in a good job well done.

The 'judge' thought for a short while and then leant forward and gave her decision.

'I find for the defendant in this matter'

Wahoo!!!!!!! I had won!!!! The first winner for this case in our workshop group!! Wahoooooooooooo!!!

Then the bad news, I had failed...for that matter so had Peri Mason next to me. Granted, she had forgotten part of the litany and had made the mistake of talking about documents that were favourable to my client (and thus bringing them to the judge's attention) but it was still a shock to me-she had been very impressive (I even asked if she had done this before...for money). The 'judge' took time to tell us where we could improve.

I needed to speak slower (no great surprise there, I had recorded my submission on an electronic dictafone and gabbled so quickly that I could barely understand myself) and then I realised that I had missed out 1/4 of my submissions (including discussing the law...doh). If I had done that then I would have passed (I was told) Shame about that, good job it was only a practice.

But I won. Wahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Sorry, I will stop that now...

On the way out, I met the next candidate for the defendant, who just happened to be one of the guys from my workshop-so we chatted and I happened to mention in passing the areas that I had been congratulated on (just for his benefit like, I wasn't boasting...much...)

Back home and more bloody prep for tomorrow (I haven't even touched Fridays yet-got a bad feeling about this)

First thing in the workshop, I had a quick chat to the guy who I had seen about to do his advocacy. He was really delighted-he too had won his case!!! And he had passed!! Oh...well that's my moment of glory buggered then. **mumble, mumble, moan, whinge** I'll have to pass the real thing now...

I had run into time problems for the prep for this workshop (the advocacy had taken about 5 hours what with one thing and another) and had tried to do the 'test & feedback' questions in a rush just 1/2 an hour before the class. T&F questions are multiple choice but to get around the sheer guesswork most of them are 'which one (or more) of these answers is (in)correct'.

I knew two right off and guessed the rest. My score was 4 out of 10 (What you might expect from blind guessing (2 from 8)) the workshop was good but my biggest joy was finding that I had the highest T&F score on our table! The other guys came up with two 2s and a 1! What a group! 5 degrees between us and we got a combined 9 out of 40!

The best news is that this was workshop number 8 out of 10 (I'm not a fan of civil lit...sorry tutor!)

Friday-business. I had spent as much time as I could but fell short on the prep. The class didn't start well, the tutor wanted a change so moved half of the class around to different tables. There was no vote on this, it was a purely unilateral decision.

This irked the hell out of me.

At a casual calculation, I had paid £50 for that lesson and to have my closest friend (and ally) in the group moved just because the tutor wanted a change annoyed the rowlocks off of me. Even worse, was that this particular tutor speaks at such a gabble speed that he makes me seem backward and so off he shot at high speed.

He then threw a question at me based on the prepatory task that we had all completed. Unable to answer off the top of my head, I started ferreting through my huge stack of papers for my answer. I think he gave me a count of about 3 before asking someone else (who had to find their answer but had had 3 seconds grace to get started) So I sat there with my answers in front of me, did I get another question? Did I blocks!

I realise that I shouldn't have seethed, but I did. Like a petulent 4 year old I had a 'pout on' for the rest of the class. God, I'm so grown up and adult, like.

There is a thought that the two events were connected. he wanted to separate me from my chum and make me seem a fool just because I hadn't submitted an entry on the last group exercise (I would have done but the College has taught me all about prioritisation and it seemed a low priority) But that's the joy of prioritisation-no one believes their own work could ever be a low priority to someone else...

Or it's just good old fashioned paranoia, one of the 2...

Anyhow, the weekend has been good. I worked hard yesterday and put the hours in. Today I almost got my day off-just a couple of fairly relaxed hours of business notes. And today, the highest priority of my week! I began completing the CPS application. (notice, 'began completing' this will take a little time to do-it all hinges on 4 waffle questions **cough** sorry, 'significant statements about personal growth and career development)

I've got to the 1st of Dec, it should be done by next week. There's no rush, just the most important thing I have to do this year.

**Sigh**

What exactly is a mock turtle?

2006-11-19T15:17:00.000Z

Some form of tortoise made of papier mache?

Sorry, my mind is still a bit fragged from this week. Yes, the link says it all (badly)-this was mock week.

Weeeeeeell, not really.

More like mock weekend. Workshops were cancelled.

Weeeeeeell, not really, we still had one.

On Tuesday-slap bang in the middle of our revision period. About as irritating as could be. You spend the morning doing the prep, travel there and back and lose effectively one days prep for the exams. To balance this, one (yes, a whole one) of the questions in the mock will be about the subject of the workshop. Maybe-if, and it's about 25% likely the exam question is about income tax, then we are screwed because we didn't cover that in the workshop. However, if we get capital gains tax, inheritance tax or corporation tax then we would have had about a little extra coaching. Worth a gamble? Yep, guess so-a 75% bet, they come up 9 times out of 10, don't they?

I was (regular readers will know this) expecting a low turn out-in fact I was expecting below 50%. What do I know? In fact, there was almost complete turn out. The only two missing were two young women from my group (who no doubt having had the benefit of my wisdom and teaching throughout the course thought that they didn't need any extra help **coughing fit and choking on ego**)

The session was very good and could (75% chance) be really helpful. The funny thing is that as we approach the end of sessions with this one particular tutor (who as you will remember was (almost) universally loathed and despised), there is actually a sense of loss about being her being taken away. Yes, she has an old fashioned and slightly abrasive way to teach BUT what she has taught has sunk in and her ways have forced a lot of students to work harder-if only to avoid being embarassed by her questions.
With hand on heart, I have to say that I haven't minded her at all, we have had a 'frank exchange of opinions' once or twice (some I won, some I lost) but her knowledge is sound and it may be fair to say that she has warmed to us slightly. But to anybody who claims that they will miss her, I just ask the obvious question,

" so if she offered to replace X (a tutor, any tutor) for the rest of the course you'd be happy?"

Funny how that never seems to get the same sort of positive answer...

Anyhow-can't put it off any longer. The Mocks
As I remarked before, I have a terrible record in mocks of any sort. The first exam was Thurday afternoon-Business Law and practice. My worst subject. My only hope was to get a good revenue question and hope to steal some marks from my ability to manipulate sums.

I arrived fairly early and got a prime seat next to a window at the back (plenty of room to spread out and fresh air-marvellous). For the record (and my own personal amusement) I put only a pen and ruler out on my desk. EVERY other student had at least 1 Ring binder, 3 textbooks, their notes and assorted writing implements (giving them no writing room, unless they leant on one of their books).

The looks I was getting were brilliant. I soooo wanted someone to say, 'you realise this is an open note exam?' So I could say, 'nah, Ive learnt it off by heart-it was so easy...' and really screw up their minds. Big shame-no one did. Life can be so cruel-but maybe not as cruel as me!

As I suspected, I had had a bad nights sleep and was awake purely down to the combined power of fear, adrenaline and Pro Plus. Then comes the moment.

" YOU MAY NOW TURN YOUR PAPERS OVER AND START"

And I'm off. I decided to do the multiple choice questions last-that way, if I'm struggling for time, I can guess and get at least some results. If I were to do the longer prose questions last then this is not an option.

I start off with revenue. Wahoooooo, its capital gains tax and inheritance tax!!!Not only that but it's in a simiar form to the question we had on Tueday.

Double Wahoooooo!!

By this stage, my notes have appeared on my desk. I wanted to do each exam purely from my own typed notes and not to rely on the textbook at all. I got pretty close, not perfect but close. I finished the questions with about a minute to spare and felt pretty good. With a pass mark of 50% this should be a comfortable pass. I would like to think it was closer to 70 or 75 (although years of the OU do give you a rather inflated view of the marks you should get...)

Chatting afterwards to class mates reveal a few things. Most haven't finished. The problem-too many notes. I am willing to bet that people had 4 (almost identical) sets of notes for some subjects. They had their I-tutorial notes, their textbook notes, their workshop notes and any notes from pre or post workshop tasks. I saw people who had 2 thick A4 ringbinders full of notes (sitting about 6 inches deep)-and their textbooks. My notes were less than 2cm thick and were only single sided-without being too smug, it's a hell of a lot easier to manipulate that lot at speed. Plus I spent my revision time reordering them (thank heavens for cut 'n' paste!) and not having to rewrite them.

However, my 'success' in that exam came at a price. I got complacent and did almost no study that night or next morning. At 10 am we had civil litigation and I struggled a tad. Open note exams test not your memory but your understanding. Although I feel that I scraped a pass a lot of what I wrote was not terribly sophisticated. (I've already made a note to reorder those notes on my 'to do' list-which is starting to get a long as my notes...).

We then got a whole 2 hours off to recharge, rest, eat and go back to the exam hall for Property law and practice, which should have been my best exam.

And it wasn't...nowhere near. It was good to see the limits of my ignorance and impracticability but that's the only positive I can take. I finished with about 15 minutes to spare and that's way too much so I obviously missed a ton of stuff. I still feel that my basic understanding and good work with the notes would get me a pass though.

Except

I was told by two different classmates after the exam that the College are very severe on the marking of mocks (to stop complacency maybe?) and approximately 80% of students fail. This could be an urban myth but in truth the mocks were not very demanding, the questions asked were pretty obvious and basic and should have been within everyones ability to complete. With this in mind, I've had to review slightly. I would hope that the business was still a pass but the other two. Well, let's just say that it's good to go with the crowd...

That night I was so shattered that I had to ignore the offer of a night out with a spot of clubbing (now that IS tired!) and in fact went to bed at about 8:30. ROCK N ROLL!

Next week, I have my advocacy mock. Just me, an opponent and a case to win. I spent a few hours in prep for it today. It is so long since I did advocacy, Ive forgotten all the 'correct' things to say at the right time (think obscure traditional religious services and their litany). At this rate, I may end up saying 'amen' at an inadvertant time...

Finally, thanks to the people who wrote to me and supported me when I had a downer last week. It's passed for the moment (but be prepared for it to resurface the last week of term-two proper assessments-both closed notes)

For S, I too am 42 (acting 19 when near a dance floor, acting 63 the day after). I don't have a training contract. My only ambition is to work for the CPS. I have their application form sitting on the PC, it has to be submitted by Dec 1st. If that falls through then I may make a few tentative applications to get a TC with firms that do a lot of criminal law-but in truth my hearts not really in it. I love the idea of working for the CPS-so if they reject me(which is extremely possible since they will get over a thousand applications for 25 places) then I will try to get in an entry level position and work my way up (or probably sideways)

Good days & Bad days (primal scream theory)

2006-11-12T17:41:00.000Z

Well, it had to happen. This week I had my first proper thoughts about jacking it all in and doing something different. It's difficult to put my thoughts into words but the cumulative effect of all the things that I don't like came to a head and I had no way to express my frustration. It would be nice (and sensible) to have a way to let off steam during the week but I don't, so it all builds until **poof**

(**note to self** must be careful how I put that)

I was staggered when a couple of weeks back a friend on the course referred to me as 'an angry person'-that was one of the things that I badly wanted to avoid. I wanted to be 'cool Paul', 'laid back Paul', 'do anything for anyone Paul' not 'Mr Angry of Guildford' or even the '**poof** boy'.

(**note to self** must be very careful how I put that)

There was no one event that I could point to that took me over the edge. Just a slow accumulation of things that have frustrated me. Some course based, some me based. I have noticed that of late, my temper has gotten shorter (and usually about increasingly more trivial things). I feel a general sense of depression over the amount of independent study I have to do and of course the exams and examinable pieces of work are starting to become more imminent and pressing.
I think that it's the independent study thing that is aching the most-I've put a lot of money into this course and a lot of time so far. Yet getting 10 hours a week for my £8750 (and don't forget the pay off of another £250 to the Law Society for god knows what) does not seem what we former blobs in the retail industry called VFM.
In addition the College way of teaching in these 'supervised' sessions-give you a task to do in practise about which you only know the theory, then when you've bolloxed it up-giving you a perfect tutor made version is also getting on my pecs. I keep wanting to scream,

'OI, I've paid a bloody fortune for this, just swadding teach me!!!' (or words to that effect)

It appears that the College of Law's motto is 'Learning by failing'. Where this gets my goat is that for the exams (which are open note) we'll be allowed to take in anything we like (provided we can cram it into a lever arch file-Ive now got 3 of those to go with the 15 (!) A4 binders). Will anyone take in their failed version of those tasks?

NO, they'll take in the tutor written ones.

So why do we have to do them? Surely it would be better to see the perfect specimen and then draft ours based on that one? (like is done in practise) Or do the College feel that we have to have our spirits crushed first like heart broken puppies (oops sorry, should be 'house broken puppies'-nar, what the hell-looks good!)

Right, rant over, steam leaking out of ears. Mr **Poof** is behind me.

(**note to self** must be very, very careful how I put that)

There was a slight mood of worry about the College for the first couple of days. The Law Society were in town to examine the College's facilities and teaching (hope they brought magnifying glasses, ha!) and the staff were a bit edgy. It was all a lottery about who went where and saw what-would our numbers come up...?

Monday was our last property session this term. We'll come back to leasehold in the new year but our next session with that tutor (after the exams) will be for solicitors accounts (hurrah, more accounts!) Although we've only had 6 sessions, I have two full A4 folders for this one. It's safe to say that in the next couple of days I'm going to be doing a lot of delousing of my folders. Quite a bit of property can go, it's a subject that generates huge amount of useless paperwork (searches that show nothing, questions that give no information, long 'standard' contracts that repeat themselves)-all ripe for the recycling bin.

There was a drop off in attendance for the tax class on Tuesday. The combination of our least liked tutor, possible inspection by the Law Society and an imminent deadline for our research project meant we staggered in at just over half attendance (and much pity was shown for the only person who turned up for one of the tables-he had to do all 'his' group's presentations-as well as do the work solo)

Alas, we had no assessors sitting in with us-shame!

Wednesday was all of a panic as the entire LPC year put the finishing touches (translation-got off their behinds and did the work) to their first research projects of the year. This is serious work, it is marked on a 'competent or not competent' basis. Those found 'not' will have to retake a different project later this year and automatically are unable to attain the highest pass mark for the course. It does seem bizarre that we had about a month to do this but almost to a man, everyone did it the day before and polished it up on the day it was due to be handed in.

About the only thing in my favour is that mine was probably one of the longest that was handed in. Of course, size doesn't matter. Which is what everyone with a short essay tells you. And what everyone who has a mark a short essay tells you. But we know better, huh? **cough**

Anyhow, I handed in my monster the next day. Very strange-a queue of people handing in work and receiving receipts (the work is anonymous-identified only by the student number which (allegedly) the markers have no knowledge of which student is tied to which number). I have a suspicion though that anyone reading my work will know who wrote it. The sheer amount of 'anyhows' and 'however's will give it away for sure...

Anyhow **cough**, Thursday was the day when it all went pear-shaped. The afternoon civil litigation class (7 down, 3 to go) was awful-a classic of the 'go on, you now write down this legal document that you dont know how to draft-I'll then patronise you and a little bit later hand out this pristine one, to make you feel about as high as a dachsunds wedding tackle' school.

I may have paraphrased that a tad.

I then hung around for nearly two hours for the first workshop in my Public Legal Services course. This is purely optional and for those people who either want to work in or know about 'legal aid' (its not really called that anymore though-but the man in the street still does-much to the Legal Service Commission's distaste)

1) we had a lecture, it was awful-full of 'trade speak', acronyms and the word 'superficial' does not do it justice. The speaker then finished her lecture with a slide that was asking for 'young solicitors' to work for the LSC. I could spit.

2) two of the most annoying human beings on the planet are in the group. Both of these two males (oh god, why does it have to be males?-they set the gender back 500 years) are what are generically referred to as 'spods'. They are so full of their own cleverness and wit that they feel that lesser mortals (i.e. the rest of the class) should get the full benefit of their wisdom and insight whenever possible. They seem incapable of shutting up-every question asked to the room is answered by them, they feel obliged to give their opinions on all and sundry and make me want to scream,

'shut the duck up the pair of you spods' (or similar)

And they are sooooo dull, the sort of people that accountants snicker about and refer to as 'dreary'.

3) My group are so earnest, I want to scream at them, 'look-if you want to work for the underprivileged so much go and help in a soup kitchen or something. You are only doing this because you want something good to put on your CV.'

I was told last week that I was cynical, I disagreed...

Possibly the defining moment (maybe that straw that broke the camel's back) was when one of two spods asked if for the next meeting we could have it quarter of an hour earlier because he had had to wait 15 minutes after his last lecture. Yet again, I wanted to scream,

'some of us had to wait 105 minutes you selfish tosser, but we are
not trying to change the world to fit in with us'

I really must go and lie down soon.

Friday was, well Friday. It's business law day and no matter how hard I try I become Flopsy, Mopsy amd Cottontail in the path of the juggernaut. I try to keep a clear brain but fail. Maybe it's the tutor, maybe it's the subject-but mostly it's the me. I guess that I'll never get that job as director of ICI now.

Now, I have a couple of days to get my notes in order for the first open note exams in 21 years (since I left the last one in tears this can only get better...). The fly in the ointment is that on Tuesday we have a tax class organised. I have a teensy feeling that this may be the worst attended class of the year. The most loathed tutor and an unwelcome interruption to the revision week-well, what do you think?

One down, 73 (ish) to go

2006-11-05T13:25:00.000Z

Back to school then.

There I was on Monday, freshly ironed shirt, shoes shining like the sun, my satchel polished and an apple in my bag ready to give to teacher. The only thing that put a crimp on the day was having to go in for the morning shift to sit an exam. I wasn't too concerned, the assessment was in business accounts and I had performed above average on those throughout the course. My revision had gone well and I had sat a mock exam the day before which I had finished in 47 minutes-not bad for a 90 minute paper. I reckon it should be a piece of widdle...hang on, is that the distant sound of something rapidly approaching to bite me in the harris?

First thing, predictably I had a poor nights sleep. This is not remotely unusual and is going to be a tough part of the year for me (maybe the hardest part)-even a minor unimportant test/presentation gives me anxiety attacks-so I reckon that as the real things approach my eyes are going to get really sunken from lack of kip and I'm going to be a tad wired...

And yes, I am on medication. Beta blockers to stabilise the heartrate. Useless-I might as well take smarties...

Anyhow, being a little early I decided to take a trip to the mens room to wash my face and put a fresh shirt on.

Point of interest: The phrase 'smell of fear'-I now know what the smell of fear is-the men's room was full of it. And I thought that I was worried about the exam...You could have powered a nuclear submarine on the amount of nervous energy that was being released. The sailors would have suffocated from methane poisoning but that's another story.

So, leaving that room very quickly, I headed off to the exam-there was a tiny bit of a misunderstanding. We have been told that all exams will be sat anonymously, i.e. we only have to put a candidate number on the paper and nothing else that could distinguish us (give or take handwriting). So, whilst looking for my number I came across a card with my name on it, but luckily my foolish thought were easily put right. Yes, we are anonymous writers but we do have to have a way to find our desks...Put it down to the nerves and lack of sleep...

And I was on edge-that's the truth. Only once I had started the exam and couldn't get my accounts to balance ( a cardinal sin) did I realise that I was panicking. Luckily I had the time to sort out my mess (thank goodness for the person who told me to do my accounts in pencil!), put in all the bits I had missed and get it to balance, whilst keeping it pretty neat (for once).
The accounts take up the majority of the paper (56 marks out of 100 so I was very keen to do my best on that bit. Hopefully I scored about 40+ there which should leave me very little to do to pick up those last 10 or so to pass the paper. The rest of the paper was pretty horrendous (I should have got more than 10 nevertheless).

The only bright bit of the rest of it was that I found the 'conduct question' and answered it appropriately using the right chapter and verse from the 'the solicitors Code of Conduct'. Not only because it was points in the bag for this question but also because it goes forward to my ongoing, pervasive conduct score.
Conduct is measured in 2 ways-40% from little snippets in questions that crop up during the year and 60% in an exclusive conduct assessment. It would be good to go into an exam knowing that I have 25-30 of those 'freebie' points stacked up already and that's my aim.

As I've mentioned, I have mocks coming up in about 11-12 days. I'm not bothered about those (though I imagine that my sleep pattern will be shot-but I do want to pick up any conduct points that arise in those as well-it's the only point of doing them really, I know that I will crash and burn big time-I always do in mocks). Traditionally I do very well in the final exams (and badly during the year) and I am sure that I am a little too old to change that now...

We had a break of about 2 hours and then into the workshop-yes, even on the day of an important exam we have a class.
I have absolutley no idea what it was about-the whole thing rolled over me like a thick duvet. Something to do with houses I think. I should point out that although I was one of the walking dead-I was only one of them, we actually had a class full. Let's just say that the tutor earned his money that day and leave it at that.

Tax law on Tuesday-another good one for me. I do enjoy getting to play around with a calculater. It is strange though that so many of the class do struggle with numbers-most of the calculations we do are a little more than a couple of additions and a couple of subtractions with the odd multiplication thrown in-yet it throws most of the class.

Weird.

The only thing that I can think of is that it seems that I'm the only one to have come from a scientific background-most people who do law seem to choose either arts or social science 'A' levels. (I did physics, chemistry and maths-but it was 24 years ago (I've found that if you say it fast, it seems much more recent)

This week, we have to choose our electives. During the third term, our work load drops a little and we concentrate on 3 subjects (electives) that interest us/are important to our futures/what our employers want. I chose mine about 3 months back and although having wobbled a bit haven't actually wavered from that choice. Since I'm still in the Public Legal Services optional workshops (first one this week!) I have to choose 2 from 4 based around public work-so I've opted for;

Advanced Criminal; and
Welfare, Benefits and Immigration law

and a bit of employment law (even though I cant actually type 'employment'-it always comes out as emplyment) . Thank goodness for spell checkers...

On Thursday I picked up a sheet describing the WBI law course and I quote,
Tick the following boxes if they apply to you, to do really well on this course you need to be able to tick all the boxes.

" I don't allow my exam nerves to affect my performance in the exam"
"I don't have a problem with working fast and efficiently under time pressure in exam conditions"
NB The final exam is perhaps the most demanding of all the elective exams.

OOPs, bugger...

The reason that I mentioned this out of order is because we don't know for certain who teaches what course-except we found out that the aggressive tutor from revenue teaches one of the most popular choices (not one of my choices by the way) and a great many of my classmates are considering changing their elective just to avoid her (even though she is only one of three tutors on that course)

Thursday was pleasant for me for another reason. Owing to a cock up by our civil litigation tutor forgetting to hand out the group exercise to half of the class, only one person (me) had actually prepped (it was due in that day). So the rest of the group asked me if they could submit mine as being the group's work. Naturally I said yes (no point in saying no), and was treated like a king for the rest of the day (well, actually I just slacked off and let them do the group workshop tasks). Good deal, that one!

A similar thing had happened for the last group business exercise. I was asked if mine could be submitted as being by the group-so I agreed and it was redrafted by another team member. We got it given back by the tutor on Friday-covered in pencil marks and alterations. Even for a lot of money, I couldn't say which parts of it were mine (but I'm guessing the most corrected bits)

The weekend has gone pretty quick (don't they always?) but I haven't done as much prep as normal-there's something not quite right. My motivation levels have needed a bit of a kick-whether it's from the tail end of the cold that I've been struggling with for about 3 weeks or just a overalll feeling of 'yeah, so what', it's difficult to put my finger on it.

But, it's not only me. Having had a few chats with my fellow tutees this week there is a general mood of 'nah, dont fancy it, mate'. The consensus appears be that half term is a mistake and it would have been better to have kept going to the Christmas break. I hope that it picks up again next week or else the following week (mocks) are going to hit a few people hard.

Dont worry me though, just so long as I pick up my conduct points!

Bong Today, there was no news Bong

2006-10-29T13:49:00.002Z

That's half term gone then.

Ho hum.

**whistles tunelessly for a few moments**

Nice while it lasted but I missed the classes. Well, actually, I missed my classmates mostly-living alone in a (fairly) new place with no outside interests (and being terminally shy) meant that I only had my own company for the last 9 days. And I can get on anyone's nerves after a while, even my own...

I have started developed a worrying habit while I've been studying-this may prove a problem tomorrow because I'm sitting my first exam (business accounts). During the week, I've split up my study so that I spent no more than 2 hours on accounts in any one day.

I'm content that I should pass quite comfortably (oh, how those words might bite me in the bum...) but am a weeny bit concerned that I'll begin talking to myself during the paper.

'Ah yes, don't forget to add the prepayment onto both the profit and loss account and the current assets part of the balance sheet',

'oh, well done, it appears to be balancing'.

To the cries of 'shut up you freaking loonie' from the people around me.

I've not had half term for 24 years and I can't help but feel that I may have wasted it a bit. I've done the urgent work but my 'to do' list is still as impressive as at the start of the week. I spent the first two days having a complete break-no work at all, just feet up and relax. It was lovely.

Then on Monday, straight in-head down and work till about 5pm. About this stage, the back of my throat started to tickle (the familiar sign that I'm about to get a cold) and next day. BINGO-full on streaming nose, bunged up head and dodgy balance (and poor nights sleep into the bargain). I did the best I could on the day but let's just say that it wasn't one of my best. All in all a great week to not have to go in to college.

Pathetic wingeing excuses aside-I have made some headway with a few projects. I've examined my role for the advocacy practice assessment in November-I've got a wonderful defence to get my teeth into-that should be a riot. I do hope that I get a nervous opponent...I'll bury them!

And the first written assessement-an exercise in research. We are given a client problem and have to use whatever methods we wish (outside of pure invention) to analyse the problem and advise on the law. To make it harder we are given an obscure area of law.

My problem initially looked easy but now it has expanded to a stage where I will need to get advice. This is a 'grey area'-we are not supposed to get any college help whether by tutor, library assistant or co-student (there are about 10 problems spread around the classes-so although I know of some people in my class who have the same problem, I don't actually know anyone who has the same as me-good job too, I'd be bound to try and cheat!)

The problem I have is that I've been asked to find a way to do X but unfortunately, X is not a feasible option and Y is the better option. The problem being that I've not been asked to do Y. So I will have to see my tutor and ask how flexible the questions can be-can they ask one question knowing that it is not possible and seeing if you can handle the challenge or have I just got the research completely cocked up? (which is so possible-I have a deep loathing of the way that UK laws are written).

The words are in English, I am an intelligent person (some days), I should be able to read it. It's meant to be an easy question...so why the hell does it appear to be written in an obscure dialect on agricultural Turkish?

If anyone does have a working knowledge of agrarian Ottoman please write. Thanks

Hooray, Hooray it's a holi-holiday

2006-10-22T12:08:00.000+01:00

Just a little bit of Boney M there to sort out the forty-somethings from the rest! Half term is upon me-hurrah! I had yesterday as a complete day off and the same will apply today. Although even now I can feel the pull of my work yanking my head backwards towards my study area.

Be strong Salmon, you can do it. (moves chair slightly, cranks up CD a notch, rotates neck to help relaxation) I feel surprisingly positive about the coming week. It was one of the strangest parts of my LLB that I enjoyed the revision most out of everything I did. The cynical amongst you might suggest that it was only then that I actually understood what the hell I'd been making notes on-which is probably true...

The amount of times that I would write 'WTF?' or the subtler 'I don't understand' in the margins but make notes anyway was legion. And true, come revision time things did make more sense but even then I did still have a great many areas where coming up to the exam I said-'don't understand this, s'not fair' and suchlike. I then made a mental note to discard it and focus on things that I could explain.

It's a weeny bit different with the LPC-with the exception of something that cropped up this week I have understood it all (I might not be able to reproduce it perfectly when needed but it's not incomprehensible). The trick is handling the volume of material.

NOTE: I will not be using 'this' weeks entry to moan how much work I have-I received one or two comments last week about being whiny and feel duly castigated **ouch**.
My only reply is;

"I've done all that before and now I'm doing this-I think that gives me the knowledge to say which one is harder, OK?"

The day that I return I will be sitting my first proper exam. This will be on general accountancy and is a simple pass/fail paper. Annoyingly the results are not avalable until next year (18th of Jan.)
At this stage I am not too worried about this (though see me in 1 weeks time!) even though it is a closed note exam. You are permitted a calculater (non programmable) and a 'clean' copy of the Solicitors 'Code of Conduct' (provided). It does seem a bit weird-the vast majority of exams that we will sit are open note, so starting with a closed note is strange. I suppose that it could be argued that starting with a closed note will be a better 'stop-gap' than being plunged in to the deep end.

**Embarassing story alert**
The following will probably get my friends widdling themselves with glee but maybe by the end they will say, 'awww, bless' (some hope...)

Unlike the vast majority of my class mates I have sat an open note exam before. It all sounds very easy really;
You can take anything in-notes, textbooks, aides memoir (this was before mobile phones, mind-unless they were the size of breeze blocks). Then you answer the questions. A veritable walkover, huh?

Well, no actually. the first thing is that your notes and knowledge of the textbooks have to be good. No, scratch that-it has to be excellent. If you didn't understand the work in the first place then there is nothing that you can take into an open note exam that will help.

My open note exams were in Chemistry back in the mid 80's (that's the 1980's for those people who are unsure...) and I was a shocking chemist-really, really bad. How I got through is a mystery-there was a rumour that if you got through the first 2 years then you were guaranteed a degree of sorts since otherwise the department would have had to admit that it made a mistake by letting you through. (And I only got through my first year retakes because I caught gastoenteritus on the Fri/Sat before the Monday exam and was provided with a doctors note-there was no way what I wrote on the paper was a pass!

(but shhhh that's our secret...)

Anyhow-there I was in the last exam that I thought that I was ever going to take (oh, life how you mock me), with a wheelbarrow-load of books, notes etc in front of me. I open the paper and...

...can't understand a word. Has my paper been switched in mistake with an Albanian students? Hang on, those words are in English-I can identify them singly but as a sentence? Not a chance. What I hadn't realised is that the department had obviously decided, 'well, if they have all their books there, then we can take the gloves off and give them the really hard stuff'. And they did-oh, god did they. So, I struggled on....

About an hour into the exam (a four hour paper I think) my ink cartidge in my ball pen died. No problem, I am one of those organised students and I have spare cartridges. The only thing is, when I unscrewed the barrel, the internal spring fired it the rear half of the pen backwards. I heard it hit the ground and skitter away. Now a confident person would have put up their hand and got the invigilater to get it and carry on. But I am not (nor ever will be) that person. So I wrote for the remaining three hours just using the cartridge.

I left the exam in tears (wuss) realising that my 3 years had been wasted and that I was to leave with no degree. Talking of wasted-that was also me a few hours later (but that's another story)

Well, as luck and the script would have it-I did pass my degree but that day still leaves a mark 21 years on.

I suppose that on reflection a closed note exam is the right way to start the year...

There was a bit of strange atmosphere this week, a cross between 'last day at school' and 'I've had enough, make the pain stop'. I've mooted the idea with my class mates that the way that the college overload you with work is a deliberate plan to give you a feel of what the workload in a solicitors office is like (since trainees are apparently given all the really awful and tiresome jobs to do). Or it may be that there are just not enough weeks to cram all the work into. Whatever.

Property on Monday was not so great for me, the effects of last weeks cold left me muddle headed for a day or so. It was actually a strange session full stop. The closest I can get to explaining it is;
imagine a series of lessons on the numbers 1 to 10.

week 1 you do the number one in great detail
week 2 you do the number two in great detail
week 3 you do the number three in great detail
week 4 you do numbers four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten in passing.

My only response was, 'whuh'? I know that I was muddle headed but...

After the class, I and the others in my civil litigation group had arranged to get together and knock out an answer to the first part of our group project. I had timetabled half an hour (or so) for this since I had already written out a basic draft. Hmm, I guess that I got that one wrong-over 2 1/2 hours later we managed to peel ourselves away from the computer, (vaguely) satisfied that we had done sufficient. (let's just say that my basic draft did not go down well...)

In business accounts we looked at inheritance tax. This should be straight forward and important but it must be remembered;
this is the tutor who the class are scared of, and
it is close to a holiday break

We now come to the content, IHT (as we legal types **cough** call it) clicks in when someone dies (it is more than that but that's for another day). The tutor (where is St George when you need him?) was very keen on a certain phrase- 'the shadow of death' as in 'what happens in the shadow of death?'. Apologies all around-but I would have trouble keeping a straight face at the start of term-as for this week, forget it.

And as for her other classic, 'come on class-what happens at death?' My response of ,'the person doesn't get out as much as they used to' did not put me in her good books...

Pity, thats another potential ally lost.

As an aside, before the workshop had begun-when there were only half a dozen of us spread out over the room (and the tutor pottering about) there had been a discussion about the advocacy part of the course (more to come) and who you would be speaking 'against' and whether you would be able to bully or intimidate them. I made sure the room could hear when in reply to a statement about this I said , 'There's nothing clever in making a person cry by bullying them'.

Gosh, I had forgotten that this tutor had (allegedly) made a girl in her class cry last week-naughty me (oops)---------------NOT

Amazingly the tutor was as nice as pie when we started. I would like to claim credit for this-but she reverted to type after about an hour-pity, but it was good while it lasted.

Thursday was our first advocacy session-a practice for speaking in closed court (i.e. just solicitors and the judging official present). I have to say that I had stressed myself out over this, we had been told to prep for one of the two roles in two scenarios.
In fact it wasn't too bad-we were set on a table of 4 people. One would be for the claimant and one the defendant with the other two sitting as 'judges' then we would swap over and do the other scenario.
Being a judge was fine-I could listen to the speeches of my colleagues and say, 'well, I can't be that bad'. Well, I may have been-you'll have to find another blog site to get a neutral view. I felt it went OK but I relied too heavily on my script-come the assessment, scripts are a no-no. You can have brief bullet points but any indication of a script and you've failed.

End of.

Judges' decision is final.

I did get picked out by the tutor for my good use of the evidence-so I felt a bit chuffed. If she carries on like this I may even get to like her (by about 2023 at current going)

After this was another group meeting about project work (different project though). This one did go to plan and I was out the room in 30 minutes. That's more like it!

Friday (last day-hurrah!) The tutor didn't show (illness) so we got an emergency guy who came in all manic arm-waving and button-bright enthusiasm. It was fun to have a different tutor-although I do feel that his clothes probably twitch on their own up to an hour after he's removed them...

He did remark that our numbers were a bit down and questioned, 'I wonder if we are a bit light because it's the last day before half term?' to which I blurted out, 'I guess that you'll have to ask (name of our usual tutor) about that'. Obvious line-but someone has to say them! It's the rules of the classroom-I don't make them I just have to make sure they're enforced!

Friday night-birthday meal (not mine), drinkies, go to club with most of the group. Usual stuff I wont bore you with the details.

Saturday-cancelled (see Friday)

I am now a 6th of the way through the course-what conclusions can I draw?
Well, it's expensive for what it is. We have very little teaching, you are expected to work on your own and the workshops are only for practical examples of the theoretical work studied. The teaching materials are a little stuffy (and I've noticed a little prone to error as we've progressed). My favourite typo in the last week was the claimant paying himself for the damage he did to himself- a small mistake but one that should have been picked up.

The tutors are generally very good and know their stuff.
The facilities are excellent
The groups are balanced by background with a good mix of LLB and GDL students as well as by age.
'
All of the CofL tutors who appear on the video tutorials have some form of quirky style of speech or off-putting mannerism. This is very distracting. (BTW, any readers who have a speech impediment-I'm sorry, this is not meant to be rude-I stutter myself-although interestingly, I dont remember stuttering since I've been here) I have a suspicion that even if the video tutors were perfect looking and sounding then I would still find a reason to be distracted-I guess I just dont like video tutorials...

And one for OU students only-throw your minds back to a video tutorial about a student looking to do research on a German guy (Karl) being prosecuted for importing cocaine. Cheats! She is not a student (nor was then)-she's a bloody tutor on the course!! Oh, I feel cheated-I want my money back you frauds!

And generally? Yes, this is worth doing, so very worth doing. You need commitment for the time (and lots of money) but if you have those things then this is a fantastic place to be and study.

Can someone please remind me...

2006-10-15T13:47:00.000+01:00

...what a day off is like? No, honestly, I think I have completely forgotten. Another 7 days have shot by since my last post (this is no word of a lie-weeks flash by here, although that could be an age thing-when I was under 12 everything took sooooooooo looooooooooong and I got bored sooooooooo easily)

I've been keeping half an eye over the OU law bulletin boards-those lucky sods have taken their exams and (post mortems aside) can now look forward to 9-10 weeks of NO work before their results are posted then another two months before their next course starts. Ooooooooh bliss! They've got so much time on their hands that they are doing unnecessary prep reading... (change 'lucky sods' to 'silly sods')

I mention this purely because I am that close to losing it-I am not too sure what form my mini-tantrum will take. I have been known to pout, sulk, storm around, throw valuable things at walls (always my own things-guess the results...) or just generally act like a ill-disciplined 4 year old.
When I summarised what I had to do this weekend I arrived at (deep breath) consolidation for the last two workshops, 1 'proper' assessment paper (practical legal research), 3 group assignments, 2 personal assignments, 3 i-tutorials and about 100 pages of A4 text to read, understand and annotate ready for the workshops on Monday and Tuesday. Although I hadn't planned on doing them yet there are also the prepatory exercises for those workshops. Yesterday I worked from 7am to 6pm and barely seemed to make a scratch in it.

So, you guessed it-another 5 hours this morning. And now what? I'm starting to get guilt feelings about what I still have to do. I have a suspicion that the CofL worked out this 40 hours a week business a while ago and have added to the syllabus since then without recalculating-certainly there is no way anyone could do the work that we have in the time that we have. (well maybe the Road Runner on amphetamines could...)

Hang on I need to,
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'

(oh, that's a lot better...) The problem I have is I can't work out what is important and what is not. The College stresses the importance of prioritisation and its necessity in the modern legal firm. But on the other hand that same College will tell you that all of the work set is of the utmost importance so could you please hurry up and do it. But that's the thing about prioritisation-my priority is not the same as yours (or hers, or his or especially theirs). A priority is personal-so unless the aim of the College is to make us into identical little androids they are going to struggle on that one.

Mind you, saying that-at the moment my resistances are pretty low-so it is possible that a tutor might say, 'Paul, can you pop in to see me in my office later?' and the next day I've been replaced by an identical looking Stepford Student.

**Bleep, does not compute. User error. Restart from Original**

Now one thing that I didn't want to do in this blog was to mention specific people. After all, I'm the star and no star wants to share top billing-so Ive been careful to avoid names and references to tutors that might single them out. That may change in this entry-I'm still mulling it over. I want to give an accurate view of my week and personality can affect that accuracy.

The week started similarly to the previous one. It is Monday so I must be doing property law-and just like the previous week it appeared that the room had had a damn good weekend and had prioritised property law slightly lower than defluffing the cat.

It always gives me a giggle when the tutor asks a question to the class and there is utter silence. Different tutors have different approaches-so might drop little clues, some might probe a 'victim' to see if they can solicit a response and others just give us the answer. Fortunately this tutor is of the 'give us the answer' brigade-so the whole class proceeds quickly and without pain.

Property law is an excellent subject, the materials are of the highest class and we are proceeding at a fair rate-in fact by the end of the next session we should be able to do a complete property sale from first interview to sending the finished bill.

So, if anyone wants a property conveyed-just get in touch **cough**

Perhaps more importantly I didnt turn my ankle over walking out the class-hey I could be learning!

Now to Tuesday-we had a new subject to get our teeth into. To build on our awesome accountancy knowledge **cough** we are moving onto Revenue law, starting with income tax.

This was highlighted by the majority of the class as a nightmare in the making-not necessarily because of the subject matter (although that didnt help) but because we have had a tutor change from a lovely young lady to a slightly older lady with a reputation.

And I have to add, not a good reputation. My classmates had been informed that this particular tutor has a style of asking questions that could be termed 'confrontational'. With her handily located table map she can pose a question to an individual and if they can't answer, she asks them again, and again and again. All the time focusing on the same person.

Whether this acute form of pressure makes a better student I cannot say-rumours circulate that she has brought students to tears. Even this week, on the Wednesday, she is alleged to have made one girl cry-but that is no more than a rumour-and the reason for my hesitance earlier. No one cried in our class-I was going to make sure of that.

I'm lucky-I'm good with numbers and figures and have coped OK with the accountancy and tax so far. As far as I'm concerned-I've put the hours in and I can reap the rewards (paltry though they are). So, come Tuesday-I'm prepped and ready to go. From the start I made sure to offer answers to her open questions to the class. Sometimes I crashed and burned but mostly I was right.
This was in careful preparation-now when she started to put questions to someone who (obviously) didn't know the answer then I could call out my answer and this could be put down to 'youthful' **cough** enthusiasm.

note to sell-must buy some cough syrup

Fortunately I didn't have to do this more than twice (not because the class suddenly became tax literate-mostly because some of them had obviously got together to form their own plan-rather than stumbling and blustering the common plan seemed to be to say, 'I'm sorry I don't know' in a bold and confident voice

This is absolute GENIUS!

This had the effect of the tutor having to step back and say, 'well, you should do, it was in the reading' but then she had to move on. I told you that I was working with some brilliant minds!

I do have a tiny suspicion that this Tuesday's class will be better prepped next week though! (but saying that-I did the prep this morning and the textbook is dreadfully written. My view is that a good writer can take a difficult subject and write it in a such a way as to explain it (with maybe a little work on behalf of the reader) but this dross was written by such a wally-I have a feeling that they could take the instructions for peeling a banana and make them incomprehensible to anyone less than the Professor of Advanced Peeling Ergonomics at Oxford University.

After that we had another of those large group lectures-my business file is starting to fill at an alarming rate-I will have to get some more ringbinders this week.
BTW, I made a comment a month or so ago talking of the need for binders-this is no word of a lie. I have 12 ring binders on the go at presnt and will have to get at least 4 more this week. I do have them colour coordinated though-purple for business, green for property and red for civil litigation. Oh little things..etc

We'll ease past Wednesday-well I did, worked from 7am to 5pm. 'Life, dont talk to me about life.'

Thursday, back in civil lit-and the first of our two workshops on advocacy. Yep, that's right speaking in court. What's that sound? Is it 18 sphincters all freezing up? Well, I cant speak for the others, but...

The problem is this is something that I have to practise and be good at-if I want to work for the CPS and present cases in the Magistrates (and heaven forbid to work in the Crown Court one day)-so I will have to either to;

Stifle all my inhibitions and forget that I'm a anxiety ridden dweeb, or
Invent a character based on all this role-playing from interviewing of 'Paul, the beaming, bouncing advocate-defender of the weak and champion of the underdog'

Hmm, this week was to do with using the correct documents in court, analysing the strengths of your clients case and homing in on the weaknesses of your opponent. This was actually quite good fun, small facts can be blown out of all proportion and much can be made of words like 'maybe, almost, appears'.
To a purist this may seem like arguing over semantics-but it should be stressed that generally the two sides going into court both believe that they are right. They have not been persuaded to go by their solicitors-in fact the solicitors Code of Conduct (is that an oxymoron?) demands that everything else is tried before litigation and that it should only be used as a last resort. (So much so, that the courts may punish anyone who leapfrogs reasoned arbitration by reducing their award for costs (if they win)

Oh god, Ive become brainwashed!!!

***bleep, 'brainwash' does not compute-water will affect my circuits***

However, strange things were happening in my throat (has the robotic voice box been fitted already?)-my voice was getting quite crackly. Hmm, not looking good. Bit of a cough, blocked nose-bad nights sleep from perspiring in bed-Oh god, Im going to die!

At this stage I should point out that I am male-this will be patently obvious from my reaction the next day. I just did not fancy going in to school-with no mother at hand to feel my brow and stick a thermometer under my tongue

("what does 'for rectal use only' mean, mum?")

I now have to certificate myself (ouch!). On the one hand I have a two mile walk in the cold, followed by 2 1/2 hours on business law with a tutor who thinks I'm a div (my worst class by a mile) or I could stay at home and do my prep for Monday-save myself some time over the weekend when I'm feeling better. Excellent-a plan with no drawbacks! But I hummed and hawed (a sense of guilt is a terrible thing!) until I though, no-I can't go in.

**feeble cough, wimpers and pulls jumper over arms**.

I had been called the previous night by a student from my table-I decided to email her and ask her to pick up the handouts. In every workshop there are handouts (usually lots of handouts)-someone at the College is involved in some huge deforestation plan-you heard it here first!

Then I can email the tutor to say that I'm too sick to go in and could they make sure that all the flowers at my funeral are light blue (my father was a hypochondriac-I caught that off him too).

So I logged on the PC and as I always do, checked my email. I had an eem from someone who reads this blog saying how much they enjoy it **humbling cough** and wishing me well. Can someone die from guilt? I felt really inspired (and also slightly silly over my previous behaviour) and went to College after all.

Good job too, if I hadn't I wouldnt have been there to pick up all the extra work that was set.

And that brings me back to beginning...

The good news on the horizon is that half term is just a few days away-and a celebratory nights drinking next Friday (naturally I will be there to oversee my young charges and make sure that they dont get into any mischief

***double cough-really must find those Strepsils**)

I have a suspicion that I will be working very long hours at home (rather than at school/home) over half term-but hey that's a million miles away...

Not waving but drowning

2006-10-08T14:38:00.000+01:00

The hardest part of these posts always seems to be the title! Once that is out of the way, the drivel seems to flow automatically. This weeks title didn't take a lot of thought-it sums up the way that I feel at present. The whole of the last week has seen me swamped by work (with more to come), during the week I submitted my first two pieces of written work to be looked at by my tutors. It should be stressed that neither piece is anything more than a dry run for a future assessment but I do believe that I should be doing this work to the best of my ability and not cut any corners because very soon it won't be for practise-it will be for real.

This week, we've also been given two group activities to be submitted sometime in the next month. I'm a little hazy on the details for these-it appears that part of the College web site is going to be given over to our groups (a group is the 3 or 4 other people who you've been allocated to sit at the same table with for each workshop-to give you a bit of a change, it's a different group each day-although the subject may change on a Tuesday you'll sit with the same people for it, whatever it is)

So in theory, you should have 4 different groups-one for each day we're at College-except the Tuesday group and the Friday groups are the same. Hey, don't ask me-I only work here....

Anyhow, we now have group stuff to prepare for Thursday and Friday and if I can develop a time machine then I'll have a look at it. Which brings me full circle to my opening point. Work and how to do it.

I started off at the beginning of the year doing too little and now I reckon I'm doing too much. I've mentioned before that a workshop is 2 1/2 hours long and should need about 6 hours prep. In that prep time you are expected to watch an I-tutorial (a lecture on CD rom) and make notes, then to read various parts of text books (and maybe make notes or maybe mark the book-whatever floats your boat-except I hate to desecrate books...) then to do the pre workshop exercises-normally problem solving or checking the law and then to do 'test and feedback' a series of between 8 and 15 questions on the CofL website.

As well as you receiving feedback the moment you have finished, the tutor will receive your score-see what questions the class has flubbed and at what time the test was taken (for all those last minute Johnnies and Janies).
The problem that I'm having is the sheer amount of time that I'm spending doing the note-taking. This week I've worked from 7am-12 noon on my 4 days 'in' and from 7am-5pm on my days 'off'. The theory being that I then can take Sunday off and not have a breakdown.

Except. Yet again this week I had to work on Sunday morning-it was a relatively short sesh (only from about 8:15 to 12:15-4 hours, nothing but a brief sprint). Only problem is that gives a rough count of 54 hours for this week...

I would cut down a bit, only this was probably my best week so far (maybe that extra work is telling?)

Monday-Property law was excellent, I felt in control and able to answer any questions chucked my way (good job too, this one's with my personal tutor). In fact considering that most of the room seemed hung over and exhausted-it was lucky that one of us was compost mentis (and yes, I know that's wrong-it was done for comic effect-I do that a lot (and it covers up my stupidity nicely!))

Tuesday-our last accounts session. To test our knowledge, we were set end of year figures to sort out. I was the first one to correctly finish that and then also mopped up the two follow-up exercises and actually drained the tutor of work! So, she told me that I could leave if I wanted.

Hells Teeth, NO.

There was some serious gloating to be done! In truth I would like to think that I was on hand to selflessly help my tablemates (who are all lovely young ladies-which is a bonus) but I know at heart I can be an insufferable egomaniac so there was probably a teeny bit of gloating...

This was followed by picking up my Council tax exemption certificate (24 hours after paying my previous bill). It looks dead impressive-I've got two degrees that look nowhere near as good.

Then into Business law large lecture, company part 2. I missed part 1 last week due to probonoing but was delighted to find a nice, easy lecture (just like the old days). Dull, very dull but safe and above all simple. And it's a proper lecture too-there were about 60 of us present in one room just taking notes and laughing in the right places for the tutor. And best of all-no prep needed! Hurrah!

**Note to self**

Really must get some time to write my Company law notes up neatly...

Wednesday-worked like a dog (but nowhere near as cute) and got the back of my letter writing assessment done. **cough** You can tell when I'm lying-the keyboard moves.

Thursday-my dreaded civil litigation class (deep sigh). But I did OK-even got a 'very good' from the tutor.

After I had been picked up from the floor and set back in my chair

And then we come to Friday-I woke up a little bit early. 'Perhaps some nerves about handing in this letter writing assessment' you say? Au Cointreau (see, done it again). If you want to see nerves, wait until the real exams-I can guarantee that I'll not be getting a minutes sleep, forget this waking up early-that implies some rest! No, it'll be tossing and turning all night. I am a bit of a turner by nature **cough**

No, Friday was in fact the second of our interviewing workshops. Yes, more fantastic roleplay-seated in pairs in a room with 7 other pairs all trying to be heard. For the last session I had been paired with a delightful and talented young lady whose voice is just slightly quieter than a sparrows fart. So when she spoke with all that background din-I could hear jack, not a sausage. (maybe a sound like gas escaping-but that could have been the sparrow). This made it doubly tricky since my questions should 'open her up' and get at the truth-which was pretty close to impossible.

So this time, I arrived really early and sat in an obvious spot and hoped (no, prayed) that someone would come in on their own and I could pair up with them. But no, everyone turned up with their 'partner' and I sat there getting increasingly worried-and lo an angel appeared! Well, no-it was the young lady with the sofly spoken larynx-positively looking forward to working with me again.

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

(I can never spell that right, is it 14 or 15 'g's?) The upshot is I was rubbish. I can do the intro and end bits-I can ask good questions and open up the client to reveal their concerns but I can apply the law to the problems as well as I can fly unaided. (for those of you who don't know me that means not at all well).

My partner was fantastic-still very quiet but positive and she will definitely get there (provided it's a quiet room and there is no background noise-like an ant walking 20 feet away) but I was 'rabbit in the headlights' stuff. I froze for the whole workshop-the tutor very wisely decided not to press me on any of his questions because I may have been tempted to rub my paws against my ears-and don't talk to me about pellets....

Saturday-worked like a dog again (smell was the same, similiarities end there). Before I started I thought, 'hmm, little bit of consolidation and two workshops to prep for-When I finish early-I'll do a bit of company law'

Oh, how fate laughs in my face! After nearly 10 hours I had done my consol and the first of the workshops...(I really must get this sorted out soon or I'll be a basket case by Christmas)

So we come to Sunday and the second of those workshops-the exciting new field of Tax Revenue Law. Yes, not content with plagueing us with accountancy, we now have to take our fledgling skills and work out income tax for various (middle class) hypothetical examples (all owning their own business's, picking up substantial income from investments and dividends and rents).

Anyhow at just past 12 I had to stop because I was in danger of bashing my laptop out of frustration at phrases like.

'the dividend income is the income from dividends'

and I did want to have a bit of a break, just one day a week. Is that too much to ask for?

Just asking like, don't mean anything by it...

Black & Purple & Swollen

2006-10-01T14:11:00.000+01:00

It's strange how one event can change a week so much. I left college on Monday after my first session of property law and was delighted to discover that it was not as completely unfathomable as land law. Property law appears to be a sensible list of do's and don'ts that should be performed in a set order to buy a property. Like many of the CofL courses it's heavily based on a practical example.
During the course of the workshops we'll;

question the client to see what they want
make the preliminary searches to see if they're buying above a coal mine or on an ancient site of druidic sacrifice and,
eventually draft the documents needed to complete the transaction. At every stage the college will provide accurate facsimiles of the paperwork we would need.

All in all, this looks a good course and should give me plenty to get my teeth into. It's going to be hard and we have a ton of work to do-but that seems par for the course now. As I've stated before, the College reckons that we should be doing 40 hours a week-realistically I am now doing 6 1/2 hours a day on each of my workshops days as well as about 8-10 hours on each of my two home days. I tried to withstand working on my 'day off' but have already spent a couple of hours staring at my laptop and floundering in confusion. If I get the urge then I'll do another hour or so later so that I can prepped for Tuesdays accounts session. (I might not get the urge-my mood can best be described as 'flakey' today)

Anyhow, having had a good class I started off on the long walk home-maybe I was day dreaming (that is soooooooo possible), maybe the ground was uneven but the end result was my right foot gave way and I turned over my ankle. I ended up on the ground in a untidy mess. A nearby fresh faced student asked if I was alright. The tone of her voice seemed to be begging to add the word 'grandad?' onto the question. This week saw the influx of a few hundred more students-these are the GDL guys who have studied for a different degree but are now getting a 1 year crash course in law to prepare them for a future career.
I don't think that she recognised me as being the coolest 42 year old on the planet (Brad Pitt excluded) but instead as a sad, middle aged chubber with a sense of balance problem...

Being all man and able to shrug off such petty woes I said, 'no worries' and walked off, teeth gritted. Once out of her sight, I resorted to type-I started limping and had a good whine to myself. Even at this stage, a tentative touch of my ankle indicated that it was swelling up faster than a 14 year old boy with a lingerie catalogue.

I hobbled back home and inspected the damage. My right foot was twice the size of my left. Hmm. Of all my silly worries before I started the course, getting an injury was probably the biggest. I have a 4 mile round trip to accomplish every college day. There is a bus service nearby but its not that nearby-I'd still have to walk about 1/2 a mile to reach the nearest stop. I tried to keep my weight off the ankle and hoped for the best. What makes this so ridiculous is that this is the third time that I've turned my right ankle over since term has begun. Once on the way there and twice in an almost identical spot on campus. I lived for 24 years in Exeter and never did it once!

A cursory and tentative examination the next day showed that things had not got any worse (or better, unfortunately) so I found a pair of shoes that I could fit into and headed off to accounts.

The classes attitude to this subject varies from 'wahay accounts' to 'waaaaaaaaaarrrgh accounts'.
I've got no major concerns with it. It's a hard course (but then they all are to me)-the only drag is that it will be a closed note exam. We don't have many but this could be the worst. I was in a hurry to limp off since I was due to do my first pro bono project that night-acting as a volunteer at a Citizens Advice law centre-but as I was heading to the door, one of my classmates asked me what preparation I had done for the next lecture.

Next lecture? What next lecture?

Nervous cough...what's that? It turn out that we have some extra large scale lectures booked for Tuesday afternoons. Ooops, now I have a dilemma. Do I stay for the lecture and miss the pro bono or go to the pro bono and miss the lecture? No contest really, I found someone to let me photocopy their notes and headed away. I'd rather get a reputation with the College for missing a lecture than failing to keep an appointment with an outside body.

I just about made it to the CAB in time and eagerly awaited my tasks. And waited and waited. The College had allocated two other students for that evening but only one other showed. We sat in an interview room and chatted. No, she hadn't heard about any afternoon lecture either.

(thinks**I really must read my timetable properly one day**)

After having waited for about 30 minutes the CAB began to come alive. Various solicitors (and one barrister) showed up and took rooms. We sat in with them and were on hand to do any of the tedious jobs that would be beneath them. It was interesting to see how the theory that we had been taught and the practise varied so much. I had the privilege to sit in with 3 of them and hear people with varied problems such as employment, divorce and probate (wills). The evening passed very quickly and soon I was on the street outside.

Well, what now?
Do I go home and watch tv or read a book?
Then it struck me, aha!
There was a party organised tonight for all the CofL students at a nearby nightclub!

Having enjoyed last weeks social activity so much it seemed only natural for me to find my classmates in town, have a swift half and then go to the club. Now one thing that I positively wouldn't do would be dance, I do love to dance but realistically with a sprained ankle that's not the smartest thing in the world.

Anyhow, I left the club at close to 1 AM, having bopped like a lunatic on the dance floor for 1 1/2 hours. It may have been my imagination but I'm sure that I heard a female voice say,'wow, not bad for an overweight middle-aged white guy with no sense of balance'-but then I had had a few swift halves by then...

Next morning. I awoke to find an alien object in my bed. It seemed about 4 feet long and a dull purple colour.

I tentatively touched it.
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!
It was my foot!

In the cold light of day I examined it more closely. The colour was mostly purple with some worrying black bits. It appeared that someone had found a valve in my foot and had inserted a pump (foot pump?) and over inflated it. There was no way I was ever going to get a shoe on that! Fortunately I was due to study at home that day-nevertheless still a bit awkward to have to hop all day...

I hobbled in to college Thursday and got a little respect from my classmates-not for my work, heaven forbid, but my partying skills. I might not be able to pass on much to my young charges but if I can teach them to move in time to the beat then my work'll be done.
Talking of work, I'm really proud to be mixing with such a great bunch of guys. I have no idea whether we are considered an able group or not but if we are not then the really good ones must be amazing. 5 years in the OU has given me rather an inflated sense of my own ability. I must be working close to 50 hours a week just to keep up (and failing) but I will not quit on this-even if I have to go up to 60 hours a week (well maybe not quite that much...)

Anyhow, Thursday is civil litigation day-not much to report, same as last week except the written task for the afternoon was probably not as hard as the one for the previous week (go figure)

Friday is business law again-another good session. But what's this? Our first group assignment. As a table of 5 we will have to prepare work and comment on the work of other tables. This is set to be done over a period of 3 weeks with us meeting up on-line to discuss matters. Now where in my 50+ hours a week am I going to find time to prepare for this?

On top of this we had been given a written assignment last week-preparing a letter to a client.

I've already spent 4 hours of my life staring at this but it still looks like something that an finite number of monkeys cobbled up on a wet Sunday.

Oh, BTW, my foot is far less swollen and a lot more the pasty dead skin colour that it usually is, thanks for asking.

Kid Gloves are Off!

2006-09-24T20:23:00.000+01:00

I was quite right, this week the LPC has started in earnest. There has been a quite discernable increase in both the workload and difficulty. In the two weeks previously I could get away with about 2-3 hours preparation but this week the full 6 hours has been needed (and probably more since I feel that a lot of the workshops have blown over me)

The week started quietly enough with the last of our legal research sessions (we have the basics now, when we think about this again it will be for assessment) followed by a palsy few minutes with our tutor as he tried to get us to focus on our study methods (yawn). Oh god, more touchy feely stuff...

Tuesday was the first of our accountancy lessons. Despite my fear and dread of double entry book-keeping this went relatively well. I was pretty bad but the rest of the room was worse! I left the classroom feeling like a god! Interestingly, most of the class had understood the work until the tutor tried to explain it to them. This had the effect of confusing them utterly. Me, with my brazen disregard for anything an authority figure ever says managed to be unaffected.

That night, the tutor group had arranged to go out for a meal (pizza) and a drink. Normally I would have swerved away from something like this but eager to chat about accountancy **cough** I decided to go at the last minute. It was actually a good fun night, several of the group brought partners and with the presence of a couple of the tutors it was a good sized gathering with a mix of ages and backgrounds and an excellent chance to get to know some of my classmates out of legal confinement. The pub that we ended up in was a dive, mind-I didn't even know that Guildford had dives...

Thursday was a new subject-our first sallies into litigation. We shall start with civil litigation where I shall probably not be that interested and then have 5 sessions of criminal litigation at the end where I shall be fully alert and hanging on every word.
But, in my defence, I was a good student and fully prepped the lesson and was stunned to find that all my work had been for naught and we in fact were doing a fact finding and letter writing session. The tutor set us a scenario where she would act as a client with a difficult situation and we would ask her questions to get the basic information to advise her about her problem. With the information in mind we would then compose a letter to her setting out the facts and giving our opinion.
This is an excellent idea but I feel that the College missed a trick badly here. If you are teaching small children to read and write you dont give them Tolstoy or Solzhenitsyn and ask them to precis it. You give them simpler texts and build up their confidence and ability slowly. Perhaps there could have been a much simpler story with maybe 2 or 3 hidden facts. We could draft our letters quickly and easily and then perhaps try again with a different tale hiding 5 or 6 facts.

Rather than this, we had to assemble the facts for a multi-layered story and were then given 40 minutes to plan, compose and write a letter that was
a) more complicated ; and
b) longer than anything we would get whilst on the LPC (including exams)

No one in the class finished it. The only people to get close were those who had worked as paralegals for 1 or more years and had had significant experience in drafting. Even they had to admit when they saw the 'model' answer that they had not included anywhere near enough detail. I left that lesson frustrated at my own inadequacies but by the time I was home I was just angry at the loss of an opportunity.

I was also raging when I looked at the model answer. I would be more than happy to wager that whoever had written that had been given more than 40 minutes (it was 3 pages of printed A4) and had been a qualified and experienced solicitor-and I'm willing to bet it took them most of a day to get it right.

Friday was our first class in business law and practise. The entire workshop was spent examining what a partnership was and how one could be formed and broken. Although a complicated and meticulous subject (translation dull as ditchwater), the tutor did his best to make the material lively and relevant. The exercises we were set made the most of our knowledge and pushed us to learn and understand more. I cannot praise this tutor highly enough-the contrast with the previous days wash-out cannot be over exaggerated. Civil litigation should be infinitely more interesting than the Partnership Act 1890 but there was no contest.

In conclusion, the work has increased in difficulty and the time needed to prepare has also needed to be increased but at last I feel like a proper student again!

Tonight, Matthew I'm going to be....

2006-09-17T12:57:00.000+01:00

Things are starting to shift a bit now. The last week has shot by. I'd like to think that I'm getting on top and have got myself into a routine. In truth I have a few reservations that I'm not quite there. At the moment my sleep patterns are shot. I get off to sleep quickly enough but awaken between Midnight and 4 am, from then on I drowse at best but usually toss 'n' turn for an hour or so. I'm trying to shift around possible causes for this to see if I can eradicate the problem but nothing has worked so far...

Monday
The week started with the 2nd of our three sessions on 'practical legal research'-although we didn't use computers or books this time! Our work was centred on the presentation of our researches-the threat of our first assessment is now very real. We will get our practice assessment for 'legal writing' next week and then in early October we receive the real thing.

Tomorrow I will have to hit the library again to get some serious book time in. Hmm, 'tomorrow' again-I'm sensing a pattern here.....

(I did (I promise!) go in early to use the library last Monday but was singularly useless in finding out the majority of the facts I had been set to find out)

We also had a short session on using your study time effectively-including being given blank timetables to fill in with our projected study hours. Slightly bizarre that; on the one hand the CofL treats us like adults doing a working week then 'out of the blue' it treats us like spotty 11 year olds at boarding school, complete with work timetable and homework diary.

Not that I know what a boarding school is like (outside of Harry Potter and from a bygone time Jennings). I was slightly perturbed to see that the timetable didn't actually start until 8 Am-seems like the CofL is actually encouraging it's students to be idle stop-in-beds.... **cough**

Tuesday
Today (for those who wanted it) there were a couple of talks scheduled before the workshop about the Public Legal Services (PLS) route and working pro bono. The two are closely linked-if you want to do the PLS you must be involved in pro bono. The PLS is for those who want to help in the public sector working with those members of society who are disadvantaged but still need legal assistance. (e.g. employment help, criminal defence, mental health, housing, marriage breakdown) The PLS consists of 5 EXTRA workshops and a project based on experience gained this year with pro bono projects. Now obviously this won't be to everyone's tastes-extra study /time won't sit well in what is already a packed year.

But it has a lot to recommend it for a 40+ year old who has to make himself saleable to an employer. I knew for certain even before I had set foot on campus that I would be throwing myself into as much pro bono as possible and taking the PLS route. In truth I have no major desire to work in a legal centre/CAB when I leave here but if my career dream (working for the CPS) does turn around and knee me in the vulnerables then I would be happy to turn to the 'Dark Side' and work in criminal defence. (For the record I am attracted to much of the law that I've studied but my true love is criminal law-and you never forget your one true love. Right?)

The good news is that I heard nothing in these talks to distract me from my projected course.

Unfortunately, the one project that I would actually give my vulnerables for is closed to me. I would have dearly loved to have done the 'Police station accreditation' choice. What could be better than to be woken in the middle of the night and have to travel to the local nick to be present when some old scroat was being interogated? Amazingly, this is the most oversubscribed choice on the books!!! People watch too much police station related tv...I would have loved to have done it though, but don't drive so the option is not available to me. (in truth, I'm not too keen on the idea of the middle of the night bit-especially before an exam.

We had another workshop on legal writing. This time we concentrated on the drafting of legal documents. It had the same format-you get some prose relating to a 'real time' conversation between a male trainee solicitor (they are always male-that way you can show them to be very stupid and no one gets upset **harumph**) and some clients. You then get the projected first draft and have to study it and find at least 10 faults (there are at least 30). Once you have analysed it to death you get the chance to redraft it.

This is no easy task even when you;

can see, and
have been told

how best to set things out (not a good example I realise but I hope that you get the idea)

Wednesday
No classes. Hurrah! But still plenty of work to do. I finished off the draft from yesterday and a follow up draft about a vintage car rental agreement. Plus I felt like a bucket of kack for most of the day-sleep is not over-rated. I put a link to the blog on a couple of the OU's pages. Many thanks to those people to have mailed me in the past week-that was really kind and has helped invigorate my knackered body.

Thursday
A long day-up early as usual. Prepped for this afternoons workshop on professional conduct. I am now increasingly aware that I need to be taking some notes. Reading the books is all well and good but I'm doing it passively (like my drafting-legal joke, **cough-hears sound like tumbleweed blowing across the prairie).
The words are sweeping over me and I'm taking in very little. If it doesn't lodge in the brain then I'm going to struggle to remember when and where the various points came up for the conduct assessment and having all the text books in the world won't help me.

Anyhow we concentrated today on the financial side of being a solicitor-especially advising clients about investments or selling shares as part of a will and of course money laundering. One week ago I found out that if I knew that a client was about to steal the Crown Jewels or abduct the Queen (without using violence) then I could do nothing. Now I find out that if I suspect my client is wants me to handle about £15k of what I suspect are the proceeds from crime then I can shop them to a senior partner who passes on the info to the Old Bill in the guise of SOCA (serious organised crime agency).
And if the solicitor doesn't? How about a gaol term for up to 24 years!

The last two weeks have left a lot of my colleagues paranoid about working in practice. Make a mistake and get struck off, miss dodgy doings and be locked up! Fortunately, I've been working for half my life and know that a hundred things go wrong every day-you just don't let it show...

That evening was a large scale talk for those interested in the PLS route (here I go again). There was a buffet and the usual wine/orange juice choice. Someone at the CofL must have a relative who supplies this stuff in bulk. How can you have a buffet without sandwiches? Half a dozen types of samosa but not one cheese sarnie...or a cocktail stick with pineapple and cheese on it.

Mind you, whoever thought up that combo must have been stoned that night. You can imagine their thinking, 'cheese, well that goes well with bread/crackers/ham/onion...I know, I've got a spare pineapple over here, I'll try that. And if that goes well, I'll see how it goes with loganberry or formica'

Sorry, got distracted. Ho hum.

Anyhow, the talk was good. There was a bit of political friction between the reps from the Legal Services Commission (who decide which services the Government allocated money is spent on) and the people who actually work (or aim to work) in these services. If I hear the words 'Carter Report' once more...A great night all round but I didn't get home to twenty to nine.

Friday
It's no good, I tried to put it off but like death and taxes it's inevitable. Today is the first 'role playing' exercise day (**spit**).

(yes, that's what the title relates to!)

I considered pulling a sickie but the CofL is very keen on good attendence (and promises to fail bad attenders). I prep as well as I can but the sinking feel in my stomach has little to do with last nights cooking. It's the first of out interviewing workshops and after a bit of background reading we have to throw ourselves into it.
I start off by playing a middle aged forgetful shoplifter seeking help from a solicitor-that goes well except my partner forgets to go through one of the major set sections of the interview (which would be an automatic fail if it were the assessment).

Within a short space of time, I'm preparing to be the solicitor about to have a meeting with a woman who's showroom display model of cooker has 'blown up'. (in the tradition of exploding kitchen appliances beloved by question setters country wide). I'm ashamed to admit that I quite enjoyed it-if I didn't have to advise her of the law I would have been even happier.

End result: interviewing good-lawyering bad

Saturday
I did a little consolidating work and then nearly 5 hours trying to understand 'double entry book keeping' What is this? I want to be a bloody solicitor! No, it's true-we do have to have an understanding of all aspects of running a business and accounts is all part of it. Looking at the timetable that I don't keep, I've only got Tuesday morning to try to sort this out. I am not holding my breath.

What other joys in store for this week? Quite a lot really. In addition to beginning business accounts we are also starting civil litigation and business law and practice.

The LPC proper begins here.

Musings from week 1

2006-09-10T11:44:00.000+01:00

Pencil cases are not important

I am not the oldest here, in fact I am only the third oldest in my tutor group.

I am older however than all the tutors I've met so far. (Either that or they've had really easy lives or they own a painting in their attic that is doing the aging for them)

...and yes, the party was as bad as I expected. I hovered around until the tutor came to our group. We had our small talk for a few minutes and after he made his excuses and had moved away to see another group I was out the door...

So what actually have I learned this week?
Although you are told about and are prepared for the nature of the course, it still takes you by surprise that there is so little law. You are assumed to know it. Not all of it of course but you are expected to know the basics and the mechanics of how the thing works. All that time learning and discussing theory, all those long well crafted essays debating points, structuring arguments are all so much waste products now. This course is about practise plain and simple.

After the frenetic rush that is registration, the hernias involved in picking up the set books and the general nerve stretching stress of some many new things being dumped on you in a short space of time-the time comes to settle back and appraise what you are doing.

a) the first couple of weeks are spent in taking in the pervasive subjects, i.e. those that will crop up on a continuous basis throughout and in every section.

These are professional conduct, legal writing and drafting, legal research and interviewing. There are a sprinkling of other things to be taken in (library use/work management courses/ brief intros to things that will develop later) but the focus is on those four.

Professional conduct When must a solicitor not handle a case? What are the limits to client confidentiality? (my own favourite-if a client tells you that they have a full proof plan to steal the Crown Jewels and do so you can say nothing. But if they plan to hit someone to knock them out to steal their wallet you can inform the police...) What happens when two clients wish you to act for them-either on a common course or in opposition?
Legal writing Oh boy-I thought that I knew how to write, spell and use grammar correctly. I guess that I was wrong there...Legal writing stresses clarity and succinctness (hard to believe for those that I have letters from solicitors before), logicality, appropriateness of tone/familiarity/level of legal language. Letters are to be written in the active and not the passive (a personal nightmare)
Legal research Although I started off well here because we started with computer based research, I know that I will do badly when it comes to doing the same thing with books. OU legal research is all computer based-it starts from the first few units and is used all the way to the end. The only time that you are near a law library is for the complusory visit during the first and last courses. In truth, the OU are none to helpful here; now if they could send you a library of say, 300-1000 books when you apply to do a law course then they could certainly sort out that oversight. To me, this course is about rectifying your weaknesses and building on your strengths so I will have to get some serious library time in-starting tomorrow. I have noticed however that I'm always starting things tomorrow **embarassed cough**. The focus will develop to problem solving and not just information finding .
Interviewing I'm not due to start this until this coming Friday.

b) The vast majority of exams ('assessments' is the gentler term used here) are open note exams.
You can go in with text books, tutor made notes, hand made notes, aide memoirs- anything you like. But as I once learnt to my cost, all that is totally pointless if you don't understand what the notes are about. Some subjects are only tested in specific exams but others are tested throughout (like conduct-although there is a conduct exam, some 40% of the marks are earned through 'sneaky' intrusions into other assessments

c) Points are learnt through practise. Exercises are completed at home and then brought in to be discussed during the workshop. Fresh exercises are then set and you are expected to work through these either singly or as a pair or in your 'team'. After the workshop, other exercises are either given to you or set out in the subject materials.

This is not a theoretical course.
Understanding is gained through doing.

That's not to say that there is no reading involved-so far we have probably have been expected to cover about 150 A4 pages but less emphasis is put on making notes. I'm not to sure if I've even made a note yet...

d) In addition to the pre/post class exercises we will be set either single or group assessments during the year that will count to the overall pass/fail. The first of these will be set sometime during the 3rd week of term.

e) Then there are the exams-there are a lot of these.....(sob)

f) If I want to make the most of my time here, I would be well advised to get involved in pro bono work and the public legal services options. This will increase my work load for little or no physical return. What I hope that it will give me is

Some practise with the interviewing/writing and advising parts of the course.
A weeny bit of a social life, not much-I don't want much but the chance to bitch and moan in a pub would be good...
Some really good credit for my CV.

g) The College stresses that those students who put the work in do the best. The choice is up to me.

This is dead easy to answer in week 1, let's see how I feel on week 25 (or even week 2!)